Reading Reviews for Queste
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Aline Slithering Slytherin

10th April 2010:
I was enjoying it! Have you really given up on this story? There's more to Rowena's relationship to Salazar, isn't there? ^.^

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Review #2, by ohcrapidroppedmybrain A Run-in with Chastity

27th October 2009:
Hey there. Dropping by again! I must say that I am surprised with this chapter. I didn't expect you to introduce most of the Founders so quickly. I thought you were going to wait until Godric was at the camp and then they would meet. No? That's okay, because this chapter was really good.

Oh, and by the way, what I meant when I said that it seemed modern wasn't the way I spoke. I was Shakespearean language, but it would have been absolutely dreadful if you did! Nah, I'm talking about historically. You have to bear in mind that this is a very old time...the Middle Ages. Back then, people never picked up after themselves (or atleast the muggles didn't) and conditions really weren't sanitary. The printing press wasn't invented yet, so the possibility of Godric having a flier to this camp isn't really plausable. Unless someone handwrote it, but that would take a lot of work and I doubt they would do that.

Anyways, on the characterisation, I say that you are doing an incredible job. I really like Godric...he's humble but not a total wimp. Obviously brave =]]

Salazar was very interesting. He reminded me of Draco Malfoy in some respects, which I found entertaining. Um...I totally see the Slytherin in him. I foresee a great friendship between him and Gryffindor. Here's a little CC (Sorry!): Since this was a backwards time for most people, it would be great for him to be conservative, which most Slytherins are. Make him more controlling and snakelike (please not a Voldemort though! We don't need another one of those!). Maybe racist? Just a thought, since...well...most blokes during that time period were. I don't think Godric is though, because he respects his mum a lot. NOTE: Is he really that upset being wealthy? Men like that are pigs, and no, that wasn't a stereotype. Just look at history and you will see what I am talking about.

Helga Hufflepuff was another vibrant and random. I think that she and Godric are perfect for each other! And she's a half-blood? How interesting. As I was saying, she was a very distinct character and I have nothing bad to say. Keep up the good work!

Immaturity coming in: Whenever I read the word Chastity, I laughed because it reminds me of a stripper name. That was fact. Disregard please.

I'm not sure what to think of Ravenclaw yet, but from the end of the chapter, you leave me in suspense. I seriously want to read more!


Here are a few tips to improve your writing:

-I notice that you like using parenthesis a lot. I do too, but you don't want them too much in your writing. It's like YOU are speaking to the reader instead of the characters. You know what I'm saying? It's just a tad bit unrealistic

-Know when to separate dialogue and actions. EX:

ďI always said the best thing about that place was the food,Ē he said, sweeping her up into a one-armed hug. This time she really did turn red. He didnít notice. ďIím glad we can be friends now, at least. Some of this nobility stuff really gets on my nerves at times, yíknow?Ē

Should be:

ďI always said the best thing about that place was the food,Ē he said, sweeping her up into a one-armed hug. This time she really did turn red. He didnít notice.

ďIím glad we can be friends now, at least. Some of this nobility stuff really gets on my nerves at times, yíknow?"

What will Rowena Ravenclaw be like? Will Godric and Helga be TOGETHER? Will Slytherin change his ways? These are just some of the many questions I have!

Author's Response: thank you once again for the lovely long review. I'm afraid the other founders refused to wait any longer than this... luckily, it doesn't seem to matter.

I'm afraid I'm standing my ground on the history thing. It's not a historical novel, it's a fantasy/comedy, and I don't really want people focusing on the sanitation or the printing press. Besides, wizards could have magically duplicated it even if muggles didn't.

well, godric's my favourite, and he's the most fun to write. Salazar is a bit of a puzzle, because I want the readers to like him now, even though they now he's going to storm off later in his life. In a later chapter he flirts a bit with helga, and then gets annoyed with himself because she's only a maid...

Yeah, Chastity is my other favourite character, though I don't think any stripper with that name would be particularly successful...

thanks for the grammar points as well - I will definitely look into those. I knew I was overusing parenthesise, but didn't want to leave the points out...

anyway, thanks for the lovely review, and I will probably re-request at some point in the future, and hopefully I will change your mind about founders fics.

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Review #3, by ohcrapidroppedmybrain Going a-questing.

25th October 2009:
Bonjour! I'm here with your review!

First off, I have to tell you something. I don't do Founder fics. Don't do them. They are so bland and boring and so lifeless I can't stand them. Thank god yours was funny.

So what I got out of this so far is that Godric is going on a Queste, which is pretty much a summer retreat? Interesting concept and I can't wait to find out what happens (but I think it will be something along the lines of him meeting the other Founders). I'm not too sure about his character, because for him to be in his twenties, he acts like a baby. Maybe mature him...a bit? I don't want you to turn him into Incredible Hulk Gryffindor, just for him to stop whining like a little kid (unless you did this intentionally).

POV was good. I didn't really expect you to change it "he went to the room..." to "I went to the room" or anything like that, but it's nice to put it out there. Positive criticism, ya know. While I'm at it, your tenses are good too.

I think the highlight of this chapter was the end. It leaves me with so many questions to work with. For instance, what is so important about this queste? How will this influence his future as one of the Founders of Hogwarts? Where are all of the Wizard-Haters? Will he find a true love (I'm romantic).

The only thing I have true criticism for is the way you display them. Before you think anything bad, it's not the description. The description was fine, although I felt it needed a little more. It's the historical side of things. You make it seem too modern. If you just tone it down, it will be fine.

And one of the grammar errors I noticed while reading:

"Meet some knew people"

Should be..."Meet some new people". And the lengthy paragraphs you wrote could be easily cut up. Space out the dialogue a little so the paragraphs aren't too bulky.

I certainly had fun reading! I'll get the next chapter as soon as I can!


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the brilliant review. I'm quite flattered that you still read it, even though you don't like founders fics.

yes he does meet the other founders... and they have all sorts of wonderful adventures, most of which I have planned out :S There will definitely be a dragon involved.

Thanks for the positive criticism :D I really can't read poorly written stories, so I wouldn't expect anyone else to do the same...

Ah, the modern thing. This is the problem. Because if it's too historical (thee's and thou's etc - which isn't historically accurate but sounds like it is) then it loses a lot of the humour. So it was actually a concious decision - but once they get to actually fighting and things it will probably dissipate (is that the word)

Thanks for the error note, I'll make sure to get it when I go through and do editing - but it will be a little while, because chapter 4 needs a lot of work

Thanks you so much :)

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Review #4, by lilausty A Run-in with Chastity

23rd October 2009:
rightyoh back for your second chapter! So three of the four have been met by name, and I am assuming the fourth is the certain lady that Salazar is eyeing off?

I found it humourous that they are all a little bored about the whole proceedings and the banter between Salazar and GOdric was genuinley funny.

It was sweet to see that Godric was eager to make friends with Helga even considering her heriatage. I wonder if Salazar was just as eager?

good chapter, feel free to re-request if you want!

Author's Response: sorry, it deleted my response.

I'm really glad you find it funny - some people find my sense of humour a little... odd. There's stuff about salazar in the next chapter or two, but I didn't want him bitter or evil just yet...

Thank you so much :)

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Review #5, by lilausty Going a-questing.

23rd October 2009:
lilausty here with your review!

Good start to a story, it was interesting, had a little bit of humour and gives the promise of being exciting later on, everything that is needed to capture a reader's attention.

I liked Gryffindor's personality a lot. Usually they make him out to be some macho man, an early day superman, but without any actual personality. Here however, you have given him feelings and emotions and actions to complement them. Well done!

Interesting that you said his mother was on the Pendragon side. I am assuming that you are re-writing the legend? after all, Arthur was an only child, that was the whole point of the 'sword in the stone' business. Uther didn't have any other child except by Igraine. Anyway, not important, just thought I'd point that out :p

well done on an interesting first chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad you like the beginning, and Gryffindor. He's my favourite of all my founders, hence why I started with him.

And um, yes I guess I am rewriting the legend. I do know a lot about the story, I just didn't really think about it in that context. Besides, the muggle version may have been very different from the wizarding version...

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Review #6, by Rose_Weasley123 Slithering Slytherin

21st October 2009:
Hello! Itís Rose_Weasley123 with your requested review. I must admit I havenít read many Founders Era stories, so Iíll try to do the best I can. Also, feel free to request another review when I have slots open.

Okay, Iíll do CC first. I think the major thing you need to focus on is description. You used a lot of dialogue, and I think fleshing it out with more description would balance this out. Spend a little more time on the first scene of this chapter as it felt a little rushed.

There were many things you did well though. I really like the characters, and they seem mostly in canon (I think Salazar might be a little more haughty). They have a really nice group dynamic, and you wrote their relationships well.

The dialogue, especially in the second part, was amusing to read. It seemed quite naturalistic. The only thing with the dialogue is Salazarís speech about him and Rowena. Try and break it up, with description or other characters talking. Itís a large chunk to read all at once.

The plot flowed well, although work on showing as well as telling. It just improves the flow more.

On the whole, I enjoyed this. I think you could improve it a little more with work though.


Author's Response: Thank you so much first of all. This chapter was a lot harder to write than the first three, but I just wanted to get it out. I wanted Salazar's haughtiness to come in later on, when he was more under the influence of his parents.

Yeah, I really don't like the way that speech turned out, but again, I just wanted to churn in out, and wasn't sure how to break it up. I like your suggestions for how to do that, though.

Once more, thank you for all your positive comments, and your constructive criticism. I shall certainly take what you said into account, for future chapters a well; though it may take a little while, as I just signed up for Nano is a fit of insanity.

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Review #7, by ti2ger003 Saved by the Spell

1st October 2009:
Well, this is hilarious! :) The language is a bit modern... but I don't think it really matters, as long as you keep emphasizing the humor of it all. That makes it seem more like a Monty-Python-And-The-Holy-Grail-Esque story. Which just makes it that much better, because Monty Python and The Holy Grail is HILARIOUS. :)

Please update soon!

Author's Response: thank you so much :) I'm so glad you find it funny. The decision to make the language modern was deliberate, as I thought it would make the humour flow better. I love monty python - although i haven't ripped anything from the deliberately so far... next chapter should be up fairly soon

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Review #8, by Amberfire Saved by the Spell

16th September 2009:
sooo funny :)
this is the first founders fic i have read and i must say it is far better than i thought it would be :)
good job, i like it :)
haha at godric!!!
favourite line:
"Alright" he said, straightening up reluctantly and stowing his wand inside his jacket. "But when the twig starts beating you to death, don't come crying to me!"
lol much!!!
Love Amberfire
ps. Please update soon :)

Author's Response: thank you so much for this wonderful review. I'm really glad you liked it - and that it won your approval.

yes, I rather like that line too. chapter 4 is still being written, but will hopefully be on the way soon. :)

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Review #9, by cochran A Run-in with Chastity

15th September 2009:
All the characters are very well written. I love the way you introduced them to one another. The story line is very interesting and I can't wait to see where you take it. It flows nicely and keeps readers interested.

Author's Response: thank you once more. I'm glad you like the characters, i just felt we know so little about the founders that there is a lot of potential. I forgot to say, the decision to make the style modern was a deliberate one, because I felt it would detract from the story if I was always studying for a more archaic phrasing. I'm also really happy you think it flows - as some people felt the changing in point of view was a little difficult to follow. next chapter should be up soon, hopefully :)

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Review #10, by cochran Going a-questing.

15th September 2009:
It's a very well thought out story, and has great flow with a nice sense of humor tossed in. There isn't much to say about it because it's not very long but I would try and make sure the language fits with that of the time. I really like it though.

Author's Response: thank you for the lovely review :)
The chapters are starting to get a little longer, and hopefully stuff will actually start happening soon...

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Review #11, by Paloma Patil A Run-in with Chastity

30th August 2009:
Oh - that's interesting. Keep going - I can't wait to see how these friendships develop!


Author's Response: i'm glad you find it interesting - the first few chapters won't have much action, because i'm sort of introducing you to the characters.

chapter 3 will be up when the queue opens...

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Review #12, by Paloma Patil Going a-questing.

30th August 2009:
This is really ambitious - I'm so impressed that it's your first story. Keep going!


Author's Response: thank you very much

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Review #13, by Update A Run-in with Chastity

30th August 2009:
Oooh, very interesting. I'm not sure if I reviewed the previous chapter (if I didn't, I'm sorry) but I liked that as well. So, at a guess, Salazar's parents are trying to set him up with someone? I hope it's Rowena. That is, I hope it's Rowena if they do end up together. If they don't, I hope he ends up with Rowena. But you probably guessed that already.
Please continue! I can hardly wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response: thank you so much :) I'm glad you're enjoying it. Yes Salazar's parents are trying to set him up with Rowena, but it's a little more complicated than that... I haven't actually decided how everyone is going to pair off yet, so we'll both just have to wait and see. ;)

thanks again for the great review

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Review #14, by CoQuillEon A Run-in with Chastity

27th August 2009:
very good! written well and its actually quite funny. please keep updating.

Author's Response: thank you so much :) obviously I can't update till the queue opens but I will when it does :)

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