What I think I found odd, or at least unsettling, was how she was in such a slump, filled with doubt, and then, almost out of nowhere, she couldn't contain her hope. The foreboding suddenly vanished, and it wouldn't do that. Real terror, the way they were living, would've embedded itself even into her hope.
Besides the very ending, I loved it. I was moved by the way she was listless without being agitated, how much sorrow her heart could contain, how much fear. How looking around the room to protect Harry was her reaction, even when her rational mind told her to stop.
I love the voice you wrote it with; it was so powerful.
Bravo to you. Report Review
I apologize for the long delay in your request from the forum! I really enjoyed this story! I think it is very accurate portrayal of Lily and James! My only suggestion is that you could draw it out a bit more. Reflect a bit more on things going on with the Order and the war. Other than that, it is very good!Author's Response: Thanks very much! Yes, I agree that it could be longer. Thank you very much for taking the time to review and give your opinions :) Report Review
Oh. My. God. You have me crying! This was so amazinG! I really really really want you to keep writing lily and James stories! I'd read them all! so good! you are an awesome writer! *claps and tons of cookies* -Charly!!Author's Response: Wow, thank you sooo much!
Sorry I made you cry *hugs* but I'm so glad you enjoyed it :) I'm planning another James/Lily at the moment, so keep your eyes peeled (:
Thanks again for the lovely review! Report Review
Sorry I took a while to get to you.
My first reaction, when I read the summary was..wow!! I have never read a fic with a flawed Lily in it before and your fic just makes the whole situation so much more realistic. Even before I started reading it, I already loved it for being unique. =]
A tear came to my eye when I read about James wanting to be in the action, for just one last time- I feel so sorry for him. He was to be free, fighting for what he believes but is trapped inside a house...poor thing.
*sobs* I seriously never ever cry reading fanfiction, but when she was making sure the room was safe a tear ran down my cheek, I could really feel her hopelessness.
After reading the whole thing I'm in a sobbing mess, it was beautiful...the ending was perfect.
Just one thing, the Potter's didn't think they were going to die, Peter was their secret keeper and so they thought he would keep quiet and it would all blow over...but being cooped up in a house all the time must get to them.
Really really lovely story.
p.s try and not to start sentences with 'and' its grammatically incorrect.
9/10Author's Response: It's quite alright, I know how life can get sometimes (:
Thank you ever so much for the compliments! I really enjoyed writing a flawed version of Lily, as it's something that I've never really seen done before.
Goodness, I'm extremely flattered that the emotions in this fic really came across to you. That hopelessness and desperation was what I was really trying to get across.
Yes, I understand that the Potter's thought that they were safe with Peter, but I believe that when they first went into hiding they didn't have a Secret Keeper? I may be wrong, but this was set pre-Secret Keeper, if that makes sense :)
Thanks ever so much, and I'll take that grammar thing into account ;)
I really appreciated your review! Report Review
This is a very good story. I enjoy the fact that it is a fanfic about being cooped up in Godric Hollow, there aren't enough of those out there. I think you have great potential. I think though you might want to add a little bit of Harry. Maybe just a touch of humor. Even the slightest funny comment in a story can bring the rating up three extra points.Author's Response: Thank you very much!
Yeah, there aren't really a lot of Godric's Hollow stories floating around, which is a shame because that story has the potential to be very interesting.
Thanks for the suggestion about the humour. I guess I just got so wrapped up in the James/Lily and the angst that I forgot all about anything else. I'll definitely bear your comment in mind ^_^
Thanks again for taking the time to review! Report Review
Hey! Lonely Star here from the forums with a very late review that I'm very sorry for. Really, I'm sorry.
Anyway, this was a great fic. It was different and original - and I congratulate you for writing it that way instead of going down the cliche path. I liked how the James/Lily relationship was under strain. It makes sense that the relationship would be under strain as it's themselves locked up in a house, and if that happened to two people in reality I'm sure their relationship would become similar.
Characterisation was really good too. For both the characters - Lily and James. Grammar and spelling were just perfect. No mistakes out all in those areas! Your length for this one-shot was good as well - it wasn't very long, nor was it short. And pace and flow was excellant.
I'd have to give this one-shot 10/10, because overall it was a well thought out and planned fic, and written well ^_^Author's Response: Thanks very much! Don't worry about having taken a while, I know how life can get :)
Yeah, I really didn't want to go into cliche territory, because I thought that this was a lot more realistic. I'm happy you thought so, too.
Thank you for the compliments, and I'm extremely happy you thought Lily and James were written well :)
Thanks ever so much for taking the time to review! Report Review
Sorry it took me a while to get to this review. This was a nice story a very unique take on things. It makes a lot of sense to me that things would end up this way, I'm just left with a lot of thoughts and very little words to say. I know the feeling of a story needing just that little more and in this case I agree with you. It is quite a good story but could use just an extra punch at the end. The only thing I can think of would be to have something for them to laugh at of to bring Harry back into focus a bit as well, that might do the trick.Author's Response: It's quite alright, I know how hectic life can get :)
I'm glad you liked what was there, but thank you for your suggestions on how to improve. I agree with it needing a bit of 'punch' at the end, and thanks for the advice!
Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
This was bitter-sweet and very nice. It threw me off guard when she had fantasies of Sirius and Remus instead of James, but the ending was very well done.
"We're young, Lily. Our lives are only just beginning, and we're wasting them away by living like this. This is the end of all of that stupidity,"
That was my favorite line. Sort of like music in my ears. It kind of reminded me in the movie Titanic when Rose says she's going to get off the dock with Jack and they are going to end of living happily ever after, but you just know they aren't going to. That's how it felt.
Very good characters. I'm glad you've shown them with strengths and weaknesses =]].Author's Response: Thank you very much!
Yeah, I think bitter-sweet is probably the perfect way to sum this story up. I like it when readers pick out lines, so thank you for doing that :)
Yay for very good characters. I'm glad you thought that!
Thanks very much for taking the time to review :)
This was an amazing One-shot.
I deffinetly felt the emotion seeping through the words. Haha. I loved it. I didn't really find anythign wrong with it soo goood job [:
xxJessAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it and I really appreciate you taking the time to review :) Report Review
I really don't think there is anything wrong with it! The flow is nice, the story is nice. It's the only story I have found that shows them just a little bit of them as they were hiding, and the feelings and emotions. You hit the emotions head on, they flow nicely and they are perfectly fit to what they are feeling. They are real
Great Job!Author's Response: Wow, thanks ever so much! I\\\'m very glad you found nothing wrong :)
Thanks for taking the time to review! Report Review
This was very great. It was written wonderfully. The flow and dialogue you asked me to comment on are perfect. I got completely absorbed in the story and everything seemed very natural.
I loved the route you took with this. You showed a fragile and very believable side to Lily and James that I haven't seen done before. All of the emotions Lily feels are very real. The ending was perfect, a bit bittersweet since we know what happens.
I have nothing to critique in this. It was great. Feel free to request again anytime.Author's Response: Thank you very much! I\\\'m so pleased that you enjoyed it :)
I hadn\\\'t ever seen a Lily/James Godric\\\'s Hollow story done like this before, either, but it found it to be quite an intriguing idea once I started writing.
Thanks for taking the time to review! Report Review
I have arrived! Sorry for the wait. ;)
My favourite parts:
"Lily Potter had been living in Godric’s Hollow for just over a year, and ever since she arrived she had found herself both physically and mentally exhausted."
-Very good opening lines. I've found that (especially in one shots) that the first paragraph pretty much decides if anyone is going to read your piece. Great job!
"That was what Lily hated the most about being hidden away from her friends and from all that was familiar and felt like home to her"
-I never really considered how Lily would feel about being taken away from everything to hide! Good job for giving me a brainblast! *confetti falls on your head*
"Every time Dumbledore said no James broke a little more, and it made Lily’s heart ache. "
-You get bonus points for good characterization and marvellous description here and in the paragraph below. ;)
"It was in that moment that Lily Potter realised that she was going to die. That sooner or later, she didn’t quite know when, fear would find her and that, possibly in that very room, she and her family were going to meet their end."
-Wow! Love it. I can't really explain why, but this bit was like the icing on the cookie! ;)
"“I need you to tell me everything’s going to be alright,” she said desperately through her tears. “I need you to tell me that nothing’s going to happen to us. I need you to tell me that I shouldn’t be scared. I need you to.”
-...just wow. Perfect. Amazing. Heart-wrenching! I need better words!
"“This is the end,” he said after a long while, and Lily’s heart skipped a beat. Had James, too, sensed that their lives were coming to an end and that time was rapidly passing them by?"
-Again. Just...wow. This is very impressive! I almost started crying here.
"No more moping around, no more silence, no more fear. Because if we continue to live like this, he’s won. And we have to win. ”
-More bonus points for good characterization. I am stunned. Flabbergasted!
"In that moment, she knew that love would conquer everything. "
-The perfect ending. :)
The Usual Suspects:
Grammar: 10/10. I didn't notice any problems.
Characterization: 10/10 Perfect. Lily and James are behaving just as JKR intended them to. Kudos to you!
Length: 10/10 The perfect length for the avvid reviewer and reader.
Flow: 10/10 (but more on that later)
The Ever-Dreaded CC:
Well, I make it a point to always find something to critique (well I try,at least). Just don't overthink this, because I scavanged for something to pick on.
Your summary makes it seem like it *might* be one of those stories where Lily sneaks off and cheats on James. But once I read it, that notion died pretty quick. Like I said, don't over think it. I had to pick on something. ;)
Your Personal concerns:
"The flow, mainly. Do I jump from one part of the story to the other too quickly? Do I need more depth?"
-Not at all! The transition was very smooth! I wouldn't have noticed it if I hadn't been searching it out for you. ;)
I think that it's plenty deep. You went into detail and explained everything very well and kept it insanely interesting at the same time. Great work!
Overall: This is an excellent piece of writing. It's easily the best one-shot I've read about Lily and James in Godrics Hollow (which is saying something.) You should be very proud of yourself!!
So, to wrap this up, I'd like to ask you to pretty please come back to my thread with another one of your stories! Thanks for giving me something good to read! I seem to be having very good luck with that lately!
Have a Splendiferously Fantacular Day!,
10/10 (of course!)Author's Response: Wow, thank you SO much! This review has completely made my week :D
Thanks for picking out your favourite parts; I really love it when people do that because I find it helps me when I next come to write and helps to better my writing style :)
I, too, hadn\\\'t ever really thought about how Lily would have reacted to this situation either until I started writing this.
I\\\'m very glad you liked the ending line, as I wasn\\\'t too sure of it myself (:
Thank you very much for your compliments on my characterisation! I wasn\\\'t sure whether I\\\'d characterised Lily a little off, but I\\\'m glad you seem to disagree :D
And thank you for commenting on my personal concerns. There are so many reviewers that tend not to do that.
Ahh, the summary. I was stumped when I was trying to write something, so I just ended up copying and pasting from the one-shot. Though you said it wasn\\\'t really to worry about, I\\\'ll go back and look at it anyway :P
Again, thank you very very much! Your review has been fabulous :) Don\\\'t worry, I\\\'m sure you\\\'ll definitley see me back in your review thread! :D Report Review
nah...i really liked it...nth wrong...Author's Response: Well good, I\\\'m glad you enjoyed it :) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I think it was very heartfelt. Every emotion Lily was feeling, I felt. You portrayed them well and got their emotions flowing off the page and to the reader. I could connect with Lily and her fear. I loved this one shot. It was a good heart wrenching one that made me wish I could hug Lily right now. It felt real. Great job. As an author, i know I'm always criticizing myself and my work thinking it's not good enough to post. But when I post it, I'm surprised about the reviews I receive saying it's amazing. You've got talent and it's showing through this lovely one shot. Great work. :)
(and for some reason it puts slashes in a few words.odd..must be my computer or something. lol)Author's Response: Thank you very much! That was one of the things I was most worried about - making Lily sound believable and real, so I\\\'m glad you thought that was achieved :)
Oh, and I\\\'ve noticed the slashes thing too. It keeps doing it in my reviews and responses when I put an apostrophe... but I don\\\'t know what\\\'s causing it :S
Thanks ever so much for taking the time to review!
Animic here! :)
Hmm...I thought you balanced the story quite evenly. I think it was a very well done story. However, I never imagined Lily and James being so distant. Then again, that's just my opinion. haha. It was a very interesting approach to their lives after they had Harry. I kind of wanted to slap Lily when she started to think about Sirius and Remus. I find it funny that Wormtail wasn't mentioned at all. :P I wonder why. haha.
I liked it though. Kind of created an eerie sort of theme but it got cute at the end. haha. Almost really sad. Because we all know how it really turned out :(
Good job! :)
~AnimicAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review!
No, I hadn\\\'t ever pictured James and Lily being distant either, but then this plot bunny struck and I decided that it could happen to anyone, really.
Yes, no Peter. Can you blame her? :P
Thanks; I wasn\\\'t sure whether I should have ended on a positive note because we know what happens, but I\\\'m glad you liked it! :) Report Review
I had a tear in my eye at the end of that
I just think that you've captured all of the emotions and the anxieties perfectly and you've expressed them with such a sensitivity that it's really quite heart wrenching
You have a lovely style
Beautiful one shot =]
spam_up_sam xAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you ever so much. This review made my evening. :)
I'm really glad you liked it, and thank you for reviewing! Report Review
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