Reading Reviews for The Force on Impact
  
9 Reviews Found

Review #1, by academica Part Two

11th February 2012:
Hey Lia! As promised, this is prize review #6 :)

I really liked the abstract, philosophical way in which you began the previous chapter, and I was pleased to see some of those same themes interspersed with the plot here as well. Again, I think it would be realistic for a character to dwell on those troubling questions in a time of great uncertainty.

Alex's death was so, so sad. You really pulled at my heartstrings, especially when Stephanie was trying to get him to wake up, and also before that when he lost his sight. It's kind of remarkable how you've gotten me attached enough to them even though you just introduced them one chapter ago, so that I really feel awful when the inevitable comes to pass.

The ending of this was nice, and I sense that Stephanie will find her peace in time, this day marking the first hint of it. I also liked the imagery in this piece as well, because it made me feel like I could really see the carnage vividly right along with Stephanie as she experienced it. Flow was great as well.

Nice job, and congrats again on winning the challenge! :)

Amanda

Author's Response: Hey :)

In retrospect, it was an interesting time for Steph to be delving into the past. Considering she started out with such a description, you can only guess the startling after effects her brother's death, and by extension the entire experience had on her It's not just her, but everyone involved. You could tell then that it must have been a culture shock of sorts. She heard about Hogwarts from her brother, perhaps his friends, and her own parents. She imagined going to this 'magical' place, only to end up with the Carrows as teachers and watching them torture students in the hallways. She was out of her depth there.

It hurt me to kill him. It really did. I grew so attached to them in the first chapter that I tried to find other ways to keep him alive. It was a bit dramatic, to be honest - for him to lose his sight at the end. At the same time, it was heartbreaking because they were brother and sister - it's a different kind of love compared to two young people his age (you can use Alex and Astoria as an example).

Oh, she will. Just that it will take a long, long time.

Thank you for your reviews, Amanda :) I appreciate it!

Lia


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Review #2, by academica Part One

11th February 2012:
This is prize review #5 :)

Ooh, what a neat moment to explore! I really like how you've chosen to focus on this "missing moment" from canon and thrown some unfamiliar characters in with others that we know dearly, like Draco, Blaise and the Greengrass sisters.

I think your OCs are very realistic. I imagine that a lot of Slytherins would be torn between safety and bravery and really feel the tension that Slughorn puts a name to in this moment. I also think that many of them would remain firmly on the side of rational logic and want to run away immediately. You did a good job showing all of those potential outcomes through the perspectives of only a few characters.

Poor Stephanie! She must be so scared, and I shudder to think what she might walk into as she nears the grounds. On to chapter two and your final prize review!

Excellent work!

Amanda

Author's Response: Amanda!

I'm so sorry I took so long to get to this! My life's been so so busy.

When I wrote this a couple summers ago, I was thinking about the small group of people in the Slytherin Common Room over on HPFF, and how hard we fought and how well we stuck together. I guess you can say it was a tribute to them.

One of my biggest pet peeves in HP fan fiction is the unfair labels placed on Slytherin House. Unfortunately that old saying about rotten apples rings true. I wanted to find a regular student with no ties to anyone, and see what they might have thought about the war. If I stuck to stereotypes, and picked someone from another house, this might have left readers with a different feeling. The fact that I picked a Slytherin first year was me trying to show that they are not fascist purebloods. I also picked her because people tend to think they're exactly that - hence the tension in the Common Room at the time of Slughorn's announcement, as you rightly pointed out.

It was the opportune time to show people what they were made of, and as the line was drawn - which side they would end up on. I'm not surprised that in the books, they were escorted out of the school - perhaps they never wanted to pick sides. Even if they wanted to choose the 'right' side, who's to say that they would've been wanted? Especially after Pansy's outburst.

Steph's a trooper, but I was sorry for what I had to do to her in the next chapter.

Thank you so much for reviewing :) Your comments always make me smile.

Lia


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Review #3, by EmeraldCity Part Two

25th August 2009:
EmeraldCity from INKSTAINS :)

Just so you know, I've already read the first chapter too :) I just wanted to put a review for both chapters in chapter two lol.

This was really good :) You write the first person POV wonderfully and I didn't get bored :D In all, I really liked it and enjoyed reading it :D

10/10

Author's Response: Hey EmeraldCity!

I'm glad you like it and you didn't get bored, lol.

Thank you so much for reviewing and I don't mind if you wanted to review both chapters in chapter 2 :)

Lia.


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Review #4, by biggestHPfaneva Part Two

23rd August 2009:
i'm crying but i'm also really ill from the clod but this story is wonderful. your wirting that is so please i want to find out what happens to her.

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you. I never got that effect before. It wasn't my intention to continue this because I don't think there's anything more to say but that's definately something for me to think about.

Thanks for reviewing!
Lia.


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Review #5, by Violet Gryfindor Part Two

17th August 2009:
Wow, that's so sad! I sort of half-expected it, but the way you wrote it made it even more tragic. I mean, she wasn't even there for his last words, for that last moment! She had gone to look into the Great Hall, and then he was gone! That's what really got me. It was perfect, though, because it wasn't the stereotypical death scene at all, it had a lot more impact.

As with the last chapter, I really enjoyed the alternate perspective you gave here. Steph seemed more like an eleven year-old in her confusion and difficulty understanding everything that was going on, even when her brother was dying. How she glimpsed the dead Nagini and Harry's final victory provided a contrast between the heroism of the Gryffindors and the tragedy that she was experiencing.

This was a really great story, one that deserves a lot more recognition than it's gotten so far. It's wonderfully written and takes a unique look at canon. :)

Author's Response: My biggest regret was that I had to kill Alexander, I really really didn't want to because then Steph would be alone but then it would've defeated the entire purpose of the story if i didn't.

The fact that she wasn't there at the end, I think, scarred her the most. Even after eight years, she hasn't come to terms with that loss.

It may sound weird, but I really enjoyed writing that scene in the front of the school. Sometimes I think death is something that is difficult to understand at any age but for Steph especially, she hadn't expected Hogwarts to be like that at all, so there's the shock added to everything else.

I have to re-read this when I'm done because I still can't believe this is my fic your talking about here.

Thank you so much for your review, seriously, you have no idea how much this means to me.

Lia.


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Review #6, by Violet Gryfindor Part One

17th August 2009:
It's great to see the battle from an entirely different perspective, particularly that of a younger Slytherin. While I saw that one of your other reviewers said that they exited through the Room of Requirement, I like this idea as well. It still suits the Slytherin way of thinking, how they work for self-protection - though that self-protection is for themselves as a group, not as individuals, which was a nice twist. Blaise and Astoria took very strong leadership roles, which was great to see from minor characters. It wasn't Draco or Pansy or the usual ones people would choose.

Your OCs are very well constructed - they were realistic and they felt like normal Hogwarts students. I liked how Steph was disappointed in Hogwarts, demonstrating a feeling among the Slytherins against Voldemort's regime that I didn't get in the books. It makes sense that most of the Slytherins wouldn't be "evil" - they would be no different from the other students. Though I'm wondering about how old Steph is - second, third year? If she's a first year, she sounds very mature and intelligent for eleven/twelve. It's not that you need to state exactly how old she is in the story, but the way she tells the story makes it sound like she's older.

This is a really good start to your story. The writing is flawless - clear, vivid descriptions, excellent narration, great use of language. I'm definitely going to read the next chapter too, though I'm scared to find out what happened to Alexander.

Author's Response: This idea came to me last year when the Slytherin Common Room on the forums had some inter-house activities. Also, we see the Slytherins through Harry's eyes and I never considered them as the nastiest set of people you set your eyes upon either. I guess this fic does them some justice. They may not be sympathetic towards the other groups at Hogwarts but definately towards themselves.

I've never been one for often writing fics surrounding major characters and characters like Blaise and Astoria are often seen as "the haughty looking bloke"/"draco's best friend" or "draco's wife". Having them in such a role is a nice change.

I'm glad you like my OCs. Like you said, it makes sense that most Slytherins aren't really "evil" and since most of the old blood was dying out, the new students would probably have a completely different perspective to theirs. Stephanie is actually in first year in the flashbach but it's her 18-19 year old self that's retelling the story. I mentioned her age in the second part.

Thank you so much for your kind words and thank you for reading my fic, I hope my reply did your review some justice too :)

Lia.




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Review #7, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Part One

16th August 2009:
This was a good start to a story. It was interesting and well written and your description was good. The story flowed well and I loved the way you wrote the Slytherins. They seemed perfect, especially Draco with his speech about Gryffindors.

It was a little distracting that the entire story was in italics, perhaps you could switch it and make the first few paragraphs before the flashback italics and then the flashback normal type. It would be a little easier on the eyes.

Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Description isn't really one of my strong points so I'm glad that you thought it was good. Slytherins seeming perfect? Wow, nice...thanks. I like writing them better than any other group at Hogwarts, I thought they deserved something...a glimpse of them during times of strife.

I'm sorry about the italics, I'll go see about fixing it.

Thanks again for your review!

Lia.


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Review #8, by celticbard Part One

14th August 2009:
Hi there!
It's celticbard from eHPf, here to review your fic as requested.

The opening paragraphs of this chapter-Stephanie's soliloquy-were heart wrenching. You did a good job setting the tone of the story. I particularly liked the line that described the grave sites. There was something very sorrowful about the image of "hundreds of stones, all meticulously arranged in straight lines."

I also really enjoyed your take on Astoria Greengrass. She was both brave and headstrong in this chapter. Furthermore, her thoughtful concern for the "little ones" seemed entirely realistic and compelling.

There were a few things, however, that confused me about this story. First off, a Slytherin student comments that the Gryffindors were allowing their first years to participate in the battle. In DH, although, all underage students were sent through the Room of Requirement back to Hogsmeade...with the exception of Colin Creevey who snuck back into the castle and was killed. Also, I believe all Slytherins were given the opportunity to leave as well and they were the first ones sent through the Room of Requirement.

Other than that, I thought this was a very promising first chapter. You did an excellent job building up the tension and sustaining it throughout, which certainly helped to keep my interest. Please feel free to drop by my queue and request another review anytime. I hope you have a pleasant weekend!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response: Hiya celtic!

Thanks for the lovely review.

To be honest with you, I really did not check DH to see if they actually left, just for Slughorn's little announcement, so I guess it's AU in that regard. I'm sorry if I confused you. I'm really not surprised the Slytherins took that opportunity but using a secret passageway was a bit more adventurous anyway. Thanks for letting me know that though :)

I've been working on this since last August so it underwent a lot of changes. The first few lines, including the one that you liked, were the ones I kept. For that line, the one you liked, I just wanted the readers to understand where adult Stephanie was. You're right, it was sorrowful. After all those years, she still in mourning for her brother.

Again, thank you so much for your review. I hope u enjoy your weekend as well :)

Lia.


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Review #9, by DarkLadyofSlytherin Part Two

1st August 2009:
Well i know i wrote a review for chapter one and it never went through (probably cause of my sister's pc), but I thought I'd come leave one for Chapter 2.

You know how much I love this fic, I love Lex and I love Steph. I still can't believe Lex is dead, but I love how well it was written.

You are more than welcome for the input.

Author's Response: Actually, when I was writing that scene, I didn't really want to kill him but it would defeat the whole purpose of my story.

Anyways, you know I'm thrilled that you like it.

Thanks for the review:)


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