All i can say is.. fantastically well written!
Enjoyed it :)Author's Response: :) That's the best compliment anyone can hear. Thanks so much for reviewing.
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This is so lovely and poetic! Your writing flows in a really elegant way. I thought it was interesting, pairing Narcissa with a Muggle, but I could definitely see that as a possibility. She's the sort of person who could probably feel passionate love, but would always abandon it in favor of status and comfort.
This is my favorite quote: "It is a bitter day when you find yourself to be the murderer of your own hope."
10/10 :-)Author's Response: Wow! Looks like I have a lot of catching up to do in responding to reviews. This is new to me!! =]
Thank you very much! I might just have to pick one of your reviews to print out and tape to the inside of my locker for when I'm having a bad day and need some cheer.
I totally agree. I actually had the start of this already written using the actual characters from The Great Gatsby, and I realized that I could expand it so much and use it here on HPFF. It didn't take me less than a minute to pick who I was going to use, because I instantly knew that Narcissa would choose the more comfortable path, but regret it her whole life. (But, unfortunately, not enough to change her mind.) I always felt her love for Draco, but never for Lucius.
Thanks so much for pointing out a quote!! I love it when people do that. And, you picked one I worked very hard on. I knew the idea of what I wanted to say, but it took eons to get it right. Glad you liked the final product.
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hey it's elisalinguine_x from the forums.
I liked it, it was very well written. I didn't notice any grammar or spelling mistakes so well done on that - grammar is my weakpoint and it just doesn't agree with me so to me your a really good writer when the grammar is perfect :)
The only thing I would do to improve is add more description of the character so that the reader can picture them in his/her mind. You can describe what Rune looks like and more of what Narcissa feels when she looks at him and realises it might be the last time she ever sees him.
I haven't read the book this story is based on but I really liked the plot line of Narcissa loving a muggle and not Lucius. Because if I'm completely honest, I don't think she did love Lucius. I liked the characterization, it was really good and believable. I especially liked Narcissa, I felt so sorry for her when she had to lie to Rune. Bless her.
Thanks for requesting!Author's Response: Hey, there! Thanks for such a prompt review!
My school/editor at work are sticklers for grammar, so I comb through everything before I post. A lot of people have been commenting on that...maybe when I have more free time I should offer to beta? Hmmm...
I like your suggestion a lot! Once I get some one-shots that are WIPs out of the way, I think I'll go back and re-edit a little more detail in that area. Especially since Rune is an OC, it would be nice to be able to picture him. Nice feeback!
I highly recommend The Great Gatsby. It's by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and it's a beautifully written romance about life in the Roaring Twenties! The general premise is that Gatsby (Rune) and Daisy (Narcissa) were in love, but Gatsby was poor, and Daisy wanted to marry into wealth, as her parents wished for her. Gatsby spends his whole life doing whatever it takes to make money and a name for himself so he can win her over. Meanwhile, she takes the practical route and marries Tom (Lucius). They're never really in love, but she does fall in love with her lifestyle and the "old money" friends they have. Then, one day, she and Gatsby meet again... :) It's fantastic! And sad. And it made me think of, well, this! I agree, I never really felt love between Lucius and Narcissa. Love for Draco, yes, but not for her husband. I think if Narcissa had more courage, like she did in Deathly Hallows, she would have followed Andromeda's path rather than Bellatrix's. Instead, she ended up in a very tragic limbo.
Glad that I could compel someone to sympathize with Narcissa. I think she's so misunderstood, and I've never tried writing someone like her before, but I enjoyed it.
Thank you to mars and the stars for your review! :D Report Review
Hey, DarkRose here. :]
Great one-shot. It was really well written.
The nostalgic voice carried through the whole story and was quite believable! :D
I loved your characterization.
The storyline was a tad hard to follow at the points where it mentioned Lucius finding out about them-- "I really did mean everything I said." Hmm... what did she say though? That she loved Lucius?
Anyway, good job! Awesome voice. Good OC. :]
--DracoFerret11/DarkRoseAuthor's Response: Hey! Thanks for taking the time to review. ;)
Glad you liked the narrative voice! I rarely write in first person unless I'm actually writing about myself, and seeing as Narcissa and I are completely different people, I was not so sure about how it would turn out.
Yes, that she loved Lucius and that she would abandon all feelings for Rune. (Of course, she's lying at the end, but it's meant to sting and be hurtful.) But I'm experimenting with how much to include. I pick up at the end of their fight, but if enough readers have trouble with it, I may include the fight itself. I just thought that starting out at the climax of the argument would draw readers in. I'll see how it goes with future reviewers. Thanks for pointing that out!
This is beautiful. So I favourited it. I think it's the poetry of it that makes me so drawn to it.
I love how you've made Narcissa some tortured soul and how you've included Andromeda. I like the character of Rune and forbidden love just seems so RIGHT amongst pureblood families. Especially when it involves muggles/muggle-borns.
I really like how you haven't made Narcissa completely ignorant of muggle things, and Lucius doesn't seem 100% unknowledgeable too. He knows what a CAR is. Usually people go wayyy over the top and write their characters so they know nothing about anything muggle related.
Thanks so much for giving me this to review. I would be more helpful but I'm pretty stunned by this and there's nothing else I can comment on (eg. THERE'S NO MISTAKES. I think you should've purposely put some in just so I could point them out -nod nod-). 10/10 A pretty excellent try for something that you haven't touched on before...
One question... You weren't serious when you said that you've never done something like this before, where you?! xDAuthor's Response: Truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. To be called poetic is such a compliment!
I had no idea if I was characterizing her in a believable way, or if it would seem out of place that Andromeda helped to bring them together. You've been really helpful and reassuring!
It always bothered me when people act that way, too! I mean, they live in modern-day England! I'm pretty sure they've seen a car! ;) But it didn't seem right for her to be an ace driver, either.
You are so welcome! Thanks so much for accepting and reviewing! I was completely nervous when I posted this. I've had some reads, but yours is the only review. I had no idea if it was something popular or even reasonable. I just had the start of this story in the works when I was reading the Great Gatsby, and I saw a few challenges that seemed to fit the general idea. So I sort of went out on a limb and went for it. But honestly, I only have two fanfics up, and my other one is mostly OC. I do write on my own, though. (Lol, and I intern for my local paper writing a blog for their online site, so that's why you see the meticulous grammar. I've learned to comb through my stories from a lot of self-editing there!)
...And YES, I was one-hundred percent serious! Although I might try something similar soon, since it seems to have gone over well! =]
Thanks for the lovely review and your time! You put a huge, silly smile on my face!!! :D Report Review
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