Reading Reviews for Bodies at Rest
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Dirigible_Plums A Midnight Call

29th January 2016:
Hey,

So sorry that it took me so long to get around to this! I swear, I read this a while ago, but whenever I sat down to write the review, my mind went completely blank and, well, that's no good, is it? :P

Your story is a very interesting concept. I've read few fics about Necromancers and I love how you made George seem like the complete opposite of what is stereotypically thought of them. Since Necromancers deal with raising dead bodies, there's a stigma around them of evil and corruption, but George is just a boy. There's definitely an air of innocence around him, even if Connor thinks "the boy needs watching". But that statement only interests me more! George is at a time in his life when literally anything could influence him and things really could swing either way.

George isn't the only one who I'm curious about at this point; Harry's internal monologue intrigues me as well. Aside from the fact that you have written him brilliantly, his behaviour is strange. Maybe I'm just reading into things - after all, I'm sure being an Auror is a pretty stressful job - but there has to be some reason why he's so distracted and tired all the time - aside from the fact that it's late at the moment :P

Overall, this is an excellent opening chapter. You've given enough backstory about how Harry and George know each other so that someone who hasn't read the prequel is still able to grasp the gist of what went on and introduced the characters nicely. Your writing style is impeccable and I don't think I found any fault in it.

The only real criticism I have is the bit about the orphanages: the UK doesn't have them anymore as far as I am aware. We do have care homes and foster homes, however. It's just a little nugget of information that you might not be aware of, but don't worry about it too much. I mean, I didn't know until fairly recently either!

Hope this helps,

Plums xo

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for the nice review. I appreciate all the help and especially CC. I didn't realize there weren't orphanages anymore, but it makes sense, as most would be fostered out anyway, as George is going to be.

I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review.

Yeah, I'm definitely trying to show why other Necromancers have gone bad over the course of the story, as they couldn't all have just been evil (like Riddle was always a bad seed). George will be a boy for the most part, with some revelations over the next few chapters about his powers.

Harry and George are meant to have parallel story-lines in this story with Harry re-discovering what's important to him and George coming of age and finding his path. Hogwarts and the Burrow both seem to be more Harry's home than anything we've seen and re-connecting there will help Harry heal.



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Review #2, by NPE Meeting the Weasleys

28th January 2016:
Hi Pookha,

Sorry for the delay in my review of this chapter.

I have read few this three or four times. I even slept on it. Just so my review settled and didn't dribble into unsolidified thoughts like sloppily made blancmange.

The first thing I really like about this story is the bare mechanics are done very confidently. In the chapter the overall arc, the sentence structure, and the lack of typos/plot holes are commendable aspects.

Furthermore, the grizzled, wearied, but overall morally assertive Harry is growing on me. I also really felt the interactions between Molly and Arthur were very convincing such as the “what you think is best dear”. The decision taken by them, Ron’s reaction, and Arthur’s moral conviction also rung true for me.

The intrigue over the Unspeakables, with the two-way mirror and the murky Ministry politics was definitely an excellent addition to this chapter.

I mean for the most part, your casual references (one example, Percy – I can almost imagine his face at a cancelled meeting) are really quite funny.

I also really like how you manage to progress dialogue and use it to develop a scene.

For me – there are two bits of constructive criticism I can offer…

Firstly I think your writing can become too “directive”. It is, in my opinion, always best to try and make the actions, thought processes and actions of a character feel natural. Sometimes your descriptions of character movements feel like stage directions, or just flat comments on what they are doing. The omniscient narrator isn’t a problem, but you have to make each character seems distinctive in their behaviours.

I also think you sometimes use very “worn” phrases in this chapter…

George hung his head again.
Grace squeezed George’s shoulder

They aren’t bad – but they aren’t interesting and tell us nothing about Grace or Goerge. 100 books off my shelf describe characters with those terms.

There is a lot to like, and I love the premise for sure. Just a few notes, which are very subjective.

Best,

NPE

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the reviews. I truly appreciate the CC. When I first started writing, I had very little stage direction in the dialogue, now it seems I may have gone too far. Looking back over the writing, I can see what you're saying about the worn phrases. This is number one priority in new writing for me.

Thanks also for the praise in what I do well. I've always felt that I plotted the story well and had decent dialogue, so it feels good to have that vindicated somewhat.

It's also nice to know that I'm keeping canon characters in character and not straying too far afield, even though this is an AU fic.

Also, glad you like the little touches, like missing a meeting with Percy, as I think it adds verisimilitude to the story. You'll see lots of little things like that in my fics. Oh, and cats, you'll see cats.

Again, thanks for the CC especially; I think I may go on an editing spree soon and edit parts of this.


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Review #3, by NPE A Midnight Call

8th January 2016:
Hi, NPE/Elderflowers here, you requested a review a few days back - apologies for the wait.

First off, I want to say this sets up a really interesting idea. As I had no real planting of the flag in where Harry's life is at - which I respected, I like being brought straight into stories with no fuss and an expectation I will catch up - I kept reading.

There are loads of positives. I find plenty to enjoy here.

Conner sounds like a great caricature, George is an unexpected sort of OC, which was bold of you, and the muggle-wizard interactions were pretty funny to me.

The premise of all this is unusual, in the best of terms. Any dalliance with the inexact world of dreams, meanwhile, is always a tempting place to go for a reader. As is the world of necromancy.

I respect the originality of necromancy in the JKR world. It is an intriguing idea. You are very gifted in my view at adding colour to the mundane, such as Harry getting out of bed with observational thoughts.

I liked his thought trails in particular.

I am not sure what I make of world weary Harry Potter with a cynicism but also his ever-present good heart...but I am cheerful enough to see where it goes :)

I particularly liked the line, Harry "wondered briefly if he was going to need to bail Dudley out of jail again".

Though I imagine you wanted some CC - which I will do as respectfully as possible.

One of the things that could be better is your explanations and descriptions of actions read a little too generically for my taste.

I also think that phrases like this lack a bit of colour, the prose style becomes a bit utilitarian. It reads more like a report than a novelisation.

"It felt like hours and hours, but the clock said that it had only been forty-five minutes since they had brought George’s Mum to the hospital, when a doctor came out to speak to Harry and George."

A discussion over the inability of time to move to our own perceptions, and of the doctor himself, for me, needed a bit more of a flourish to it.

A few word choices took me out at times. Maybe I am weird here, but I'm British and have never heard of a "T-intersection". It isn't a commonly used phrase over here, and I can't imagine a British doctor using it.

I like the background filling in on the necromancers towards the end, but I think that dialogue sequence could have been more distinctive. I enjoyed the reference to a Scottish burr, but truthfully I wanted more on Conner. I also think his reveal at the end is a bit abrupt about Hogwarts etc.

Though on the whole there is a lot more I like than dislike. I definitely will return.

Best,

Nick

Author's Response: Thanks for the great review, and especially the CC. I agree that my descriptions are always a bit flat. It's the number one thing I need to work on in my stories as a writer.

Thanks for the backup on the plot-line, and liking that it's different from what is normally here. MMM, as an American, it's always the little word choices that give you away. I would never suspect that somebody in Britain would not say T-intersection for a place where a hallway meets another hallway.

Conner is important to the story, but his story is not going to come up much here. His background is Scottish wizard, Hufflepuff, buried his wand, lived as a Muggle for a long time during which he joined the French Foreign Legion, briefly served as an Auror after coming back to wizard world, took job in U.S. Secret Service protecting 3 presidents, came back to Britain at Shacklebolt's request.

George is an interesting character for me to write, and I'm trying to make him interesting for the reader, too, so thanks for your nice words on him. I agree, that re-reading it, I may have given some of the conversations short shrift, especially between Harry and Conner and Harry, George, and the doctor.

I'm so glad you liked more than you disliked. Thanks again, especially for the CC.


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Review #4, by Harlan Carter Diagon Alley

16th June 2011:
Very interesting story. Well written. No update since 09/2010, I hope you have not lost interest. Will be checking for new chapters.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the kind review. I've not been writing much lately due to real-life time constraints (mostly at work). I have the story arc for this all worked out, I just have to have time to sit down and finish it.

I really appreciate the reads and the review. Reviews help to keep the confidence up.


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Review #5, by kirstenalanna A Midnight Call

23rd March 2011:
kirstenalanna from the forums here!

you wanted me to focus on characterization?

Characterization:
I found the the Characters believable, but you could go more in depth with them. right now, the characters and plot are in a somewhat shallow water feel...they could gain much more depth if you added more descriptive dialogue. As you write dialogue, for example, ask yourself questions like- how is the character saying this? what does the character look like when they say this? What is the facial expression/ body language?

OVerall, very good :)

kirstenalanna

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the CC. I tend to write spare dialogue, so adding to it always feels forced to me. My later works (of which this is one) have a lot more description during conversation than my earlier works (hard to believe, I know). This is something that I'm consciously working on.

I appreciate the comments and the encouragement.


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Review #6, by onestop_hpfan18 A New Nightmare

15th July 2010:
Hey again, back to review ch. 6 as requested. This chapter was quite interesting all the way up to George's mother's autopsy report saying she had been 'childless' meaning she had never bore children. I'm curious as to who George's biological parents are then; if they're magical or muggle.

The flow in which you used to get the story moving along in this chapter went smoothly through in both description and dialogue. I like how you're writing from Harry's perspective as it seems very much like how he would act as an adult now compared to how he was in his adolescent years at Hogwarts (and the year he, Ron, and Hermione hid from Voldemort and his Death Eaters while searching and destroying horcruxes). Excellent characterisation of Harry, Ginny, Hermione, the children, and the Weasleys so far and keep up the great writing. Feel free to come back to request the next few chapters.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the CC on the characterisations. I really felt like I had Harry down, but I worry about the others a lot, especially Molly and Arthur, so comments like yours help me know that I'm on the right track.

I will defintely re-request when I get chapter 8 posted, which should be soon. I really appreciate your reviews.

George's biological parents are important to the story, that's all I can say without spoilers.

Thanks also for the comments on flow. I learned a lot about dialogue from reallyginny. She helped me so much.


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Review #7, by onestop_hpfan18 Watched from Above

15th July 2010:
Hey, back again to review ch. 5! I thought this chapter flowed quite well, and I really liked the enchanted message you had the Hit Wizard give to Harry in order to warn him that he was being watched. You have a good balance of magic in each chapter as a reminder that they're wizards, too, especially when Harry enchanted Albus' whistle so that only he could hear it. Those boys really are quite the little terrors, though I wouldn't expect any different from a Potter. Over all, the chapter flowed well together with description and dialogue, moving the story along nicely.

Author's Response: As soon as I wrote the message, I knew it needed an animated chapter image for it and I love the one that psi did for it.

Even though there will be some technology in this story (as I've hinted about with Harry and the gun), I learned from 'Graverobbers' to temper it with enough magic to keep the reader immersed in the HP world. I agree with you that it's often the little things like enchanting a whistle that keep the reader in rather than big things like a battle. I'm glad you enjoy the balance of magic in the chapters.

I already mentioned the boys in the response to the last chapter, but I just wanted to reiterate. I think they'd be a lot like Harry and Sirius, and a bit hard to handle sometimes.

Thanks so much for the validation of your reviews.


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Review #8, by onestop_hpfan18 Too Many Georges

15th July 2010:
Hey, back to review ch. 4 as requested (and I'm sorry it's taken this long to review)! This chapter was a nice starter as George settled in with his new family and met everyone. I like how you wrote him learning to fly, albeit imperfectly as no one is perfect at flying their first time (even Harry as he learned to fly when he was still a year old and his body was probably just remembering how when he flew first at Hogwarts).

The Potter boys are simply adorable trouble makers, and I simply loved James' comment about Rose being a girl. So cute and definitely something a small boy would make an observation about. Over all, great chapter as it flowed well and the dialogue between the characters was natural and helped move the story along.

Author's Response: Don't worry about how long it took to review. I'm dreadfully behind in reviewing myself, so I understand.

I'm glad that you enjoyed this chapter. I really didn't like the way that I wrote the meeting between George and George, but I knew it had to come up at some point. He will see all the family at some point (well, maybe not Charlie).

I just thought that flying lessons was something that Ginny would try to do to relax George. Quidditch is hereditary in the Weasleys it seems.

Ah, the boys. I picture them as typical rambunctious toddlers and I could really picture George giving them something loud. I also am glad that you enjoyed the interaction of the boys with the adults and the other kids.

Dialogue always concerns me, so knowing that it seemed natural helped.

Again, thanks for reading and reviewing this. I appreciate the CC.


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Review #9, by onestop_hpfan18 A New Home

2nd July 2010:
Hey, back again to review ch. 3 as promised. I thought this chapter was well paced with everything that happened in it, especially the leading up to the major scene where George warns that they have to get Percy and Harry immediately jumping into action. It's just like when George knew his mother was dying, only this time he foresaw Percy's life being in danger. With each chapter the plot thickens as we discover more about George Krupp, and you're doing a great job with keeping the interest/curiosity levels up without giving away too much information all at once. Over all, another great chapter and feel free to come back to request the next three chapters if you'd like me to continue reviewing your story. :)

Author's Response: Yes, George definitely has the ability to see if people are about to die. It will be important to the story throughout upcoming chapters. When I wrote that scene, I could picture the adult Harry jumping into action because he's seen what George knows first-hand, twice.

Thanks for letting me know that I'm not giving away too much at once again. I have the issue sometimes that I want to jam too much into a chapter and I'm glad it's not coming out that way with this story (I learned a lot from my failure of flashbacks in 'Dudley and Lavender').

I have just posted in your thread again requesting the next three chapters. I'm glad you're enjoying this, since I know stories like this aren't for everyone.


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Review #10, by onestop_hpfan18 Meeting the Weasleys

2nd July 2010:
Hey, back to review ch. 2 as promised. This was nicely written and I like the pace you're taking with the plot. It's not going too slowly, yet it's not fast either. You seem to be giving more information as the story moves forward. I like how the Unspeakables are questioning George and treating him as though he is a mere experiment for them instead of a living being. It kind of fits for them since we know very little about Unspeakables and they seem like they wouldn't have manners and social skills due to being cooped up the Department of Mysteries day in and day out. Over all, great writing so far.

Author's Response: I appreciate the comments on the pace, Leslie. I worry sometimes about putting too much out at once and I'm glad to know that it's proceeding at a good pace.

The Unspeakables are a definite part of this and I have a certain image of them in my mind. You've hit upon part of it.

Thank you for the nice review and the comments on the writing. I feel like I still have so much to learn about writing.

Having reviews lately makes me want to write more again; I've been slowing down lately.


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Review #11, by onestop_hpfan18 A Midnight Call

30th June 2010:
Hello, Leslie from TGS here to review as requested. I think this is an interesting story plot and I'm definitely intrigued with where you'll take this story.

Characterisation: The way you've characterised Harry is just how I imagined him to be as an adult, responsible and still looking out for others before himself. And then how you've wrote the boy George Krupp is well developed and original. I'm curious about his strength and power of rising the dead from their graves. Very original story concept.

Plot: Same thing I said already, it's original and definitely something I haven't read here on the archives. Great start with kicking off the story to get the ball rolling in motion. It almost seems a bit like another Tom Riddle legacy is being born again, though hopefully with the right people influencing him, George will not go over to the dark side. Over all, excellent writing in this first chapter. :)

Author's Response: Leslie, thank you for the review. I was fairly certain that it was original for HP, but I was much less certain that it was interesting. Thank you for putting my mind at ease on that front.

I had a lot of plot points to introduce in this chapter and I wanted to be sure that it wasn't too much thrown at the reader at once. I knew I wanted to start with a 'bang' and I'm pleased that came across.

Harry was definitely worried about George falling like Riddle. I was told once that I should pull the part about Harry thinking about orphanages, but I just couldn't after what he'd seen in Riddle's memories.

I'm glad you think I have the adult Harry down. I still think he would be impetuous, but tempered some by experience as well. I also think that he would still be angsty and torn apart emotionally over things he can't control. He just seems the type to blame himself to me.

I love George Krupp and I really want to do him justice as an OC. I hope his development continues well for you. His necromancy is something new to the HP world and I'm going to try to keep it canon with what was revealed in DH and Beedle the Bard (no raising the dead to a new life).

Thanks again for the review. It's always hard to get reviews for dark stories, so I appreciate the read and review and the CC.


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Review #12, by Eridanus A Midnight Call

19th April 2010:
Jane from TGS here! Sorry for the horrifically long wait, but I sometimes forget how demanding school can be XD.

Anyway, to address your query about whether this begins in too much media res, I would have to say no. You do ease the reader in a little at the start, but all the action going on really hooks you in, and it all flows very well so there are absolutely no problems. The flow was also very fluid and I enjoyed that very much, especially when combined with the fast paced action in this chapter.

However, one little thing I did notice was that you have a tendency to repeat words which, if not necessarily disruptive to the flow, can leave the reader wishing things were more varied. For example, 'He paused halfway to his pocket with it before he jammed it in his pocket', I think that you would have been better off just writing 'jammed it in'. There are a few other spots where you use the same word quite a few times in quick succession, so it might be nice to use some different vocab there.

Characterisation was very good in my opinion - one of the other strong points of the piece. You created interest in this boy and managed to portray this older, more grown up Harry well. He's more mature, but obviously still displays the passion of his youth and also that stubborn streak, but combined with a lot of integrity and moral fibre. George was extremely intriguing to read about and I felt that his response was emotional, as well as accurate for a boy of his age.

As for your dialogue, I thought George's was wonderful, and for the most part it was of a very high standard. Although, I couldn't help but feel that it was a little stiff sometimes. I understood that when Harry was talking to George he was going to be a little more formal, or going to take more care with his words, but I felt like there would have been more differentiation between how he conversed with George and how he conversed with Connor. Also, maybe you could develop some sort of trait that goes with the Scottish dialect for Connor. It may be hard, but some research might help, as I fear we may forget he's Scottish otherwise :P. That's merely my opinion though, and really not necessary.

I think this is a fascinating story premise and you've pulled off this chapter wonderfully! Great work!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review. Repetition and redundancy (lol) is something I struggle with, so thanks for bringing it to my attention that I did it again here. I miss it even when I'm editing sometimes; I just have a blind spot for it I guess. That's why I need a beta, generally.

I'm so glad you liked George's dialogue. He's meant to be a little stiff, but I might need to loosen his dialogue up some--a very valid point.

Also glad you enjoyed the characterisation. I know George's character pretty well and thought I did a good job writing him, nice to have validation. Also happy you liked my characterisation of Harry. I like writing Harry as I understand his motivations pretty well and it helps make him feel real to me and I hope to others.

I have written Broad Scots dialect in another story, but I always feel that I'm going to far and delving into 'Shrek' territory. I have a lot of respect for the Scots, so I don't want to do a caricature of the accent. But I agree that the occasional Caledonian phrase might be helpful. Honestly, the unsaid fact that he's Slytherin is more important than his Scottish-ness.

Thank you again for the review and the CC. CC is what helps us to grow as writers and it's a good thing to find. I especially like it coming from an author as skilled as you.



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Review #13, by The Empress A Midnight Call

4th March 2010:
Hey Pookha, sorry it took me so long to get to this :)

Honestly, I was a bit sceptical coming into this, as it's not my usual read. I'm not a big fan of this genre or type of story as a rule. So props to you, because this was easy for me to read. Your description and dialogue flows very well and keeps a reader engaged through out the entire story.

The scene between Harry and Connor was perhaps the best. You communicated the sort of relationship they have very well, and kept the language they were using professional, but believable and easy to follow. Well done there.

I also particularly like the bit at the beginning, when you're describing Harry's surprise at seeing an unknown number on his mobile. Just a brief phrase, when he wonders if he's going to have to bail Dudley out of jail again. It's probably not significant to the story at all in any way, but for me it really communicated the sort of relationship he holds with his cousin. That they're still in contact and such. Really liked that small addition.

My absolute favourite paragraph is the last one. The way you describe his dreams without going into tremendous detail. It was perfect, just perfect.

Great chapter here, very well written and well laid out.

~Shiloh

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review. I must admit that I was a bit concerned because it has only gotten a few reviews. I think that it just must not be most people's cup of tea.

I'm glad to know that the writing is okay and easy to read. I've worked so hard on dialogue since I've started writing, so I'm also glad that it flows well.

That scene with Harry thinking it's Dudley might come up later in the story. I'm not sure if I'm going to have Dudley in the story or not, but he will be mentioned at the least.


Thank you again for the kind words and reassurances that it doesn't suck greatly :)

Ah, Connor...he's a Slytherin, but he's the sort who's more ambitious than evil. He's a good boss, but he has an agenda of his own.


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Review #14, by celticbard A Midnight Call

9th September 2009:
Hello Carl!
It's celticbard from eHPf, here to review your fic as requested. ^_^

Before I read this chapter, I went back and took a look at Graverobbers to get a little background info. I think you did a good job expanding George's character in this piece. In the first story, he appears mischievous and not completely malevolent, even though he has intentionally desecrated several graves. In this fic, however, I get the sense that there is something behind his innocence. After all, how did he know that his mother was going to die in her sleep? His affinity for death is certainly chilling. I have to agree with Connor in his assessment of the boy. He needs to be watched very carefully.

Your history of necromancers was quite creative and I enjoyed the historical tidbit involving Rostopich. The only thing I would suggest working on is pacing. Too much happened in this chapter and the reader was forced to digest a lot of information at once. Not only are we presented with the death of George's mother, but also Harry's conflicts with his career as an Auror. If I were to rewrite this chapter, I would lengthen the first scene and extend the dialogue between Harry and George. Therefore, readers will get a better idea of their burgeoning relationship and you can take your time detailing Harry's trouble with the Auror office in the next chapter.

I enjoyed reading this story, Carl and I would be more than happy to continue with it. Please feel free to drop by my queue and re-request for chapter two. Also, if you have any questions about this review, do not hesitate to contact me. I hope you have a great week!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response: Thank you so very much for the CC about pacing. I get better at one thing and then discover that there's always room for improvement somewhere else. Writing is a very growing experience. You never stop growing as you write.

Thanks for the compliments about the history of necromancy. I thought a little backstory was necessary here so people knew that George wasn't completely new in the world, just rare.

Thank you so much for your review.

George is neither malevolent or mischievous, really; he's more confused and adrift. I hope to show how he is more in future chapters with both Teddy and Harry.


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Review #15, by someone A Midnight Call

1st August 2009:
could you give a link to graveyard robbers

Author's Response: Graverobbers is on my author's page. Just click my name and it will show all my stories. It's near the bottom of my page and has a banner with angel statues and a grave-cross. I would link, but you're not allowed to link in stories or reviews.

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Review #16, by TwoScissor A Midnight Call

29th July 2009:
Looking good! I'm interested and I'll definitely be checking back for the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm currently in process of getting a beta and hope to have the next chapter posted soon. It is actually complete and ready to go to beta.

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