Reading Reviews for Darkness Consumes Me
  
28 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Kaddyclaws Birthday Wishes

11th September 2010:
This is so amazing! You're an incredible writer.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your kind words! :)

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Review #2, by emilie Birthday Wishes

9th April 2010:
Ooh, please don't abandon this story! It's so wonderful, and there's not many stories out there from Peter's point of view (plus, you didn't make him into a snivelly character who's just their for show). So, I'm going to beg for a sixth chapter!

Author's Response: It's definitely not over. It's just on a bit of a hiatus. I hope to get back to it over summer break. Stay tuned!! :)

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Review #3, by american wizard Birthday Wishes

28th September 2009:
WTF? Peter is the one who got James with Lilly???

whats a thumb manacle?

damn why am I feeling sorry for pettigrew? STOP MAKING ME FEEL SORRY FOR HIM!

20 outta 10

Author's Response: This is a story filled with twists! ;)

A thumb manacle is a kind of torture device, haha.

Thank you so much for your review! :)


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Review #4, by emilie hope Birthday Wishes

12th September 2009:
What a great story! I like seeing Peter's side of things. However, I have mixed feelings about Perpetua. I have yet to adjust to the idea of Peter having a sister, but I do like her character. Hmm..

Well, I can't wait for the next update! Keep up the fantastic work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! Well, for all we know, he could have. J.K. never says that Peter was an only child. Perpetua probably takes some getting used to anyway, 'cuz she's a bit of a whiner.

Thanks for the review! I'll hopefully update soon!


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Review #5, by RonsGirlFriday Birthday Wishes

2nd September 2009:
I really like how you weave the Marauders' pranks and quirks into the story like they're part of the scenery -- like James and Peter's prank on the Slytherin first-year, and their subsequent "punishment" by Slughorn.

In general, one comment I have is that I think you could bring up the theme of darkness a little more, and delve a little deeper into the darkness lurking somewhere inside Peter. I really liked this line:

Still, she could never turn a blind eye to the darkness that I knew she saw in my eyes. She was the only one who noticed it. I think that I frightened her sometimes, but she still stayed with me.

...but I think that at this point, since you're a few chapters in, you could start expanding on that a little more, get at exactly what is going on in Peter's head that's so dark. Even just commenting on whether he himself knew at the time that he had this characteristic -- that would be helpful in defining his character.

Great job. :-)

Author's Response: Absolutely. I'm probably not going to start writing this again until Christmas break when I have time to focus on its development, but I totally agree with you. This was written about a year before I started posting it, and I got too lazy to revise it much. I think so far my pace has been pretty slow so far, so I'm going to work on that. I don't want the big catalyst to come out of nowhere. So stay tuned! I'll be back around break.

Thank you, as always :)


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Review #6, by RonsGirlFriday Dirty Little Secrets

2nd September 2009:
I think you humanized Peter a lot, through your description of his relationship with Karen. You're making him out to be very complex, which is obviously great, but at the same time it puts me in quite a spot, because I don't generally like Peter very much! XD So I want to hate him, and you're doing a very good job of making that difficult.

I think it also rounds out the story nicely, because on the one hand, you think Ok, I get why he went Dark, his friends were all crappy to him, he's attracted to power, blah blah...but then you go and throw a wrench like this into it (a good wrench, mind you). I will be very interested to see how you take all these threads that make up Peter Pettigrew and show us how it leads to his ultimate path.

I had a little trouble with the italicized portion of the chapter, because generally that makes me think of a flashback, or signifies some breakage in time, or something like that -- but here I realized you were using it to indicate the story that Remus told to Peter, and the italicized narrative was Peter then relaying that story to the reader. But it threw me off a bit, and I think you could have done it differently, maybe even just using Remus' dialogue.

I liked the ending, about all of the secrets Peter has kept, for a couple of reasons. First of all, it automatically made me think of him as a Secret Keeper, so it was wonderfully ironic (since we know what a fabulous job he did keeping that secret). And then I also liked it because it offered further insight into their group dynamic. And the part about Sirius crying was very sad and really humanized him for me -- I don't know if that's the effect you were going for, but it definitely did.

Good chapter! :-)

Author's Response: I'm FINALLY responding to this!

I'm glad that I'm humanizing Peter for you. He's not one of my favorite characters either, but it's fun to make him something more than people expect. I really like writing Karen, as well, since she's really the strong, quiet type. Those are always excitingly heartbreaking in my eyes.

I guess I was just a little worried about the dialogue since I was told for so long that I relied solely on dialogue to make my stories, but I definitely see how that could be confusing. In a way, it was a flashback, just not that far back. It needed to be shown, though, just to keep the story moving.

YES! I'm really trying to break apart the Marauders' face value here. I'm always one to write them as the romantic dreamboats, and, though I still have that aspect, I'm trying to make them more flawed on other levels, y'know? I'm trying to give them the real issues, giving them a reason to have that need for popularity. I'm really glad you connected the Secret Keeper thing, too. That was deliberate ;)

Thanks again for your reviews, even though it's taken me so long to respond! :)


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Review #7, by RonsGirlFriday The Discussion of Knickers

1st September 2009:
Hi again! I thought you had a good handle on the Marauders' characterizations, as far as their mannerisms and interactions go. They really seem like a tight-knit group of brothers, and I like that.

I have some ambivalent thoughts about the Marauders being cast as complete womanizers, but I won't say very much on that point -- first of all, because there's room for interpretation based on what we know from canon, and if that's the characterization you've chosen to go with, you're entitled to it and it wouldn't be very constructive of me to second-guess you the whole time. But secondly, even though I think this kind of characterization is almost overdone in fanfiction, you've set your story apart from the rest by telling it from Peter's perspective, so obviously things are going to look a little different from his end, and it's to your advantage to portray them as total jerks.

I do have a bone to pick with you (very small!) about the James/Lily interaction, which is that my understanding of James is that he revered Lily and respected her quite a lot, and for that reason I don't think he would have ever humiliated her in public or made overt sexual comments, especially in front of other people. But again, take that with a grain of salt, because this is your show, not mine. :-)

Really good idea, making Peter the mastermind behind the pranks! It gives him a well-defined role within the group.

And I loved this line: Remus couldn't really reply to that, so instead continued to look like a tortured artist.
That line made me laugh a lot. ^_^

Author's Response: Great! Thank you!

They really do need to be a little insensitive for this story to work. They are good people, of course, but their priorities are a little screwed up. That's usually the characterization I tend to go for, but I took a little farther in this one by making Remus a bit of a womanizer, too. I think it adds to the level of status difference between the other Marauders and Peter, putting another thing between them.

I totally understand where you're coming from. I guess I rationalize the behavior of both Sirius and James in these as boys who have no idea what they're doing. James's defense is always to make fun and to offend, so when he's confronted with somebody like Lily who has everything he wants, he can't help but make those comments. He's truly terrified of her. He just doesn't handle it well.

Remus really is the melodramatic one of the group. It drives Peter nuts, as I'm sure you can tell.

Thank you so much for your review! :)


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Review #8, by RonsGirlFriday Prologue

1st September 2009:
I knew right away that I wanted this to be the fifth story I review as your challenge award! I haven't gotten to the two longer stories you requested yet, but I figured I'd do this one first because it's shorter -- and to be honest, I really, really wanted to read it! :-)

I've always been interested by the idea of a story about why Peter went Dark. In fact, I made an attempt to start writing one myself, but I find it incredibly difficult to really get inside his head and convey it accurately. So right away I have to give you kudos for this undertaking.

This prologue is excellent, and it really drew me in right away. I like the feel of him narrating as he looks back on his life, and how completely upfront he is about his attraction to power. I also liked how you characterized the Marauders, and it seems like you're keeping them true to canon, but with a nice little spin from Peter's POV. I admit that I'm not a huge fan of the Sirius-as-a-ladies-man characterization, but that's not to say I think it can't be done.

I think you pointed out something important about their group dynamic, which is that James allowed Peter into his circle of friends because Peter willingly kissed up to him. I've noticed a lot of people seem to dislike the characterization of Peter as someone who's pathetic and inept, because they he must have had some redeeming qualities if he was allowed to be a Marauder, but I think a lot of those criticisms miss the point that James and Sirius liked having someone around who would do anything for them. That's not to say your Peter is going to be pathetic and inept -- I just think it was a good thing to point out, that James and Sirius (however much I love him) really used Peter in many ways.

I'm going to briefly nitpick a couple of things:
"The first day I met him was the second day of our second year" -- I think you intended to say first year here, and I also got thrown off by the "second day" thing, because I imagined they would have met the previous night, after retiring to their shared dormitory after dinner and Sorting. Anyway, really no biggie.
"Then there was me. Peter Pettigrew." -- This is entirely a personal preference and stylistic thing, but I think you don't really have to say his name here. First of all, the reader knows who's narrating, but even more than that, I think it makes a nice impact just saying "Then there was me."

Anyway, now that that's out of the way, I really liked these lines:

"Eyes that could cry hate and desire at the same time."

"He and James were quite the team, whether it was picking on Snape or picking up girls." (I just thought that was clever!)


And the beginning and end of this chapter had a really big impact. I thought this was a great start to this story. :-)

Author's Response: I'm a little embarassed about you choosing this one. It could've been so much better. I actually started writing it about two years ago, and when I posted it, I didn't bother to go back and correct much. I'm glad it intrigued you, though. It's more of an intense character study than anything else.

Hey, if you ever get around to it, drop on by and I'll check it out. I definitely think that there's a lot more than just the "I'm such a coward" thing, y'know? It's too huge a decision for something like that.

AH! I'm SO glad that you caught that bit about Sirius and James loving the kissing up. In a way, it was me pointing out that the two of them were far from perfect. They loved the validation that Peter gave them, and that's why they kept him around.

Those are definitely two valid points. Thanks for that. I'll run back to change them now. :)

Thank you for the great review again! :)


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Review #9, by redherring Birthday Wishes

23rd August 2009:
Go James! I'm not much of a James/Lily shipper but even so, I'm ridiculously happy that she's agreed to go out with him. And I can't imagine that Sirius will be too pleased about having to go with Ivy, so that should be interesting to read :D

I never thought I'd say this, but I really, really love Remus/Chelsea. They're complete opposites but they go together so well, and they're just so adorable. I really liked Remus' attitude to their relationship, as well, in the way that he wants to find 'something more to her' and how he finds her so 'fascinating'. It's so very in-character.

As always, Peter is brilliant, and his relationship with Pet is really sweet. I actually really like him, and it's going to be kind of upsetting when he starts getting all evil and Death Eater-y :(

Wonderful, as always :D Hope you update soon!

Author's Response: Heheh. Well, hopefully I can change your minute just a bit. I haven't actually written the scene for the date, since Sirius hasn't actually agreed to it. I'll be updating after the queue reopens and then there will probably be a big wait until my next chapter 'cuz I've started school.

I usually pair him with shy, bookish girls so it was really fun to put him with someone COMPLETLEY different from that. I'm glad that you like it.

Good! That was my goal- to create a sort of fondness for my Peter. Yay! Thank you for your review! It really encourages me to continue this story, as always. :)


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Review #10, by mercurialxsmile Prologue

19th August 2009:
OH.MY.GOD.
:D
Yay.
I love that you've decided to write this. I love that you're giving him a past, a reason, giving him light inside the dark. I love it, but it makes me nervous and I might not follow through with reading it. Just wanted to express my joy in case I forgot ^_^

Author's Response: Well, thank you so much for your review! I'm glad that it made you happy! Why are you so nervous, though? It's a (somewhat) harmless story :)

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Review #11, by american wizard Dirty Little Secrets

17th August 2009:
my favorite maurader has always been remus, he is so respecful, you definetly got that down

keep writing

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Remus is probably my favorite, as well :)

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Review #12, by redherring Baiting A Barracuda

17th August 2009:
Brilliant, as always! I love the idea of Peter sneaking into the girls' dorm - it never occurred to me that he could use his rat form to spy on people, but I suppose it only makes sense that he would ;) It's something I'm pretty sure I haven't seen done before in fanfiction, though, so great job with that :D

Anyway, I loved this chapter and I hope the next one's up soon :) 10/10.

Author's Response: Haha! I'm glad you appreciated that bit of sneakiness. It just seems like something that James and Sirius would have Peter do when they wanted some gossip. Thanks again for your review! They always enourage me. I'll have the next one up sometime next week :)

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Review #13, by Cassidy Baiting A Barracuda

17th August 2009:
Nice and interesting. I hope you havent abandoned this story yet cause its got good potential. nice to see a different point of view(peter's) from the usual. most ppl leave him out. good job and please update

Author's Response: Not at all! There's going to be a pretty long wait after the next two chapters, though. I'll be going back to school and will have absolutely no time to write. This will definitely not be abandoned, though. Thanks for the review!

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Review #14, by american wizard Baiting A Barracuda

16th August 2009:
ummm...for once i have trouble saying a comment, just keep up the good work

Author's Response: Haha! Well, I hope that's a good thing! Thank you for the review :)

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Review #15, by dream_me_a_dream The Discussion of Knickers

29th July 2009:
hey, tessae again! the forum site won't let me send you a message, so I figured I'd let you know that I'd love to help with the summary if you're interested. Another great chapter by the way :-)

Author's Response: It won't? Super-lame. Hmm, I'm willing to take suggestions, but I had a couple people say I should just keep it as is. That's weird that it won't let you send me a message. Thanks! :)

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Review #16, by eulabee Dirty Little Secrets

29th July 2009:
Pelican, I love this story so far! I think it's really interesting to tell it from Peter's point of view- he was a Gryffindor after all, and a trusted friend. I love your writing style, too!

It's just dragging a teensy teensy bit. I love it very much, though. I like Chelsea so far.

Author's Response: Thank you so much, eulabee! This is something that I've been wanting to try for awhile.

I was afraid of that. I'll try to give things a bit more of a plot shove in the next chapter. Thanks for the review! :)


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Review #17, by lestrange123 Dirty Little Secrets

29th July 2009:
i like this story alot, continue writing.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I'll probably update next week! :)

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Review #18, by Ilisten2potterwatch Prologue

28th July 2009:
I like it! It sounds really promising! Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! :)

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Review #19, by flutterby Dirty Little Secrets

28th July 2009:
Your story is really good. :)
I like this Peter's point of view thing, you make him a really interesting character. I hate it when people describe him as the useless (un)handsome fat boy that no one likes. But, evidently you've got a bit more in him than that :D go you!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! He may not be the greatest catch, but he's certainley not one big pot of annoying ugliness. :)

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Review #20, by redherring Dirty Little Secrets

28th July 2009:
Oooh, I wonder what James is smug about? Something to do with Lily, perhaps? Hmm... And Remus and Chelsea?! I couldn't believe it, and I can't wait to see what happens with that.

I loved the whole Peter/Karen section. It was just so adorable and I really liked the way you described their relationship - it seems realistic to how Peter would be with a girl. I also really loved the ending with all the secrets. Remus cheated on a test? *gasp* lol xD

Anyway, another brilliant chapter! Hope you update soon :)

9/10.

Author's Response: Haha! I'm not going to tell you, but you'll find out soon :)

Thank you so much! I really like Karen. She's a totaly sweetheart, and I'm really glad that Peter having a relationship hasn't been totally rejected.

I'll update pretty soon here! Thanks for your review :)


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Review #21, by Alopex The Discussion of Knickers

26th July 2009:
The beginning of this chapter was a little heavy on description. I've already forgotten what everyone looks like and all. It was too much for me to take in and remember at once (I read a lot of stories). It wasn't completely overdone, though, just a little on the heavy side for my taste.

Ugh, James and Sirius are insufferable! All the banter between them and the girls and so forth was amusing and clever, though, even if one part of me did want to roll my eyes and gag because boys like that drive me nuts. Which is sort of the whole point of you characterizing them that way: making them annoying gits, as hinted at in the books.

There's a lot of tangled-up crushes going on here. Let's see if I can get it straight. James-Lily. Remus-RavenclawGirl. Petty-James. Ivy-Sirius. Did I miss anything major? Wow, that could get really, really complicated.

I liked the way you made Peter the mastermind of pranks. I don't think a whole lot of his mirrored shoes idea - how could someone not notice mirrors on their shoes? - but I liked the way he was this quiet genius, kind of. It's an interesting glimpse into his character.

Author's Response: Eh, I was afraid of that. I'm usually more of a dialogue than description person, so I was trying something new with this story. I'll have to be careful from now on, then.

Haha! Good! That's really what it's supposed to be. James and Sirius are your typical high school jerks.

You got it! It's one big complicated mess, but I'm going to try to keep it pretty clear here.

Thank you! I didn't mean actual mirrors on their shoes; it's more of the patent leather shoes idea, where they're so shiny, they're reflective. I wanted to make him less of an idiot than he's usually written (by me, too). Thanks so much for your review! :)


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Review #22, by Miss Lily Potter The Discussion of Knickers

20th July 2009:
I really like this story. It's a cool take on an...let's say, overdone idea. It's quite interesting, and well-worded. Good job!

-Jasmine♥

Author's Response: Thank you very much!! :)

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Review #23, by redherring The Discussion of Knickers

20th July 2009:
Aww, poor Remus! He's so adorably gloomy in his unrequited-love state. And Sirius and James were both hilarious. I mean, kind of disturbing and demeaning to women, but hilarious all the same xD I really love your characterisations of all the Marauders, by the way. They can be really hard to get right, and when done wrong it can be just terrible, but I definitely think you've done a great job with them so far.

He toned it down when James and Sirius were around, knowing that neither of them would put up with that kind of behavior. With me, he let it out, though. I was the secret keeper, and they trusted me to not judge them.

^^I also really like Peter's 'place' in the Marauders, if you know what I mean. I like that you're portraying him as the follower and almost the addition to the group, because that was pretty much how it was, but at the same time you're showing that he actually was their friend, something a remarkable amount of Marauder stories seem to forget. And again, I really like Peter's characterisation, and the fact that you slipped Petty in there at the end, as well.

Another brilliant chapter, and I hope you update soon :)

Author's Response: Heheh. I'm glad you liked this. This version of Remus is actually a bit different from what I normally write. He's a little more caught up in the Marauder scene than I usually do. Thank you so much for your comment on their characterizations! It's taken me a long time to carve out who the Marauders are for me, and I'm really glad that you're enjoying them.

I just think it's so silly when he doesn't have a place, y'know? I like the idea of him being a confidant because it makes it so much more sad that he betrayed them after holding their trust for so long. Thank you so much! I really appreciate your reviews. They've been so encouraging to me. I really like writing this story, and it's nice to know that it's being read :)


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Review #24, by redherring Prologue

20th July 2009:
Wow! I really liked this, and I definitely think you've got a brilliant start here. I've always loved Peter-centric stories, but there are so few of them around... And while your characterisation of him isn't exactly how I'd always imagined him, I really loved it all the same! Probably more accurate than my imagined portrayal of him, actually xD

9/10.

Author's Response: Hooray! I think Peter-centric can be good, if it's believable. I really wanted to do that, so this is a major endeavor for me. I figured his voice would be different than people thought, but I really wanted to emphasize the change that I believe came over him when he changed to the Dark Side.

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Review #25, by Alopex Prologue

15th July 2009:
In your request, the first thing you asked about was your summary. I have to say, I'm pretty sure no one has ever asked me about the summary before. I may not be the best person to ask, since I don't have a lot of experience writing them. I like your first sentence a lot, but the second one seems a little awkward. What you have is: "What could possibly drive a man to betray his best friends in the world? There are simple answers such as greed, fear, or just plain selfishness. But Peter Pettigrew is not a simple man." I would change the second sentence a bit. Here's one way (probably not the best way) to do it: "What could possibly drive a man to betray his best friends in the world? For some, it?s greed. Others do it out of fear or selfishness. These are the simple answers, but Peter Pettigrew is not a simple man."

And as for the prologue making me snooze? Nope! You definitely drew me in, gave a good idea of where the story is heading (in the final couple of paragraphs), established Peter's place among the Marauders, and gave Peter a distinct voice.

The way you wrote Peter wasn't quite the way I pictured him. There were times where he seemed to have too much insight into his own nature. I would have given him a different voice if I'd been writing this. However, I enjoyed the voice. You definitely brought out a sense of bitterness in him. The voice was distinct and really added flavor to the character.

Author's Response: Hmm, I like that. I might keep playing with it, but I like your suggestion. If I do use it, of course, I will credit.

Yay! Good. I thought about that, too, since it is human nature to be completely knowing of our faults. I guess my only defense would be that he's been given enough time to mull everything over, y'know? I'm glad that you liked the voice anyway, though. He's actually pretty fun to write about. I recommend it, if you ever get the chance.

Thank you so much for your review! I always appreciate your reviews :)


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