Here for your last review!
This was gorgeous, Rin. The style was slightly different from your later stuff, and it was really interesting to see how it has developed over time.
I have a (major) soft spot for Lily/James, so I was really glad you requested one. You've certainly done the ship justice here. The relationship between them was perfectly written and each character blossomed in their own way. It felt very true to canon, despite us not knowing much about them at all.
The premise was simple, yet you used it really well. Two teenagers finding refuge from a war in nature- I loved how the word War didn't even come up until quite late on. It came as a shock, and it jolted you firmly back into 'reality' as you remember they wouldn't live for more than a handful of years after this. You used the idea really effectively.
Dialogue was where my one minor quibble came in. Most of it was lovely, really natural and it moved the story on, but one particular line really harred the flow for me.
"There is nothing more you could give me that would make me happier than you already have."
I can see what you were trying to do, but it seems a little too formal for a girl to say to her boyfriend. I would imagine it- not more casual, but more intimate and less stiff than that.
The description was gorgeous, OF COURSE. You never cease to amaze me :P.
That really was my only CC, for overall this really was lovely.Author's Response: BECCA. YOU ARE LOVELY. AND I LOVE YOU. AND YOUR REVIEWS. BECAUSE YOU AND THEY ARE LOVELY.
Thank you so much! I mean... wow! I don't even know how to respond, because it is just so wonderful I'm just... breathless. Wow. Thank you! Thank you so very much!
Ah, dialog. It's going to kill me, I swear. It's going to sneak up on me with a rusty spoon and then POOF, that will be the end of my livelihood. Just like that. With dialog and a spoon. Anyway, thank you so much for bringing that to attention. I have a really, really hard time with natural dialog, so I can totally see where you would have a quibble.
Thank you so much, again! I really, really appreciate it, my dear.
- Rin Report Review
hey, I'm here for the aparecium review exchange!
this was such a great one-shot! it's the perfect image of a happy moment during the war for James and Lily, without being saccharine. Your description is really excellent - I tend to be picky about description; stories that are nearly all description often bore me, but this just sucked me in and kept moving along really nicely. I really liked Lily's thought at the end, it summed the whole piece up so perfectly, especially combined with the quote at the beginning. Really awesome one-shot, thanks for writing!
10/10, easily!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it. :) Thanks so much for the lovely review and all of your feedback. I really appreciate it. Report Review
Hello Rin! I enjoyed this story sooo much! Your characterization of Lily caught my attention as so true. How she ran with total abandon and the joy she felt in sharing that with James was totally tangible. When she remembered the war and began to berate herself, then forced herself to remember that she was just a teenage girl struck as me as just perfectly Lily. I love this story!Author's Response: Thank you so much! This has to be one of my favorite one shots, simply because of what you stated above. I'm flattered! I really am. :) You have no idea how much this review means to me. Thanks (again)!! Report Review
I loff this story Rinni! I realized I hadn't reviewed it, so I'm back to do so!
The imagery you used here is just amazing. Word choice, fluency, everything. It's a perfectly beautiful story. I can really see Lily being like this. Running and laughing with abandon, and then berating herself for it. But it's a moment, an event, she'll never forget.
It's a touching scene between them. We the fans know what's going to happen to them. We know what's coming. And we can't help but hope that they had moments like this. Where they were happy and without the shadows that are coming. Yet still mature enough, and maybe scared enough, to think about what's coming.
This review makes no sense. To sum it up: I love it!
~ShilohAuthor's Response: Oh God, Shiloh, thank you so much. I... really have no idea how to respond, simply because I'm speechless! I... wow. Thank you so, so much. It's really lovely reading kind reviews from your friends. :) I love you! Report Review
Review Fever: Frantic Frenzy
I read this previously before and I don't know what came over me to not have reviewed it.
You really have the most wonderful descriptive voice: the title of this story alone conveys that. "When the Sky Is Splashed with Red." That's a beautiful image that makes the reader want to find out more, at least in my case. The fact that you've used the present tense to write this story only adds power to the feelings and emotions you've written here.
Furthermore, you've set this story to have this sort of innocence that is rare to find amongst romance stories. Running yet out of breath if only to see the sunset: very romantic. It's very endearing to see that even if for but this moment, the two can forget about the war, and everything else, and just be happy.
Oh. I have to point this out. I keep forgetting to do so with everyone else, because a lot of people are making this mistake lately. "Towards" is not a word. It's simply toward. No s.
Overall: this a wonderful, wonderful story written with beautiful and clear descriptions and imagery.
-AxjionAuthor's Response: Omigoodness, thank you so much. I haven't responded to this until now because I had no idea what to say, and I still don't! Thank you so much. I really can't express how happy you've made me. :)
Thank you for pointing out that mistake! I'll keep it in mind and go back and fix it right away.
Thank you so much. I mean... really. Thanks so much.
- Rin Report Review
Hey Rin! It's Kalina here with your requested review. :)
So I read this a couple days ago and hadn't the time to review it then, so I'm doing so now. I'm so sorry about the wait! Stuff piles up and I got into this really intense writing mode and gah ... I really shouldn't be making up excuses. :P
Anyways, onward ho! Can I just start by saying I love the mood of this piece. Love love love it. Just the two of them, Lily and James, running up to the sunset and then diving into the water. It's not even romantic (well, yes, it is, but that's totally not the focus). It's the fact that they can get so separated from their lives, from the earth, from the war. And like Lily's thought at the end (that sentence was beautifully perfect), carrying such a weight can't be good. Either for your spine or for your whole self.
I loved the way you described the way they both ran. When you said her muscles ached, my muscles ached. When she dove into the lake, I dove into the sea. And that is your highest aspiration as a writer. Make your reader feel what the character feels.
I truly have no criticism. It was beautifully perfect. A simple moment, not stated when, that could have worked absolutely whenever.
Masterful, Rin. I truly enjoyed this. 10/10, and I don't give that out lightly.
XOXO, KalinaAuthor's Response: Goodness, Kalina, what a review? How am I supposed to respond to that? XD Bah.
Wow. I'm.. flattered! Absolutely flattered. I'm really, really pleased that you enjoyed it, and it means a lot coming fro man author like you. And my descriptions! I'm really glad you liked those, because sometimes I have trouble with them. Some fics they'll cooperate with me, and others they won't. :)
Thank you so much for the review, again. I'm really, really flattered.
Rin Report Review
This was amazing. Absolutely beautiful and heart-warming. It is hard to forget thing when there is a war going on, but you managed it splendidly. You really wrote and described a scene so excellently that it was completely possible to forget a war. This was amazing.
Something else that I liked was that they could strip down - almost completely naked, maybe all the way - you left that out and I like that. But I really liked how they could be like that together and not be all feeling each other up. It really shows that James and Lily have so much to their relationship - not just the physcial stuff.
This was amazing and so beautiful. Rin, you're such an amazing writer. :D
10/10Author's Response: Aw, Drue, thank you so much! I really appreciate the feedback! It means a lot, coming from you. ;)
I was originally going to have them skinny-dipping, but then when I wrote it, it just seemed... awkward. And you\\\'re right, James and Lily have so much more to their relationship besides swimming naked together. :D So I\\\'m glad you liked that!
Again, thank you so much! I can\\\'t express my gratitude in full.
- Rin Report Review
Wow. That was hardcore intense. I'd say it was marvelous, but that may be a bit too modest for what it deserves.
It was such a warming, welcoming revelation. A simple piece of fanfictional literature that charged an uncharted path. A basic, loving place where nothing matters except what you feel right now.
It is astounding. This is astounding. Bravo to you, Indigo Seas. Bravo and thank you. Something so carefree as this needed to be written. I thank you for sharing it, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Bravo to you. Bravo.Author's Response: I almost don\\\'t know what to say! I\\\'m truly flattered that you think that this simple piece was good. And thank you so, so much for all of your marvelously kind words. I cannot express my gratitude in full for what you have said. Report Review
very beautifully written - very beautifully indeed. =)Author's Response: I\\\'m really pleased you liked it. Thanks for the feedback! Report Review
Lovely, absolutely lovely!
You should do a sequel, where they get eaten by the Giant Squid ( don't worry, it poops them out as soon as they've finished with an in-depth disscussion of their feelings for each other, and they survive to tell the tale )
CheersAuthor's Response: Lol, I really like the in-depth sharing moment there. Maybe I should do that, and then they could go through therapy for their post-trematic stress. Ha.
:) Report Review
You can't escape the scary things completely, but you can definitely do it for awhile. I loved this little moment. I've read a couple other things by you, and you do such a good job of expressing a character's thoughts with your use of language. You paint a really vivid picture, and it's enthralling. And you put it to great use here, where it was the physical beauty that helped Lily get away from the burden of thinking about the war.
I loved this line:
"I'm only a girl, and bearing weight on your shoulders with every step can't be good for your spine."
It's so easy to lose sight of the fact that they were teenagers -- barely out of their childhood -- when they had to face the worst facts of the world. "I'm only a girl," is exactly the right way to express what Lily must have been feeling. And I imagine James really helped her hang onto whatever sense of youth and innocence she still wanted once she had to confront what was really happening.
Awesome job. 10/10Author's Response: Oh wow, I don\\\'t even know what to say! Thank you so, so much. When I started this fic, I wasn\\\'t even sure where to take it, really. Then the ending came and I just sort of added that bit, and it totally fit. I\\\'m really flattered that you like it. When I first started writing, description was something I truly struggled with, so I\\\'m really, really happy that you think I\\\'ve improved in that area.
I don\\\'t even know what to say any more! I mean... thank you so much. You\\\'ve made my month. Report Review
wicked! you have a real talent, which you should extend to other creative writing.Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! I am really glad you think so. Report Review
i like this fic. keep up the good work please.^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: Will do! Haha. Thank you so, so much. Report Review
Wow. :) This was pleasant. I really liked it. Great detail. Very enjoyable, I liked it a lot. :)
-MrsK.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I\\\'m flattered. Report Review
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