Hey Leslie,
I'm here with review number two!

I liked this chapter. It was really nice to see Finn try and be civil with Molly. I like to believe that not all boys pick on people for the heck of it (though there are some I'm sure).

One thing I did notice is that you actually spell Finn's name wrong at one point. of how good looking Fin was. Thought I'd point it out to you :D

Anyway, I kinda of feel like this chapter moved really quickly. One minute they were in one class, the next they are in another, then Molly is on break and then they are back in class again. I think a break for Lunch would have given you ample opportunity to introduce minor characters or even more of the Potter/Weasley family though the description. I get that Molly really isn't a people watcher, but it would have been a great chance to give the reader some insight on the children attending Hogwarts with Molly.

Anyway, eventually I'll read the rest of these or you could just request again and get reviews faster lol. I really like Molly, though I feel sorry for her. Finn can be such a jerk :(

Author's Response: LEN! Thanks so much for reviewing! And I'm glad you liked this chapter, and thanks for pointing out that mistake as I'll have to go back and fix that. I think I noticed that when I was reading back through this, but I suppose it kind of went over my head.

Oh, I'll definitely be careful with how I pace this story from now on. I did not mean to zip things along in this chapter. I suppose I just wanted to get to the fun parts to write. And I will most definitely rerequest. Thanks again, Len! :)

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Hey Leslie!

As I promised I would read your fic, I'm here to review the first chapter.

I really enjoyed this chapter. Mostly because it was written about Molly. I'm glad you made her a Ravenclaw, because I can really see her fitting in there. Though, I do feel sorry for her, Percy is unbelievably hard on her, and I'm beginning to think he won't be on Lucy.

I really hope that the reason Finn picks on Molly comes out throughout the fic (even if I have had a sneak peek at ch.9). I think he's an interesting character and I can definitely see him developing into a mature young man over time. At least, I hope he does. I can't imagine he'd remain a childish prat for the remainder of his life.

What I really would have liked to see (and I don't know if it's in chapter two or not) would have been a description of how you (and Molly) see the Ravenclaw Common Room. I know it's described in the books, but you never know, it may look different to these characters than it did to Harry.

The description was lovely, but it seemed as though it slowly dwindled down to mostly dialogue by the end of the chapter. I think there could have been so much more you could have added to while on the trek from the Great Hall to the Common Room. Like, were the portraits sleeping? Snoring? Prattling on about the noisy students as they made their way to their respective common rooms? Or even how the Common Room looked. Was it warm and cozy, or was there a slight draft?

This one sentence bothers me (it's just my opinion): Molly said as she pulled her pajamas out of her trunk and changed out of her school robes before putting her pajamas on. I'm not sure it's necessary to say pajamas twice. We already know she pulled them out of her trunk with the intention of putting them on, so you could probably do without the mention of the second pajamas.

Other than that, I really enjoyed this chapter and I can't wait to see how the characters grow and how the plot develops!

Author's Response: LEN! First of all, thanks so much for reviewing so fast!

Now, on to your points. Yes, Percy is quite hard on Molly, but I think it's because he knows what she's capable, even if she doesn't yet. At the same time, I think he'll learn over time to respect the decisions that she makes for herself, but first he'll have to learn to let go of her since she's his eldest daughter. Whereas he spoils Lucy because she's the baby.

Yes, I think Finn is slowly maturing into a strapping lad as the story progresses, which you'll see as you continue to read on.

And I completely agree with you that the first chapter lacks description and I've been meaning to go back and add some in, but have been too lazy as of yet to do it. First chapters are always hard for me to write because I don't want to describe too much since I like leaving enough room for readers to imagine things up in their head for themselves.

I completely agree. I shall change this when I go back to add in the description (whenever that shall be :P). Thanks again!

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I love your story, I only found it today :) Can't wait to see what happens next!

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Oh my gosh! Oh my... I found friendly Finn weird somehow, I mean after all the previous chapters, it really was weird to see him actually acting gentlemanly. But the last part, this chapter ending. Oh my, I squealled and it was just so awesome.

Thanks for the update and good luck with life! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really do appreciate all of your reviews each chapter as it makes me happy to see that others are enjoying my stories. And I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond back. Also, keep an eye out for the next chapter sometime after the queue reopens as I'll be posting it then. I'm hoping I can crank out a couple of chapters during the staff's vacation since my two summer classes are ending this week. Thanks again!

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This is an interesting twist, and so soon too! I wouldn't trust him, but maybe because he was away from his friends for once, he doesn't need to pretend not to like a Weasley. Finn is wonderful to read because he's such a boy. :P Male OCs are hard to write in that way, but you make yours into an intriguing character, and I want to see what happens between him and Molly.

This was another great chapter, and I'm liking Molly and her friends more and more. Erin and Mathis were hilarious, and anyone who says "strapin'" has to be funny. The dialogue flows very well and is equally realistic, so it's easy to visualize and immerse myself in this story - everything about it is so vivid.

There were only two little things I'd noticed that you may want to look at. The first was in this line, She opened her blue eyes as the sunlight glistened through the crystal clear windows before she rose out of bed to stretch before going into the bathroom, where there were too many adjectives, making the sentence a little run-on-like. The second was this line, despite the fact that there are still a few pesky spells that she was struggling with., which seems to be in the wrong tense, present instead of past.

I'm definitely going to keep going with this one, adding it to my favourites as well. It's a fun read, and I'm too curious to stop. ^_^

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I really happy that you like the way I'm writing Finn and that he seems very boyish as it is hard to write from a male's perspective, what with being a girl myself, so that's always nice to hear/read. As for those sentence structure mistakes, I will definitely check those out... grammar can very easily slip through the cracks in the editing process before posting.

And I'm so glad to hear that you find this story to be easy to follow and visualize as that's something that is great to hear/read. I love writing it, but I also love to hear/read that others are enjoying reading it as much as I'm having fun writing it. And yay! I'm glad you're favouriting it! That makes me so ecstatic. Thanks again, Susan!

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This introduction to your story was very good, and I really enjoyed reading it! You've made Molly into a sympathetic and interesting character, one that I want to know more about, especially why Finn calls her an "oddball". She seems quite normal for a member of the Weasley clan, but that alone could make a person an oddball to a Slytherin, I guess. ;) The relationship between Finn and Molly is a curious one, and I like how you hint at it in this chapter, leading the reader on with a hanging carrot. It's definitely a benefit of starting a story in the seventh year - you can create a lot more mystery for the reader, who doesn't know what happened for the first six years of school. At the same time, you don't confuse the reader at all - the characterizations and everything else are very clearly laid out.

It's also great how you've worked with canon in this chapter, making Flitwick the Headmaster (too many people forget him), and Molly's mother as Penelope's younger sister (wow! that must have caused a lot of drama for Percy!). This is next-gen at its best, and I'm looking forward to reading more! ^_^

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Susan! It really means a lot that you like my characterisations and the general flow that the story is going is taking in this first chapter. And I'm definitely liking Molly more and more as I continue to write from her perspective in this story, not to mention Finn as he progresses as a character, too. Next Generation is so much fun to write for me because there's not a lot you have to follow, while at the same time there is canon that can be interpreted into this era. Thanks again for the excellent feedback! :)

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Aahaha it is working now! Loving the story so far, and the chapter image is so cool and mysterious! Moving on to the next chapter...

Author's Response: Thanks again!

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OK, I'm logged in, but my computer has a serious problem with me reviewing your story under my username! Anyway, I love this story! Things are really getting going! I'll keep reading!

Author's Response: Thanks! Glad you're still liking it.

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This is a great start to the story! It is written really well, and the introduction of the story and the characters is smooth - as well as the history between them. I'll keep reading!

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm happy to hear that you like it, it's always great to get a positive review on a story! I hope you continue to enjoy it.

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Wow Harper is such a jerk! I'm glad Molly stood up to him though.

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you like the way Molly was able to stand her ground in front of Finn!

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It's interesting that Molly is so focused on pleasing her dad...
keep up the great work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

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Great Start! It's different, there aren't many stories you hear about Percy's kids.

I like it! And she seems Percy-esque which makes me happy. I mean I would expect Percy's kids to either be rebellious or very quiet bookworm-y types.

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it and I hope you keep reading!

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aww, this was a really sweet chapter. this is a bit different to the stories that i normally read, but it's really fascinating, and i adore finn and molly. they're just really cute together. can't wait for the next chapter! (:

Author's Response: Thanks! Glad you're enjoying the story so far!

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Ain't the fascination obvious? Finn's reaction was drastically changed and all of a sudden they turned from almost-enemies to friends? That's interesting.

Thanks for the update! :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked this chapter and I'm working on the next chapter now... hopefully I'll have it finished sometime at the beginning of next month when I'm on spring break.

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Hey there, Leslie! It's jetergirl from TGS, as you probably know ;) Anyways, I'm here with your reviews!

This was a great start; what was particularly good about it was that you managed to blend the beginning action in very well with the introduction element. It flowed seamlessly from start to finish, which is hard to do in the first chapter. So good job with that.

I don't have any critiques for you on this one - it was a nice start! I'll keep reading when I can =]

~CBG

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I really appreciate your feedback and I'm glad that the chapter flowed well from the beginning to end of it. This is definitely my favorite story to write at the moment because I love writing both Molly and Finn. Thanks again!

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Well missy I am disappointed in you. Not telling me you wrote another story, not telling me that it got awarded. I mean come on! You really should update me on these things :). Anyone I stayed up till 2:17am when I have to get up at 7am for class just so I could finish the first chapter. :P Great story! I can't wait to read the rest and congratulations on your award winning story :D.

~Leo

Author's Response: Leo! Thanks so much and I'm glad that you enjoyed the first chapter! I hope you enjoy the rest when you get a chance to read more. And from now on I'll let you know when I post new stories. XD Thanks!

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Hey Leslie,

Sorry for the extended delay, you know how things've been. ;) All I have to say is that is Finn actually feeling things for Molly? I can tell there's definately some chemistry between the two of them, that's for sure.

Well done dear! Can't wait for the update!



xx

Author's Response: Ah, thanks so much, Alicia! I'm so happy that you are still liking the story!

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Hey Leslie! Here for the review exchange (finally!). Sorry for the wait. Life got kind of hectic.

Anyway, one thing I noticed was that you switched tenses a couple of times, such as here: '
Molly turned to the front at the sound of Professor Flitwick calling for attention once more now that the sorting is over.' You might want to get it Beta read to sort out those problems. But I spotted no other mistakes, so well done there.

I think you introduced all the characters in a clear and natural way. Some prologues can overload you with information, and you definitely didn't here. I think it helped that you added the family list at the bottom. That makes it less confusing for those who are new to next gen.

I really liked the way you introduced quite a lot of the people around Molly in a natural way. You gave them all complex relationships to her, but at the same time they felt right with the story.

Molly was a really lovely character! You could definitely see the Percy in her, but she was her own person as well (as she should be. No one wants a cardboard cut out Percy). She had a well definied personality so far.

Perhaps a little CC- at some point the style felt a little flat. I think it could maybe benefit from a little more description just to spice it up a little. It was fine, but it could use some more to make it pop.

But, on the whole, I thought it was great. I might have to go on and read some more chapters ;).

-Becca

Author's Response: Becca! Thanks so much for the review and I'm sorry that I'm just now getting to responding to it! It's really helpful and imformative, and I'm glad that you didn't just list things that you liked but also things that need work, like the more description needed comment. I really do appreciate the positive feedback and constructive criticism! Thanks so much!

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What would daddy Percival say when his lovely daughter is having a thing with a rebellious Slytherin boy? Haha.. Love this. I'll definitely wait for more about them :)

Author's Response: Yay, thanks so much for reviewing! I'm so glad you like the story so far and ch. 7 will be posted as soon as I can sit down and write it. Right now I'm just coming out of NaNoWriMo '09 after writing 75k total words... still need to wrap that novel up before I continue writing fanfiction. But hopefully I'll be able to get it posted over winter break xD

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I really think it's great. I love the fact she's her own person and she's getting a crush on a slytherin that isn't malfoy

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that you're enjoying the story so far, and I hope you continue to follow it and review!

xD Leslie

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Leslie this was amazing, really! I was excited when you posted in my thread! ^_^

The relationship between Finn and Molly is starting to grow and I can see that she is starting to have a special feeling for him. It almost reminds me of a little James/Lily.

It's really great!

I've noticed a few things here and there that need tweaking, but I'm sure Alice will fix that! ;)

Let me know when you've updated again! ;)

xoxo

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad that you like the way Finn and Molly's relationship is progressing... I always worry that I'm going to fast when it comes to sticking characters together. And I will most definitely let you know when I update, thanks so much for the review! xD Leslie

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“No need to get your knickers in a twist,”

Ahahaha. A line like this always makes me laugh. Finn Harper is such an awesome character. Really.

Haha, as usual, all the teenage sarcasm was awesome. It made the chapter so much more laughable and enjoyable. :D I love it!

Thanks so much for updating! Let me know when the next one is up!

This was my favorite part:

“Is the grass ever greener on the other side of the bridge?”

Molly had to force herself to quit thinking of Harper with a great deal of effort before she was able to fully comprehend the question that she was supposed to answer correctly to earn entrance into the common room. “The answer is no as nothing ever is better than the other is up close; it’s all in your head.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” the musical voice commented as the door swung forward to admit Molly in.

Just the thought added in on it is so perceptive to Molly's character. Great job, Leslie! ILY!

10/10

Author's Response: Hah, I'm enjoying writing Finn, so I'm happy that you like his character so far ;) And I'm so glad that I'm still doing a good job with the teenage sarcasm and personalities, thanks!

Yeah, I like that part too, and I'm glad that it seems very much like the way I've already characterized Molly to be as that was my initial intention. And thanks for the 10! Squee! I'll be sure to let you know when I've updated xD Leslie

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Hey, I dont know why but my review of the last chapter wouldn't post fully so here it is again:

Heyhey Leslie! Sorry this review has taken so long - I kind of forgot I had a review topic for a while!!
I have to say, I love the name Finn. It's really original, but maybe I'm just being biased because it's Irish!! As for the character of Finn, well I'm not too trusting of him thus far. I mean, one second his an annoying little Slytherin, not unlike a young Draco Malfoy, and the next he's being nice. I get the feeling that he's that typical cowardly boy, who'll be nice to you when he's alone, but will be a total arse around his friends. We all know at least one of them!
I like how you developed Molly in this chapter, as this sort of underachiever. She is obviously living in her father's shadow and doesn't want to follow in his footsteps. And I like how you've developed Erin and Mathis (by the way, is that pronounced Math-eees?) by saying which subjects they like, and just their good-natured bickering.
This chapter was really enjoyable. Well done, Leslie! Sorry again for taking so long to review - my bad!!
Heather x

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, and also expect a chapter in Finn's point of view to be coming soon ;) And Mathis is pronounced that way xD Thanks again!

;) Leslie

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Heyhey Leslie! Sorry this review has taken so long - I kind of forgot I had a review topic for a while!!
I have to say, I love the name Finn. It's really original, but maybe I'm just being biased because it's Irish

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

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Leslie! Another wonderfully brilliant chapter!

Forgive me for the delay. xD

This is so amazing. I don't know how you've done it, but you've managed to create OCs that I absolutely adore. Finn Harper is so brilliant! And so is this story! It gets more and more amazing by the day and harder to not wait for the update!

Leslie, awesome job! xD

9/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much, Drue! I'm happy that you're enjoying the story so far, and like my OCs.

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