That was a really goos one-shot.
10/10Author's Response: Thanks! Glad you liked it! Report Review
I'll bet James would agree that men like that, who betray their families, give men everywhere a bad name.Author's Response: James would definitely agree with that! Thanks for reading! Report Review
wow! what a heart-breaker! i can totally relate to what lily is going thru and i think that's why it's amazing, it's very easy for a person who's parents are divorced to relate to something like this. and with it set to one of my favorite songs, it's just wonderful!Author's Response: I'm glad that this came off as relatable. When I got this song for the challenge I went to see what it was about and used the idea from that. Thanks for reading! Report Review
Excellent song fic! I love this song. It's so sad, but a really good song and the plot fit it perfectly. I really loved how you portrayed Petunia in this, especially how she lied to Lily. It really showed the dislike she has for her sister.
This was just so sad! I felt so bad for Lily and her mother. I've always been interested in Lily's parents because they're never mentioned in canon. Lily's mother trying to act like everything was all right just for Lily was so sad and such a motherly thing to do.
I also like how you put Lily's issues with James into it. Lily was so confused about James and she was so worried that her heart would be broken if she went out with him. But then the last line about how her father broke her heart was just so heart wrenching. It went from being about Lily's parents to being about Lily and her dad and their relationship. I really loved it! :)Author's Response: I love this song too so I was thrilled when I got it to do the challenge with. Petunia was awful doing that, but I can see her doing it. I mean, she told Harry his parents had died in a car crash.
I'm interested in learning about his parents too, the fact that they're never mentioned in canon makes it easy to write about them though. She really was just trying to hide her own pain from Lily to not upset her.
I had to throw James in there. I think seeing her mother and father's marriage fall apart would give her misgivings about her own feelings. I had to put that last line in the second I thought about it. Lily loved her dad but he did break her heart by leaving. Thanks so much for reading! Report Review
Hey it's elisalinguinex from the forums!
Just wanted to say that this story was great. I loved how you portrayed the whole heartbreak thing in a new light and didn't use the old boy-left-girl situation. You were right in saying there are so many different types of Heartbreak and this one is definitely a very good one of them, a very powerful one too. Your plot line was great too and it matched the song perfectly.
Grammar and description were good as well. You can pat yourself on the back for that, I'm known for being rubbish at grammar :) The only critique I would have (which is tiny by the way) is at the beginning you keep repeating Petunia... Petunia... Petunia... For example you could say - When Lily was away at Hogwarts, that freak school as her sister so kindly put it... - instead of Petunia. It just adds a bit of variety to your writing :)
I liked the dialogue between Lily and her mum because it showed clearly how Mrs Evans wanted to protect her daughter whilst Lily just wanted the truth. It showed the reasons behind their actions and explained why Mrs Evans tried to be strong when she was in no fit state to.
Overall it was a great one-shot.
I'll let you know if you won or not when all the other one-shots come in and I read them.
Thanks for applying for my challenge! :D
elisalinguine_xAuthor's Response: Hey!
That was the initial plan - boyfriend/girlfriend thing. But then when you gave me that song I looked up the meaning behind it and realized that would be something new for me to write about. I had a hard time actually writing it, until today when I decided it had to be finished.
Oh I\\\'m a grammar freak sometimes (not in speaking, just writing). Now that you mention it, Petunia\\\'s name was repetitive. I tend to do that sometimes... You\\\'re right, I could change it up and make it a little different.
I wasn\\\'t sure how the dialogue between them came out so I\\\'m glad you liked it! Mrs. Evans really did want to protect Lily, but she also needed to grieve for herself and Lily just wanted to know what happened.
Thanks for reading and for putting up the challenge, I really liked it! Report Review
this fic is so sad and yet it's great. keep up the good work please.^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: Thanks! Glad you like it! Report Review
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