holy crap this story is AMMAAZINGG! its SUCH a clever idea i actually love it! please please PLEASEEE update more!! im like BEGGININGG YOUU! ill be looking for updates every chance i get!!! xoxo 10/10! Report Review
This was an AWESOME Chapter!:)
Please Update SOON!:)*~*^_^*~*:) Report Review
the story was cool and i want to know what will happen next Report Review
is this going to be the end??
cause i really like it and would like it to continue :) Report Review
I like the idea
Can't wait for more Report Review
please update. great plot line. cant wait till james and lily meet harry!! :) Report Review
great start 4 the 1st chapter but i found some mistakes.
1. The barley got out the way - They barely got out the way
2. its plain as day Ginny - it's plain as day Ginny
3. they ministry would hate the order even more - the Ministry would hate the Order even more
4. The girls name Ginny walked off - The girl named Ginny walked off
5. The boy name Ron looked at the lake a sighed before he did the same - The boy named Ron looked at the lake and sighed before he went the same way as Ginny
6. there's a war going on here, one were not involved in - there's a war going on here, one we're not involved in
7. Were middle aged men now - We're middle aged men now
8. forth years - fourth years
9. Dumbdlore - Dumbledore
10. his fifth year yeas - his fifth year was
11. He was getting detentions left and right for now reasons what so ever - He was getting detentions left and right for no reasons whatsoever
12. got he hated that woman! - god he hated that woman!
13. in the Netherlands - in Netherland
14. Harry nodded knew his friend too well to believe him - Harry nodded knowing his friend too well to believe him
i hope u can 4give me 4 saying all these mistakes and i hope u can fix them. what's going to happen now? will u update soon please?^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: That is a very generous rating, thank- you. I will update soon, well as soon as I can. I will also fix these mistakes as well as other ones that have been pointed out to me. Hopefully there will be none in the next chapter, because I will have a beta. I would have liked to had a beta to look over this chapter before I posted it. Rules are rules though, and I do admit it is easier to just click on link than download a file. Report Review
KEEP IT UP! I can't wait for Harry's reaction!Author's Response: Thank-you for the review! I can't wait to write that part myself ! It might not be for a while because of the disguises Lily and the others have, but don't worry plenty of good stuff coming your way in the meantime. Report Review
good start please finish i would like to see where you take this story and how it will finishAuthor's Response: Thank-you so much! I will start working on the next chapter soon. Report Review
I noticed that you stated you would have a beta. I saw some simple spelling errors that could be corrected with one.
I like your story plot so far, but there are some problems.
One: you changed the timeline with HP canon. Harry was in his fifth year in 1995 -96.
Second: Your language leans towards American, and the Marauders wouldn't use modern terms. There were no 'emos' in the seventies. This can be construed as being picky, but it is true.
Third: I would tell many Authors take your time, and write more. Many writers don't put enough words down to describe the scene. It makes the story seem rushed. (this can be a technique to create action, but not the entire story)
Dialogue is very tricky to write and make it feel right or real. Watch the lines your characters use. Give each character a unique voice, if possible. Read your dialogue to yourself aloud. If it sounds silly to you them change it. (this may make writing 2000 words a painful experience, but it should help make the story better.)
I will apologize if this seems harsh, but you have a good plot and with some more time and work an excellent story.Author's Response: Thank-you so much, that was a very helpful review. I will make the appropriate changes and follow some of your tips.
Without a beta I am so paranoid about my bad spelling that I tend to spend all of my time editing on that. Hopefully when I find one I can feel more comfortable looking at the bigger picture.
Thanks again and take care. Report Review
bearing in mind that the chamber of secrets is based in 1992 (i think about then anyway) would lily and co. really use the term emo? also quite frankly your writing style was appalling, a shame as this was a good idea badly executedAuthor's Response: Your really going to leave me hanging like that? If you don't mind me asking, what was so 'appalling' about my writing style? If your going to be that harsh give me some examples of where I need to improve. Report Review
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