Hey there darling, I'm from tag. :)
So this isn't my kind of story - I'm sorry, I know, I'm terrible - so this review might be a tad harsh. Just warning you in advance.
So you've kept Hermione mostly in character, except maybe for a couple of places, so well done on that. And this chapter was very action-packed (maybe too action-packed; maybe slow down the revelations and exposition a bit, to make it more digestible? You don't have to, but it's a thought.)
However, I don't really see much difference between the Grangers and the Zabinis, despite the fact that they've lived extremely different lives for the past seventeen years. I don't know if that's intentional or not, but you might want to make that a bit clearer for people like me who are a bit slow. ;)
Just a final word of warning before I go - there are tons of cliches involving the Hermione-is-a-pureblood-vampire plot, so you might want to avoid those.
Anyway, have fun writing, and I'll see yer round! :DAuthor's Response: Hey hun =)
No need to apologize I know this isn't everyone's cup of tea!
I have to admit I tried to keep her in character but there were some slip ups! Also it is pretty fast. I think when I wrote it I was just so happy to get it out lol
&You are right about the two sets of parents. I plan on elaborating on the relationships with Hermione a bit more especially in the Grangers case!
Ah! The cliches. Yes there are a lot with this storyline but I plan to make mine different. This plot just really speaks to my heart. =)
Thank you so much for the awesome honest review. I truly appreciate it! Report Review
I must say, well done! And also, is that Tom Felton in the banner because wow if it is! That is an amazing banner for an amazing story. Keep posting chapters!Author's Response: Awww thank you hun!
No, its not Tom in the banner. It's Boyd Holbrook, this male model lol. I love Tom but I thought Boyd pulled off the look I wanted better.
I'm glad you liked it. I will continue the story just got to put it all down on paper lol.
I appreciate the kind words =) Report Review
Write more soon. PLEASE!! I loved all 3 chapters so far. you are dojng great.!!Author's Response: Awww! You seriously just made my whole day. I have about half of the next chapter done so far. Been really busy with everything lately but I promise the next chapter will be up soon =) Just have to figure out how I want to end it lol.
Thank you for the lovely review! Report Review
Cant wait till the next one...Author's Response: Yay! It means a lot that you said that. I have about half written down right now but I've been so busy lol. It will come along soon though promise.
Thank you for the review! Report Review
hello, kirstenalanna from the forums. Sorry for the long wait!
It was a tad flat. The characters were just, I don't know- they felt 2 dimensional in a 3 dimensional story if that makes sense. To fix that you could add more descriptions and show not tell.
Interesting.I think you may have jumped the gun with 'hermione's' real parents thing. I think it would've been better for the grangers to have breakfast together and show how nervous her parents were before jumping the real parents thing on her.
You need to watch your dialogue. Whenever someone knew starts talking, you start a new paragraph. that really messed with the flow. As well, some of it read awkwardly. I'd suggest reading it out loud and whenever you come across something that doesn't sound natural- alter it or fix it. IF it isn't something you'd say to someone, chances are it's not speech worthy. :P
KirstenalannaAuthor's Response: Hey there! No problem =) sorry for the wait on the reply!
I understand what you're saying about adding more descriptions, I 100% agree. I was actually thinking that while I was rereading it so the next chapter is definitely going to have more descriptions.
Hmmm.. thats a very nice suggestion about having Hermione and the Grangers having breakfast with eachother and not jumping the gun with the real parents thing. I'll probably edit the story a bit when I finish it to fine tune all the little quirks.
Hehe I like leaving spaces between the dialogues and such, I don't really care for stories that are all blocked together for some reason *shrug*
Goodness thank you so much for the review and for the honest opinion! It really means a lot to me and really gives me a broader perspective on how different people view my story!
*hugs* Report Review
Badger from the forums!
Characterisation: I feel like you have a lot of strong OCs, but none of the characters that I actually knew from the books. :/ (I'm terribly sorry, but I'm so picky about Hogwarts-era characters - so feel free to disregard this.) Mia would be a fantastic OC, but to take away basically all we know about Hermione and even change her name? I feel like it's not really necessary. Just my two cents. :) (I hope I'm not being too harsh.) Pretty much all the characters seem kind of OOC and unrealistic.
Flow: The flow was actually pretty good. It moved a tad fast, so maybe add a little more detail in there? Then you'd be golden. :)
Plot: I think that as a stand-alone piece, not related to Harry Potter, the plot would be fantastic. But I just can't see it happening in the HP world... Sorry. :/ It's certainly very interesting though!
Technical: A few errors. Getting a beta might help you clear up the things that are hard to catch on our own. :)
I'm really sorry if it was too harsh! Again, it's hard to find Hogwarts-era (especially non-canon) stories that please me haha. Good luck and make sure to PM me if you have any questions!Author's Response: Hey there!
Please, no need to apologize! I see exactly where you are coming from. I have to admit that the characters are all pretty much OOC ¬ very likely to ever happen in the Harry Potter world. But thats what makes it fun for me.
I'm glad you think it flowed well and was interesting. I agree that it moved pretty fast hehe. I'm adding more detail to the next chapter that I'm writing.
I know that this story isn't really going to be something that everyone will like because its so out there, but I still like to hear what people think.
I want to thank you for giving my story a chance =) Really your review helped me, it wasn't harsh at all just very constructive!
Thank you again! Report Review
But you still didn't say what Mia and Blaise agreed to!!!
That's not fair!!
Still life must go on and a rare 10/10 from me!!Author's Response: Lol.. the plan is starting to unfold! I let a good amount of information pass, to be honest I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to go about everything yet. I'm just taking it one chapter at a time.
Thank you for your continued support. I'll be waiting for the next chapter to your story as well! Report Review
First thing first, I love your new banner! Wow, amazing.
Well, i hope that you'll update this story sooner, can't wait to read the next chapter. This is getting interesting though but it's a bit short.
And maybe a bit more elaboration on the malfoys and snape. I just think that Bellatrix suddenly pop in the picture out of nowhere. And I thought Mr. Zabini wasn't a Death Eater?Author's Response: =) I'm in love with the new banner! Ali is the best I swear! You're the first to comment on it. Thank you!
I will update sooner I promise! I think my writing bug is back finally lol. I agree that this chapter was a bit short and not that descriptive, but not to fear I plan the next one to be more so. This one was a filler/teaser sort for me to get back in the groove of things. Bellatrix is random but I had to put her in here lol she'll serve her purpose though.
Mr. Zabini isn't a Death Eater but he's going as part of the plan. Since Voldemort knows that Mia is there now they have to get things rolling. Hmm.. don't wanna divulge too much, so I'll clear things up in the next chapter!
Thank you Emylee for sticking with my story all this time! You are awesome =) Report Review
omg i love the story but there should be a little more explenation through it and there should be no Ron but Mia should still be best friends with Harry. i love Harry and they should be friends again.Author's Response: Thank you for sticking with my story! I'm so glad you like it. I agree this chapter isn't big on description like the others but I just couldn't do it lol. I don't know why.. I think this one was just a filler/suspenseful chappie for me.The next chapter I plan to have lots more details I promise!
I don't plan on having Ron in it very much so no worries =P &I agree Harry is just amazing isn't he?
Thank you again! Report Review
I would expect Ron to react the way he did but, I think Harry and Ginny would listen to explainations. Just a thought! I will be looking for updates. 7/10Author's Response: I completely understand! Hermione didn't stick around too long to truly see what would happen though hehe. There will be more about them later on.
Thank you for your input and for the review. It really means alot! Report Review
NOOO! OMG! Gonna go kill Rita Skeeter! Ugh! What a git. poor Mia! Please help Harry, Ron, and Ginny get back to being friends with Mia! I'm was so sad about that part! (although it was a very good point to the story though.) As for a suggestion, maybe while Mia is sad about something, (idk, it could be this or something else in the future) Draco could like, comfort her. This way, she and Draco kindof grow a tinsey bit closer. And with that and other events (whatever you want) they begin to actually, maybe not like, but like I said earliar, come closer. :) just a random suggestion. :)
anywho! great job! 10/10! looking forward frot the next one!Author's Response: Yaaay! My first review for this chapter =)
Yeah that Rita Skeeter is a pesky one isn't she? Hmm Ron, Ginny and Harry.. I'm not too sure about how I'm going to make their relationships with Mia. But what I do know is that Ginny will pop up more often *wink*
Ahh.. I get where your coming from about Draco. Trust me I would love nothing more than for him to just sweep Mia in his arms lol but I got to remember to build their relationship slowly and that's so hard to do haha.
Wow thank you so much for the wonderful review and the excellent suggestions. I wasn't having too good of a day but you changed that!
Thank you again! Next chapter should be interesting, I'm going to wait for some more feedback for this chapter then imma get started on chapter 4 =)
please please please update soon i want to read more like know so please update if u need ideas just ask me
Katie_RiddleAuthor's Response: The next chapter will be out very very very soon I promise. I have it written up I'm just waiting on my lovely beta to look over it! So the next update will be the next chapter.
&For having you guys wait so long I revealed a couple things ;)
Feel free to share your ideas. I'm trying to think how I want chapter 4 to go XD
After you read chapter 3 please share what you think/want to happen next!
Thank you for the review&support! Report Review
the story is very beuatiful and very funny. i always thik about it and laugh.HEHEHE.:)Author's Response: Awww really? I'm still so amazed that so many people like my story =)
You just made me smile really big lol. Thank you for the support! Report Review
Love it. Let's hope i don't forget the title.Author's Response: Definitely.. a new chapter should be coming soon I'm just waiting for it to be corrected right now. I'm glad you like it!
Thank you for the review. Hope to hear from you soon! Report Review
the chapter is great and i want to say "K E E P G O I N G!!"
By The Way:
I actually did a nearly the same chapters but I made them veela so yeah.
I want to let you know that I promise to read all the chapters and review every time so you can count on seeing my reviews a lot!!!
I love the story plot so cant get rid of me that easy!!
A rare 10/10 from me (not many people get it!)
Keep writing and I expect the next chapter pretty soon!
GabulaAuthor's Response: Awww I'm so glad you liked it! I'm going to have to check your story out. I love these kinds of plots lol. It'd be interesting to see them veela.
Thank you so much for your support! It really means a lot to me. The next chapter will be out very soon I promise as soon as its corrected by my beta I'm posting it up!
Thank you again hun. Report Review
love it.please try to update as soon as possibleAuthor's Response: Oh I will! I promise. As soon as it gets corrected by my beta I will update it asap. I'm so excited to get a new chapter out!
Thank you for reading&reviewing! Report Review
CAN.NOT.WAIT. it is all i will say :P :DAuthor's Response: Ah! Me too, I'm so excited for the next chapter to be posted. I found my old beta and once she makes her wonderful improvements the next chapter will be out asap.
Thank you for the review!! Short but sweet =) Report Review
WOAH! Did not see that coming! :D Loving this story already and it's only chapter 1! But seriously, I'm totally in love with the story concept; I've never seen anything like it! :) I also love the irony of Ginny being Blaise's soulmate and Hermi- Melania's bestfriend; and Draco being Melania's soul mate and Blaise's best fried! I can't wait to read to find out what happens next! A+Author's Response: =)
Hehe thank you so much. I love this type of plot, I'm sure you will come across a few like this. I'm trying to make mine different though. Gosh I love the Ginny/Blaise Draco/Hermione thing too. So wrong yet so right!
I'm so glad you like it so far. Thank you for reading and leaving this wonderful review. You're awesome and welcome to the site! Let me know when your Dramione comes out =) Report Review
I love it please try to remember what the next chapter is likeAuthor's Response: I remember! It will get updated one day I promise. Just haven't had the time to write =/
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. &I'm glad you like it so far! Report Review
Kewl! I've never seen a story like this! Do Blaise and Mia/Hermoine have to kill Voldemort?Author's Response: =)
Interesting guess there. Unfortunately I can't comment on if your right our not but I will say you're going in the right direction lol.
Thank you for the review. I really appreciate it! Report Review
I love this story, really i do!!! :) it makes me not feel so weird about my story because your story is so far off the normal trail like mine! :) sorry to hear about your computer i know this may not be something you are interesteed in but i have notorious computer problems and because of that only trust pen and paper with my writing untill i save it on the site then i save it on the file. I really cant wait to see what the big secret is!!! cant wait till you get the next chapter up!!! :)Author's Response: *blushes*
Lol I'm going to have to check your story out one of these days. But thank you, yeah the computer issue really messed me up and I have lost my writing bug. But you know that's a good idea using pen and paper. I might just have to do that =)
Hmm well the big secret will be slowly revealed in the next chapter. Gosh I feel so bad that I haven't updated this story in so long, but I promise I will continue it no matter how long it takes me!
Thank you for all your support. You really made my day! *hugs* Report Review
DO WHAT, i hate cliffhangers!!!Author's Response: Me too lol.. Sorry about that. Thank you for reading &reviewing I really appreciate it! Report Review
when is the next chapter coming??? I really look forward to it ;)Author's Response: Aww thank you for the support! I don't know when it's coming but it will come one day lol. I promise!!!
Thank you so much for the review. I'm glad you like my story. Report Review
I love this story please update soonerAuthor's Response: Awww thanks for the review!! I've been so busy with everything and with the whole lost chapter thing, I have been neglecting the story. I will continue, I promise that. Hopefully soon!! Report Review
GREAT! I can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Aww thank you! I'll try my best to write the chapter back up.
Thanks for the review!! Report Review
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