that last part where Ron screamed about the swors made me laugh so much. please update soon! this is getting interesting.^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: Yes ma'am! =] Report Review
COOL! i think it is ok and great Report Review
I adore this story! The plot and the characters work so perfectly :) Keep writing :)/Author's Response: Thanks! =D Report Review
Pleaaase doo update soon! :)
I'm attached to the story now! lol.
Your a very talented writer, and I love how descriptive you are. :)
I write a few stories now and again myself, but their not as good as yours. Oooh. I actually love this story!Author's Response: Aww, well thank you! I think I have chapter 7 complete, actually. I'm just tweaking it a little bit and then it will be up! Perhaps in the next week =] Check back soon! Report Review
I personally think that this story is amazing. lol.
I've only read this chapter so far, but I do reeally likeee it :D
Your a great writer (: Report Review
I really like this chapter and I hope you get the next one finished as soon as possible, again really liked it.Author's Response: Thanks! Have you read the others or you're just starting at the end? lol Report Review
Lets try this again :).
I loved your story! Its very well written! Overall, a great read!Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! =] Report Review
Third and last part:
Now here is where I come to the only thing that bothered me. I know that you have tried to create a base for your ship to take place, but it seriously bugged me that Ron and Hermione didnt go with Harry. This is the only things that I find threw off the balance of this story. Mostly because it felt like a twist to get rid of Harry and make room for Hermione and Draco, to simplify things.
Her reason for not going sounded selfish. It wasnt that she was afraid to die, but she wouldnt give up her love to help her best friend survive and save the world... its the worst deviation from the Hermione Granger of the JK books. In the rest of the story, Hermione was very consistent and in her skin as canon (the way you made her for your stry), but in that moment, she isnt Hermione Granger anymore. I get that you have hinted some depression in her, because of the war and everything and that she sees Draco as her chance for happiness, but it still doesnt make up for it.
Anyway, those were my thoughts. Overall I liked your story, it was refreshing. A new angle in a relationship that has been done many times before – that’s quite something. And I loved your take on Dracoa and how you made him work.
Thanks for requesting... Let me know if this is the longest review youve ever recived... I always leave long reviws, but I think I outdid myself on this one... :P Report Review
Part 2: Also I have to congratulate you on two things I was most impressed:
One - your characterization of Draco. By exploring his emotional states you have made his character very easy to connect to. The situation youve put him in makes very good sense (considering who he is). It makes his hesitation, fear and all his emotions very tangible, because we have prove of why he is feeling that way. Its understandable easily. The gratitude, shame, the threads about his family, the knowledge that he loves his family and Hermione but he has to make a choice of who to kill. The isolation is also very ground-based and logic. His character is well thought out.
In the end though, I felt like he left the ring for her to find on purpose. He was Draco Malfoy in the end, he let it happen, let his sub-conciseness decide. If he had really loved her, he would have found a way to take that ring back, wouldnt he? Anyways...
Two - You have tried to stay faithful to who the characters really are. They havent complitely lost sight of who they are individually and who the other perons is to them. Thought in love, he is a Death eater, and she is on the other side. There were parts in the story where this brought conflict and suggestions that this conflict was never forgotten by either of them, even though it was bypassed most of the time.Author's Response: I'm quite relieved you were able to connect, actually. Some people simply find it impossible if he's not being a complete arse. But you know...I think those are just close minded people ;]
Hmm, I'm not really sure if he left it there (subconsciously) there for her on purpose or not. Perhaps I, myself, (subconsciously) made him leave it there for her on purpose. Does that make any sense? lol Report Review
Hello there. Im here with your (really long) review. I read the whole piece and I have to say I was quite impressed. Also, this is a general review, but it was so long that I was embarrassed by its length and deiced to split it.
I have read a few Draco-Hermione stories before and I am a fan of the ship but it also makes me nervous because usually, to be good, it has to be very well thought out. What I found was different about this story is that you skipped thought the 'getting to know each-other and falling in love' part. When we meet Draco and Hermione, they are already in love and I just had to see how it went from there. This, to me, created a whole new scenario, a different kind of story, not the usual Dramione.
I really like your description of the sights and the background too. Sometimes it felt like it reflected the emotional states of the characters, especially with Draco and the way he both relate and alienates himself to the Slytherin common room. The end of the story, felt like unfinished (I'll expand on that later), but I think that part of its charm. Kinda keeps you wondering what happeed…Author's Response: Well certainly, it's still a WIP! lol But I'm still glad it keeps you wondering.
I have gotten very conflicting views about them already being together. It's confusing. I'm not sure if most people can just accept it and wait to hear how they got together later or if I really need to put something small in the beginning that elaborates on that a bit more. Report Review
Legit. I really don't have much in the way of criticism for this chapter. I enjoyed the little trip to Hogsmeade and the altercation in the Three Broomsticks.
Ginny may have been a bit dramatic, but I think one could argue that is within her character.
Good Job - 9/10 Report Review
Hmmm. I'm curious about this last task of Draco's and how it relates to Hermione. His father surely seems adamant that it must be done. Which makes sense. He needs to 'uphold the family honor' or something like that.
It makes a good deal of sense that Harry is being pressed to go, but why is no one going with him again? I don't quite understand. I get that Ginny shouldn't be allowed to go but why not Ron? Hermione just plain doesn't want to, which could make sense.
I think, at this point, your best hope at getting us to understand Draco and Hermione without understanding entirely is to give us little glimpses - maybe insert a few flashbacks, or even a prologue that takes place before the action of the story.Author's Response: Yeah, I think a prologue would make much more sense than anything else.
Technically they're left behind to do something at Hogwarts, which you're supposed to find out ;] And he's actually supposed to go...eventually. Report Review
It struck me as odd that Draco might wear Muggle clothing. It seems like the antithesis of being a Death Eater - not that it seems he really wants that life anymore.
He and Hermione have a growing chemistry in this chapter, which is a very good thing. But again, I'm concerned that that isn't the way Hermione would react. Yes, it is the opposite of everything she holds dear, but yelling and storming is more Ron or Harry's style. She'd probably just sit there and fume.
Also, well done in Slughorn's class. Ron may sometimes be dense, but Harry has some relatively keen powers of perception. The lovebirds comment shows that Slughorn probably does too. Interesting how he ignores both Draco and Ron, the two people most commonly paired with Hermione.
Good job.Author's Response: Yeah, you're right about the muggle clothing. I will probably change that.
Your last statement confused me. Who ignored Draco and Ron? Harry?? Report Review
Hmmm. So things sort of progressed from the sixth book the same way. The book was given to Hermione and Harry's dead set on leaving.
You're doing rather well with the kind of pressure a secret relationship with Draco would put on her relationship to the rest of the Gryffindor crew, but I'm still a little worried about how this came to be. It's a bit difficult to accept as a reader.
As for Draco's reaction to seeing her with her friends in this chapter, I feel that he'd be jealous, but not leave abruptly. Draco is a Slytherin - they're very good at hiding what they feel. He wouldn't have survived this long if he weren't able to do that.
Okay, that's my two cents 8/10Author's Response: Yes numerous people complain about not knowing how they got together. Maybe I need to put something in the very beginning, perhaps in her dreams. I dont know =[ Report Review
Hey! I'm here with your review! :)
Okay, like I said before, I'm not really into Draco/Hermione and this is the first one I've read. I understand why so many people find it appealing - an unforbidden love is always fun to read about ;). Plus, who can ever not take Draco's good looks into account? ;) Those are mostly the reasons that I enjoy Rose/Scorpius so much! Anyway no more of that, onto your story!
I felt a little confused as to WHY Draco and Hermione are so in love with each other. I'm sure though that that's something your going to explain later on. Also, in your chapter one title "Mudbloods Sin Too", you need to have a comma after Sin. So it should read "Mudblood Sin, Too". I know it's awkward :P. But I had to learn it for one of my chapter titles, so I decided I might as well pass on the knowledge. :P
Anyway, you have really good story telling and description. Keep it up!! It was funny to see Myrtle STILL into Harry. :P
Keep writing, your doing fantastic!! :DAuthor's Response: Yes, I've read a Rose/Scorpius and it kind of had the same feel to is as a Dramione. Except people could do whatever they wanted with the characters since they're not really introduced in DH.
Thanks for the comma, lol. I'll change that asap. And yes! I think Myrtle will always be into Harry despite if she likes Draco or not. Report Review
Hm. Well, critique first, eh? Then, happy stuff.
The bathroom in the scene seems disproportionately large for a train lavatory. I can't imagine those are any larger than the ones on airplanes - at least not the public bathrooms on trains. Private one might be larger, but I doubt there are any on this train. Sorry, it's a small thing, but it bothered me a bit.
A lot seems to have happened that the reader is unaware of. Are you going to show us how Hermione and Draco fell in love, or are we just going to have to go with it? It just seems like you may be asking for a little too much suspension of disbelief.
That being said, you write very well and I'm intrigued to see where this relationship came from and where it is going. 7/10 - Room to GrowAuthor's Response: Yeah the bathroom is a bit large I suppose lol. But that is a rather small critique so I'm probably not going to change it =X And yes I'm definitely going to explain what has happened between the two. Granted, it won't be until the middle of the story. I just can't find a good way to explain it beforehand.
Thanks for the honest review, hun! Report Review
Agh! A cliffhanger! No! D:
But a really crazy good one at that! I'm so glad you requested me. I will most definatly check up and review this any time! I can't wait for more!Author's Response: Aww yay! A follower! I'm glad I requested you too lol. Unfortunately, I do not update very often because I started college in January. But I will try not to dissapoint whenever I do ;] Report Review
Wow. You really got the details here. This was absolutly amazing! I loved every word of it. You really got a gift here. This is great! :D Report Review
Another great chapter! You really got all the details and emotion again. This is really great. :) Report Review
I have to say, you did an amazing job with all the emotions in this chapter. You got me feeling like I was right in the middle of it. This was really really good. I loved every bit of it. You have an amazing writting style, and I can't help but to be a little jealous. This was really a great chapter! :DAuthor's Response: I'm glad you're one that can appreciate what I'm going for. Some people say I get too wordy, but honestly, I love it that way lol. Report Review
This is another great chapter in this wonderful story. I have to say, the way you write Hermione and Draco, I'm starting to like the two together more and more. I really like your writing style and your doing an amazing job getting all those thought out into the story. Great job. :)Author's Response: Aww well thanks! Report Review
This was a great start. Very detailed. I normally don't like the Hermione Draco pairing, but you do an excellent job with them. This a has a nice story plot so far, and I can't wait to read more. :) Report Review
Well, I really don't go for Dramiones at this time of the year, but you're an exception.
One suggestion, keep off the cliche parts of it and make it more powerful. Make it seem like he's not going to be poetic about things. That would seem so wrong for Draco Malfoy. Also, Hermione is excellent at her character the way you wrote her.
Keep up the excellent work and re-post for the next review.
Good day.Author's Response: Thank you dear. Report Review
Wow, this seems to be a interesting story, some parts of this is still to understand but I guess I'll just have to continue to read and then get it.
I can't wait to find out how she ended up at his house in the first place after Dumbledore's death and all.
As it seems now, you've just got a new follower XDAuthor's Response: Well thank you! I hope not to disappoint! Just to let you know, it takes me forever to update because I just started college so you don't have to check back often or anything =] Report Review
Hey there once more - here with your second review.
So this is a very well written filler chapter. I like the way you're evolving this story so far. It makes me intrigued and keeps my attetion. Your dialogue is flawless and I can tell that your intentions are clear concerning the plot. Keep up the excellent work becuase this is a finely exucuted story!
~EnnaBellaPotter Report Review
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