Hi there, it's Sugarheart from the formus. I'm here at last -- had a bit of computer trouble -- for your review :)
So, the first thing I noticed was the dialogue. It's well done, moves nicely has does the characterizing that you otherwise lack in this chapter.
I also notice that while you're earlier details stand out because they're well place, interesting and do much to anchor the reader, they seem to be a bit missing throughout the rest of the work. I would have liked more detail in order to continue in keeping the reader engaged.
I do like the obvious friendship between these girls. Whether gossiping or bickering, you manage to capture an ease with them that can often be hard to write. Their interaction is very believable and so keeps things interesting.
Overall not a bad read :)
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Hello, wytchkitty here to review. I am sorry for taking so long to review but here I am :)
This was a nice opening chapter, with a very interesting feel to it. I got a giggle out of Pansy's advances on Draco and his reaction. You could definitely tell he was not enjoying her clinging to him.
I didn't see anything really out of place or anything. It was a good start, flowed well, and not too quickly paced. It's a good beginning :) Report Review
Hey it's elisalinguine_x from the forums.
Sorry it took so long to get to your review, I've been at bit busy but i'll make it up by leaving a nice long review :)
I really liked this opening chapter. Even though you didn't include paragraphs of background information you managed to infiltrate it in other situations. Like for example you didn't describe what Regina looked like but you used this sentence "She started pulling at a long strand of her hair, twisting a red curl around her middle finger." which gives us an idea of what she looks like.
I like the way you write, it's very professional and clear, short but to the point. You don't faff about useless info that we don't really need to know.
I like your characterization because it's very blunt but real. I couldn't imagine teenagers to be any different from the way you describe them and make the act which is very good. I couldn't find any grammar or spelling errors.
I'm normally not a huge fan of Dramione but you really caught me into this story and I want to see what happens next. It's not your usal Dramione as it's not from of the two's POV but from an outsider which is really interesting.
Feel free to just drop the link by when the next chapter is updated but I'm adding this to my favourites so I probably will review anyway. It was a great read!
10/10! Report Review
I am excited to see how this unfolds. What a great idea and well written! Report Review
hey, tessae from the forums with your review!
not much to say at this point since there's only one chapter, though it's pretty obvious it's AU. that's okay, AU stories can be good! :-) not much to comment on storywise at this point, if you want comments on the story itself feel free to re-request when you get another chapter or so up. saw a couple spelling errors, nothing major, and I don't remember any grammar problems. I think this is a good beginning to the story, you've made a solid base to build off from! thanks for requesting! Report Review
I generally just search the names of the stories but yours seems to be popular there were 3 other stories with the same name. So I had to go back to the forums :P This is actually very interesting, a bit dark and teasing, I think I might be starting to adore it and we’re on the first chapter :D YEAH!! Good job lol. Nice way to start things. It was a pleasure reviewing for you please do let me know when you’ve updated! And cookies! YES! I love when I get cookies for doing something I like lol. Well done. Report Review
Cookies! Do you have peppernuts? If not, I'll take an oatmeal raisin.
Anyhow. Interesting start to the story! My favorite part was the description of Pansy "licking" Malfoy during class and the way he reacted. I admit, I had to laugh when I read that. It was so awkward.
Actually, the whole thing was kinda awkward, but it fits, since your characters are all teens, and teenagerhood is just like that. I thought your OC Slytherin characters were quite a pair. I got quite a kick out of Regina's gossip paper. Geez! There were so many funny little bits in this chapter, although I have to admit I didn't fully understand the thing about pink rabbits at the beginning. Was Cade (Miss Leigh) daydreaming? She must have been.
Although I thought it a bit strange that so many odd things could happen in class with the teacher scarcely bothering to notice (unless it had been Prof. Binns), I did enjoy the interaction between Cade and Regina. It was obvious that they know each other's habits and are friends. They meshed well, despite their little almost-fight. I like Cade as a character. Her voice is . . . different. I like the way she is spacy and sharp at the same time, and I enjoyed the way she notices things and matter-of-factly describes them.
I did think there were places (mostly at the beginning) where you were trying a little too hard with your descriptions. They seemed a little overwrought, somehow, but that got better once you started focusing on the characters and everything became funny. Although I enjoy humor a lot, it was almost a little too much ridiculousness for me. Any more, and it would be past my tolerance level.
However, I do like Cade's voice, and I also think you've gotten off to an interesting start. You've established a slightly quirky OC, and you have ended on a bit of a cliff-hanger. Well, not a cliff-hanger, but it's an effective ending. It's like one of those situations you want to watch even though you know it's going to be bad. Almost like when someone crashes a bike or something. You cringe, but you want to watch in case it turns out cool. Sorry. Does that rambling make sense? In a roundabout way, I'm trying to say I liked the tone of the end of this chapter. Report Review
:) yays :)
you're awesome and i love you and i loved this :) you get better and better every time i read something of yours i wish i had this talent :P
i wish you all the publishment in the world, oh creative writer :)
LOVES x Report Review
There wasn't much Draco/Hermione in the first chapter, so I didn't mind reading it at all :D! I really like your main character, to be honest. She's so interesting and witty. I'm slightly intrigued; you've somewhat broken my inhibitions about Draco/Hermione stories - but only because its told from an OC's point of view :P.
Anyways, it's a really lovely start. The only problem I have is that, in the books, there never was any inclination that Draco didn't enjoy Pansy's attentions - that's the only Dramoine cliche I can find, really. Besides that, I absolutely love the characterization of her best friend, Regina - who, amuses me to no end. I'm looking forward to more of her gossiping.. ;) Besides that one bit of Dramoine cliche, everything else is absolutely original. I love it. :D
You might turn me yet...maybe ;) Report Review
This is a very solid start. I think that you are off to a good start. You introduced two OC's, and I will be interested to see what you do with these two in the future. Love the end in which you see Draco grabbing Hermione into an empty classroom, I want to know more!
Using the two OC's as a focus was very creative and I think that you have a great start. I'll be looking for the next update! Report Review
It's not often that I literally laugh out loud because of a fanfic but this did it for me: "Ergh, look at Parkinson and Malfoy over there... licking each other...!"
I love the point of view this is written from. It's so good. Usually Dramione's are just from Hermione/Draco's PoV but this is so much better than any of those. I love the character of Regina and Cadence. This is the most original thing I've read in a while. WELL DONE -pats back xD-
I saw a few little typos and small, unimportant, things like that but other than that, it's perfect.
I can't believe how much I enjoyed this. It's definitely my kind of fic and, if I were you, I'd consider putting "Humour" as a genre, too. I found myself grinning and chuckling to more in this than what I do in most fics that are labled as humourous.
I'm favouriting this, just so I can come back and follow the story. Thanks for requesting the review xD 9/10 (VERY close to being a 10 :D and congratulations on writing a fic that's successfully made me hyper)
Do I get a cookie now? ^_^Author's Response: Hey ^_^
Thanks, first of all, for your fabulous review!
I think the voice came naturally to me, the supreme sarcasm, so I thought writing a Dramione in a different voice would be a little bit more original, and I'm so glad you thought so too!
Again, thanks so much for your positivity and hyperness, and to celebrate I shall indeed hand you a cookie XD Report Review
hahha i am exited to see what is going to happen next:)
update asap:) Report Review
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