okay another chapter please read my story puffy lace Report Review
OMG!! I LOVED IT!! please keep writing!! you are an AMAZING fan fic author, please keep writing!!Author's Response: Thank you very much it means a lot to me since I have received more reviews on this fan fiction I will make sure to write more on it. Report Review
I love your banner! Sorry, just had to say that...:D
I'm not normally drawn to Marauder stories because they're all usually the same, but I thought I'd give this one a go. And I'm glad I did. I liked your interpretation of Lily's character as a bit more melancholy. I completely relate to her feeling sad about it being the last year of school...I've just finished college and it is quite sad to wave goodbye to that chapter of your life. But you've also given her more emotions, such as pride at being Head Girl and scorn at how James treats her, which is nice because it makes her character more 3D and well-rounded.
Your first paragraph was a little awkward to read. You have a typo: 'It was the last first morning of school' which kinda confused me a bit. Also you write about Lily putting down her book three times where once would have done. It would also have been nice to have had a little bit of dialogue in this chapter, even if it was just Lily saying bye to her parents. At the moment it reads as though everything is happening to her and she's just observing it from a distance; I think dialogue would anchor her more to the action of the chapter.
Overall I think you've made a really good start to a Marauder fic. This era is, in my opinion, the hardest to write because there are so many things that can be viewed as 'cliche' (ach I hate that word!). But you're steering clear of them which is awesome. Great job 7/10!
xxxAuthor's Response: Sorry for taking forever to write you back. This is my first story and I really appreciate your feedback. Thanking for taking time to read my story and I hope to be updateing soon! Report Review
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