40 Reviews Found

Review #1, by butter_beer_junky2499 Funeral

28th May 2010:
So ghost aren't dead. What are they then, part living, part dead? Interesting. How is it though that the other kids can see her and the Headmaster could not? Is it something to do with age or wanting to be seen? All very interesting, such a unique perspective, thanks for being brave enough to write this great story. I hope to see more soon. If you do update soon, please come request another review either in the forums or as a review on one of my own stories. Either way you know.

Author's Response: Eeep, so many questions! I don't even know half the answers to them, but I promise that if I update I'll let you know. Thanks!

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Review #2, by butter_beer_junky2499 Ceremony

28th May 2010:
Scary indeed. Great imaginative piece - splitting his soul, horcruxes, I get it. I always wondered about how he would go about doing that but never invented something in my mind. So your way is my understanding from now on. Good job.

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this bit though in all honesty, I don't. I've never been satisfied with this chapter and even now I want to go back and edit. Hehe, I dunno, I may yet!

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Review #3, by butter_beer_junky2499 Discovery

28th May 2010:
It's amazing that ghosts don't forget their lives when they were alive, I mean what if their memories were to fade. What it must be like to attend your own funeral - it's like you never really died. And more than that, what decides when one dies whether they depending on beliefs they become ghosts, just die, go to heaven, or to hell. You know what causes one to become a ghost. Perhaps it is unfinished business, they are innocent, perhaps they weren't meant to die yet. I don't know. It's interesting though isn't it. Again well done. I like how you keep to canon.

Author's Response: You've got so many great points here and I've really tried exploring them in this story. I'm still not sure which ones apply the most yet -- what makes some one linger after death, what about heaven and hell -- but I'm hoping to get back to this story and find out!

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Review #4, by butter_beer_junky2499 Dead

28th May 2010:
LOL! I know just what you mean. I've been away for so long, I haven't even written anything in so long yet alone R&R'd. But I'm thinking about getting back into writing, finish the stories I have and then start one non-hpff. We'll see though. I don't know where you are from but I've noticed it a couple of times you are writing facet and I don't think that's how you spell faucet... I'm not sure if I'm spelling it right though either. So just something to check on. What a challenge to write this way. I'm impressed, it's so soulful! Incredible job :) You should take pride in your writing because it's really fantastic. You write about things not thought about or known. It's so interesting whether you take an earthly or spiritual point of view. I like where this is going :D I'll read on.

Author's Response: Thank you, and I'm sorry for not responding to the rest of these reviews sooner :) Bleh, I totally spaced it. I so appreciate the positive feed back, and the compliments. And you're right about 'faucet,' I gotta remember to fix that!

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Review #5, by butter_beer_junky2499 Alive

25th May 2010:
I must apologize. I know it's been over 6 months since you asked me to review your story. I've been off the HPFF scene for a good while, really busy with school and work. I can't guarantee that I'm back but I have come to review. Cute banner by the way. Where do you get your inspiration for writing, your writing is so colorful and loving. Bless you for using adjectives and feeling words. It's cool to be able to relate to her as a person and a beautiful real person at that. Well done with the first chapter. I'll do my best to come back soon and finish the other 4 chapters.

Author's Response: Oh my gosh, thank you for coming by! I know how it is to be caught up by the 'real' world, as a reviewer I too have a queue that needs finishing and leads me towards fits of guilt whenever I think about it. Which means I'll probably make that my next stop *hides head in shame!*

I'm so glad you liked this first chapter though. I wanted to do something so different with Myrtle, she's a strange much over-looked character and I had a great time writing with her here.

I'd love for you to come back for the next couple of chapters, but no pressure, okay? I appreciate your follow-throughness though!

Thanks!

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Review #6, by the0giant0squid Discovery

6th March 2010:
This is still magnificent :)

But I can't understand, does Dippet not hear Myrtle either? It seems as though he can't hear her or Nick when Nick is talking to her...

Author's Response: Hey there, thanks for dropping a review (and a great compliment!). Dippet can't heat Myrtle at this point, but he can hear Nick. I haven't worked on this story in ages, so I can't be sure but I'm pretty sure the impression I wanted to make was that Dippet could hear a one-sided conversation. I'll have to double check though, good question!

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Review #7, by Onna_Elwood Discovery

4th December 2009:
Well, another bril chapter. I didn't see any apparent typo's or punc. mistakes. Bravo. I am curious however as to why no one can see her. I've been speculating about it and I can't come up with a single thing. The only other thing I have to say is, Riddle seemed to timid and to... I don't know, afraid. But I guess if you just killed another student you'd be a bit afraid as well.

~Onna

Author's Response: Riddle is really hard to write. I actually don't think I got him exactly right yet. He's...ellusive. I mean, that's a hard call, writing the child of a the man who eventually becomes the most feared wizard of all... How do you even begin to approach that? So yes, I understand what you mean by too timid, he felt that way to me too but I was hoping more writing would flush him out. We'll see...

Thanks for review!

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Review #8, by Onna_Elwood Dead

4th December 2009:
Aw... all I can keep thinking is she's dead. And she's stuck as a ghost. Forever. And it's making me really, really sad and upset. It's like I don't wanna read anymore, but I wanna know what happens. I saw a few punctuation things and I think you spelled 'faucet' as 'facet'. But other then that I loved it. I particularly loved when you described her feelings on her mortality being missing. The comparisions to drowning and freezing. Next Chapter!

~Onna

Author's Response: Typo's really are the absolute bain of my existence. Everytime I think I've got them all, yet another creeps past me and mocks me with my poor readers who have to suffer through it! Thank you for pointing that out, I will now go hunt down that typo and beat it to death!

But serious, it is definitely sad! She's dead and...it's sad. I really wanted the reader to understand that, and you seem to have picked it up, so hurray. Thank you again for another lovely little review, it's appreciated!

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Review #9, by Onna_Elwood Alive

4th December 2009:
I think Myrtle is a lovely character to write about. I mean, she's basically a blank slate. And I'll admit, I'm an author guilty of making Myrtle a whiny little 2-D character. But I'm already sure that this story will make sure that I never do it again! I think your writing style is beautiful, and other then the occasional forgivable typo it's well written. On to the next chapter then!

~Onna

Author's Response: Onna, thank you for the review! You're so nice and I'm thrilled that my writing could make you see MM in a different light. You're right, she really is a blank slate, but she'd such a tragic character, it seems a pitty not to play on that. Ehh, anyway, I digress... Glad you liked, thanks!

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Review #10, by alyosha Funeral

27th November 2009:
This is still great.

It's so funny how you write.

But sometimes the ends of your sentences don't match their beginnings.

Author's Response: Uh, interesting point there alyosha. I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that, but I'll keep it in mind as I do my edit for this in a few months. Thanks for the review!

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Review #11, by dracos_hotter Alive

25th November 2009:
"Here, in this new place, Myrtle has no influence..."

Had, if you're sticking to the same rule throughout the story. You can't switch around tenses like that. I realise that on HPFF the beta's only check to see if you follow the guidelines, and it's an easy mistake to make. But still.

Here from the forums! And on that cheery note, let us begin.

I like the idea that Mytle wanted Tom Riddle, the hauty Slytherin. Very intriguing.

I'm not quite sure that the tense is working -- it confuses things and, to me, is distracting form the storyline.

Speaking of which, said storyline looks interesting. A little off canon, sure, but it might explain why Mytle was drawn to Malfoy in the sixth book.

Good grammar (you have no idea how much bad grammar distracts me), good spellings, good use of words.

A brilliant, if slightly grey, start.

Feel free to resubmit!

xE

Author's Response: Thanks xE, appreciate the feedback. I do struggle with tense through this whole story and I think it's settled more now that I'm further along in the story. I'm determined to do some editing in December, I'll add this to my list.

I'm glad you liked the bit with Tom, interesting uh? Thanks for the review!

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Review #12, by SparkleInTheSunrise Alive

2nd October 2009:
Hi here is your requested review. I thought it was a very good chapter though part of it seemed to drag your long description of Myrtles charcter and small notes on her life distarcted from the action and u may have done better to make it a bit more action-y. However you write with great skill turning clever phrases and such but you must watch your tenses as near the beginning there is a sudden tense shift whicg disrupts the flow. If you would like a second review and i have a slot free please post on my thread. Good first chapter.
Sparkle x

Author's Response: Thanks Sparkle. You're right, the first chapter has almost no action at all, and I know for some readers that can get bothersome, but I really needed to establish a certainly mentality for Myrtle in order for the rest of the work to read properly. I definitely have more action in the next chapters, so I hope you come back and take a look at those.

I'll check those tense changes, thanks for pointing them out ;)

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Review #13, by Jackson Robles Funeral

30th September 2009:
Last sentence in the second paragraph--'open' needs an 'ed' after it. Apparently it likes education. (That one was just bad...)

Darn! I opened with grammar. That's the last time, I swear!

I think I've just recently figured out why I have such a problem with the character of Myrtle. And I'll go by your Myrtle. She doesn't care that she has died--she doesn't care to be dead. She tries to seem indifferent, and is nasty to nearly everyone she meets.

Yet she wants their attention. And she doesn't care who's--but anyone's. Yeah Olive's death would be lovely, and Tom's affection would have swelled her heart, but that wasn't just what she wanted. She wanted to be cried over, when she did nothing in life to deserve it. She wants what she doesn't deserve, and I have a problem with that.

Not just a problem with HER, per se, but actually a problem with what she signifies in the rest of us. We all want to be loved, liked, and cared out. You want recognition for your amazing writing ability--let's be honest, so do I--and I wish to be liked everywhere I go.

But am I willing to work for it? Am I willing to go out of my way to help someone? Or be polite in a situation of stress to save face? Myrtle is the embodiment of these questions. She is unable to, and, if we were her, we would be the same way.

So then, I guess to conclude, I hate who Myrtle is, but I love what she represents. And your Myrtle brings forth that kind of idea.

I don't know if you did it on purpose--I would sincerely like to think you did. I don't know if you intended on your story to be discussed like this, or if you tried to add any kind of subtext, but I definitely think that it's there, and it's something Rowling definitely lacked in her stories.

Like I said, I like to think you did--and a story is only truly good if it can have application and teach us something about the real world.

Therefore, Blissbug, I must conclude that your story is fantastic.

Cheers, and let me know when you come out with new chapters!

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Review #14, by Jackson Robles Ceremony

30th September 2009:
Nice chapter! (Now that that's over...)

In the first sentence it reads 'horrible' and it might want to throw that 'e' in the dumpster and go pick up that shiny new 'y' they just came out with at the dealership. (I'm too clever)

Interesting act Tom does here. I ALMOST felt a little tug on my heart for Myrtle here, but only because she was scared at what he was doing.

I bet you can guess what I'm about to say. I'm not one for gushing, but it was a pleasant read. That Tom and his crazy antics! What a strange young man...

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Review #15, by Jackson Robles Discovery

30th September 2009:
I'm curious--when Tom is talking to Dumbledore--is it 'weary', or 'wary'?

I kind of feel I should stop opening my reviews with grammar questions. Kind of sets them in a negative light, don't you think? Well not you, I can tell you have confidence in yourself in just your writing, but still, things may be taken the wrong way.

Regardless, this is a review, not a question and answer period, and I do apologize for digressing from the point.

I like it. It's going somewhere, though I can't place where. I don't like the main character--and I love hating the main character--and everything feels very much like Harry Potter.

I'm glad I opened that thread. I don't have to go searching for well written stories. (There's a compliment--can't say I don't give you any!)

Cheers--JR

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Review #16, by Jackson Robles Dead

30th September 2009:
Here, where the paragraph begins ...'she almost wished...' it has written 'to', where it should either be 'too' or 'so'.

And that's all I caught, much faster read this time, but that may be because I've eliminated some extenuating circumstances.

Regardless it was depressing and all that, but I don't feel bad for the girl. Maybe I'm soulless, but I don't think so. What's your take on little Moaning Myrtle?

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Review #17, by Jackson Robles Alive

30th September 2009:
Um, really quickly I'd like you to reread your story's summary! The last sentence in particular, I think it should read 'that she's'...

Onto the actual story (I just know I'd appreciate someone pointing that out to me...)

And I know I would want grammar and word mistakes pointed out to me as well, so...

In paragraph six, near the end, it reads 'because IT there, in that' --It should read 'because in there, in that'... just thought I'd point that out...

And in paragraph seven, around the middle, it reads 'that Olive HAPPEN to be' when it should say 'that Olive happened to be'.

And in paragraph nine...I think, it reads 'extraordinary' when it should be 'extraordinarily'. That's a cosmetic change, I think, though.

Oh! And one for the whole story--the name of the girl that attacked myrtle was Olive HorNby, wasn't it?

Lost this paragraph number, but it begins 'But of course these were details...' and has the word 'simple' written where it should be 'simply' instead.

That's all, I think. Quick fixer uppers. And I don't want you to think I was sifting through your writing for them. They impeded my progress in reading, so I thought I'd jot them down real quickly!


But onto more entertaining things. There was nothing that was noticeably wrong with the writing, so I must say my job was relatively easy. Myrtle's just as she was in the books, and I must say you really pile it on her, don't you? Perhaps much worse than in the books, I meant.

She was a rather depressing character, wasn't she? Seemed like even if she had lived she wouldn't have amounted to anything but a bland life. The books just gave off that feel. And what has she amounted to in death? Less, even.

Cheers, and nice writing!

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Review #18, by amortentia18 Funeral

25th September 2009:
Brilliant chapter! I have always wondered how people would react if I was dead, and at my funeral. Poor Myrtle, she wasnt particularly poppular. I loved the description of Myrtle's parents, it seemed utterly perfect and suited. I also love the line 'The people pressed into the halls all chattered easily, for most of the students were there mandatorily, the majority of who could only remember Myrtle the way they might remember their dislike for some sort of mushy green vegetable: that is to say, with a soft mildly disgusted expression quickly hidden away. ' its absolutely brilliant!!

Cant wait for the next chapter
xx

Author's Response: Thanks amortentia18, I'm super glad you enjoyed this chapter. It took me a while to write because I wrote one draft, hated it and had to wait for inspiration to come back around and fix the darn thing. But anyway, here it is and hurray! my first review on it. Thanks!

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Review #19, by cochran Ceremony

18th September 2009:
Great chapter, to go with a great story. It had a very nice flow and characterization that made the character easy to like. I can't wait to see the direction you take this story in. It holds a lot of promise.

Author's Response: Hi cochran, thanks for the review.

I very much agree about the flow, it seems to move very effortlessly when I really get down into the story and I'm glad that translates in the reading. I've had a great time with this write because the characters are very potent in my mind, and that always helps.

Thanks again for the review.

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Review #20, by joy9494 Alive

17th September 2009:
I'm already loving you're introduction and can tell this story is going to be something special. I like how you start off with the present and go back to the past,poetic right. Even though I obviously don't have the words to describe you're time changes I can tell you I love them and their the type of things making a reader want to read more. I'm also loving the interesting fact of Myrtle being fine with death, another thing making the reader thirst for more.

What an interesting twist for Myrtle to like the darkest wizard in history. I like this plot line very much it is original, and I like the new outlook on Myrtle.

Keep up the good work,

Harmony

Author's Response: Hi Harmony, thank you for such an up-beat review, it totally made me smile:)

Yeah, Myrtle has been fun and strange and surprising to write with, and I think a lot of those emotions come out in the story and plot. But people have been responding well, so I keep telling myself that I am apparently doing something right, hehe.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this first bit, thank you for the review.

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Review #21, by Lord Sophiemort Ceremony

6th September 2009:
This is fantastic!

I absolutely adore your Myrtle. I always thought her to be a spoilt, whinging little brat in all honesty, but you've added another dimension to her character here. It's wonderful!

The description of Tom Riddle's voice is perfect, too. Perfect.

10/10!

:D

Author's Response: Hey, 10/10! I must be doing something right here, thank god!

Myrtle is a wonderful character to write with because everyone has a preconcieved idea about who she is and how she is. I'm glad to be able to shed new light on her character, maybe change people's minds... It's fun.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #22, by alyosha Ceremony

6th September 2009:
I haven't much to say except that this was simply splendid. Just splendid.

Your writing style is so perfect; funny when the occasion fits, but intense when need requires it.

Author's Response: Ooh, splendid, I'll take it! Thank you so much.

I'm glad you're enjoying the work, hopefully you'll come back for the next chapter?

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Review #23, by alyosha Alive

6th September 2009:
This is my favourite ever.

You are so funny.

But isn't it Olive Hornby?

Author's Response: It is Olive Hornby. I thought I fixed that, blast...

I'm glad you like this story and I am uber grateful for the little shout-out reviews. Thanks!

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Review #24, by InvisibleWitch19 Discovery

5th September 2009:
Hey! Here's my last review for the day!

Excellent chapter. I wonder why only the other ghosts could see her. And I feel so sorry for the Hubbard boy. His friend just died!

I also like how you included the scene in Chamber of Secrets with Dumbledore and Riddle. That's a good additional point to the plot. Your characterization is perfect again, no surprise there. And your writing style really is improving every chapter.

Good job and keep up the good work! :)

Author's Response: I love to hear that I'm improving, that makes me feel great. Obviously the more I write with this story the more sense it makes in my mind and the firmer I am on where I'm going and why.

I'm so super glad you've liked what you read, and I can't wait to lure you back for another chapter. Thank you!

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Review #25, by InvisibleWitch19 Dead

4th September 2009:
Hey, here's my second review. :)

Awesome chapter. I could totally feel Myrtle's emotions coming out- I really feel sorry for her. I like how Sir Nick and the Friar wanted to help her. The flow is really good.

The descriptions are well detailed and understandable. I especially like the plot now, Myrtle's feelings are so important to the story. And the dialogue works so well. Good job! :D

Author's Response: Thanks and thanks! I'm glad you pointed out the dialogue, I thought it was really important for chapter two since one had very nearly none in it and I'm further glad it worked for you.

Thanks for these two very nice reviews, they made my evening!

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