Reading Reviews for Shine On
  
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BambiScott Blame it on the Moon

12th April 2012:
What a lovely piece. I love Teddy & Harry in this. Very touching that Teddy gets the map as he is the last child of a marauder

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Review #2, by GryffindorGirl17 Blame it on the Moon

17th January 2012:
Stunning, simply stunning. It was so beautiful and unique, I loved it so much. The different POVs, the whole idea, even the ending, I really thought this was great. Nice job! :)

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Review #3, by Nynfadora Blame it on the Moon

2nd December 2009:
wow-that was beautifully writen, I really enjoyed it :) I really like how you portried their feelings too :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much! It was an idea that kind of came to me very suddenly, and I churned this out pretty quickly. I'm glad you liked it, its not really like the usual stories I write :)

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Review #4, by RonsGirlFriday Blame it on the Moon

1st November 2009:
Happy HPFFSAD again!

Wow - the first section of this was chilling and terrifying. I don't know if anyone ever stops to think about what this experience was like for Remus as a small boy - or what it was like for his parents. What an absolutely haunting picture!

The second section was a perfect Marauder scene. You know, I never really considered that fact about how their Animagus forms excluded Peter from the late night fun by default, him being a very small animal and all. That was very well thought out, and it really reinforces their group dynamic. So does the part about everybody except Remus being eager for the full moon. It makes me think about the scene in OotP when Sirius says he wishes it were the full moon, and Remus responds, "You might." Though there's no doubt they care about Remus, they're a bit insensitive in that respect. But boyish down to the core, which is what I adore about them.

You wrote Teddy very well - no complaints there! He's sentimental about his father in the same way that Harry was about his own, which makes perfect sense to me.

Awesome one-shot!

PS: Van Halen ftw. :-)

Author's Response: I have a 5 year old son, and I can tell you, I think it would be absolutely impossible to sit and listen to your young child scream in agony and not be able to do a thing about it. Haunting is a good word for it.

I feel bad for Peter. I think he was excluded from a lot of things, not so much because they didn't like him, but for reasons beyond anyone's control (such as that, or in my novel, he has an overbearing mother that won't even let him celebrate his birthday with his friends). Anyway, I'm so glad you liked the scene, from what I've gotten from other people so far it's been the least favourite. I'm not sure if that's because it was typical and boring, or because they just found the other sections to be better.

Glad you liked Teddy :) He was lots of fun and I should probably try to write him again at some point.


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Review #5, by vivek Blame it on the Moon

31st October 2009:
Awesome story! I loved how your story is consistent with your other ones and 99% consistent with canon. Just so you know, Harry kept the map in a drawer in his desk until James stole it. Other than that, your story was great!

Author's Response: Thank you! It simply bothers me when something isn't canon, like a scratch you can't itch. You know, I did recall that it was mentioned James stole the map from the drawer, however -

1. I really don't think Harry would keep it for himself when it's rightfully Teddy's now. It only works in Hogwarts, so there's no reason for him to keep it. Plus, having lost both parents, Teddy is in the same situation Harry was, and I think Harry can understand that.

2. Teddy was done in school by the time James started :) So I think it still works out because he could have returned the map to Harry, having no use for it, and then James could have stolen it.


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Review #6, by Alopex Blame it on the Moon

30th October 2009:
Happy HPFFSAD!

Wow. What can I say? This story literally brought tears to my eyes. The emotion in this story was unrelenting. This isn't some light, fluffy thing . . . it's darker and difficult, and you don't let the readers escape from it.

The first scene, featuring John, was heartbreaking. His anguish, rage, and impotence came through so clearly. I'm very impressed that you managed to convey it without straying into sentimentality. I was not quite as moved by the middle section, but what impacted me most was the brochure Sirius brought.

The final part featuring Teddy was almost as sad for me as the first segment. I was really moved by the idea of Teddy being somewhat affected by the moon as well and paying tribute (in his words) to his father--not that I think that's necessarily the most healthy thing to do all your life, but still. And the bits about the Marauder's Map and the Invisibility Cloak and Teddy's memories of Harry . . . gah. Like I said, I was moved.

Normally I'm not crazy about parenthetical statements, but in this case, I have to say they definitely added to the story. You pulled them off very well. You've written an amazing story here.

Author's Response: This HPFFSAD thing has taken me by surprise! How absolutely lovely. I was so thrilled to get a few extra reviews.

Sadly, this story has flown in under the radar, never really got much attention, and I haven't been so hung up on it as to request reviews. So it has barely any. But I am really happy you liked it, because when the idea first hit me I thought it was great, and then when writing it turned out to be a little harder, and I couldn't express what I was trying to say.

I really like writing Remus's dad. I wrote him a little bit in my novel, and the way it's been implied that the parents supported Remus, his dad must be a pretty awesome person. I myself have a 5 year old son, so I tried to put myself in his shoes. I couldn't imagine hearing your child screaming in pain and misery, and not be able to do a thing about it. That part actually wasn't even hard to write at all! I didn't want it to be a sentimental sob story, I did try to be matter-of-fact with it.

I'm not surprised you weren't moved by the middle section. I think that was part of where I got lost on what I wanted during writing. My intention was to show what the full moon was like for each of the Lupins, and I guess I was just trying to show that (whilst his father despaired and Teddy was comforted) it really wasn't a terrible thing for Remus when his friends were there.

To be honest, I hadn't even considered that it wouldn't be healthy for Teddy to do such a thing! Haha. But then, he probably only started it in recent years. I wonder when he would even be told of his father's condition, anyway? Too young and he might be afraid, and I don't think Harry would want that for Remus. Well, anyway, he can't sleep during those nights because he just can't, so I figured thinking about the reason for that (and coming to respect it) would be natural! :D

Well, again, I'm glad you liked it. The parenthesis is something I've done some experimenting with in all of my stories. Sometimes I overdo it, I can admit that. But sometimes it seems like it adds a little, so I decided to give it a shot here.


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Review #7, by hpobsessed12 Blame it on the Moon

18th August 2009:
i loved all the different POVs in here! they really make you think. i like how you included james, sirius and peter too because they are so important to the story of remus. i think my favorite part was teddy's part because i felt like i could connect to him. i loved how he wasnt so much sad as he was thoughtful. a very beautiful story and very well written!


10/10

Author's Response: hey hpobsessed12!

I'm glad you liked the different POV's. I really like Remus's father a lot and hardly ever get to write him. I think it brings a lot more depth to see how different people view the same issue.

I'm really glad you liked Teddy's part best! I've really come to love him, and I have never written anything next gen before. So this was my first attempt and I'm tickled you liked his part best.

Thank you for the thoughtful review!


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Review #8, by JLHufflepuff Blame it on the Moon

11th August 2009:
Okay, so I got it to work somehow! :)

Author's Response: booyah, bonus review! (and I'm glad you got it to work)

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Review #9, by JLHufflepuff Blame it on the Moon

11th August 2009:
I am desperately in love with this story, but for some reason the system isn't letting me even show that I'm logged in while reviewing and thus doesn't allow me to favorite it .. So, consider yourself technically favorited on this one even though it's not showing up! :)

I am blown away completely by the situation you've set up here. I think that John Lupin is my favorite of the three, simply because you perfectly capture the heart-rending emotions that a father in that situation would be facing. I've always imagined it being horrible for Remus's parents, and you are the only person that thought of it almost exactly the way I did - with his father working for the Ministry and trying to apprehend Greyback! I was so happy to see you'd put that in there, and then I also can't even imagine the horror of listening to your five-year-old in such misery and pain. And to add to that the fact you feel you've caused it? :(

I did enjoy the Remus section as well. I also pictured the Marauders as constantly reminding Remus about the werewolf laws he was breaking in a sort of joking way - and you did that as well., only with Sirius being angry about it. I especially liked the way Remus still felt a bit outcasted even though he had the acceptance of his friends.

With Teddy, everything came full circle, it seemed. John was completely demoralized by what happened to Remus. Remus had to really struggle, but he seemed to be doing better than John even though it was his own condition. And Teddy brings it around to acceptance. What is past is past, and he has a link of love and connection to his family.

I love the heartfelt qualities of this as well as the angst!!! I wish I could add it to my faves!!!

Author's Response: Desperately in love, huh? Out of every wonderful thing you said in this review, that is the single line that makes me happier than anything else.

I really like John Lupin, as you can see!! I've got a lot of ideas about him but never really get a chance to sit and write him and him alone (not in conversation with somebody). I'm extremely pleased you found his emotions to be all right - as I mentioned in the request, I just started writing, and ended up posting without thought because I was too tired to edit it afterwards. So a lot of that emo stuff was just a blur.

OMG you think of his father as a hunter too? *love* Nobody else does that! Years ago, when I was writing under my old penname, I had a one shot about how Remus was first infected. I went into tons of detail about his father hunting for Greyback and Greyback being all "Oh, I'll show him..." I have never, ever been able to think of a believable way for Remus's dad to "offend" Greyback except for this. I mean I dont want the man throwing insults at a werewolf (I find him far too nice) so I always thought it had to be another way. And Remus, when teaching Harry, was fairly well educated in some of the magical creatures he brought in for DADA class, I just figured it all fit fell enough.

I have a 5 year old, and I couldn't imagine having to sit and listen to the screaming and know you just have to wait it out.

The Remus section, surprisingly, was my least favorite to write. I suppose I write so much of him elsewhere that I had trouble thinking of something unique to do for him in this story. I hate the werewolf laws, I feel so bad for Remus. I think Remus will always feel a little outcasted, sadly. I think he loved his friends dearly, but he'd always have that doubt in himself for what he is.

Full circle with Teddy, exactly. That was exactly the idea behind this entire thing, was to unite them all underneath the moon - especially Teddy, who never even knew his dad or grandfather, but feels like he does on these nights. I have to admit that I enjoyed writing Teddy's part best, and I have never written him before... but if I ever write a next gen story - its definitely going to be Teddy rather than Scorpius or Albus or the other populars.

Thanks so much for reviewing, jessi, I appreciate it! This story in particular seems to have flown in under the radar. I dont think anyone knows it exists :P I'm glad you were finally able to favourite :)


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Review #10, by Violet Gryfindor Blame it on the Moon

7th August 2009:
Thankfully you already have two monster-length reviews, so I won't have to go into detail (except to squee). It's been a surprisingly long time since I've read a Remus one-shot that wasn't about him and Tonks. Reading this has made me miss those old Remus stories because you've made me remember how deep his character is. Deep isn't the best word, but he has so much to him - being a Marauder, his kindness, his quiet nature, all opposed by his lycanthropy, so viscous and violent. The first section mentions this opposition, how in being a victim of Fenrir, people feared that Remus would become a monster, yet he instead became the opposite. A lot like his father, from what I saw. They must have been very close.

Then there's Teddy who I also adore, and you've characterized him wonderfully - he may not have been mentioned much in canon, but if there was more about him, I expect he would be a lot like your version. I loved the added touch about him not being able to sleep during the full moon, showing that some part of his father's condition did pass down without making it a negative aspect of Teddy's life. It's very moving how much homage he pays to Remus, and that ending line pulled together everything perfectly. *bows down to master* You're really a great writer and it's always a pleasure to read something of yours. ^_^

Author's Response: I know!! How fortunate was I? my first two reviews were monsters on this.

Writing this made me miss the old Remus stories, too. I had forgotten how much I always loved him - my fondness of him has been clouded by my love of James and Sirius. but writing this made me remember when I first read book 3 and how much I adored Remus, and how sad i was when he was packing his bags at the end. I really like Remus's father and have never really gotten to write much of him before. I definitely think that he and Remus were close - I think his father gave everything he had to try to help find a cure for his son.

I adore Teddy too, although I never quite realised it until I wrote this. I tried to characterise him a little like his father and a little like Harry (who was probably a huge influence in his life). You're the only one so far to comment on him not being able to sleep during the full moon, and I'm glad you recognised it as a part of the condition being passed down!!! I was worried some people would think he just stayed up in honour of his dad, but I really meant it to be a part of the condition. He simply can't, even if he wants to. But no, its not a bad thing. They are probably the nights where he is closer to Remus than any other time.

Glad you liked the last line. I wanted to try to show the cycle of how they are all connected through that moon, and in the future it will probably continue on, somehow. Thanks for this wonderful review, Susan :)


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Review #11, by Wicked Vixen (Logged Out) Blame it on the Moon

4th August 2009:
Such a simple concept- and yet, so poignant. Beautiful- I loved ever bit. 10/10.

Author's Response: Hey, Wicked Vixen!

Thank you! Yep, pretty simple. Sometimes I like the little simple stories that aren't really about much of anything. Glad you liked it, and thanks so much for reviewing.


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Review #12, by shadowycorner Blame it on the Moon

31st July 2009:
Okay, I'm going to review this piece by piece. After every section I'll just scroll down and write my thoughts. Well, the first one...Oh...My...God. It's really not often that I get teaar-eyed when reading fanfiction, but this was so overwhelming and heartwrenching I just felt my heart crack a little. Just when I imagined (and through your writing I could do that very well) the horror of the situation, the dread John was feeling as the moon approached, my blood almost ran cold. You so perfectly captured the terror of waiting and knowing something horrible's about to happen. Just picturing little Remus locked up in the shed, experiencing the unimaginable agony for the first time...as a LITTLE BOY! I'm at a loss for words, I really am. It was so powerfully written and just so, so horrifying.

Onto the second part. It was well-written and nice, once again describing the friendship of the four of them, but it concentrated on the whole werewolf element with which Remus had to deal with. It was not as powerful asthe first one, but that's not a bad thing. This one really had the air of Remus being used to it despite the pain he's experiencing and shame he thinks he's obligated to feel. The little descriptions of James, Sirius and Peter felt a bit unnecessary, since the overall effect of the piece seemed a bit choppy to me. It kept travelling back and forth between Remus's anguish over being werewolf, to pitying Peter for his animagi form, to describing Sirius's broodines. They're little details that make absolutely no harm when you add them, and personally I didn't mind it that much, I just thought it would feel cleaner, more forward and snappy if it focused only on the werewolf element because the rest of it is something we already know and hear all the time. The strongest point, was the last line, coming back to John Lupin, who sat wide awake miles away. Once again I felt that heartbreak and dread crawl up my spine.

Oh Bibbs! Oh my...what do I say? WHAT DO I SAY? The last part was.BEAUTIFUL. That's what it is, it's simply and absolutely beautiful. I loved everything about it, every little thing. The way Teddy stayed up every Full Moon to pay a tribute to his father. I can so imagine him staying awake even if he had something important going on the next day. Because if his father HAD TO, regardless of events going on the following day, Teddy perhaps felt he should, too. Then the fact that Harry gave the Map to Teddy. You're a genius for that and SO RIGHT! I think it really belongs more to him than Albus or James. You said it perfectly, "You're the last child of the Marauders," or something along those lines. And then the little detail about his hair turning sandy brown on their own accord during the Full Moon, that's just the most gorgeous thing one could ever come up with in this case. I also liked how the blaming it on the moon played out in the end.

This one-shot is fantastic. I can't decide which part was my favorite, whether the first or the last one. Every section is so greatly written and I like how the mood of each one is different. I really gives this story a versatile edge. The first one is so full of fear, darkness and hopelessnes. The other is calm, but depressing, sad, but strong at the same time, because Remus is not alone in his curse and is strong enough to deal and fight with it. And then the last one...it's gentle and soothing and so tender with Teddy and his love and respect for the father he never knew, the father he'd like to meet for at least one time.

Absolutely amazing, this is, really! I loved it!

~Liz

Author's Response: WOW! This is one of the most beautiful reviews I have ever seen. I can't believe it, for this story was written very late at night, in the space of about an hour. It hasn't been checked over or reread at all; I wrote it and posted it and hoped for the best.

I'm so very happy John Lupin's situation evoked such emotion in you, and that you could understand all that he was feeling. I could never imagine a five year old screaming in relentless pain and having no way to fight against it. I couldn't imagine trying to go to bed that night knowing it was going on, and probably hearing it. So I figured he must have just sat up and cried. I think a lot of people overlook what a serious thing that would be for a young child; it's so easy to see Remus as a Marauder, or a member of the Order, or as a father now. I think people forget he was ever so young. Horrifying is probably one of the most fanastic words; I don't think I could deal with it if I were John.

I agree with you that Remus seems used to it now. He's sort of just resigned to it happening. I think he almost feels guilty about it, as if it is his fault. His father blames himself for ruining Remus's life, and Remus blames himself for ruining his parents. I think he's a little wistful every month, knowing his dad is sitting up and worrying about him.

I think there is a good possibility that you are right about the description of the other Marauders being unnecessary. As I said, I wrote it all in a blur and posted. I could totally see it going back and forth as you said. I don't know that I will remove their bits, for I like including small parts of what they've done for him and how they worry for him too - but I think I will go back through and see if I might be able to make it run smoother and not so choppy. I'll give it a few days, though, I don't know if I can look at it again so soon! Thank you for pointing it out; I'll always be happy to accept advice on how to better something.

I'm so glad you liked the last part! I have never, ever written a single word of next generation before. This was a total experiment for me to include Teddy, and I really enjoyed it. I think, if I ever write a next gen fic, it will be about Teddy rather than Albus or Rose or any of the "kids". I've really grown quite fond of him while I wrote his short little part in this.

I'm so pleased you can understand Teddy's need to stay awake during the full moons, the fact that the desire to sleep on these nights is completely nonexistent. You noticed his hair! I was hoping somebody would. I was thinking of how Tonks' appearance changed to being all "mousy" and plain whenever Harry saw her in HBP (I always thought her appearance was changing to resemble Remus). And so I had Teddy's appearance do the same, although he never intends it. I'm glad you understand it.

I'm also glad you picked up on the different moods! Thank you so much for this absolutely beautiful review.


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Review #13, by Dellacqua Blame it on the Moon

31st July 2009:
Well after hearing about this I could hardly not drop by and take a look, could I? :P For a start I love the banner, Iíll say more in my PM but it is brilliant. I have so much respect for people who can do graphics, I wouldnít even know where to start. Itís a lovely banner Ė I love the colours, itís all misty and quite subtle and it makes me think of night-time when you literally canít see your hands in front of your face because itís like there really is something physical covering them rather than just the darkness. Anyway, enough of my ramblings!

The first part about John Lupin was excellent. I did genuinely feel like I was tearing up a bit as I read it, it was so heartbreaking. I think it was when you said he was only five years old, if he was a teenager at least he could have some grasp of what was happening but surely not at that age. All who knew was that people were treating him differently and he was being locked in a shed. I really felt for his father, it must have been so horrific to go through.

Itís no wonder Remus really starts to loathe his condition in later life. I love how you do things like that Ė really work on the origins of something and build up why somebody feels the way they do. It makes all of your work so great to read because it really is so well thought out. Remus having to be confined to this shed up until...11 is it when they go to Hogwarts? I think so. Anyway being confined the way he is because of the Ministry and their pants regulations is awful, itís not surprising he had such an unshakeable bond with the Marauders when being with them must have seemed so different.

Hogwarts is like a different society really in my mind. Dumbledore runs it and controls it Ė what he says goes. It must have been an amazing escape for Remus to be in a place he didnít feel so persecuted and where he had friends who stuck by him through everything. Anyway, enough of Remus! I havenít even read his section yet and Iím off on a tangent!

John Lupin Ė it must have been unimaginable for him to live through this happening especially because he considers it his fault. I like how you included his job Ė just another of those details I love so much! It didnít just make him a father upset his son was a werewolf, you included so many different emotions. Itís what makes a character real in my opinion. I donít think anybody can be just bad or just good or just kind or just cruel, every single person has a mix inside them and you showed it with the guilt John Lupin feels as well as his sadness, his anger at the Ministry, his care for his son and the way it breaks his heart not being able to help. Awesome stuff :)

Remus section is perfect, really absolutely perfect. I love first of all how you portrayed James, as almost looking forward it in a way because he thinks itís freedom and he enjoys that. It shows really how much Remus being a werewolf doesnít matter to him, he doesnít sit there worrying or thinking what would happen or who would get hurt. He just prepares himself for having another night of freedom Ė thatís real friendship. You keep all of the Marauders so in character, itís great to see flickers in this of what I know they will later become in IMTD. As ever, Sirius is brilliant and I really liked the inclusion of new werewolf laws and how Sirius is so angry about them.

I liked as well the link back to Remusí father, itís great to see that even with the three generations in the story the sections are linked. I like Remusí constant knowledge of who he is affecting, this constant worry of his that he is causing trouble to so many peopleís lives. And yet you never see him blaming his father for what happened, he loathes his condition but I think only because of how others treat him rather than for what it is. Your characterisation really is completely flawless.

The last section was my complete favourite. Iím surprised because I know I love how you write the Marauders so expected to prefer Remusí section but Teddyís was excellent. I love for a start the full circle the story went in, from John standing watching the moon and worrying about Remus to Teddy doing the same. Harry passing down the Marauderís map to Teddy because he was the last child of a Marauder that was so perfect I really thought I would cry. Iíve turned into such a sap lately! But really, that was such a stroke of genius and really was beyond perfect.
I love how it changed as it went on Ė the inclusion of Victoire was excellent by the way, the bond between them was lovely to see but she wasnít at all intrusive Ė because Teddy found the moon almost comforting as a last reminder of his father. That was great, it fit so well into the story. It was great to see a different interpretation by a different generation.

Ohhh I quite literally love this one-shot. Seriously you should be very proud. Iíve loved reading it :)

Author's Response: I love John Lupin. I dont know why because I've never written anything about him before, and when he shows up in my stories it is only brief glimpses. My son is 5, so I totally could never imagine going through something so huge at that age. Thats pretty much still a baby. I dont know how he could ever bear to be forced to sit and listen to his childs screams. I'm glad you felt for him, because he deserves it! Poor guy.

I agree with you completely regarding how he hated his condition and how he felt around his friends. I'm sure he was isolated and lonely all the time, and I'm sure he was well aware of his parents' anguish over what had happened. As he got over, I know he must have known the difficulties he put his family through because of what he is. You are entirely right about Hogwarts being like an entirely different world. It really is - his condition doesn't matter there. He even finds people who accept it and turn it into an adventure.

I've always assumed from the very beginning that Lupin was a hunter. I dont know why - it just seemed a fitting way that he could have offended Fenrir Greyback without being the dodgy sort who knew him personally. That said, it really does make up for some interesting content, the hunter who's son becomes the prey. I think it would be pretty interesting to write a story from John Lupin's POV - a novella or something. I think there is a lot to say - I am happy that you can appreciate that.

As for Remus's section, you know I love the Marauders! I'm so glad you picked up on even the tiny characterisations of his friends, I was so careful with them even though their parts are small. I'm glad you can tie parts of the way they are to my novel.

Thanks for noting the link back to his father. The whole purpose of this one shot was to kind of tie all of the Lupins together through the moon, although it was a rather shaky idea as I was writing and I wasn't sure if I had done it well enough. I can't see Remus as ever blaming what happened on his father. Well, perhaps once as a child (that'd make an interesting one shot, too) if he wasnt allowed to do something because of it, but he seems the sort to feel really bad about it.

I'm thrilled that the last section was your favourite. I was surprised to find that it was my favourite too after it was all said and done. I've never written next gen, though you know I've been wanting to. I'm really pleased the part with Teddy came out decently. I thought it would be very selfish of Harry to pass the Map to his kids when Teddy has just as much right to it as Harry does. I'm sorry if it almost made you cry though (not really). Haha, I like making people cry.

I was iffy about bringing Victoire in - it was never on my mind, I hadn't planned for her to be a part of this. But as I was writing, she just kind of appeared and I went with it. I'm happy you didn't find her intrusive, for their romance was never what this story was meant to be about.


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