I think that the plot is good and you have the right ideas, but the characters aren't really round enough or whole enough. I mean lets take Harry for instance: he is just this really love struck boy who can only think about this girl, and i know that that is what people are like when they are in love, but what about Harry's shyness when it comes to girls? And his stubborness...? Shouldn't Snape be a bit more nasty to Harry because he is over protective of his daughter? And the main character is a bit too perfect, you know? I mean, its bound to be not just smiles and feeling at home at Hogwarts? I feel like it's not raw enough, but other then that, I think your ideas are very creative and entertaining, but maybe some more subtle hints about how the other characters feel about this?
I know you have finished the story already, but maybe for future refrence? C:
Sorry the review is so long!
A friend :]Author's Response: i've since rewritten it a few times, a really need to update it :) i should probably start doing that. thanks for the review! Report Review
I love this fan fiction, so far! I really hope that you keep writing! Report Review
You do realize, that its not possible to apparate or disapparate on hogwarts grounds? The plot is good otherwise. Except for other minor flaws, such as the fact that Harry hasn't passed his apparation exam by this time. And that Sirius is dead( but I can accept this, because he is awesome!) Report Review
This hurt me to read, though it was good. WHY DID HE DO THIS?! WHY?! Report Review
Good story but you should really check on the spellings all over it. The 'to's are wrong and the 'know' and the 'no's are tooAuthor's Response: yeah, I wrote this a while ago, before i understood the mechanics :P thanks though :) Report Review
Amazing story. Loved all of it!!! Report Review
I like bitch-Hermione, I'm so used to liking her, I needed a change lol!! Report Review
I'd forgotten how lost Kiley could get in her memories, I always liked that chapter because of it :) Report Review
Naaw, Harry and Kiley are so cute :D Report Review
I love this story so much, I've decided to read it again! :D Report Review
OMG!!! that was an AWESOME work!!! takes alot of creativity to write such a story that people won't fell asleep while reading it.only the ending was a tiny bit off. lolz... i look foward to reading more of your stories!!!Author's Response: thank you so much :) Report Review
Really? "captains can't play?" Wtf?Author's Response: again, fanfiction. I can make any rules I want, it's my story. Obviously you like it if you've read this much. I'm not going to defend what I write to you, so either read it or not. Don't read it and don't waste your time if it's to mundane for you. Don't stalk it if you hate it. Please and thank you. Report Review
This is pathetic. Once again, you can't use muggle electronics in the wizard world. And sev would murder harry if he didn't ask permission first.Author's Response: since when? this is fanfiction. Understand? you have a limited mind. Open it, and maybe you can enjoy fanfiction a little more. Report Review
Phones wouldn't work in hogwarts. Any one thats a potter fan should know that.Author's Response: um, since when can't you use phones in Hogwarts? did J.K. Rowling ever say that? where phone's ever even addressed in the books? and Potter fan should know that. Report Review
Youuu should have made jonny the b..., not hermione. she's his best friend, so it wouldn't make sense, since she's the one always trying to seee ther good in severus.Author's Response: jonny? who is that? Report Review
ok now i am worried, it would be just like Voldermort to use Kiley against Harry to get him to do what he wants. oh crap. Report Review
You may want to use a few more adverbs. The story is all over the place and everyone is completely out of character, but for some reason I can't stop readingAuthor's Response: that's the whole point, love ;) Report Review
First the bad news . . . there were 2 things I didn't like:
1.LUNA DIED!!! :( That made me really sad!
2. Draco didn't find someone, or he did but they left him, I felt really bad for him at the end!
Now the good news . . . I loved this story! It was an odd take on the series but it somehow worked and worked well! I thought Harry and Kiley were PERFECT together and I really liked the Kelly/Kiley(or Pauper/Princess) relationship, by the end they were practically sisters! Also I thought it was interesting to see the nice sides of Draco and Severus because we all knew they were there! Plus I thought seeing the b*tchy side of Hermione was pretty fun! Overall, brilliant story and I'll probably read the 2nd one soon!Author's Response: i LOVED writing Severus's part, i couldn't stop laughin @ some points :)
the kelly character is modeled after my best friend, their relationship is modeled after ours :)
thank u :) Report Review
It was really good!!:) so there is going to be another one!??? May i just ask why you wrote nineteen years later if you have another book coming out of their 7th year???Author's Response: because I had only planned on writing one book but then I had a dream that became the second book :) Report Review
Hi greAt book btw but i am kinda confused!!! Narcissa,Bellatrix and Andromeda are all sister riight?? And Bellatrix and Sirius are cousins??? Wouldn't that make Narcissa Sirius's cousin as well??? Cuzz if i understood properly they had two kids!!!? Draco and Kelly??Author's Response: Narcissa is adopted, this is my reasoning behind this whole madness that is Sirius and Narcissa Report Review
I loved this whole story you are were really good at coming up with it. But i hate that Sirius dies :/Author's Response: thank u :) i hate tht 2. but it needed 2 b so :/ Report Review
OMG. I LOVE YOUR STORY.
Absolutely adore it.
Gawd, it's awesome :)Author's Response: thank u so much :) Report Review
When Luna jumped in front, I had sworn it was Draco!!!Author's Response: a lot of people thought that to lolz but i can't kill draco! Report Review
You should make a one-shot of the days of when Draco and Hermione were little...haha.Wouldnt it be kinda awkward with the narcissa/sirius? because isnt Narcissa's maiden name 'black'Author's Response: pardon? Hermione? and yes, my thing with that was that she was adopted because she looks nothing like all the other Blacks :) Report Review
Oh, please not be Draco!!! He's awesome and all, but depicted in this story.
He is pretty funny though, and he really does love her.:) hahaAuthor's Response: yeah he really does love her :) which creates a problem doesn't it? :) Report Review
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