" I know that she has not much trouble for English at school, but the English you learn at school is not very *complete*. And Japanese people are a bit difficult to understand in English."
(...) Where did you get this idea from? Yes, some of the older generation of Japanese speak a form of English that is butchered, but the younger generation tends to only have an accent problem. They teach English in schools since very young grades, so they know it backwards and fowards.
Anyways. The fanfic... I am honestly not sure where it is going. I think you threw in a lot of material which doesn't seem to be needed, not to mention the plot is all over the place. I am not sure what is going on, or where everybody is at one time.
I also have to question Dumbledore sending the Granger's, rather then the Weasly family to get Harry from his aunt and uncle. They are Muggles, he would try not to involve them. Not to mention saying "Hogwarts" would not have been forbidden.
If you could get down laying down the plot in the chapters better, the story would snap. Report Review
Instead of writing the Japanese, write the translation in italisize. Your chapters are way to long, they contain multiple plot points within them and are honestly hard for the reader to digest. That said, the plot seems to be going no where... Report Review
Oh boy. I missed the fact that the whole WTF momment was a dream the last chapter. I went back and noticed that there was no scene divider, so I'll appologize for being wrong. That said, the dream really has no point in the fanfic and adds nothing to it except to confuse and befuddle readers in ways that they shouldn't be.
Honestly, Naruko's powers don't work the way you are writing them in this fanfic. You have great ideas here, but they come across as a jumbled, unplanned mess, not to mention the whole thing is wordy and the action and dialog is weak. I had problems following it during the Fudge scene. It's a struggle to get through, unfortunatly.
Better though, then the last chapter. Report Review
WTF. I honestly would have liked to have said that in a good way, BECAUSE, there are some good ideas in here, including ones that I wanted to mess with myself, like Dudley being able to use magic, however... this fanfic chapter is botched big time.
Again, you give way to much back ground information, something you DON'T do in fanfiction. I let it slide a bit in the other fanfic as this is a Harry Potter site and people may very well read crossovers that are from fandoms they aren't familiar with. However, EVERYONE knows the HP story. Why do they need to be filled in on this kind of information.
The characters are horribly OoC. I am personally a fan of Draco/Hermione as a pairing, however... I highly dislike it when people slap them together like this, no explanation as to why she has forgiven him this easily, or WHY Draco is willing to suddenly hang out with a Mudblood.
And then there is Petunia. I know that this is written before the last book, but the behavior of "abuse" seems quite drastic. If her problem wasn't with Wizards themselves and with the fact she wasn't sellected, then the reason she is back lashing against Harry is because she is jelouse. Is she not a grown woman? Would she REALLY be this petty, particularly against the one relative who COULD help her son catch up on his classes that he is behind? She is not someone who is illogical in the way she thinks.
As for the addition of Naruko in this... it does make sense that Naruko would want to steal V's powers. That said, V wouldn't exist would he? Because Naruko steals powers by takiing over other people and devowering them so they become part of him. This though, was mild in comparison to the other two issues, the recanting of "what everyone should know happened in the series" and the OoCness.
I honestly do like some of the concepts in here, just... not the way they were handled. They could have been done better. Report Review
I personally like crossovers. However, I don't like the ones that do exactly what this first chapter does. Maybe if Inuyahsa had been surmised in a much shorter fashion, I wouldn't have so much of a problem with it, but a good deal of this chapter isn't your own work, which is a major disapointment. Simply said, there should have been a better way to have introduced your story plotline Report Review
This is wonderful! Please update soon! Report Review
long and well-written, i hope you write more!
the japanese demon idea seemed very unusual in a HP fic, but it blends in smoothly!
p.s.:) if you have time, please R/R mine as well, thanks.Author's Response: Thank you. As soon as I have time, I'll take a look at your fic ;) Report Review
Ooh! Wow... this is really great!!
Please Keep writing!!Author's Response: Thanks, I will :) Report Review
An Entertaining epic
New York Times
You\'ll want to see it over and over again
A book that goes heights over the others
Wall Stree Journal
See what i\'m saying? I like the story!
Author's Response: Lol :) thank you for the New York Times review :D Report Review
Tromedlov is Voldemort spelled backwards. Please everyone read my FF's-Harry Potter:What happened before and The Confessions of Chloe. Author's Response: is this a review or an advertissment? Report Review
wow...that's really good. you're english is really good as well. bravoAuthor's Response: Thank you :) Report Review
SORTA CONFUSING BUT INTERESTING, KEEP GOIN....Author's Response: Thanks a lot. Although, I'm not deaf, there was no need to yell ;) Report Review
why crossovers shouldn't be made? There's no defense of them, anywhere...
And it's not something that breaks the rules of this site. Nowhere is written that crossovers can't be done.
If you didn't like it, just tell that you didn't like it Report Review
Come now. Save crossovers for another site. Harry Potter needs not be tainted by other stories and their characters.Author's Response: why crossovers shouldn't be made? There's no defense of them, anywhere... And it's not something that breaks the rules of this site. Nowhere is written that crossovers can't be done. If you didn't like it, just tell that you didn't like it Report Review
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