Reading Reviews for The Collection
30 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AnnaKay To Be Kissed

11th January 2010:
A great chapter. There are the moments in there that it's good, and their are places that it's great. I loved it! Amazing quick one shot, and I think it's a good way to go.

I love this chapter, and I didn't really find any grammar issues. I think you have a great chapter, and you did wonderful describing things, and making sense of them! Great great job.

Author's Response: Hi AnnaKay. I'm so glad you enjoyed this read. You're right, its super short but even for it's brevity it still has a lot of punch! I had a real romp with description in chapter, so I'm thrilled you enjoyed that. Thanks for a lovely review!


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Review #2, by kandekisses To Be Kissed

25th December 2009:
I have to say, I really don't think I've read a story on this site quite like this. &That's a very good thing!

I loved how you changed the POV, it flowed very nicely. I was hooked from the very beginning. Lavender's muggle studies homework was hilarious. &I think you wrote Hermione perfectly.

Your detail and description is what really made this a nice one-shot. I LOVE Lyla =) She's such an amazing character. Lyla&Hermione are pretty much opposites but thats what makes it so interesting. I guess opposites really do attract lol.

There's so many parts that I loved. But one of my favorites was when Lyla said Hermione's mouth tasted like sunshine and dental floss XD

I really enjoyed reading this one-shot. &I'm interested to see what else you have! Please stop by my thread again hun. You have a lot of talent!

Author's Response: Hi kandekisses! Thank you so much for such a glowing review. I'm super glad you enjoyed this pairing. I love OC character's and Lyla was such fun to have in contrast to Hermione. I'm also glad you liked my version of Hermione. I didn't want to be too cliche, you know but it also felt important to give her a boost of originality :) Thanks again for such a lovely review. I'll definitely stop by your thread again!


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Review #3, by JLHufflepuff Never Alone

23rd October 2009:
I love this - it's the epitome of good stream-of-consciousness! My favorite image was the one about the photograph with frayed edges because people keep looking at it so much and he doesn't even understand what was so important about it. Amazing! You've just inspired me to try this challenge, too! :)

Author's Response: Yes, definitely try the challenge, it's a really good one!

I'm so glad you liked this. It's been a while since I got you back around my work, so I'm pleased that you seemed to enjoy the piece. Thank you for the lovely review!


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Review #4, by Alassie Never Alone

22nd October 2009:
Just before I forget, in the fifth paragraph, you say: "or eve sigh in my ear" and I think you mean even.
Well, I really enjoyed this piece. I think you have reached a wonderful depth of emotion and meaning that must have been difficult to create. Harry's love for Ginny really shines through in this, and it radiates off and onto the reader. I almost felt as if he loved ME that way, even though I knew it was Ginny he was speaking too. I guess thats the point you were going for though.
Fabulous work.

Author's Response: Alassie, thank you, what wonderful compliments. What you said about Harry, it seeming like he was talking to you... That's so great, that's just what I was going for, thank you!

I'm really pleased you enjoyed the read (10/10 hurray!) and I'm grateful for the great review ;)


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Review #5, by WitnesstoitAll Never Alone

20th October 2009:

This is simply wonderful. The entire time I am picturing Harry standing battle-worn and gritty completely at the mercy of Ginny's arms which surround and support him. And that is a wonderful image. This is a wonderful story that really captures the raw emotion that Harry must have been feeling. The SOC style fit the subject of this peice rather well...and each new thought felt completely organic and natural. Well done!!

Author's Response: Organic and natural, thank you! That is such a compliment, because I pretty much wrote this in one sitting and the whole process felt very organic. I even used that same term when telling my bff about it. I can't believe you picked up on that...

And I'm really glad I was able to capture the connection between Harry and Ginny. I can honestly say I've never ever been a fan of the pairing until I wrote then, and the suddenly Harry and Ginny together made sense. It was weird, and very cool...

Thanks for a great review, you made my day!

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Review #6, by Lily123Evans  Never Alone

12th October 2009:
Hmmm... I agree with you. It DID turn out very nicely! You captured his emotion in such a believably way... it was so sad!! I love the part you added about the biting of the nails. That was really cute! I would have specified more what time period it was and who "he" was. The he who died. I'm guessing it was Sirius... but that's just a wild guess. Besides that, this was amazingly well done. Such a short piece too... anywho, I loved it. 10 out of 10 and an A+++ for effort! YEAH! keep it up! :o)

Author's Response: Thanks so much! 'He' was actually Dumbledore, this takes place right after his death but I suppose the scene could have worked just as well for Sirius.

I'm really glad you enjoyed the read, 10/10, hot-dog I'll take it, thank yet again!


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Review #7, by LilyGreenEyes Never Alone

1st October 2009:
Hey :) Firstly I want to apologise for taking so long to get round to reviewing your story!

I really wish I had read this sooner! I was truly gobsmacked at the end at how beautifully written this was. Your characterisation was spot on and it flowed wonderfully from one thought to the next. You have a wonderful choice of vocabularly and a lovely writing style that is simply a joy to read.

You utilise several writing techniques like imagery with such mastery it's phenomenal to read. It truly is wonderful writing and it was definitely a lot better than I had expected, and that's hard to achieve as I have very high expectations! It was just stunning!

You truly are a gifted author!

Author's Response: Oh my god, what compliments. You've just made my day honey, you have no idea. Thank you, I mean it sincerely. I love writing and it's a passion, but I've always believed that a piece doesn't come to life truly until you've got an audience that appreciates it, and so it's very appropriate for me to say, "It Lives!"

I'm so beyond pleased you like this piece, and thank you for the review. It made me feel good... No, it made me feel great!


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Review #8, by WeasleyTwins Never Alone

24th September 2009:
Hello Blissbug! I'm here to review for the challenge!

That was seriously monumental. Bliss, it's very hard for me to write, to make you understand what's going through my brain. You see, I love stream of consciousness, hence the challenge. In my however misconstrued opinion, stream of consciousness is true writing. It presents a writer's thoughts, their innermost opinions. Completely random and utterly crazy, but so perfect. With your writing style, stream of consciousness is amplified tenfold. The description and characterizations are excellent. Such a sophisticated style turns heads; my eyes were glued to the screen.

I don't know how else to tell you, but this was great. I enjoyed the read and believe that you really grasped the concept of 'stream of consciousness.'



Author's Response: Shelby, you're such a peach! I am a huge fan of yours and so it really warms my heart and makes me smile knowing that you're a fan of mine.

I loved your challenge, it was really well done and definitely encouraged creative open writing, the kind of unhindered story-telling that I love. I feel like this one-shot came out very well and I'm very pleased with it, and doubly so, knowing you liked it so well ;)

You're compliments give me a huge grin and I am just over and beyond thrilled you liked this. Thanks for a great challenge, I really mean that.

Huggles dear-one.


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Review #9, by taylorj828 Cider Conversation

5th September 2009:
Oh dear, I have to confess that I love this!! (o: Sorry, had to get that out there before my usual, "hey, this is taylorj828, here for your review, etc." Heh. So I usually so mark down anything that sticks out and mention it all sequentially, which is what I'll do, then leave my parting comments, overall, at the end. (o:

Firstly, I love your imagery and description. From the very first paragraph you really painted wonderful pictures, and told amazing details about the space and the people just be showing, rather than telling things. It was beautiful - all the details about the way people walked, or the smell in the air. I adored it!

His gaze never does linger as long as I’d like but I smile friendly just the same.

I liked this line, as I thought it showed a lot about Jack (and also Remus) without going to heavy introspection. It's just a quick line describing action, or lack of action, that also tells us about their emotions. Wonderful! Also, I just especially like the wording/phrasing of the first half of it. It's just different and prose-like. Much love! (Have I warned you that I adore language and words??)

And I especially love the love speech patterns and peculiar phrases and words you've used as Jack is speaking and narrating. It's so rare that someone thinks deeply about these things when writing hpff, and I think it worked especially well with your First Person POV. I normally avoid First Person, but I think you played it wonderfully to your strengths here, and capturing Jack's voice the way you did, I don't think the story would convey as much if it weren't in First Person. Anyway, I just love the way Jack speaks, his phrases and his bad grammar, and his dialect. It's lovely. (o:

Something’s in this world just don’t make a krunt of sense but I makes do any how. Once the liquids near a simmer I pour if off into a heavy glass...

Just a couple small errors. I believe it should be: "Some *things* in this world just don't... Once the liquid's* near a simmer, I pour it* off into a heavy glass..."

I know Jack speaks in his own unique ways, but these things seem more like punctuation/typo issues, and I doubt Jack thinks in punctuation. (o:

The old place seems empty without her usual’s.

Also, I believe it should be: "without her usuals*." There is no ownership, I think it's just meant to be plural, right?

I like the part where Remus refers to Jack as a child, and this sticks to Jack, and he reacts to it, feeling contrary. It's so realistic, and works well to show characteristics of each character. (o:

“You are right,” he agrees, body and face all suddenly animated. “Things do change. Harry… He is so like him, I couldn’t help but see Prongs. I’ve felt so guilty for it, you understand?”

I don’t understand but I nod anyway, scared to death that he won’t say more. I don’t know what use it will be to me, our strange crumbly conversation, but at least he’s saying something.

I had to quote this, because I especially loved this, too! I love the dialogue, how Remus just rambles on, and how Jack, not understanding any of it, just wants him to keep speaking. It's beautiful, and I just want to squish 'em both.

One thing I was thinking about though... I was reading along and assuming the narrator was a boy, since it was a slash story request, but I wasn't sure if you were very going to confirm this, and part of me was, for a time, wishing you would have put it in earlier in the story somewhere, or thinking you might never mention his name/gender, and leave it open-ended. However, when I reached the end, where Remus calls Jack's name, I found that it was fitting, and had to "eat" my own thoughts. I actually think it's clever (and sneaky?) because I can imagine all kinds of people reading this, thinking this dear 'girl' is crushing on Remus so, and Surprise! It's our dear boy, Jack, instead! I don't know if you wanted it that way, but I like it. I love that Remus knows his name, too. And I think you did excellently, writing Jack as a boy, but keeping it a bit ambiguous, for a reader who might begin to read, thinking it's a girl, and getting a surprise later. Well, just me rambling about this, anywho. (o:

And lastly, I have to confess my huge Jack love. (o: I am not a fan of OCs, generally, and I normally don't read about Marauders either, but what I am "walking away" from this story feeling is an intense love for Jack. I would read more stories about him, because you've got such a wonderful handle on him, and he is so intriguing, so honest and sweet, and yet flavored with his different speech, and his crush on the older man, and just everything about him makes me want to know more about Jack, and his world. I think it's a huge credit to your writing, storytelling, and character development. (o:

So, I'm glad to have been able to read this. It was truly wonderful!

Author's Response: Great gads, now this is a review! What an absolutely delicious detailed treat. Thank you so much for taking the time and investing the energy to give me such an absolutely thorough and wonderful review!

I really appreciate pointing out specific issues, that helps me so much and so few people are willing to do that. I will attend to the things you've pointed out ;)

So yes, I was purposely vague about Jack being a guy and not a girl. Most people will assume that this protag is a girl, but I wanted to prove a point: that attraction, love...all of that is not only ageless, but it is also genderless. This piece from the very start was done in the hopes of surprising people and geared towards changing their minds about slash work; I wanted to prove that a good story is a good story, and love comes in all shapes and sizes.

As for Jack himself, he appeared very suddenly in my mind, and with all the completeness I could have ever asked of a character. His desires, his voice, his fears and his faults were imediately and organically ready for me to write, and sometimes good writing just happens like that and I'm super grateful it does. I'm in love with him too, and I hope to come back with him at some later point. (We're just waiting on the right story *wink-wink*).

Thank you again for this review. It's so appreciated.


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Review #10, by AntigoneBlack Cider Conversation

30th July 2009:
I love the character here that you have created. Even though he is only seen in this one little fic-let, he has been very well developed. I think that when you create a different pattern of speech (Jack's 's' on the end of words for example) you really bring the reader into the moment. I thought that he was really well done.

The slash in this is so subtle, if I hadn't known going in that it was so, I wouldn't have known until Remus called him Jack. I think that was a really clever choice on your part. Sometimes when an author just throws it at you it makes the reader uncomfortable, but you eased us in so gently that not even the largest homophobe would have been upset. Well done.

Author's Response: Jack is definitely a fantastic character, very potent and human, I had a great time working with him.

I'm glad you appreciated this story. You're right, I did bring in the slash element subtly. I actually wanted the reader to have no idea that it was a man until the very end, hopefully proving the point that preference does not matter, we all love the same.

Thank you for a lovely review.


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Review #11, by Jazzeh Turnip Cider Conversation

30th July 2009:
Firstly I'll just point out the little grammar things I've noticed.

This: "I know its silly and I know its impossible" the there should be an apostrophe on both the "it's" for the context your using it in. (Grammar freak alert... sorry xD). And then you've done the opposite a little further on from that; "Something’s in this world just don’t make a krunt of sense". The apostrophe isn't needed otherwise it reads "Something is in this world just don't make..." xD Sorry again, I realise some people get annoyed when little things like that are pointed out. :D

I do love Jack. I adore the part where he's describing Remus's hands in such detail. He's so infatuated with him that he notices everything about him and you've captured that perfectly. As well as when he berates himself for sounding too eager and then is so dissapointed when Remus calls him a child. He truly is like some adorable, love-sick puppy.

I love the voice you've given him too. It's really unique and, strangely, beautiful. Though, that may just be your writing style xD. Whatever it is, I'm in love with it now.

I think this is the kind of slash fic that even slash HATERS could read. One; it's beautifully written, Two; you only know it's slash-y when Jack's name is revealed (not counting the warning :P).

10/10. :)

Author's Response: I really appreciate the grammer points, thanks bunches. I totally understand being nit-picky about things (I'm all over writing technique, can't help it!) so I'm not oftended or anything. In fact I'm please, having someone point out such details is extremely helpful.

I'm also really honored at what you said about this being a great piece of slash. I really do try to write work that is far and beyond what is expected, I love changing people's minds and I'm thrilled you liked this.

Thank you for such a great review!


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Review #12, by Stag Night Cider Conversation

29th July 2009:
Wow, I didn't even realise this was a male OC until the end. Did you intend that or am I just exceptionally unobservant? At any rate, I liked this one even more than the last one I read. It is incredible.

I love the little "missing moments" type of fics such as this, where we see a perspective of somebody that we never really saw in the books. It is refreshing to see how Remus -as an adult - is doing. Its incredibly rare that I see stories about the adult Remus at all that doesn't involve Tonks. I also love the stories like this that are nothing more than tiny, insignificant moments but they can mean so much. I love the casual Three Broomsticks and cider setting.

Once again, I really enjoy the present tense. Your descriptions in this one are beautiful, and I kept stopping reading to allow myself to jealous for a few minutes. Your word choice and style just screams... it is wistful and dreamlike - there is a feeling of yearning.

I loved the OC and the desperation to keep Remus there and keep up the small talk. It was nice to see how Remus actually opened up a little and mentioned his old friends... it was so natural the way they fell into conversation. I really liked how Remus was characterised. He seemed gentle and familiar. And I smiled when he actually called your OC by name.

Great one shot :D

Author's Response: I did actually intend it that way. I really wanted to kind of prove a triple point with this story, the first and most important being that sexuality and sexual preference doesn't matter, we all love and need and want the same. The second point that I wanted to prove is that yes, small moments (once again you nailed it!) are the things that matter in the end, and lastly, the third point I wanted to prove was that the common reader can still be surprised ;)

I'm so flattered by your compliments and observations, trust me, I often linger over stories and work that makes me jealous because the writing is just amazing, so it's super nice to have someone say the same about mine.

I'm really glad you enjoyed your read, and I am super happy over my reviews. Thank you!


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Review #13, by Stag Night To Be Kissed

29th July 2009:
Hopefully I don't have to tell you that I am Bibbs, but I'm saying so anyway :)

Well I am a sucker for present tense, so I already know I'm going to enjoy this. First thing I noticed, jumps right off the page. I kind of liked not knowing who the first person is. I mean at first I was thinking Ron because that's rational... but then Ron was mentioned with Lavender so I thought Harry. But clearly not. (I'm sorry if it was ever mentioned in a story or chapter summary - I have a terrible habit of jumping in without reading those, and so I found that the fact that this was an OC to be a surprise.) I've actually never read femmeslash before.

Lyla is fairly awesome, I think. She seems to be very to-the-point, and a littel rebellious as well. At first I found it intriguing that Hermione would be with such a girl, but the more I think about it, the more I kind of like it. I guess Lyla is everything that she is not, and vice versa. Their chatter about Lavendar is good - I liked Lavender's horrible letter :D And the fact that Hermione is still bothered.

I also enjoyed how torn Hermione is between wanting to follow and sticking to her usual rule following. And then she just stops and loses herself in observing...

The descriptions and emotions in this were fantastic. I loved all of the thoughts and observations from both girls.

So I was a little iffy on the POV switching at first - I'm okay with it, but it threw me off a tiny bit to see it back and forth so quickly. But then in the end, where the POV switched right in the middle of the kiss - that was excellent and it was like... triumph. For some reason, I know it doesn't make sense but now that I've read it all, I really like the POV changes.

So don't stop writing :) I'm off to the next one.

Author's Response: Hehe, its a good thing you said you were Bibbs (of course I had no idea, silly Bliss).

I'm so excited that you liked this, I really mean that. And the way you read it (triumph, that's it exactly!!!) is just brilliant and cuts to the absolute heart of the piece. Woohoo, a reader who get's it! Here, have a cookie, you deserve it...

Meanwhile, I understand your hesitation about the POV change. As I was writing I knew it would have to happen, of course, but I was hoping that the writing and characters would be strong enough to carry it off. I made sure that the work seemed authentic in my mind, so that it would be authentic for the reader.

I am also glad you risked yourself on a bit of femslash, I know its not a popular genre but I believe that no matter what you're writing, if you're writing it well then it's gonna all come out okay.

Thank you Bibbs for a delightful review.


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Review #14, by Blissbug To Be Kissed

29th July 2009:
26th July 2009:

This story is just so perfect that I don't even know what to say. Everything about your writing is incredible. I've read a few femmeslash stories before, but I've never been a fan because, for the most part, I like the male HP characters more. You made Hermione so endearing by writing in first person, and Lyla is a great character. Based on your descriptions I was able to feel what the characters were feeling as if I were there. Once again, I wanted the story to keep going on longer! It's after midnight, but I think I'll read the story again before falling asleep=] Thanks for participating in my challenge and for responding to my MTA question!

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Review #15, by WitnesstoitAll I Love You. That's All.

26th July 2009:
Hello! sorry i've been so long in getting to this story.

Wow. This was wonderful. I am a huge T/V shipper to begin with, but putting that aside, this is still a marvolous little one-shot. The language used in the diary entries was very beleiveably teen-girly. I'm not so sure how old they were supposed to be 14 and 16? But anywho, regardless of her age, I think the language epitamized a young girl in love -- the obsession that eats away at your soul. I also am very much a fan of the manner in which you framed this story. The distant observer approach lended to a stark contrast with the personal diary passages. I also got the impression that the observer telling the story new more that he was letting onto about Mr. Lupin. The end was my favourite part. I loved that his hair had turned shocking white and that he went off to find Victoire.

All in all it was a wonderful little story. :) When I finished reading it, it left me wishing for more. What happened when Teddy got to the library?? The mark of a good peice of writing is to peak the readers curiousity, and mine was peaked.

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Review #16, by timeturner14 I Love You. That's All.

21st July 2009:
13th July 2009:

This is going to sound snarky, so I apologize, but it just kills me that there are such crappy stories, ripe with cliches and they get tons of reviews, but then you, who write like Alice Hoffman and a touch of Zadie Smith, don't have nearly enough reviews to reflect what a talent you are. Please don't let that discourage you or keep you from writing more (As the muggles say, Truth Will Out!). I came across Grey Matter last night and had read everything you have posted by the morning.

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Review #17, by Ylime I Love You. That's All.

21st July 2009:
24th June 2009:

How adorable! I loved the ending:D Once again, your characterization was wonderful. This line says so much about Teddy:On this particular afternoon it was a boy with an up-turned nose and an easy smile who fished this little journal from the bowls of the toilet in the stall on the left.
It's only one sentence, and there are only a few words about Teddy, but it describes him so vividly!
Both of the stories by you that I read made me wonder what would happen after they ended. I love when authors leave me with a lot to imagine.=) Another wonderful story!

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Review #18, by madelgranger I Love You. That's All.

21st July 2009:
24th June 2009:

aw, how cute! I really really liked the bits in italics about teddy. and the first line was made of awesome. it was interesting to see a portrayal of victoire as really self-concious. her depression over teddy was maybe a tinsy bit over the top, but it worked really well. (and what are lovesick teenage girls if not over the top? lol) great story thanks for writing!

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Review #19, by Dellacqua I Love You. That's All.

21st July 2009:
22nd June 2009:

Hey this is Dellacqua from the forum!

I absolutely loved this one-shot. I have to admit I've read barely any before - I tend to favour novels and novella's but you managed to pack such alot into only a small space.

I loved how you took on the role of narrator for the beginning and ending italics, there was something so good about the way it was written and your commentary of Teddy's actions. I loved the line: "to a casual observer he seemed no more out of sorts than a boy of his type ought to be after having fished a journal from a toilet." I have no idea why I particularly picked out that line but I think I just liked the quiet humour in it which wasn't seeking any kind of attention, it was just there to add some light and humour to how Teddy was feeling.

I loved Victoire's voice in this, through the diary entries. Once again you managed to use the space well and I got such a feeling of her character just through those short extracts from her diary. The way she documented every word she had ever exchanged with Teddy was brilliant, and the honesty she showed made her easy for a reader to identify with (I mean who hasn't gone to a party or something like it just because someone they like will be there, and then has been absolutely gutted when they never even get up the courage to go speak to them?).

I love how Victoire's mother treated her as if she was ill even after she knew she was in love. And I love all the traits and the nature about Victoire which was obviously passed down from Fleur, and the way she was such an enigmatic combination of French/English, Veela/Weasley.

So really, really great stuff! I wish this was a novel or at least a short story because it was so well written and the characters so well established as well as having a good idea for the plot. Thank you for writing! 10/10

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Review #20, by alanapotter I Love You. That's All.

21st July 2009:
21st June 2009:

Aw!! This was absolutely adorable! I really loved it!

The way you characterized the two of them was perfect: the way she felt invisible to a boy who seemed not to pay attention and giving the different colors of Teddy's hair specific moods, I really loved it!

The whole conversation with her mother really got my attention. I've had a similar one and felt as confused and frustrated at the end... it was a good scene, and story, to relate to, fantastic work!

A few grammar things:
"I’m like a glass someone keeps pouring more and pour water into." -- the second pour should be more, I believe ;]

"No, Mother, this is not a bought of melancholia." -- bout, not bought... heh.

"He is definitely the worst sort of boy I could have possibly picked except of course; he’s the only sort boy I could have possibly picked." -- the semicolon in this sentence is used improperly... I think commas before and after 'of course' would work well enough.

"Its two a.m. in the morning." -- it's repetitive to have both 'a.m.' and 'in the morning' in this sentence... I'd suggest one or the other.

Wonderful piece! And very original idea! Keep up the good work!

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Review #21, by DracoFerret11 I Love You. That's All.

21st July 2009:
19th June 2009:

DarkRose from the forums here to review!

Nice one-shot! :D

It was really, really cute.

I loved your characterization and voice.

It's pretty spectacular that you wrote this for a challenge; you did really well!


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Review #22, by FredXAddiction I Love You. That's All.

21st July 2009:
14th June 2009:

This was so adorable :)
I absolutely loved it.

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Review #23, by bespontaneous I Love You. That's All.

21st July 2009:
14th June 2009:

this was different.
and amazing!
i like how this entire story was told in a few entries,
how he picked the diary out of the toilet,
and how you described victoire's love for teddy

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Review #24, by 14th June 2009: I Love You. That's All.

21st July 2009:
14th June 2009:

luv luv luv luv luv love it!!! Wow. Geez. Fantastic!! Sequel??

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Review #25, by IntoTheDarknessOfNight Cider Conversation

21st July 2009:
16th July 2009:

I love this! It's just so original!

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