I really like this one, and I remember reading Nothing to Lose.. that was good too. Is Regulus supposed to be so proper? For the sake of the story? Awesome!Author's Response: I wouldn't say Regulus is "proper" but he's extremely serious and very depressed. He does come off as very proper though, when you think about it. It's just the way Reg is and from his upbringing and stuff. He never has had real happiness in his life.
BUt thank you so much. I miss Nothing to Lose, but it was way crazy and I needed to get it back on track so I just started over.
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Wow, you're really back? It seems as if it has been such a long time. I really like the new angle that you are going for with Regulus in this story. I don't know how to explain it, he seems more mature than in Nothing To Lose, but at the same time you make him seem more real, down-to-eath. I was reading a couple reviews before, and I understood the one about continuity, and the breaks between dialougue, but at the same time I thought it added something to the story, so I didn't really have a problem with it. Anyways, I really look forward to reading this story, I am waiting for the next chapter!Author's Response: Yes, i'm really back. :D I'm excited for it. It's been forever and a day, that's for sure.
Yes! So, I went back and was reading Nothing To Lose and I thought 'dude, i think i can do better.' and so, i decided to rewrite it. And this is what I came up with. I think Regulus is more real here. He sees the world as a darker more depressing place (in future chapters this is made obvious) and he is telling his story better, too.
Now that I think about it though, the breaks between dialogue and all are supposed to really happen. I mean, don't you ever have a thought playing in the back of your head while talking? Regulus is telling his story in the here and now. I'm trying to write it so that we are seeing and hearing his thoughts as they come. Does that make sense? Wow, I may have really just made my writing even farther from what i'm aiming for. Anyways...
Thank you so much! I'm working on the next chapter now. :) Report Review
I LOVE IT! Regulus is just an amazing character that no one really seems to take the time to write. A lot of the time he's just totally disregarded in marauder stories. It's nice to finally have a good story about him. I love the way you write. You describe things almost perfectly! Update asap, please!? =]Author's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you like the writing. It's really a different style then what i usually focus on, so i'm a bit nervous about it. And i love Regulus. He's my absolute favorite.
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Hey hun, i haven't reviewed your any of your fanfictions in a long time lol.
Well firstly i'll point out you kind of did a switch over at the beginning. In the books it's usually Sirius Walburga finds useless, whilst she sees Regalus as her Golden Child. It just seemed like the other way around near the beginning of this chapter but that isn't really much of a problem. Reason number one, because it's told from Regalus's Point Of View, and reason number two, because it's your fanfiction and you can do whatever you want in it:)
You still showed Walburga in a mean, almost evil light which i think keeps her very in character. I feel sorry for poor Regalus:(
Plotline and Development: Well obviously the plot cannot develop much in one chapter but i still really liked the basis of it, you can tell you've really thought the story out, and it shows in your writing because it sounds so good.
Flow: Everything seemed to flow pretty smoothly with your writing, nothing stood out or looked out of place, you used great composition in your paragraphing and you did a good job.
Mood: Hmmm, quite dark, quite dramatic in places, creates quite an interesting mood i find.
Spelling: There were a couple of slip ups, i hate to point things like this out but there were one or two miss spelled words you might want to look at, they look like typos to me.
Grammar: This was ok, however, in one or two sentance you had the tendancy to jumble your word classes up, i wouldn't worry about it though, their only minor mistakes most people won't notice, hey don't stand out or anything.
Punctuation: This was good, at least, i didn't stumble across any mistakes, it all seemed perfect in my opinion.
Descriptive Language; Comparing this to some of your other fan fictions your descriptive language is really good in this, and i like your writing style, it's quite different to what i usually read, quite original.
Overall Impression: It was a really good read, the story was brilliant and i loved your banner:)
Oh, and thankyou for saying i'm one of your favourite reviewers, your one of my fav authors, i mean, your stories are really addictive and everything:)
KatieAuthor's Response: My God, i do love your reviews. I save them for last most of the time. haha. They give me both good and bad and are always nice and lengthy. They're my absolute favorite. :)
I always thought that Sirius might have been the favorite when younger since he was the oldest. And it might have not been till later when Sirius went to school and realized he could fight back that he become the disgrace and Reg became the favorite. Though Regulus certainly isn't treated very nicely. He's sort of abused...
I'm so excited for this plot! Regulus was 16 when he became a death eater, right? Ahh! I'm literally so excited to get to the good parts. There's a lot of drama and the mood of the novel is definitely dark. Regulus's whole story was quite dark and there was very little happiness in his life, in my opinion. I like to write happy things, so we'll have to see where this goes.
Yes! i'm so glad my descriptive language is better. This is an example of my most recent writings. Different, yes, because of the whole tense thing, but it's just about it. Personally, I'm liking this present tense thing as much as I like bee stings. And I'm allergic to stings so ... haha. Anyways.
Thanks so much for an awesome review. And the comment about the banner. It took me all day. Haha. No joke.
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what i meant by choppy was that Reguluses thought prossess was changing almost every paragraph, so sometimes if i accidentally skipped over a scentence, Regulus would be thinking someting way differant than what i had just been reading, and i would be like, what? before i backtracked and read it againg and then i got it.
When Regulus was talking to Lana and he kept having side thoughts, and most of the time im used to side thoughts in a middle of a conversation, but for some reason when i read this chapter i guess the side thoughts just didnt really flow with the conversation.
ok so im doing a horrible job of trying to explain that, and its not like the story is bad or anything, I know i could never write that well, but some of your work has been better written. But i cant blame you if u havnt written much in present tense before
ok im going to shut up now
- RachelAuthor's Response: Oh no, I completely understand what you are saying now. I'll definitely be taking the advice to heart and keeping it in mind while going over the next chapter. I want this to be a good read and if someone is getting confused, I want to be told, so thank you so much for letting me know. :)
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thank you so much for writing again, today was my first day of HPFF in a long time, and i got so happy when i saw you had writen a new story.
The chapter was good, a bit choppy, especialy when Regulus thought for a couple paragraphs without any dialogue in between.
a bit slow too, but all first chapters are.
im really looking forward to the next chapter, and i hope you update some of your other stories as well.
- RachelAuthor's Response: Most of the story will be Regulus's thoughts. He's not a very talkative person and we can only hear what he hears. I don't understand how it was choppy? I know he switches to past tense when remembering something about his past. Can you give me an example on how to make it NOT choppy?
I hate first chapters. This was really just an introduction of a silent Regulus and how his relationship with his brother and other people become. And an introduction of the other characters.
I'm working on updates for all my stories. They should be up soon. :) Report Review
This is wonderful! It's a new take on Regulas that I've never thought of before. I thought his mother would at least be nice him, at least nicer to him than Sirius.please update this!Author's Response: I will! The next chapter is getting written up right now. :) Report Review
Wow, I'm impressed!
This first chapter was really a delight to read, especially considering I've never read a Regulus Fanfic before. I suppose it's a nice introduction to a whole other group of fanfictions.
Anyway, update soon! I'm very excited to see where this goes.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading!
There are so few Regulus fics out there. It\\\'s sad, really, he\\\'s such a beautiful character. Even with the little stuff we know about him, he\\\'s fantastic. I adore him. Really, I do. haha.
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woot, your back! i was pretty excited when i read the description, i was so hoping this would be the rewrite (since i lurved that story) and it is! great job, the beginning is quite interesting. your present tense is pretty good, but it can be choppy at times (but that's understandable when writing down thoughts and stuff, i do that too). good job anyways.
really looking forward to where this story goes :) *faved* 9/10Author's Response: Yay! Thanks so much!
I have to say, it\\\'s sort of nice to be back. I have another new story coming in sometime this week and then I\\\'ll update all the old stuff. I really want to finish the old stuff and keep up with the new things. It\\\'s kind of like a fresh start. :)
Present tense is SO HARD! haha. I\\\'m having fun with it, but it hurts my head. That and Reg is such a depressed character, I feel seriously upset when I finish a chapter with him. Haha.
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Yay! I love this story, I really do :)
You did a GREAT job writing the present tense - i personally find it really difficult to write . . .
I also really like the way you write Regulus, he's a really complex character and i aboslutely love stories about him.
The only thing I didn't like as much was the mother - I think it would have been better if there had been a few more details about her . . . I also think it would have been better if the snitch was a real snitch, because i didn't really understand what a toy snitch would do. That section confused me a little, because I wasn't sure if it was when they were children or recently. I think it was when they were younger right . . . ? Lol, Im hopeless like that.
Sorry about all the critisism, but i hope it helps. Seriously, I LOVE this story! You are an amazing writer and I am sooo happy you're starting a new story. It is beatifully written and I hope you continue! :DAuthor's Response: I\\\'m glad you love it!
And my God, it\\\'s nearly impossible for me sometimes. It takes SO much thought. It\\\'s really not funny. haha. But I figure I\\\'ll get used to it. Kind of. I hope.
I\\\'m in love with Regulus. I won\\\'t lie, I have the tendency to fall in love with fictional characters. Regulus is in my top. :P
Lol. I think I put in there that they were very young. Sirius was still the golden son and Regulus was the back up incase Sirius screwed up. The toy snitch, well I made it up but I\\\'m sure if there were real toy snitches they would do something similar to what a real snitch would to. Like a toy broomstick. lol. I was scared of writing Reg\\\'s mom, I won\\\'t lie. I hate writing really mean characters. But i\\\'ll keep details of her in mind for the future. Because we WILL be seeing her again, most definitely.
Thank you so much! I\\\'m glad you like it. And i LOVE nice criticism. Not the mean kind, but like what you gave me. It does help. :) Report Review
Oh, I think it's wonderful! I really liked your old Regulus story, but it's been so long since I've read it that I don't remember most of the details anymore. But I really do love the introduction with all of the details of how Regulus lives to make life bearable. The description of his posture in particular was wonderful. I'm very excited to read more. The only critism I have is Lily flouting her authority by trying to make Sirius apologize to Regulus. It seems a bit out of character maybe. But besides that I have no other critism, it's a wonderful start!Author's Response: Haha. I barely remember my old Regulus story. I read it a little before I restarted it and things are going to change a ton. You know, no Clara, no real close brotherly love, and obvious, the story is starting out while Reg is 16 and not 15. But we\\\'ll see how well everything goes this time around.
I really didn\\\'t like that part with Lily. But there is a reason for her trying to make Sirius apologize to Regulus. I\\\'ll make it clear later, but for now, you should know that Lily just doesn\\\'t like seeing siblings so torn, like her in Petunia. It\\\'s all explained.
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