YOU HAVE TO FINISH THIS STORY! PROMISE ME YOU'LL FINISH IT ?! Report Review
Please con't with the story. I love it. I want to know what happens when they meet Report Review
Here again with chapter two's review!
Is 'on' suppose to be in all caps? Just wondering :P
Love that Draco and Astoria aren't perfect!
ďWhy donít you sleep.Ē -There should be a question mark there. Unless it's a statement ;)
I enjoyed this chapter too :D Draco's characterization is great and I really enjoyed reading his interactions with Scorpius!
Great chapter and please request again when another chapter is added :D
9/10Author's Response: Thank you so much again for reviewing.
Yes, "ON" is suppose to be in capitals. All my chapters will be starting in capital letters.
Of course Draco and Astoria aren't perfect. There will be some sweet moments for Astoria and some very "Draco" moments for Draco. Well, at least hopefully there will be.
"Why don't you sleep." is a statement. He is telling her to sleep; not why aren't you sleeping. (At least that's where I think that was.)
Thank you for the review (again) Report Review
EmeraldCity from the forums :) I'm SO sorry it has taken so long to get to this!
I really enjoyed reading this for a first chapter! I love how Ron made up a 'group' to keep boys away from Rose :D It's sweet. Your characterization was great and I didn't notice any errors!
10/10Author's Response: Sorry, it has taken me so long to review; school work has been really hectic.
I always saw Ron as the over-protective parent; and one that would have a club. It just seemed to fit his character.
Thank you for the review. Report Review
I got a feeling as if I was dropped into a fairy tale at the beginning of this chapter. I loved how you opened it. This will really draw readers in the way you used the beginning and the way you described the opening. The reader is instantly drawn in. It was a bit like reading an old fable or a story tale.
I noticed a couple errors here and there. You want to be more careful proof reading and such or if you are really concerned about it I would recommend a beta. Plus there you get a new friend! It was as little as mis spelling words but that throws the reader off.
Great start, This was a little AU. But it's interesting. If you want another review come back and request again in THREE DAYS if I have an open slot.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. Yes, it is meant to be in the style of a fairytale. I didn't grow up reading old fairy tales, just Walt Disney, so I'm not that familiar with older fairytales.
I am thinking about getting a beta, because as I have said before, my spelling is terrible. As is my grammer.
Yeah, it is a bit AU. But there is so much freedom in Next Gen then there is in another era. Report Review
I feel like the bearer of bad news today. I do like the story, I LOVED the characterization of Astoria in this chapter, but there were a few bits of bad news I must give you.
vinalla smell- That's just a spelling error. Vanilla is the proper spelling.
he say the greyness of his eyes; the exact shape and nearly the same colour as his own (Scorpiusí eyes were a shade or two lighter and more welcoming than his own). - This one I do in fact feel sad about. Babies are born with dark blue or dark brown eyes. So a newborn could not have light grey eyes. The eye color lightens as an infant, and takes from two to six months. I think this can be easily fixed by pointing out that Scorp has a different facial feature that mirrors Draco's, and you can save the grey eyes for later chapters.
3340grams - Usually measurement of weight outside the US is in kilograms, not grams.
Otherwise, I am really loving the story, I love that you started it with the births because it gives the reader a chance to look at the characters of the parents. I am sorry about the eye color thing.Author's Response: I'll have another look over this chapter; my spelling is terrible, even off the computer, which has spell checker.
I actually didn't know that about babies. I'll change it to what you suggested, describing that he has different facial features to Draco. Also, I didn't know about the grams part, because I live in Australia, where I'm pretty sure we measure in grams. At least when I was born, that was how it was measured.
Thank you for your review; you have really helped me. Report Review
I am not sure if you realized that your characters are a little AU, simply because of the ages. You said that James was the first grandchild of Molly and Arthur, when he wasn't born until 2005, while Victorie was born in 2000. I am just wondering if you were doing this on purpose or not. Also James is only one year older then Al and Rose. All of the age differences can be found in the Epilouge of Deathly Hallows.
If you did do this on purpose, pardon my little rant. I think that your writing style is very cute. I don't know why I said cute, but I can't think of a better word. At the start of the chapter I thought that Ron was a little off character, but by the end you had him dead on, so that fixed itself.
Also I noticed a couple dropped letters here and there. Like once you said friend instead of friends. Make sure you pay attention to that, or have a beta look it over.
I am excited to keep reading, so I'll end there.Author's Response: Yeah, I knew it was AU. It never actually said, more implied, that James was a year older than Albus (at least I'm pretty sure it didn't). But I did know, but thanks for pointing it out.
I'm hoping to get some time in the next couple of days to over look the chapter. I'll look for those dropped letters.
Thank you for your review. Report Review
You spelled Manner wrong, I do believer itís spelled ďManor.Ē I donít like how fallen apart you make Draco out to sound. But thatís just because I adore him lol, no offense to you or anything, itís not your fault. Iím noticing a few more errors in this chapter too. A beta for such little things might be a good thing. You spelled ďManorĒ right later on, hmm lol. Other than that Iím glad you showed the beginnings of these two young characters, it really is important sometimes. Canít wait till their first day on the Hogwarts Express! I look forward to it. Please request again when youíve updated Iíd be happy to review! And as always it was a pleasure to help you out :DAuthor's Response: Oops, I'll fix that. Next time I have some time I will go back through the chapter and fix the mistakes. A beta would probably be a good idea too.
Well, Draco isn't my favourite character, but I tried to make his character as I saw him in Deathly Hallows. He was secluded from his family and he lost the power of Crabbe (or Goyle, one of them). So I thought of him as having a rough time, living under the same roof as Voldemort, the pressure that was placed upon him in the Half Blood Prince and then seeing Dumbledore "murdered". That would be enough to turn anyone's head.
I have an idea in my head about the next chapter. It will either be on Plateform 9 3/4, or it will take place during Rose's childhood, just giving us some idea about her earlier life. But I am undecided about weither just making a prequel to the story after I have finished it.
Thank you for your review. Report Review
The beginning sounds like the start to a video game, I was thinking Zelda lol. Classic and amazing! Or the start to an age old fairy tale, itís really well written. I noticed a few random typos but it didnít take away from the story. There were a lot of unnecessary spaces at the end, you should fix that when you look back for typos. But seriously, this story was great, I canít wait to read on :D Thanks for requesting it.Author's Response: Haha, Zelda the video game; that is a new one. It was meant to start sort of like an old fairy tale.
I'll go back and look over the typos when I get some time, hopefully in the next couple of days. I'll also get rid of some of the spaces; my computer goes a bit haywire sometimes.
Thank you for the review. Report Review
awesome story! Love it!Author's Response: Thanks for your review. Glad you liked it Report Review
Wow. So this is very well written. It has the tone of an actual fairy tale, which makes the story just as interesting. I definitely enjoyed reading something that was a little different on the site. I've never read a Scorpius/Rose story either, so this experience is literally completely new to me. Haha.
Great job and good luck with future chapters.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review.
This is my second Rose/Scorpius story that I have written, but the first is terrible (so bad I just can't continue writing it (it isn't really s/r, more femeslash)). So, we both are new to this pairing.
I did intend for it to be sort of fairy-tale like, which I'm glad it turned out to be like.
Thanks again. Report Review
What is so terrible about red hair?
Please write more soon!!Author's Response: Thanks for the review.
We are talking about Draco Malfoy here; the guy that hated the Weasley's.
There is nothing wrong with red hair; it's just how I imagined Draco to be like. Expecting red hair to mean the end of his son's life (not really obviously).
I'll try and write some more soon, but it might be a couple of weeks. Report Review
I really like this so far. It's nice read about what you think their lives were like before Rose and Scorpius went to Hogwarts... It's very original and different from a lot of stories that I have read!
Please update soon ;)Author's Response: Thanks you severus478. It will soon go to their life at Hogwarts, probably after the next chapter, but I'm not sure. Also, the format might change; it depends on how much I get into the story.
I'll try and write some more tonight, but most likely not; I have two assignments due within the week. Report Review
It was a great ch. Can't wait till the next one!Author's Response: Thanks for your review. I'm only about 500 words into the next chapter and school goes back next week, so it might not be out for a while. Report Review
I'm really enjoying this so far and can't wait to read more. It's a cool and original idea. Please update soon!Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I\\\'m going to try and write the next chapter today. It\'s already been started, so hopefully, I\\\'ll be finished with it soon. Report Review
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