Reading Reviews for The Unslytherin
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by P0TT3R Chapter 7: Artemis: Walking, Talking CCTV Camera

17th December 2011:
Love the story it's really original. Update soon pleasee :)

 Report Review

Review #2, by ashleighdee Chapter 5: Artemis: It Takes Two to Tango

30th November 2010:
well, loving this story. This isn't really a review so much as a.I LOVE YOU! YOU MENTIONED THE MIGHTY BOOSH!

 Report Review

Review #3, by breakitdown Chapter 7: Artemis: Walking, Talking CCTV Camera

12th January 2010:
Your story is soo good so far! :) loving the characters already! please update soon?! lol :) & keep up the good work :)x

 Report Review

Review #4, by ravenclawshortie Chapter 7: Artemis: Walking, Talking CCTV Camera

27th December 2009:
i really like this story. i want draco and artemis to get together already! haha

Author's Response: thanks^^ I'm glad you like it.

 Report Review

Review #5, by sirius_groovy Chapter 7: Artemis: Walking, Talking CCTV Camera

9th December 2009:
Dear Jelopi Garcia,

Like I said previously, your story is refreshingly good.:) So this is what I feel. The best parts of the story are:
(i) Artemus's characterization. Am glad she is not the stereotype Slytherin who hates Muggles just because they are in Slytherin. We have Snape as the living proof of that. :D
(ii) Alternating points of view. I enjoy reading both points of view.
(iii) The quidditch game was really good. :D I love quidditch.
(iv) And malfoy saving Artemus was really dreamy. :D nice. I love any guy who saves a damsel in distress. :D
(v) And the electricity thing. I don't know how are you are going to explain it but nevertheless it is keeping the story interesting. :)
(vi) And I love the way you portray the turmoil of emotions taking place in Draco's mind. I liked the gradual change of his emotions from thinking she was just a girl to friend. It was a beautiful transition and very beautifully written.

And then I found some things spoiling your narration. Like grammar. Just a little bit of effort into that field would make your story more captivating. And you post in very long paragraphs. It would be really helpful and less difficult to read if you posted them in two or more short paragraphs. And the chapters are too small and the plot is unclear as of now. I apologize if you were working on it in the forthcoming chapters. And the fight between Harry and Artemis didn't sort of fit into the story. Or into the plot. Don't know I feel like that. Either way am eager to read how the story unfolds. :)

On the whole, its a good story and hope you post asap. :)

Cheers,
sirius_groovy.

Author's Response: Again, you point out alot of useful factors. I shall check over the grammar, although I didn't notice it before. Sometimes I automatically correct it in my head so I forget I've actually done something wrong. And some bits of the story don't fit in, but I'm working on it. I just get taken on a whim to write certain chapters, and I get too stubborn to change it later ^.^'

 Report Review

Review #6, by sirius_groovy Chapter 3: Artemis: Now Can You Let Go of My Arm Please?

9th December 2009:
I liked it. :D

Anyone saving a damsel in distress is double thumbs-up. :D

 Report Review

Review #7, by sirius_groovy Chapter 1: Artemis: This Fine September Evening

9th December 2009:
Nice start. Rather than the usual draco/hermione ships, I am beginning to enjoy this one. But how is she a pureblood? I thought you mentioned only her mother was magic by blood.

Maybe you've explained about it the upcoming chapters. :) I liked this chapter. But it would be really helpful if you don't post such big paragraphs. Its rather difficult to read. :)

Regards.

Author's Response: Lol I can't help it. I get a bit lost when I'm writing. And thanks for pointing that out - I shall edit that at some stage^^

 Report Review

Review #8, by Kassanna Chapter 1: Artemis: This Fine September Evening

19th August 2009:
Very smooth and easy to read. Grabs the readers attention from the beginning and doesn't let go.

Author's Response: aww thanks!! Call me vain but i do love compliments. thankyou^^

 Report Review

Review #9, by Daewen Chapter 1: Artemis: This Fine September Evening

19th August 2009:
Ooh, this seems very juicy indeed! :) Please continue - soon! ;) I love long chapters!

Author's Response: hehehe thanks^^ I'm currently around chapter 4. chapter 3 is very long, over 3 thousand words or something last time i checked. I will be publishing more chapters soon

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login