Reading Reviews for Introspection
  
8 Reviews Found

Review #1, by WeasleyTwins Introspection

7th September 2009:
Hello! I'm here to review for TGS's Frantic Frenzy!

As a closet Dramione fan, I have to say that you've done an excellent job with this one-shot! It held more meaning for me personally because they did not engage in any sort of physical contact. The entire piece focused on Draco's emotional state, but did not dwell the whole one-shot on his feelings for Hermione, or his thoughts, rather.

The description and flow were simply amazing; they really brought the piece together nicely. I have no CC, which is good! I really enjoyed this and it was a great way to spend 10 minutes of my Monday off xD

Shelby

Author's Response: Ah! Thank you so much! I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this. You know, you really hit was I was trying to accomplish... to me Dramione isn't about the romantic love scenes that so many people find OOC... it's this relationship of representing something that can't be regained from the past, just as I wrote it. Actually, that's WHY I wrote it.

Thank you so much for this! I'm ecstatic :D


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Review #2, by HogwartsGirl618 Introspection

21st August 2009:
Jill! Firstly, you are back! I'm so excited to get back to writing knowing that you will be there to help me in writing ideas and comma therapy. =)

I loved this chapter. You've done something completely remarkable- one, make a fascinating story without one word of dialogue, and two make it even remotely realistic for Draco to be glancing at Hermione (with his Books 1-4 persona =) He's very calculating and I loved the fact that he's a bit frustrated with himself as well- you conveyed that brilliantly.

I also found your glimpse into his family life to be very intriguing- how you explained it swiftly without overkill- which is great because it's introspection.

So was Draco OOC? Nope. Are you awesome? Yep.

Kudos =)

Author's Response: Haha yes! And you're back too! I think we'll be squeeing over that for the next week or so ;] But yes, I'm certainly ready to help with your writing! Hopefully you can stand my less awesomeness at the same time.

I really like this whole no dialogue thing and I'm actually trying to find an idea for another. Maybe a chapter of Goodbye Ellie will follow suit. It seemed to work really well for me. And I mean no offense to any Dramione writer (especially yourself) but this was really my ideal of what their relationship would be like. Not romantic at all - more reminiscent of what used to be and how they represent that for each other.

You know, I think someone commented that I should take the family part further, but I didn't think so and you've kindly confirmed that for me. Draco, I feel, would rather shrug off the idea than keep prodding it.

Haha, thanks for the review love! They always make me smile from ear to ear :D


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Review #3, by Lily Marie Evans Potter Introspection

6th August 2009:
Hi there, Lily here from TGS.

I'm really sorry I didn't review before that exchange closed but circumstances sort of prevented it (hospitalization after a major surgery with no Internet connection.)

I feel especially guilty after those awesome reviews you gave my novel...real food for thought, thank you very much.
Anyhow, back to your story. You ask if Draco is OOC and quite honestly, I think he is. It's probably a personal peeve, but I find Dramione in general not very believable. Even after his vulnerable stage in HBP, I can't see Draco feeling that way about Hermione, sorry!

Interesting style you have though, I noticed you didn't have any actual speech in the story...reminds me of my very first fic, no direct quotes. Was the absence of dialogue intentional?
At any rate, even I, a true Dramione-hater, see the potential here, well done!

Lily

Author's Response: It's all good, thanks for taking the time to do it now! I hope everything is well now that you're out!

I was trying for something different in this by removing all the dialogue. It was really difficult for me because I'm so rooted in having characters express themselves through their words, so exploring ways to write out his actions was very experimental and fun for me. I'm glad you thought that there was potential even though you dislike the ship!

Thanks for the review!


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Review #4, by AntigoneBlack Introspection

2nd August 2009:
I think that what you wrote really could be thoughts that were going through the head of Draco during HBP. Hatred for a father who basically gave up his son for the slaughter, despair at the idea of having to fail. He truly could be going through all of the emotions that you mentioned here. I find it a very accurate portrayal and a nice piece of character work on your part.

And the Dramoine was subtle and actually brought something to the piece.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm really pleased that his character is working well... I've never written him before, so I was worried.

Personally I think that most Dramione stories are a little out there... the lovey dovey ness and whatnot, so I felt like I'd do something a little different ;]

Glad you enjoyed it and thanks for the review! :]


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Review #5, by padfoot4ever Introspection

1st August 2009:
Hi there!
Heather from TGS here with your review request! :)
I can't believe you've really done it - you've made a Dramione story seem realistic! A lot of Dramione stories seem to portray Draco as kind and loving - you've really captured his rather horrid personality, and his confusion because of his attraction to this person he was raised to hate. He wasn't at all OOC. You've made him seem like a real person. He knows that he doesn't really have a chance with her after everything they've been through.
I really like the length of this. It's so simple, and quite short, but it really says everything it needs too without being too waffly and boring. My favourite quote was "Stupid decisions hold as much weight as a bank full of gold; they can both make or break you." I don't know why, but I read that a few times because I liked it so much!
Your spelling and grammar were excellent too, which really makes a story readable! Yours was great, I really enjoyed it. It flowed very well too, jumping from the present class to Draco's inner resentment for his former self, his father and the death eaters in general, mixed with his attraction towards Hermione, but also his slight hositilty towards her for being a Mudblood, and a good guy while he's stuck as the bad guy. It's really complex. Very well written. :)
10/10

Author's Response: Ah! I'm so glad it was realistic! I've read a couple of stories that I really liked because of the writing, but I didn't really feel like any of them touched what I believe Dramiones "should" be. I'm really pleased that you liked his character :D I really tried to put in the reality that they had no chance to be together. but I like the idea of them being attracted to one another, or at least him attracted to her.

I thought the length worked well... I was only going for a moment in time, but tried to show how it was more than just a momentary thought for him. I'm glad you enjoyed it! And I worked really hard on that line... It still wasn't quite right and I've actually just edited it, but thank you!

Ah! I'm ecstatic that you thought this was good. Thank you so much for your review! I really really appreciate it! :D


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Review #6, by ChoS_sista_gurl Introspection

31st July 2009:
OOOH, Jill, I absolutely adore stories like this - the ones that stop time in a moment and examine it from a character's perspective, showing that character's thoughts and feelings towards it. Then, at the end, the moment ends and everything normal starts up again. Yum!

Err...yeah, I think I'm just rambling now. If you understand what I'm trying to get at, props to you! Haha. =]

There was one part that stuck out to me: "Stupid decisions hold as much weight as a bank full of gold; they can both make or break you." Before this sentence, it was all he-she-them, etc. Then, allofasudden, there's this YOU. And it just doesn't fit too well there - it's almost like you're drifting into second person, then yanking yourself back.

Everything else was good. I like how Draco holds himself back from acting on anything and tries to hide that he's watching her. It seems like a very Draco thing to do. I don't know about the resentment towards his father, but with all the pressure I suppose he might feel that way. You could add that Draco knows the danger he's in if he does not prove himself; he could question his own desire to complete the task, and his motives [to protect his mother, mayhap?].

Ooohkay. This was very nice, and I think I have rambled sufficiently to reach the nicely-lengthed reviews that you usually give me. =] Do let me know when you post a new piece!

~Gabby

Author's Response: I went on a totally different branch with this story - I wanted to see how it went over. It seems that everyone who's reviewed liked it! I'm glad you did :]

I did understand what you were trying to say - I'm another rambler who seems to have no point but really does. I'm a fan of Dramione, but not as most people write it. There are a select few that I enjoy because they're written really well and not to OOC, but this was my view on how their relationship "should" be. I thought it was a little short, so I'm glad you're suggesting something to extend on. I may get to that... eventually. RL is ridiculous at the moment.

Agh. I knew there was something wrong with that line; I just couldn't figure it out! Looking at it now, you're right. The you is just horrible there. Thanks for noticing that!!

And thanks for this review as well! I'll let you know when I post another one-shot. I'm currently working on one about Dedalus Diggle, but if you're interested in reading something longer I've added the next chapter of my big project "Give A Little" in the past couple days... it should be out early next week. Thanks again for the lovely, unexpected reviews!!! :D


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Review #7, by TwilightPrincess Introspection

21st July 2009:
Hi, there. Here to review as requested ^_^

Let's start from the beginning.

Draco Malfoy shook his head violently, hoping it would purge the improper thoughts of that bushy-haired Mudblood from his mind. I really like this as an opening line. It's actually quite a simple act in reality, but you made it interesting by using strong verbs such as 'purge'. I also really like the use of the word 'improper' here because it tells me exactly what I should be thinking about this. It inserts me into the story directly. Great job.

For days he'd been relentlessly attacked at random intervals during the day by her face, bubbling up from the depths of his mind at many an inconvenient moment. Again, the use of the word 'attacked' is brilliant. It tells me exactly how he felt about seeing her face so many times.

He face hadn't crinkled in disgust nor paled with shock. Her.

He hated to acknowledge the light of hope that bloomed with such a reflection. This line is very smart. I know that's an odd way to put it, but really that's what I was thinking. You covered so much in that sentence, which is really brilliant. The right words, the right emotion... it was great. If you can string a sentence together like that, you can do a lot. I'm impressed.

I really liked this piece as a whole. While I can't bring myself to understand Dramione at or, much less give it any kind of merit, I found this enjoyable. You didn't go overboard. Everything was understandable and you stated it in a poetic and fun-to-read way. Really, great job.

Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much! I put a lot of time into getting the verbs in this to work well - I got sick of using 'was' and similar verbs all the time - so I'm really pleased that they went over so well.

Ah! I knew there would be a typo somewhere! Thanks for pointing that out :]

I'm stunned into silence! I really don't know how to reply to this... it's one of the most complimentary reviews I've received, so again, thank you! :D


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Review #8, by KaraBlack Introspection

19th July 2009:
Hello there! KaraBlack from TGS returning your review request! =D

Flow: The flow is fairly an easy pace here, time is set by the potion making and how far along that is. We enter at roughly, maybe the middle of potions class and then finally end the story at the end of class, it gives a good middle-end but not so much for beginning. For instance, for awhile I was really confused about when this story took place but there's one line that clears it up later on but I think maybe mentioning the time period earlier would help out the reader more. It seemed a bit out of place to have it mentioned there and not at the beginning. Now, don't get me wrong, I completely understood the story,it's just that some things could've just been explain more so that the setting and flow worked better together.

Characterization: Draco's character is pretty well done (I'm a bit more picky about reading him since HBP came out xD But I do believe that you've done him well here) I feel like maybe you were a bit hesitate with his character though? Like, maybe trying to back up his feelings a lot? I suggest next time to just let it flow a bit more. If I could make another suggestion? Maybe have Draco's thoughts be darker about the whole Voldemort mission thing, I loved how you wrote that no one was talking to him anymore that was fantastic reasoning! I loved that part personally! But, I would've liked if it was a bit more angsty when dealing with how he felt about Voldemort.

Word Choice: Very nice =)

General Opinion: Very interesting! I was more interested with Draco's character rather than the possible liking of Hermione for some reason. I think that this works out really well but I would've liked it just a bit more if Draco's character cranked up the angst a bit more and a bit more setting (as far as time period) goes. It might've been just be me who might've had a bit of confusion with that though.

Hopefully my review helped!
-Kara xD

Author's Response: Yes! Thank you so much for this detailed review! I really needed it on this story... there've been a few reads, but no response and you've really hit on what I was nervous about.

You know, I kind of just wrote... and started in the middle. I'll go back and try to add in the beginning of class as well. Also try to add some more emotional detail. I had some different stuff, but I felt like I was getting too wordy, then this was so short, and argh! Haha I just didn't know what to do, so I left the wordiness out... teachers always told me it wasn't usually good ;]

I'm glad you liked him for the most part. he definitely is used a fair amount, and he's pretty complex. I will definitely have to go more in depth with his thoughts. And I didn't really want the main focus to be how he's interested in Hermione... because he's not interested in her in a romantic way. She represents how he's changed, so I'm glad that that wasn't what you really picked up on. That's also why there's no ships listed for the story ;]

Thank you SO MUCH for all the concrit... I'll eventually get to edit it... hopefully when I start classes again life will calm down some. Thanks again! :D


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