Reading Reviews for Mama Do
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by magically yours Mama Do

12th August 2010:
Oh, Elisa!
You're so talented when it comes to writing, I never knew.
Now I feel bad for never reading before.

I loved the story, and the plot, and tears were almost brought to my eyes towards the end. Blaise was horrible to Nicola, horrid. Grr. Lads eh?

There's just a few typos in this, but they're nothing major.

I'm going to work my way through your stories... it could take me a while, but if your writing is this good, it'd be worth it.

Well done, Lissy.

~Charr xxx

Author's Response: charr! :)
haha, thank you, hun! i'm so glad you liked it :)
yep, lads? we hate them, but can't live without them. it's bad :P i'll check the typos and make sure to correct them!
Thanks for the review m'love!

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Review #2, by karinapotter Mama Do

20th May 2010:
This was, intense, for lack of a better word. So alive and well written, amazing job! (:

Poor Nicola, make another one where she gets Blaise back! >:D She deserves it! Gah, I hate how you made Blaise so evil but so alluring, darn him, I'd have less self control that she. ): It was so real her falling for him and his constant trickery and lies, well there's a Slytherin for you. I really do hope she lives up to her self-made standards!

It was a fabulous plot! :D

OH, and Momma would take a pipe and hit him over the head with it, hehe. :P


Author's Response: Thank you, I'm really happy you liked it. I think you're right about what the Mum would do xD the Dad would be even worse I think haha :P.
Thanks for the review!

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Review #3, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Mama Do

5th May 2010:
Hi there, I'm here with your extremely late requested review. I'm sorry about the tardiness, but life got in the way. And I'm going to have to make it worse by a review full of more suggestions than compliments, although I do have some of each. :/

The thing that hit me about this story from the first few paragraphs and continued clocking me over the head for the entire length of it was that it was rather cliched. Not only was your OC gorgeous and rather slutty, she was incredibly smart. So she got the brains, the looks, and the ability to snog random people all the time without thinking twice about their feelings? I'm sorry, but there aren't many excuses for a character like that. The cliche was glaring and bothered me a lot.

The other big problem I had was that, as in many stories, when your characters fought, Blaise just grabbed your OC and kissed her, and she gave in and kissed him back. I don't care how passionate or desperate or caught up in the moment they were, it's just not the way to solve problems. And then they went to the Room of Requirement to sleep together? It almost felt like you were writing the story for the love scenes, not for the plot.

After those two things, it was still enjoyable. You tied in the title nicely, although I would've liked a little more mention of her mother towards the beginning of the story. You also managed to carry the story on effortlessly for nearly 5000 words, which is a feat in itself. Your grammar was good, and the writing clear, easy and flowing. The physical writing in itself was great. You also got your OC's feelings across well, and I could clearly picture her falling hard for the first time and being humiliated by it all.

I'm sorry I sounded so critical, but I'd rather leave you a critical review than none at all. If you worked on the believability of it, it really has potential to be a great story. Nice job.


Author's Response: Thank you for the critique! It was really helpful and it gave me lots to think about. I actually prefer critiques like these because they help me improve. A review full of squees is only going to boost my ego, not my writing skills :P so thank you for this.

I understand what you mean about the cliches but it was initially for a 'bad boy' challenge which is why I made her fall for him immediately but then the challenge got deleted (?) before I managed to finish writing it. As I had already written over half of it, I decided to finish it and post it anyway.

Thanks for the critique, it was helpful.

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Review #4, by Shelby Mama Do

22nd September 2009:
Wow, this was absolutely amazing! You know from the first post in my topic that I completely adore Romance. This just hit the spot. It was romantic, dramatic, unique. I loved it. Your OC had a good personality. Blaise had the typical slytherin attitude that I love. It was perfect.

One mistake I found: Check 5th paragraph line 5. There's a typo where it says "When I am him" and I believe it should be "when i am with him".

But thats the only thing I found. I kinda stopped looking for a lot of grammar mistakes only because I got so lost in the story. I didn't want it to end. I was caught up in everything. It made me sad when it was over. Literally. Great job!!

Author's Response: Thanks!! I'm so happy you like it! I really wanted this story to not have a happy ending because it would really show the typical Slytherin character and I think it makes it seem more real :)

Thanks for pointing that typo out I will edit it and make sure to change that!

Thanks so much for the review!

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Review #5, by pallas Mama Do

19th September 2009:
I really loved this. I thought both characters were believable. I thought it was a briliant move of you to make her a ravenclaw (thankfully not a prudish one) because it's always slytherin/gryffindor. I do understand her attraction I also would fall for him. You made him HOT.

Author's Response: Aww thanks! I really wanted to move awya from the slytherin/gryffindor couple and make something new. Also with the ending being how it is.
Thanks for the review!

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Review #6, by SaladOrCellarDoor Mama Do

14th August 2009:
So, first off, sorry for taking a really, really ridiculously long time to review! I'm the world's best procrastinator, and for that I apologize.

Wow! So, first off, this is an uncommon pair, to my knowledge, and one I have read little to nothing of. But, I have read Blaise before, and I really, really enjoyed your portrayal of him. He's typically shown as a "nice" Slytherin. And, Slytherins in general are shown as pure evil. Here, you've cleverly made a new type of Slytherin, the Slyther-slut. Me gusta! Still sly and conniving and only interested in their own benefit. But not pure evil. Although wretchedly awful. He just has no remorse!

Your OC is also fascinating. She's deep. Far from Mary-Sue, which makes me smile more than a kid finding a puppy under the tree for Christmahannukahkwanza! (fave holiday) XD She has great layers, the promiscuity, the uncertainty about her image and reputation, the deep love and devotion, and the weakness. I definitely enjoyed her perspective and view on life and her relationship. She's very analytical. And I enjoyed reading about a Ravenclaw who was smart enough to realize the situation she was in and want to escape it, but not strong enough to succeed. (Oh, and a Ravenclaw who isn't prude!) Bravo for lack of cliches! Oodles of through-the-computer hugs for that!

Your grammar and flow are for the most part quite good. In the beginning, there are a couple of parts that could use revision, but it's nothing drastic at all. I would change this sentence, though, (towards the end), because it's a larger mistake: "His around wrapped around me from behind." I'm assuming the first "around" is actually "arms"? But I also thank you for having much better grammar than most here on the site! Hurrah! I already love you!

The first part of the story was well-written, but seemed to drag at some parts. I guess it was just more description and less action? I found myself having to go back on sections because I began to skim. BUT, once I hit the detention scene, I totally woke up and focused. My eyes were avidly glued to the screen from that point on. I think if I were you, I would go back through anything before that and come out any sentences you're not 100% in love with, or any extra information you don't deem necessary. Also, maybe look over your later writing and see if there is a style difference or something? I really think all it needs is a quickening of pace in the beginning. Everything else is very well done.

On a side note, I don't think I've read any fics yet where other canon characters are at Hogwarts while the trio are away and Snape is headmaster. Seeing him in the fic made me smile as I remembered when this was taking place. I think it's a unique spin, and the dark setting contributes to the darker theme of the story.

Overall, a really engaging read. Definitely feel free to re-request any day for any type of story from me. (And I'll promise to be plenty faster!!) I've loved talking to you on the forums, and now I can happily say that I enjoy your writing as well!

:D Happy Friday!


Author's Response: Wow, that is one hell of a review! Thank you so much for your kind words you really helped me out.

I know what you mean when you say you never find fics where the trio is actually out of Hogwarts. I mean, HELLO, that is the whole point of DH lol! So I'm glad you picked up on that :)

Thanks for all the critisim as well, I'll make sure to go through it and correct all the grammar mistakes (yep it's supposed to be arms) and maybe take out sentences I don't need so that it drags on less.

Thank you so much for the lovely review! I've enjoyed talking to you on the forums as well :)

Much love,
Elisa x

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Review #7, by siriuslyhockey Mama Do

9th August 2009:
Two suggestions: go through the story and remove all of the 'had's' and 'that's' you don't need. You'd be surprised how many can be eliminated from a sentence, without losing flow or meaning. My teacher told me this and ever since my writing has flowed much more smoothly. Do that for 'seem' too ;)

I would also suggest starting this story at a different part. Start with this line "Blaise Zabini was nothing more than a scum-bag, a dirty irritating Slytherin, a lying cheating arrogant selfish prat... and I was addicted to him." This line is a good hook that will get readers immediately interested in your story.

I liked the interaction between Blaise and Nicola after detention and lovely Snape was in character ;) Captured teenage angst nicely. Oh the things teens do to themselves and they don't even know it.

Interesting idea for a story but maybe work on expanding it out of a one shot.

Author's Response: I'll definitely do that. I do tend to put lots and lots of 'that's and 'had's. I never actually considered putting this as an actual story and more than just a one-shot but now I might just pick up what you said.
Thanks for the lovely review :)

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Review #8, by theRandomSlytherin Mama Do

7th August 2009:
That was brilliant!
I love the way that your OC wasn't a Mary-Sue.
Ravenclaw Ice Queen... Awesome idea!
Reading about Blaise with this bad boy look made me want to read more.
I also loved the fact that it didn't have a cliché happy ending and that the end still left me thinking.
Overall, it was perfect!

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much!
Thank God I managed to make her nothing like a Mary-Sue as I tend to do that a lot but I really didn't want Nicola to be one at all.
Thanks for the lovely review, I'm really happy you liked it!

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Review #9, by musicgirlhp14 Mama Do

6th August 2009:
You did a wonderful job with the characters. I think my favourite part is that you didn't end it happily-ever-after. I know that sounds strange but I find that too many stories end that way. They aren't realisitc to the characters. Your Blaise was wonderful; exactly as I always saw him to be. Calculating and muniplitive, and being able to fool even the smartest of girls. You did a wonderful job of a sympathetic character, and you really feel for Nicola at the end. I think every girl, guy even, can relate to the situation. Fantastic job! My only critism is that there were a few spelling and grammar errors, but nothing a second read through couldn't fix! :)

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much for the lovely review! I know, I didn't want it to have a happy ending also because the song itself which I based it on doesn't have a happy ending so my story just couldn't have one :)
I'll make sure to check the grammar and spelling!
Thank you so much again!

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Review #10, by ohcrapidroppedmybrain Mama Do

1st August 2009:
Wow! This is brilliant! I'm shocked by how well-written it is; it's not something you see a lot on here! I can't think of anything mean to say right now. I'm in shock. You made Zabini sexy (but he was in HBP movie too. yum)! I liked how you referenced your heroine's mother in the story a lot-- I am guilty of asking myself the same question when faced with difficulty.

So yeah, great chapter: 10.10. Good job!


Author's Response: Thank you! I'm so happy you like it, I was really worried on how I would be able to portray my characters so I'm glad you think I've done a good job :)
Thanks again!

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Review #11, by AntigoneBlack Mama Do

30th July 2009:
I loved it. Loved it so much that it's now on my list of favorites. Here's some things that I enjoyed about it.

1. I like that right off you gave us the background to your OC. This was very helpful in preventing the turning into a Mary-Sue and really giving us a full round character. I love the idea of a Ravenclaw Ice Queen! It makes so much sense.

2. Blaise. Loved the bad-boy edge. Since as readers of HP, we don't get to see a lot of Blaise in the series. We just know that he exists, and that he's in Slytherin. I think that your character for him was accurate and believable.

3. I love that in the end of the fic, the reader still doesn't know if Blaise is an arse or if he really does love her. At least that's what I think. But I always see the best in people.

I think that this piece was really well done, and I have to look up the song now. I actually do not have any corrections for you to make.

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much! I'm so happy you like it! I was so worried that no one would like it but I guess I was wrong :)
Thanks again so much for the review!

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Review #12, by soliloquy Mama Do

30th July 2009:
I really liked your OC's voice in this. Blaise's characterization was really good too. The plotline was fine, although, in the beginning, it seemed a bit rush. Everything else is fine! :D

Author's Response: Thank, I'm happy you like it :)
I'll edit a bit at the beginning to make it less rushed.
Thanks for reviewing.

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Review #13, by MaryGrace Mama Do

29th July 2009:
I made a banner for this story to the specifications listen on Dark Arts. If you'd like to see it email me at almostfamous_inmymind it's a yahoo email address

Author's Response: Oooh sorry, someone already made the banner for me. The request was being filled when I saw your review, so I couldn't take back my request. Thanks for taking the time though x

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