152 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Kandy A Mysterious Bout of Bad Tempers in the General Population of Hogwarts and Surrounding Areas

1st September 2011:
Umm, this is wonderful. WHY HAS IT NOT BEEN UPDATED??? Please continue this story before my brain melts and becomes sad!!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm sorry about updating; my life is kind of busy but I'll try and get a new chapter up soon! Thank you so much for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #2, by sarahbrooke123 A Mysterious Bout of Bad Tempers in the General Population of Hogwarts and Surrounding Areas

27th July 2011:
I liked it but I wish you wouldn't talk so much at the end

Author's Response: do you mean my author's note? I'm sorry. You don't have to read it though...

 Report Review

Review #3, by NaidatheRavenclaw A Mysterious Bout of Bad Tempers in the General Population of Hogwarts and Surrounding Areas

15th June 2011:
Alright, so, sorry I didn't review the last chapter, but I didn't have anything new to say.And finally, I get to give you my super long, comment on everything review! Woo!

So. Plot. Like I said before, NO CLICHES! *happy dance* It makes me so happy to see an original plot! And you've got three or four subplots going on, which merits another happy dance! Subplots add so much to any story. Really, having so many and being to keep track of them all is an art. *jealous* And because you had a reference in some author's note to AVPM, your plot is supermegafoxyawesomehot!

Rose. I definitely like the take on her character. (Go RAVENCLAW!) She's unusual from anything I've read elsewhere, and I love it! However, I do have some problems with her and the ever hated Mary Sueism. I just don't see a very three dimensional character in her. She pretty much has everything. Brains, friends, etc. I just don't see the flaws. :( It's certainly something to work on. Just try and work some of those in, and I think you'll be fine.

Scorpius. He's a very well developed character, which is why I was kinda harsh on you in the previous paragraph. I KNOW you can do it. Again, a very unusual take on his character. I've only ever seen him in Gryffindor or Slytherin, so I'm glad you have something else. (Though I did find it odd that Draco didn't comment at all. I know he's changed, but that seemed a bit much. I don't think he was ever THAT friendly with the Trio. Though that could be taste more than anything else). He definitely has his flaws, in not being able to tell Rose how he feels and coming off as snarky and jealous. I love his characterization.

Jack. The stupid non 12+ word! I have a suspiscion (sp?) that he has something to do with the Pink Bandits/Pirates. (Though that's probably way off the mark). Anyways, he's horrible and I know you have to have an antagonist in every story, but I hate him all the same. Which means you did an excellent job in writing him!

General writing. Yours is very clean, precise, and to the point, which fits you well. Not everything has to be super decorated and flowery. I know i commented om length, and that stil stands, but other than that, your writing is great.

I really enjoyed reading this! Please feel free to rerequest as you keep writing, because I'd be happy to keep giving you feedback on this! Great job, hun. For the entire thing, all of it, I'd give you a 8/10, and I'm harsh :P. Honestly though, I loved this!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for all of the reviews! I'm glad you like my plots. I had much fun plotting :) As far as Rose goes, her flaw is taking things a bit too seriously (which will cause her trouble eventually). And I have to say I do think it's realistic that she has brains and friends and Quidditch especially considering her parents. I'm so glad you like Scorpius - I decided to leave out most of his back story because I didn't think it was super pertinent to the storyline but there will be some more explanations of why he is how he is sprinkled throughout. I will try and make better transitions which will hopefully help with the length thing. I'm so glad you liked it overall & I'll definitely let you know when I have more chapters up! Thank you so so much for all of the lovely reviews & feedback; I really appreciate it. Thank you!!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #4, by NaidatheRavenclaw A Mysterious Turn of Phrase Courtesy of Lily Potter

15th June 2011:
Your best chapter yet. Mostly.

So the Quidditch game. Went on awfully well for the Ravenclaws, didn't it? That's just the problem. For me, at least, it was a bit too well. Over 800 points to 30, and a Seeker better than Harry Potter? It just sounds a little unrealistic to me. Like every member of the team is THE BEST. Pick one or two positions, is what I'd say. Maybe the keeper and seeker are amazing, the beaters and one chaser are mediocre, and the other two are so so, or some other combination like that. Just makes it more believable.

That being said, allow me to repeat. Your best chapter yet.

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it! And don't worry, the Ravenclaws will have more trouble in Quidditch very soon. It's all part of the plan. Thank you so much for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #5, by NaidatheRavenclaw A Mysterious Rise in the Sexual Tension Level at Hogwarts

15th June 2011:
Can I just start out by saying how much I love the chapter title! Mine are always so boring, but this one is amazing!

And I'm going to keep reading now, because this chapter was just as awesome as the last ones.

Author's Response: Haha I'm glad. Thanks so much for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #6, by NaidatheRavenclaw A Mysterious Passageway

15th June 2011:
Well... I had to admit, I did see that one coming. Not that it was a bad plotline or cliche, but you had enough hints leading up to it that I could tell.

This isn't something I usually comment on, and it's a matter of personal preference, so I will. I'd love to see your chapters expanded a little more. Not so they're like 8000 words, but even just adding 250-500 words to them could make a huge difference. I say this because everything's starting to move a bit fast for me. One day she's just meeting Reynolds, that weekend she's kissing him. Though this is realistic in life, in writing, you have to make it seem like she actually lived her life between these two incidences. So if you added a random filler section about Rose in class, or expanded on a specific place they went to in Hogsmeade, it would really help your case. I felt this a bit in the last chapters too, but it really hit me in this one. Gosh... I hope I explained that right. I'm terrible at explaining myself at times. If I didn't, just PM me or something.

Other than that, I'm still loving this!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad my hints worked ;) All I can say about the suddenness of the kiss is that there is a reason. I'll definitely look in to trying and making things more realistic though. Although one of my things is trying to avoid filler. Thanks so much for the input, everything helps!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #7, by NaidatheRavenclaw A Mysterious Mystery

15th June 2011:
Alright, I noticed a couple of things in this chapter.

First of all, when Rose and Jack are talking about the code, Jack says "meeting at the usual time and LOCATION" and then Rose says "strategy meeting at the usual time and PLACE". I believe Rose's place needs to be location.

Secondly, Rose says that Scorpius and her have been going to Hogsmeade together since first year. Only third years and above can go to Hogsmeade.

Other than that, another great chapter!

Author's Response: Oh whoops I'll definitely fix the Hogsmeade thing! And I didn't mean for Rose to be directly quoting the code, she was just paraphrasing. Thanks for pointing these things out! Glad you liked it :) Thanks for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #8, by NaidatheRavenclaw A Mysterious Small Blond Girl

14th June 2011:
Dude. Lily was AWESOME! I respect her so much.

And Wilkins is a non 12+ word. That's all I have to say.

It's going great right now!

Author's Response: Hahaha I'll be sure not to mentions her on the forums! I'm so glad you like it. Thanks for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #9, by NaidatheRavenclaw A Mysterious Tardiness

13th June 2011:
Short and sweet. I quite liked that.

Just realized that Scorpius and Rose are in Ravenclaw. I bow down to you. So sick of all the cliche stuff. And I'm so glad they're friends too. YAY, A NON CLICHE SCOROSE!

Author's Response: Haha I'm glad you liked the length, I've gotten mixed reviews on that front. I'm also delighted you like the Ravenclaw & friends aspect as well :) Thank you so much for reviewing! I greatly appreciate it :D
~mads


 Report Review

Review #10, by NaidatheRavenclaw Prologue: A Mysterious Letter

13th June 2011:
Hi! Naida here with your requested review... FINALLY! I'm so sorry for taking so long to get to you! Just... Hit me over the head or something XD

But so glad I finally checked this out. I know you specifically asked for feedback on your latest chapter, so I'll give you a huge review there. For the first few, I'll just comment if there was anything I saw that I didn't like.

This chapter was overall very good! Just one tiny grammar error.

Im going to write a letter, now would you please leave me alone?

That's a run on sentence. You either need a semicolon in place of the comma, or two separate sentences. So minor, but I thought I'd point it out anyway! Great start though, hun!

Author's Response: Thank you! The run-on was actually intentional to make the dialogue sound more real. Thanks so much for the review!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #11, by giraffegirl A Mysterious Bout of Bad Tempers in the General Population of Hogwarts and Surrounding Areas

12th June 2011:
hi madelgranger. i really like the rose/scorpious thing :). its cute! i do want to find out what happens though, so please update soon! and i would appreciate some brownies.keep writing more!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it! I will try and update ASAP. Thanks!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #12, by Kandy A Mysterious Turn of Phrase Courtesy of Lily Potter

6th June 2011:
"...because hitting them at the rather pathetic Hufflepuffs would have been too mean."

Gotta love those Hufflepuffs. Great story by the way! Finally, a fan fiction that is NOT centered around vampires/odd pairings/forbidden love/Dramione/some swooning girl falling for Sirius Black and then dying a tragic death/James and Lily and how they fell in love. THANK YOU. 10/10.

Author's Response: Haha I'm so glad you liked it and that it was new and different for you! Also delighted you thought that was a good line - I love when readers quote bits at me :D Thank YOU for reviewing; getting feedback is wonderful!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #13, by Aiwe Saito A Mysterious Bout of Bad Tempers in the General Population of Hogwarts and Surrounding Areas

6th June 2011:
Hi-- this is Aiwe Saito from the forums with your review!! Sorry about the wait. :/

Honestly, I think you have a pretty solid story here-- you put enough content into each chapter to make it interesting, yet not annoyingly suspenseful and the characterisations are full-bodied, which is an excellent trait to see. I feel like your rush of new characters can be a little overwhelming, so I would just be a little cautious, but otherwise I really enjoyed this story.

Great job-- please re-request with the next chapter, I'd love to see where this goes!

-Ai

Author's Response: Yay I'm so glad to hear it! I'll definitely re-request with the next chapter. I'm very happy you like my characterizations :D thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #14, by AC_rules A Mysterious Bout of Bad Tempers in the General Population of Hogwarts and Surrounding Areas

6th June 2011:
Hhhmmm... I'm a little confused and intrigued about all of the above actually. I've no idea what Jack was going on about... I guess we'll find out?

Anyway, I wanted to leave a really chunky review as this is the last chapter. Basically, I really like the plot: it's interesting and induvidual although occasionaly you do stray to the normal cliches - but who doesn't do that? And I'm really interested as to where the beans thing is going to end and just what Cathy Wilkins is up to. so that's really good as you've actually got me interesting. Your writing style is pretty decent too and I haven't seen many mistakes (although I tend not to really look). Still, what I would say is that the beginning may let you down a bit. Before we get into the buisness of beans and mystery it looks a little bit like we'll be going down the same old cliche road - but then you don't, which is great, but... I dunno... maybe add something about the mystery in the first couple of chapters that really gets everyone engaged?

Anyway, I've enjoyed it a lot. :)

Author's Response: All - well, not all, but a fair amount - will be clear soon. Teeheehee.
That's a really helpful suggestion! I'll try and think of a way to do that. Maybe I'll just combine the first two chapters or something since they're so short. But I've definitely been thinking I need to do something about that.
Anyways, I'm so glad you like it so far! Thank you so much for all of the lovely reviews, you've got me all inspired to work on this. :D I hope you'll come back to see what happens. Thank you soo much!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #15, by AC_rules A Mysterious Ritual

6th June 2011:
A story where Quidditch parties dont equal large quantities of alcohol!? Wow. This IS a first. I love the idea of the tent party actually, and Rose getting all strict about the rules and such.

I still really want to know about this Bean buisness - it's very intriguing, isn't it? Hmmm.

Author's Response: :D I'm glad you liked their tent party. I had fun with this chapter. Thank you so much for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #16, by AC_rules A Mysterious Turn of Phrase Courtesy of Lily Potter

6th June 2011:
This was one of my favourite chapters so far. I loved Rose's little sing song and their whole quidditch stratergy which is very overcomplicated and over the top for a school sport - which is brilliant.

Also, that final bit which essentially makes Rose sounds like shes been reading a dictionary is wonderful. I love that, I really do.

I honestly don't have a clue about whats going to happen with tthis bean thing anymore - utterly clueless. Nice job!

Author's Response: :D yay I'm so glad you liked it! I had fun with their ridiculous Quidditch strategy so I'm glad you were entertained. And I'm delighted you liked the word bit at the end. I'm also slightly gleeful about you're reaction to the beans. Thank you so much for reviewing!!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #17, by AC_rules A Mysterious Rise in the Sexual Tension Level at Hogwarts

6th June 2011:
Al and Phil - saw that comming. In a good way. Relationships don't tend to appear out of the blue for no reason, so yeah... obvious but a good obvious.

I actually really liked having Scorpius as the focaliser for a bit. You should do that more often - I thought you were really good at it. I didn't spot anymore clues about the future yet... I'll let you know after the next chapter :)

Author's Response: I'm so glad you thought the Scorpius bit was good! I liked doing it & it's definitely going to happen more often. Also glad you liked Phil & Al. Also that you could see it coming. Cuz you were supposed to. Victory! Haha. Thanks so much for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #18, by AC_rules A Mysterious Passageway

6th June 2011:
Cathy Wilkins has something to do with it! There must be a reason why she was asleep in the library. and James is acting very suspciously. Hm.

Also, I don't like Jack very much but I sense that I'm not supposed to.

Author's Response: Yes!!! You're picking up on things that you're supposed to. whoops I may have given stuff away there. nah.
You don't like Jack? Aw. You're sort of right about not being supposed to like him. :x stop talking, mads!
Thank you so much for reviewing! And telling me what you're picking up on it's super helpful :)
~mads


 Report Review

Review #19, by AC_rules A Mysterious Mystery

6th June 2011:
Codes in the beans? That is really cool. I was wonderingt he relevence of the beans would imerge ^ and I've got to say this is a lot more creative way of using them than I'd ever thought of.

My guess is: Al got the beans of James? Not sure who they were supposed to be for though (Cathy Wilkins?). Hmmm. guess I'll have to keep reading...

Author's Response: Mwahahaha subplots. Involving jellybeans. Or IS it a subplot? I had so much fun plotting this story. I'm glad you like the beans :D Thank you so much for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #20, by AC_rules A Mysterious Small Blond Girl

6th June 2011:
I had a feeling Cathy Wilkins wasn't going to go down easily... and Rose should have used her Ravenclaw brains to make them all sign a secrecy contract or something.

Lets hope little old Lucy gets her broom (I imagine Wood to be the type not to care if his daughter was too young to tryout - he'd almost definately tell her to try out anyway). I wonder what this mysterious (or not so much) Quidditch captain will do with such knowledge... Hmmm.

Author's Response: Oh, Cathy Wilkins. So problematic. You're right, Rose totally should have done a secrecy contract thing. But that would have messed with my plot haha. Thank you so much for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #21, by AC_rules A Mysterious Tardiness

6th June 2011:
Roses automatic asumption that James and Al have something to do with Phil's illness was pretty funny. Their friendship is generally just mayhem it seems ^ but theres nothing like mayhem, is there?

Again, it's still pretty short but the development of the story is there and I'm still enjoying it :)

Author's Response: :D glad you like the mayhem. Extremely glad you're enjoying it. The first couple chapters are definitely short but for some reason I liked having them as single scenes so I'm glad it's not so short that there's no development. Thank you so much for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #22, by AC_rules Prologue: A Mysterious Letter

6th June 2011:
I like the idea of Rose being a Ravenclaw and her being into quidditch - most stories have her as the typical Gryffindor bookworm so its nice to read something that is a little different.

(also, being a Ravenclaw I love the bleeds blue and bronze chapter image - go team blue!)

It is pretty short but it's a good start. *reads on*

Author's Response: I'm glad you like the concept of it. (Ravenclaw FTW!) Also glad that you were intrigued enough to read on. Thank you so much for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #23, by sarahbrooke123 A Mysterious Tardiness

3rd June 2011:
this gave me ideas for my story!

Author's Response: I'm glad! Good luck with it thanks for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #24, by Aligiah A Mysterious Tardiness

3rd June 2011:
This chapter was pretty fast paced and mostly dialogue. I like dialogue more than I like discriptions, but unfortunatley we have to have them. Ha ha It was a great chapter, and I really like your characterization of Scor and Rose. James seems just like James the original, I love it. :]

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you like this chapter I had fun characterizing everyone. I'm really glad you like Rose and Scorpius :) I'll look into adding some more descriptions at some point. Thanks so much for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review

Review #25, by Aligiah Prologue: A Mysterious Letter

3rd June 2011:
I think you have a decent start to your story. I can see where you would be worried about it, however. It's quite short, adding a few more discriptions here and there could help you a lot. And developing her relationship with Hugo a little more, beyond him being her annoying brother, could also help.

Though, I did like her becoming Quiddich Captian!

Author's Response: Thanks! I've been thinking about this and I definitely might edit it but I kind of wanted this chapter to be almost prologue-y so I'll see. But thank you for the suggestions they're very helpful! Thank you so much for reviewing!
~mads


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>