Well missy I am disappointed in you. Not telling me you wrote another story, not telling me that it got awarded. I mean come on! You really should update me on these things :). Anyone I stayed up till 2:17am when I have to get up at 7am for class just so I could finish the first chapter. :P Great story! I can't wait to read the rest and congratulations on your award winning story :D.

~Leo

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Hey Leslie,

Sorry for the extended delay, you know how things've been. ;) All I have to say is that is Finn actually feeling things for Molly? I can tell there's definately some chemistry between the two of them, that's for sure.

Well done dear! Can't wait for the update!



xx

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Hey Leslie! Here for the review exchange (finally!). Sorry for the wait. Life got kind of hectic.

Anyway, one thing I noticed was that you switched tenses a couple of times, such as here: '
Molly turned to the front at the sound of Professor Flitwick calling for attention once more now that the sorting is over.' You might want to get it Beta read to sort out those problems. But I spotted no other mistakes, so well done there.

I think you introduced all the characters in a clear and natural way. Some prologues can overload you with information, and you definitely didn't here. I think it helped that you added the family list at the bottom. That makes it less confusing for those who are new to next gen.

I really liked the way you introduced quite a lot of the people around Molly in a natural way. You gave them all complex relationships to her, but at the same time they felt right with the story.

Molly was a really lovely character! You could definitely see the Percy in her, but she was her own person as well (as she should be. No one wants a cardboard cut out Percy). She had a well definied personality so far.

Perhaps a little CC- at some point the style felt a little flat. I think it could maybe benefit from a little more description just to spice it up a little. It was fine, but it could use some more to make it pop.

But, on the whole, I thought it was great. I might have to go on and read some more chapters ;).

-Becca

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What would daddy Percival say when his lovely daughter is having a thing with a rebellious Slytherin boy? Haha.. Love this. I'll definitely wait for more about them :)

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I really think it's great. I love the fact she's her own person and she's getting a crush on a slytherin that isn't malfoy

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that you're enjoying the story so far, and I hope you continue to follow it and review!

xD Leslie

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Leslie this was amazing, really! I was excited when you posted in my thread! ^_^

The relationship between Finn and Molly is starting to grow and I can see that she is starting to have a special feeling for him. It almost reminds me of a little James/Lily.

It's really great!

I've noticed a few things here and there that need tweaking, but I'm sure Alice will fix that! ;)

Let me know when you've updated again! ;)

xoxo

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad that you like the way Finn and Molly's relationship is progressing... I always worry that I'm going to fast when it comes to sticking characters together. And I will most definitely let you know when I update, thanks so much for the review! xD Leslie

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“No need to get your knickers in a twist,”

Ahahaha. A line like this always makes me laugh. Finn Harper is such an awesome character. Really.

Haha, as usual, all the teenage sarcasm was awesome. It made the chapter so much more laughable and enjoyable. :D I love it!

Thanks so much for updating! Let me know when the next one is up!

This was my favorite part:

“Is the grass ever greener on the other side of the bridge?”

Molly had to force herself to quit thinking of Harper with a great deal of effort before she was able to fully comprehend the question that she was supposed to answer correctly to earn entrance into the common room. “The answer is no as nothing ever is better than the other is up close; it’s all in your head.”

“Couldn’t have said it better myself,” the musical voice commented as the door swung forward to admit Molly in.

Just the thought added in on it is so perceptive to Molly's character. Great job, Leslie! ILY!

10/10

Author's Response: Hah, I'm enjoying writing Finn, so I'm happy that you like his character so far ;) And I'm so glad that I'm still doing a good job with the teenage sarcasm and personalities, thanks!

Yeah, I like that part too, and I'm glad that it seems very much like the way I've already characterized Molly to be as that was my initial intention. And thanks for the 10! Squee! I'll be sure to let you know when I've updated xD Leslie

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Hey, I dont know why but my review of the last chapter wouldn't post fully so here it is again:

Heyhey Leslie! Sorry this review has taken so long - I kind of forgot I had a review topic for a while!!
I have to say, I love the name Finn. It's really original, but maybe I'm just being biased because it's Irish!! As for the character of Finn, well I'm not too trusting of him thus far. I mean, one second his an annoying little Slytherin, not unlike a young Draco Malfoy, and the next he's being nice. I get the feeling that he's that typical cowardly boy, who'll be nice to you when he's alone, but will be a total arse around his friends. We all know at least one of them!
I like how you developed Molly in this chapter, as this sort of underachiever. She is obviously living in her father's shadow and doesn't want to follow in his footsteps. And I like how you've developed Erin and Mathis (by the way, is that pronounced Math-eees?) by saying which subjects they like, and just their good-natured bickering.
This chapter was really enjoyable. Well done, Leslie! Sorry again for taking so long to review - my bad!!
Heather x

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, and also expect a chapter in Finn's point of view to be coming soon ;) And Mathis is pronounced that way xD Thanks again!

;) Leslie

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Heyhey Leslie! Sorry this review has taken so long - I kind of forgot I had a review topic for a while!!
I have to say, I love the name Finn. It's really original, but maybe I'm just being biased because it's Irish

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

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Leslie! Another wonderfully brilliant chapter!

Forgive me for the delay. xD

This is so amazing. I don't know how you've done it, but you've managed to create OCs that I absolutely adore. Finn Harper is so brilliant! And so is this story! It gets more and more amazing by the day and harder to not wait for the update!

Leslie, awesome job! xD

9/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much, Drue! I'm happy that you're enjoying the story so far, and like my OCs.

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Hey there Leslie!
I'm glad you let me know when you updated! :)
I'm sorry if my review is so short, but I can't really find anything wrong! Everything seems to be perfect as is! Your descriptions seem to be perfect as always! Flow is at a good pace. Not too fast, yet not too slow!

Im excited to see what happens next in your story, so feel free to drop by again when it's up! ^_^

*Alicia

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm happy that you're still liking the story and of course I'll stop by when the next chapter is posted. I'm working on it now... going to *try* to finish it this evening when I return home from work as I'm more than halfway through it; I just have a couple more scenes to write. Thanks again! ;) Leslie

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Hey Leslie! ^_^
I'm glad you let me know when you've updated this story! I've been wanting to know how Molly's and Finn's relationship plays out and you've been doing really well.

I particularly liked the potions scene. It was refreshing to see Molly stand up for herself against Finn, to show him that he couldn't bully her and get away with it.

I noticed a few mistakes, but nothing to draw from the story.

I'm interested to see how Molly takes to her first detention and if she gets a reply from her father! Let me know when you've updated! ;)

*Alicia

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you're still liking the story and that there aren't any major mistakes to distract from the story line. ;) Leslie

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Hi Leslie!
Sorry it's taken forever for me to review this! I got here eventually!
I really like this as an introductory chapter. It introduces the main characters nicely; Molly, the protagonist, her friends, her teachers, her antagonist. Some first chapters I can just feel lost after reading, but this was really nicely laid out. Snaps for you!
I like Molly's character. She seems very real, very normal and most of all, very Weasley-ish. While she doesn't have the stereotypical red hair, she still has her father's study ethic and the Weasley temper. I like how she's socially awkward too and not very popular, because not everyone can be popular after all. And she is Percy's daughter at the end of the day - I can't remember reading about Percy hanging out with anyone except Penelope Clearwater in the HP series! So the apple clearly doesn't fall far from the tree.
Your grammar and spelling are brilliant. I did notice in some places the tense was slightly off (I think you put "is" instead of "was"...no biggie), but apart from that, it was perfect.
I really like how much of an age gap there is between Molly and Lucy. I think Percy would be sensible enough to plan to have kids seven years apart. And it'll make for a nice big-sister-little-sister relationship between them later on in the story.
I liked this, it was very well-written, and I like that it's about Molly. She's a NextGen kid we barely ever get to see, after all. So very well done! And sorry again for the delay!
Heather x

Author's Response: It's okay, you got here eventually, and thanks so much for your feedback. I'm glad that you like the characters and the way I've laid this first chapter out; I was worried it'd be too dull and people wouldn't want to read it. Thanks again! ;) Leslie

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Aww Finns a real git for teasing Molly in front of his friends again, and also for making Professor Holt target Molly about wether or not there was a problem between them.

Nice to see Molly stand her ground after that though!

Strange to see Finn sabotage his own work, even if it was Mollys too. But seeing him get Molly into trouble for something she didn't do just makes him seem all the more like a true Slytherin. I'm guessing it's gonna take alot for Molly to even start thinking again that maybe he's a decent guy.

I really hope Molly decides to enlist the help of Fred and James to get back at Finn! I'm sure they'd come up with a great prank and it'd be nice to see Molly not worry so much about getting into trouble and start having a bit more fun.

Nice description of the strictness of her father, Percy. That's exactly the kind of father I'd imagine him to be.

This stories starting to get really interesting i'm eager to see where it's gonna go. Nice work =)

- deany xo

Author's Response: Well, let's just say it'll be a while before Molly asks for her cousins' help to prank Finn. She still doesn't like getting into trouble, but she'll learn that sometimes it's worth the trouble if you have fun in the process at times. But that's all I'm giving away. ;) Thanks again for reviewing! ;) Leslie

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Nice chapter, I feel like it flowed alot better and the coversation and tone of the scenes was easy to follow.

I noticed that someone else already commented on this but i'd like to mention it aswell. The line "You should watch out, or that pretty face of yours will get stuck like that one of these days," I also found strange how Finn said Molly had a pretty face but then went to say it could be improved if it got stuck like that? Maybe I missed the meaning behind that sentence.

The last scene between Finn and Molly was really good. I liked seeing a different side of Finn revealed, and hope that maybe he can learn to start being nice to Molly while he's in front of his friends too =)

- deany

Author's Response: Yeah, I think I fixed that line... though I think I only fixed it in the word document I save this story's progress in. I'll have to check to make sure it's changed on here. And I'm also glad that you enjoyed the scene between Finn and Molly toward the end. Thanks for reviewing! ;) Leslie

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Hey Leslie! It's deany here from TGS to review your story =)

First of all i'd like to say it's interesting to see all of Mollys family scattered throughout the different Houses, as opposed to throwing them all in Gryffindor together. I thought that was a nice touch and I'm hoping to find out more about their different personalities throughout the story.

I really like in this story how Albus and Scorpius are friends because I think that the idea of blood status not mattering so much, as it did back in their parents days, is a good one. It's nice to see a Potter and a Malfoy getting along for once.

I also like the apperance of Flitwick and Neville in this chapter. I had always wondered who might be Headmaster in the next generations days at Hogwarts and I think that Flitwick is a perfect choice!

One thing that I found a bit confusing was it seemed sometimes like you were using different tenses? But it didn't come up that much, mostly in the paragraph where Flitwick is reading through his list of things to say.

I also found in some places, particularly with Molly and Christian, that the conversation didn't flow as smoothly as I think it could have.

But apart from that it's a good start! Molly and Finns little run-in was interesting, I'm looking forward to seeing how their relationship plays out. Also i'd like to see a little more of Mollys background story. Hopefully that will come up in the next chapters =)

- deany xo

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing, and I'm glad that you're enjoying the story so far. And thanks for letting me know on the tense issue and awkward dialogue. I've always struggled with tenses, but I'm really working hard on getting in the habit of writing the correct tenses and I think I've improved greatly since I first started writing fanfiction. As for dialogue, it's definitely weaker than my description... but I'm working on it. Thanks again for reviewing! ;) Leslie

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YAY! Chapter three! As always, this was wonderful and I have no CC for you. Only praise.

Everything was dead on, enjoyable, and loveable. I'm falling more and more for this story. I'm looking forward to updates all the time. So update them faster. ;) And make sure I don't forget to drop by.

This was perfect!

I can't wait for more to develop in this story. I can see that it will be fantastic. xD

10/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much, Drue! I'm glad that you're still enjoying the story, and I hope you still continue to like it as it progresses onward. xD Leslie

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Hi Leslie!
It's celticbard from TGS, here to review as requested.

This is the first Molly II story I've ever read and I must say, it was nice to get a more extended perspective of the Weasley family. I like how Molly seems to be a normal girl in most aspects. She enjoys reading, but is not a clear-cut nerd like Hermione and she seems to have some normal differences with her parents. And even though she feels apart from most of her family, she's clearly accepted her place in Ravenclaw without lamenting over a missed chance to be sorted into Gryffindor. Your descriptions were likewise well-done. I got a sense of the scene and was not overwhelmed by wordy passages describing the exact hue of the night sky. ;)

The only thing I would suggest working on is the inclusion of Molly's backstory and characterization. Some parts of this chapter read a bit like an info dump. Instead of telling us about Molly's personality, show us. Let bits of her personality shine through in dialogue and her interaction with her friends.

Also, I noticed a few typos/grammatical errors in this chapter, but a quick proofread should take care of those. ^_^

This was a nice beginning, Leslie. I'm curious to find out how Molly's Seventh Year will progress. Please feel free to drop by my queue and request another review anytime. Take care!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the really informative and helpful review! I appreciate it greatly, and will most definitely stop by to request another review. As for the more showing instead of telling, I'm really working on that and I think that ch. 2-4 are more on the showing side than this chapter was; at least I hope so. Thanks again for the awesome review! ;) Leslie

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Ooooh. Awesome chapter! You've really got into the side of Molly's frustration and it came out wonderfully! I love how she snapped back at him! Finally standing up for herself, good work.

I feel like your descriptions were even stronger in this chapter. The writing was much more clear and therefore made them pop from the rest of the paragraph whenever I read one. Great job with that!

Again, your emotions could use a little more show than tell, but I feel like that's really improved in this chapter. There were very few times where I thought you had skipped over explaining the emotions just to get on with things, which is fantastic!

The repetition again, could use work, but like the emotions was much better in this chapter! There was only one paragraph that stuck out in my mind where you repeated Finn about 5 or 6 times... so basically in every sentence. But much much better!!

I just love the way these two interact. how he blamed her for throwing the eggs in... how he's such a PRICK. It's really wonderful!

I'd love for you to re-request when the next chapter's up!
-Jill

Author's Response: Yay, I'm happy that you enjoyed the chapter! xD And I'm really enjoying getting inside of Molly's head, so to read that you like how I'm characterizing her just makes me smile really big as I write this response :-D

Whew, I'm glad you can see an improvement in my descriptions as I was really trying hard to fix that flaw in my writing. And I'm really relieved that you can tell that I've been trying to work on not repeating words over and over in this chapter.

Thanks so much for another fabulous review as it's really helped me! ;) Leslie

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Firstly, I apologize profusely for being so tardy... I went down to NYC then my computer died on me! But now I've got a new pretty one and everything's in the clear -- I hope. :]

I think the emotions in this chapter are very well played... his difference in attitude when he's around his friends and alone is something almost anyone can relate to and it worked very well for your characters. Additionally I think the talks between the Ravenclaws about Finn being ridiculous are relate-able as well. we've all talked to our friends about the person who's being a jerk to us for no reason whatsoever. You've really worked that in well.

However, I can't help but notice a few things in the rhetoric. There were loads of paragraphs that had a LOT of repetition in only a few lines... some of the words being 'hall', 'class', and (not to be nitpicky, this is merely for example) 'chapter' - in the A/N. You've shown that you can use a wide variety of words, I think it'd be wonderful if you could use synonyms instead of repetition; it would only make your writing stronger.

Additionally, while you portray the emotions very well - deciding what to play off of, what to highlight with extreme precision - the audience would benefit more from a bit more show than tell. I couldn't help but notice that you stated how each character felt throughout the chapter. Not that you should do it all the time, but working the emotions into the words that they speak, describing their facial expressions or body language a bit more could really do wonders. It's amazing how much stronger a piece is when you tweak the smallest things.

"You should watch out, or that pretty face of yours will get stuck like that one of these days," Harper said. "On second thought, it’d be an improvement to what it looks like already." -- I find it interesting that he's commenting on her face being pretty but then saying that it would be improved. I had the feeling that he was being sincere in the first sentence - I guess that was a misread on my part. Just figured I'd comment.

Would she still have a secondhand book even though the family's famous now? I'm just curious.

"You’re so in despicable" -- The 'in' isn't necessary... it's not actually part of the phrase; many accents end up throwing it in for some reason, I never understood why.

Really though, I know I tore it apart a bit, I enjoyed this chapter a lot! You characterized them all so well! If you want to go through specifics on what I mentioned above or have questions or anything definitely PM me! I'd love to help ;]

I'm going to do the next one and save you from requesting ;]
-Jill

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the feedback! I'm definitely trying to use more synonyms now that you've mentioned it and I really do appreciate you pointing that out to me. It helped a lot, and I hope you notice it in the upcoming chapters.

As for descriptions, I'll definitely work on describing the characters emotions more than telling. I hadn't noticed I was doing it until you pointed it out and I went back to read through the chapter. I'll work harder on showing rather than telling from now on.

Heh, I don't know, I just see Percy as the kind of parent to by books secondhand because really it's cheaper and it saves money for other things. In other words, it's a sensible thing to do. As for "despicable" or "in despicable"; I completely agree with your reasoning as that's what I originally thought, but then a little nagging voice in my head told me to add the "in" at the beginning of it because that's how I've heard it used in sentences the most. It's very confusing the way some words are supposed to be said one way but then most people add some little conjunction at the beginning or end to go along with it. Anyway, thanks again so very much for this really detailed review as I really do appreciate it! ;) Leslie

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I'm really enjoying this Story, I have already read the other Reviews and can see you don't need any more kind of critique, everything I picked up has been by others. That said, I noticed the DADA professor took five points from Gryffindor, I'm guessing that was meant to be Ravenclaw?

Author's Response: Oops... I so did not catch that when I went over the chapter before posting and I think you for letting me know about that as I have fixed it. Thanks for reviewing!

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Hey Leslie! Me again ^_^

Okay, I think your interations between Finn and Molly kinda remind me of a Lily/James episode. IDK why, they just do. Where James would be teasing Lily one minute and the next, he'd be all lovey dovey with her. I honestly don't think there's anything wrong between the characters themselves.

I did notice a few things here and there that coulda been looked over, but other than that, hun, I think you've got an excellent chapter! ^_^ Flow of the chapter went smoothly, too.

Let me know when you've posted chapter 3! ;)

*Alicia

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing ch. 2, I really do appreciate the feedback that you've given me!

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hello! i'm back for round two as requested! sorry this didn't come as expedient as the first one!

Ok! So you wanted me to look at the interactions or relationship between Molly and Finn. Ok! So the first thing I gotta say was that the teasing Finn did kinda reminded me of Malfoy teasing Harry. It was almost kinda more on the juvenile side than being playful. But those juvenile jokes guys throw at girls are usually because of one reason...But anyways, the scene in the library kinda changed things a bit because at first I didn't think he was that playful, but after the library scene, you introduced his playful side. He still teased her, but he wasn't being a jerk or mean about it. He said that he wanted to get to know her and what not. That was a good cover to show the side that he's just wants to have fun and he's not being a jerk.

I also didn't think it was too rushed. It was going at a good pace because when he first approached her in the library, he teased her. He was just all two faced and "Hey what's up? You seem like a cool person! Let's be friends!" Nuh uh. That is not the way to go.

Sorry if I sounded like I was repeating myself!

californialove

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the feedback, and I'm glad that the interaction between Molly and Finn is going at a nice, steady pace instead of a fast one. I really want to ease them into friendship slowly, and even more slowly for their relationship to blossom after that... but at the same time I don't want it to go too slowly. Thanks again!

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Hey Leslie! Alicia here from TGS with your review! ^_^

I love what you've got going here. Everything is so spaced out so evenly. The flow of the chapter isn't too fast, yet it isn't too slow. It's just right.

I did however, notice a few gramatical issues that might want to be looked over. They weren't anything to stray away from the story, but were yet noticable.

Your characterization of Molly is done very well. She seems like the type of girl I was in High School. I didn't wear a lot of make-up and I wasn't as sociable as I shoulda been, but I did have a few friends. She's very believable.

Your creation of the couples relationship is wonderful. It's sounding like a typical love/hate relationship forming and it's written very well.

Feel free to drop by again with the 2nd chapter. I'd love to know what's going to happen between Molly and Finn! ^_^

Author's Response: Thanks for the helpful review! I really do appreciate it, and I\\\'m glad that you liked this chapter. And I\\\'m glad that the pacing isn\\\'t too fast or too slow, but just right. I was afraid it was too boring, so I\\\'m relieved that it was interesting enough to hold your attention.

And I\\\'m glad you like my characterization of Molly and her relationship with Finn. I\\\'m trying to make their relationship seem original and not too cliche like most love/hate relationships turn out to be. So, hopefully, I can continue to pull this off in as originally as I want it to be. Thanks again for reviewing!

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Interesting. It's good though. I like it. Continue soon please!

ps. This "nice" Harper-person, do they end up liking each other? Well, it seems that Harper already likes her, so...??

9/10 :)

Author's Response: I don't know... does it seem like Harper likes her? Or could he just be stringing her along by toying with her emotions by being rude to her and then turning around to treat her in a nicer manner as if they were friends? Those are the never-ending questions. Anyway, thanks for the review and I'm glad to read that you're enjoying the story so far and I hope you continue to like it.

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