Reading Reviews for Wings
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Anonymous Wings

31st May 2016:
i think the first one was narcissa and the next two were andromeda and i guess since the second one was andromeda the fourth one has to be her as well, but i kinda feel weird that it's not a 50-50 split

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Review #2, by TreacleTart Wings

25th April 2015:
Hi Celeste,

I'm here because your one-shot was chosen for the Gryffindor book club this week (4/24/15), so I thought I'd come give this a try.

The first thing that I noticed while reading this was the imagery and descriptions. It was lovely. It really painted a clear picture that allowed me to really imagine what was happening.

I have to say that I was a bit surprised at the end when I read the author's note. I honestly didn't find this ambiguous at all. I immediately assumed it was about Andromeda and Tonks. I don't know why, but it just really made me think of her.

This was an interesting look into the different characters and I'm glad that I got a chance to read it! Nice job!


Author's Response: Hi Kaitlin! Sorry for the late response!

Thank you so much for giving this dusty old one shot a try :) It's the first thing I wrote on this account, and I actually forget it exists sometimes.

I'm happy that you thought of Andromeda and Tonks immediately! I love it when readers have intuitive responses like that! I'm curious as to why!

Thank you for reading and reviewing!

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Review #3, by randomwriter Wings

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello again! :) Your writing is so marvelous that I'm sure I'll follow your work long after this house cup is done and dusted.

I must admit that I found this a bit confusing at first, I had to re-read a couple of sections a few times before it could register and click and it made a lot more sense after reader your author's note. It seemed more focused on Narcissa and Lucius, but I gave it a bit of thought and realised that it can apply to Andromeda and Ted too on some realm.

Your writing is lovely, as usual. Descriptions that flow so well, and are vivid and just so lucid. I fell in love with your writing again. It goes well with all the symbolism you've applied here. The bird was a great addition.

This one-shot made me think and it did push me a little, and I loved that about it. I haven't read anything like this before and I thought that it was fantastic that you'd chosen to explore something like this. Great job, I really, really enjoyed this one as well, for its beauty and brevity. You've conveyed a world in a few words :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for all your reviews!! I hope you know how much they've meant to me, truly.

It makes me a little watery eyed when readers come across this one-shot. It's my second or third one shot ever, and the first I felt brave enough to post on this account. I can't say I understand or identify with it at all anymore, and I'm a bit at a loss when complimented for it. I can say that it was an idea that popped up (as most of my ideas do) during a shower, and that it was the beginning of a truly gratifying journey here on HPFF and with writing in general. So I'm extra happy when people read it.

Thank you so much for reading it.

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Review #4, by strawberrydarhling Wings

10th March 2011:
I really liked this one-shot. I have never really read anything like this before and I really enjoyed it.

I was surpirsed though that this was told from two people as I never guessed as I was reading!

This was great :)


Author's Response: Hey Megan! Thanks so much!

This was a bit of an odd concept with the two people thing going on, but I'm glad that you liked it! :)


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Review #5, by _DearMyLove_ Wings

14th September 2009:
Very beautiful.

The sory screamed Lucius/Narcissa to me rather than Andromeda/Ted, though reading back through it with your author's note at the end in mind, I can see how it applies to them as well. I think the reason I thought of Narcissa (if you're interested) was because you were constantly referencing blue (blue walls, blue eyes, blue hills etc) and that is a colour I personally associate with Narcissa.

You have a very unique and beautiful way with descriptions. I loved the first section because the descriptions were so vivid that I could honestly see and feel everything. However you do have a tendancy to overuse words ending in 'ly'. For example in the first paragraph you use three in one sentence (deliberately, carefully, breathlessly), which can be a bit distracting for the reader.

I really like the symbolism you've got in this piece. The contrast between the sun and moon, the bird...its very simple and very effective. As I've already mentioned, I read the whole thing thinking it was Narcissa but reading it again I get how the 'sun' parts could be Andromeda. The way she relates to the bird who flew too far is very interesting...almost as if she is regretting leaving her family behind for Ted. Its an interesting take on her characterisation.

Overall I thought this was an amazingly written piece and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! :D 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

It's interesting you thought it was a Lucius/Narcissa rather than an Andromeda/Ted and I can definitely see why it was so. I won't say much more about the blue, however! ;)

I'm glad to hear you liked the descriptions. I did go a bit heavily on the "-ly" words, didn't I? I didn't notice when I was writing, but whenever I have time to edit it, I'll be sure to fix those words.

The symbolism was a bit tricky to right, but it's great to see you liked it! I've always thought that neither Narcissa nor Andromeda could have really been that happy with how their lives turned out. Andromeda lost everything - her family, the friends she must've grown up with. Narcissa on the other hand, I see as someone who tired of her life. It was definitely there to me in DH. I'm sure she regretted getting so deep into the Dark arts and she must've wondered at least once how Andromeda's life was.

Thank you again for this amazing review! :D
- Celeste

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Review #6, by WitnesstoitAll Wings

19th August 2009:

This was an interesting peice of writing. The flow of the peice, vocabulary used, and writing style allowed this one shot to be read in an eerie melody. I could almost imagine an old, out of tune piano plunking away in the back ground. The imagery in this story was stunning.

I had no idea that this was about two seperate women. I had assumed that it was the same on through out the whole peice. Now, knowing that it is, I'm dying to 'figure it out' although I know you said they were interchangable.

All in all, wonderful story.

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! Lol, a piano? XD I can see that too, almost. It is a rather melancholy piece of writing, but I wanted the ending to be more hopeful.

Sorry for the confusion about the identities! I knew it would end up confusing everyone. And though they are interchangeable, you could still try figuring out if a section seems more like one than the other.

Thank you again!
- Celeste

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Review #7, by harrylilyjames Wings

15th August 2009:
awe, god! I don't know who's who!! But I thought that the moon woman was Narcissa because the way she talks about her family and the sun was Andromeda because she seems more friendly.
It did seem to get a bit too descriptive in parts, might want to think of cutting it slightly.
I also like the way you added in the bird, that was really well done .
keep writing!

Author's Response: I'm so sorry it confused you! Wings was a very experimental piece for me; I knew it would end up being very confusing.

I'm thinking of writing a companion piece to Wings, so I'll keep your suggestion about the descriptions in mind.

Thank you for the review!
- Celeste

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Review #8, by Magic_Marker Wings

7th August 2009:
I enjoyed this very much, and you definitely have talent as a writer. The imagery was tangible and well-used as well as the symbolism.

That said, the first thing I noticed was adjective/description/image overload. Don't be afraid to cut the fat. Economy of words makes the ones you do choose all the more powerful.

I understand how this story could apply to both Black sisters, but other than that it doesn't ever forge a strong link to the Potterverse. If, perhaps, you had included details about Bellatrix and the two sisters contrast their situation with hers, the story would have been a little meatier and more grounded in JKR's world.

You have great potential. Keep on writing =)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! ^_^

Sorry about the adjective/description overload. I really was not paying much attention to that when I wrote it, but looking back...I think you're right.

You make a fair point about keeping it more grounded in JKR's world, but this piece was very experimental for me. Most of the things I write are very, very grounded in her world, so I wanted to write something that was only loosely based there.

Thank you again for the review!

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Review #9, by TwilightPrincess Wings

28th July 2009:
Annyeong haseyo! Ilia here from the forums to fill your request =)

First of all, I am very impressed with the language you used in this section. The words flowed together beautifully and flawlessly. It felt very poetic, which was really all you needed to insert me into the scene. I do not know who I'm reading about, but even that's okay. I like a little mystery here and there, and you specified in my thread about that. I'll expand later. Also I want to point out that you used a lot of adverbs, which disrupted the flow a little. As opposed to an adverb, a strong verb is always a better choice. For example: She watches the moon begrudgingly. See how weak the word 'watches' feels now? If you amp up that verb to something like 'glares' or 'scowls' you won't have to use one of those nasty adverbs and the picture is painted more clearly.

I feel like you were a little confused on tenses here. I'm all for the use of present tense; I think it can add beauty to a story. But at the beginning, you used the regular past tense (dreamt) and later you switched to the past perfect (it had kissed). The story in this section is being told in the present tense, so generally all actions taking place before the narration need only the regular past tense.

This scene gave me shivers. I am absolutely in love with what you've done here. Setting up the first scene with talking about wings and flying away, and then showing a simple scene regarding a dead bird? Brilliant. I'm very impressed. That's clever. I also like that you didn't go overboard with showing the reader with bright blinking lights what you were trying to do. You understood that it needed to be a simple scene, and you kept it one. There were a few grammar mistakes like missing dialogue tags and such, so just watch out for those.

Again, I love the simplicity here. You do a great job of teasing us as readers; you tell a little of the story at a time - just enough to get us to understand as much as we need to. That's the thing, too. I like that you're not explaining everything in detail. There is a mystery with these characters that is attractive to me as a reader. I want to find out more. I want to keep reading. Great job there.

Wow. The way you've tied the two characters in this story together are amazing. I love the bird analogy - I think it's very clever. You executed it wonderfully. As far as plot goes, you've got that down, along with execution. In this section, though, I was thrown off by the language used. For example, when the mother says, "Come! We must leave now!" it sounded a bit too olde-school for the time period. Does anyone really talk like that?

It was confusing in the respect that if you asked me right now who was who, I wouldn't be able to tell you. In fact, I wouldn't have known who the characters were if you hadn't said something about them in my thread. But to be honest, I don't even care. I feel like this story isn't about who they are per se, but about the emotion and connections they have. I didn't need to know who they were and picture their faces in order to understand this story.

I really enjoyed this. Great job.

Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^


Author's Response: Hi Ilia!

Wow - thank you so much for your review. I loved that you chose to review it
section by section. :D

You make a fair point about adverbs and such.
I'll admit I'm really not very detailed when it comes to specific things like sentence structure and grammar (as you pointed out). I should note (although this is a feeble defense on my part XD) that I wrote this around 1 o'clock in the morning, so it really wasn't the best quality. I'm planning to revise it and send it through a beta, so hopefully that should help.

As for the first paragraph, I intended it to be a flashback of sorts. So, basically, it details her childhood that she spent daydreaming and then flashes back to present day, in which she has come to terms with reality. But, I really am horrible with these things, so I will get that fixed! :D

I apologize for the old-fashioned language. XD
I intended it that way, only because I felt it would suit the mood more.
It didn't seem right to me to throw in, "Time's up! Let's go!" XD
But I'll substitute it with something more modern day whenever I rewrite this. ^_^

I really was worried about this piece, because the fragmented descriptions and the "mystery" of the speaker does tend to throw most people off. I'm so glad and relieved you liked it! Thank you so, so much for reading and reviewing this! This means so much coming from you.


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Review #10, by daisychain1 Wings

17th July 2009:
no it was not confusing, i loved it and the banner!

could you perhaps review some of mine? i'd love your opinion!

Author's Response: Thank you! ^_^ I'm glad to hear it wasn't confusing. Alora at The Dark Arts made the lovely banner.

Thanks again for the review!
- Celeste

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Review #11, by extant Wings

12th July 2009:
you have a very nice style of writing, so the fact that I couldn't fully comprehend which POV was which didn't really matter all that much :) the imagery you create and the descriptions are just lovely, it was all very poetic. I'll read it over a few more times and hopefully my rather slow little head will catch up ^_^

Author's Response: I am so sorry that it was a little difficult to decipher! I promise, it probably has nothing to do with you, but rather the confusing way I wrote it. I knew it would make less sense in words than in my head. XD

Thank you so much for reviewing!
- Celeste

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Review #12, by LonelyStar Wings

11th July 2009:
Hey! LonelyStar here from the forums with the review you requested ^_^

This was a very well written one-shot. Well thought out too, and imaginative. I really did enjoy reading this. And the way that you were never sure if it was Narcissa or Andromeada was clever, and interesting to read as the reader. Description was great, you kept it nice and simple. Pace and flow were good too, as was spelling. I think you made a few grammar mistakes, but they were small.

I really like this one-shot - you wrote it very well.


Author's Response: Thank you! ^-^
I didn\\\'t know if the concept of hiding the identities would strike the reader are odd or confusing, so I\\\'m glad that didn\\\'t stop you! As for the grammar mistakes, I\\\'ll look it over again and try to fix them.
Thank you so much for the review!
- Celeste
Oh, and I apologize for the slashes that will appear between the apostrophes. :/

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Review #13, by darker side of happy Wings

9th July 2009:
This was exceptional!!!
I have read and re-read this piece over and over and yet I still have trouble determining who is who. When I think I have it, I began to doubt and I end up at square one again.

The parallel lines drawn betwee the bird and flying and the woman, whomever it may be, if not both, is creative and well written.
This was a great one shot to read and I hope to read more from you in the future!!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! ^_^
This totally made my day! I\\\'m glad that you tried to decipher who the narrator in each piece was. I hope it wasn\\\'t too confusing, since that was my main fear.

Actually, you have a really valid point there saying \\\"if not both\\\". In my mind, I did know who each person speaking was, but I see why you would think that.

Yay! You can be expecting more from me in the future! :D

Thanks again!
- Celestie

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Review #14, by redherring Wings

1st July 2009:
Oh, I just loved that! Your writing style is simply beautiful, and I adore the fact that the narrator could have been either Narcissa or Andromeda. The way you wrote it was just so clever. I always like to think that the two sisters were quite close and possibly alike one upon a time, so it was nice to see their similarities highlighted in a piece like this. It was just wonderful :)

Author's Response: Thank you! :D
Yay, you liked it! And you didn\'t think it was too confusing? I\'m really glad. I thought most people would have been completely confused by this. Things like this have a tendency to make less sense in words than they do in my head. Ah, well.

Thank you again!

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Review #15, by jman7693 Wings

30th June 2009:
Your writing style is very beautiful. You pay attention to detail and emotions, and I was simply drawn into the setting and mood. However, it was a bit confusing, I would have to say. Maybe you could make the transitions clearer and the POV, too? I like the idea, but it'd be much easier to follow if you note which scene is whose.

8/10- very good, but slightly confusing. :D

Author's Response: Thank you very much! However, I left out the identities of each speaker for the sections on purpose - to highlight their similarities. I think each section could have been either Narcissa regretting marrying Lucius and wishing she was Andromeda or Andromeda regretting marrying Ted and wishing she was Narcissa. Just go back and look through them. You\'ll see it could have been either, which was the point of this piece. :D

Thanks for the review! I appreciate it!
- Celestie

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