No, a Potter. Great ending to this chapter.Author's Response: Why thank you. ;) Report Review
Yay! They're finally leaving :) I really want to find out who JP is (and if he's who I suspect he is...) and what's going on in the Werewolf Academy! Can't wait til the next chapter! xAuthor's Response: Haha, there's a long way to go yet. I've got four and a half more chapters written, and there are three or four after that needed to truly wrap things up. I'm hoping to post chapter 16 when the queue reopens. Thanks for taking the time to review. Report Review
Oh my gosh! JP is absolutley ruthless... I can't believe he'd just kill like that! You're certainly making it seem like a lot is at stake from this academy... can't wait for the next chapter! xAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review. And I can believe he'd just kill like that. :P Report Review
Hello! BusinessJournal in with your reviews! First off, so sorry for the lateness of this review. My work schedule's been strangling me and my time. Anywho, enough about me ;)
I remember you saying you wanted your last few chapters reviewed which is why I'm starting here. I think this is such a cool idea for a story. I've read a few werewolf fics but never one as original and well-written as this one. Werewolf stories are usually not number one on my list (not sure why, I don't really have any problems with it!) but I'm glad you've requested this one. It's kind of giving me a new opinion on the whole thing ;). I love Devin. That's pretty much it. Ha ha. Especially in this chapter for some reason I love him a whole lot more now. It must be your characterization or something but it's great. I just found one little error:
"They'd entered this town, looking and for answers, and been chased out." - I don't think the "and" needs to be there between the "looking" and "for"? Maybe I'm just reading wrong, and if so that reads funny for sure.
Other than that I really don't have a lot to say, and no CC as this was very well-written. I should be getting to your last few chapters within the next few days ^_^
BusinessJournalAuthor's Response: No problem about the lateness; review threads always come last on the to do list, at least on mine.
Thank you so much for reading all the way through to here, I know this story isn't most people's cup of tea. But it seems like you're enjoying it, and Devin. To be honest, up until this point of the story I had no plan going for me whatsoever, and Devin's character sprung up very suddenly. Nice to know he's turning out ok.
Yes, my grammatical mistakes usually involve me not deleting enough of a sentence I edited, or starting a thought and not finishing it. That "and" certainly doesn't need to be there. Thanks for the review!!! Report Review
I like this. Keep it up- one of the most original fanfics I have stumbled across with just enough links to JK's world!Author's Response: Thanks! I like to think that it's an original idea. For so many people, they can only imagine werewolves as far as Lupin or Fenrir, but this is taking it a few steps further. Report Review
*Hugs Devin and Rolf* Poor, poor Lupe... 10/10!!Author's Response: Thanks for the review. It's "Loup" by the way, not "Lupe". Report Review
hehe - okay read them all - yeah! i hope you do more - i love this story! ! ! anyways, i love the description of the study and it was a nice short chapter i think. love the whole kidnapping thing - "there was no "happily ever after" just wondering, i'd love your opinion on my story nursery rhymes, i understand if you dont wont to its just i'd love to know what u think on one of the chapters. Anyways loved it , again!Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm working on the next chapter, hopefully I'll finish soon. And just so you know, you're not supposed to ask for reviews on your story in reviews. When people ask me, I make a point of NOT reading those stories. It's just rude. Report Review
: ) Thanks so much! I love this story, it's so enthralling! 10/10, per usual!Author's Response: Thanks. "Enthralling"... I like that. :P Report Review
Ooh, crossed a road and a train track, have we? Ooh, shiney light! Wonder what it is! Good job! 10/10Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Lots more modern-ness now! Report Review
hehe! i got worried when they were stepping onto the stripe i thought that Rolf would get hurt, i thought it was good there were a lot of intense moments which thank god the characters were alright!
well just one more chapter! but you are doing more so its all good! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for the reviews... I wasn't sure if the whole stripe thing was overdone or not, but I suppose they never would've seen pavement before... Report Review
oh no i hope Devin doesn't get hurt! i like this sentance - "Whether it was how to multiply ten by ten or how big a rabbit's brain was, Devin wanted to know." :D
another good chapterAuthor's Response: Thanks for all these reviews, I really appreciate them. :) Report Review
like the hunting and the intense scenesAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review Report Review
Raul didn't die, damn! i wanted him to die, sorry but after the thing with Rafe and Cala i think he deserved it! i enjoyed this one, who is JP though ? ? i am sure soon answers will be revealed though...Author's Response: The answers will come, when get a move on and write more. I'm going to work on it during the next few weeks. Report Review
arr no they seemed so happy! arr it was so cute at the beggining! when they were kissing - arr! but then with Raul who i am glad died, because i mean err the nerve! and then Rafe is trying to protect her, personally i would have been happy and grabbed his furry hand! but she ran! ! : (
another great chapter though!Author's Response: Thanks, your response reinforces what I was aiming for; cute and then dark. Report Review
Thanos is dead! No! Err i hate Dwayne! And his body, iww that bit was pretty grewsome! i can see why they were all annoyed, 2 hours lying on the ground - that made me chuckle! i enjoyed it though!
well onto reading the next! have you finished it now by the way - this story, is there nine chapters or are you doing more?
10/10Author's Response: No no, there's more to come, I just have to get my act together and write it. Expect at least a few more chapters. :) Report Review
That was so good! just as always! love the start with the cockroach! and then the lesson, that was good - "You argue out here on your own. And any blood on the floor, you're cleaning it." haha, funny! :D
and then they just like attack each other! and then blake gets him back, by your descritions very badly! does he survive? i'll have to read on! love love love it! as always you get better with every chapter, cant fault it and wouldn't want to!
1000/1000 - :D fab xAuthor's Response: Thanks for the great review Report Review
Loved it! i dont know if i mentioned last time but i think the idea with using names as chapter titles is genius! I like the five of them, you described them very well. and i like the fact no one has a wand except the master, i like him being very secretive as well! I lovee the twist at the end!!
well another great chapter! 10/10Author's Response: Thanks for the enthuiastic review Report Review
Well, you certainly left us hanging at the end here. I was certain they'd get caught before they even got too far. I'm thinking that the stripes serve a purpose; that they are maybe there to alert Master (maybe?) of people leaving or approaching. It's a shame that they sent Devin on this mission, and that poor Rolf was too persistent to and had to tag along. At least he's able to hold his own alongside Devin, and that says much about his character.
So they want to revolt against Master? I wonder if anything like that would be successful, and if they actually have the guts to go through with it. I certainly understand their curiosity, their need to know what is out there. After being in the dark so long, questions will arise, and it's only so long that you can keep them stifled. I wonder how long Master can keep modifying memories before it stops working altogether. Hm.
I like Devin as a character. Always like the strong, silent types. It's best to keep out of trouble, but if the need arise, you're strong enough to protect yourself. I also like Rolf. He certainly thinks he's big, and has that child-like curiosity that you would expect from someone his age.
Your characterizations were on point throughout. For someone who is working with so many different characters and their POVs, it's hard to let them have distinct personalities. They are all different here, even though I sometimes forget about a character and wonder to their importance (Arnulf, for instance) as the story progresses and more characters get introduced.
Your errors weren't much, and were typos for the most part. Nothing particularly glaring, as it didn't make it difficult to read the story. Your plotline is unique and interesting, and I feel that you can write this as a stand-alone story. It certainly has the potential to be great and disconnected from the HP world.
Your writing is lovely, and simple. I had no problems slipping into the story that is unfolding before me, and you supplied just enough twists to keep me both interested and on my toes. I can't wait to see where this story is going.
I told you that I'd comment on your use of various characters through the story. While somewhat jarring, it doesn't quite take away. Sometimes you need different perspectives to get a point across, and in a story where things are so unfamiliar, I find that it's necessary. Just make sure that if you introduce certain characters, that they aren't there for just being there sakes, because I'll start wondering about them and why they haven't made another appearance.
Excellent job on this story, and I can't wait to see where you're going with this. Are any of the Next-Gen characters that we're familiar with going to make appearances? Or is this completely filled with OCs? Anyway, I like it.
Keep it up!
~L. KelleyAuthor's Response: There is no excuse for my months-late review responses. Your reviews are just so amazing and detailed I want to do them justice. And dauntingly long, but amazing just the same.
Firstly, your speculations are great. It's rare I get a story going far enough that there's enough of a plot for people to start guessing at, and it's an really nice feeling. Keep guessing, though. You're not quite there yet. ;)
I'm really, really pleased that you like the characters. I actually recently took a step back and decided to organize this story, because I feel like it's all over the place and the plot's going to run away unless I pin it down. I'm all organized now, and am going to use Devin a lot more in the story than I'd planned, so I'm going to continue working on him. As for Arnulf... he was in such an early chapter, I'd had no idea what anyone was going to do. Unfortunately he's not that important, but he does provide a look at the life kids live at the Loup. I will work on characters like him, but I do believe/hope there won't be too many of them.
Another of my plans is to edit the story thoroughly; I don't like much of my writing in it, but I'll keep your like of the simplicity of it in mind. Hopefully I'll catch all my typos, and I had a beta but they had to quit... We'll see.
Anyway, I appreciate your reviews more than almost any others I've gotten, and they've helped me with my plot as I've tried to figure it out. Thanks so much!!! Report Review
Ah, so he isn't dead. Wonder what will happen now that he's still alive.
So basically, these wolves have no idea about the wizarding world? I thought they still knew, and just happened to not have wands. I'm getting more confused by the minute, and I know there's some bigger picture I'm not yet seeing, but I'm sure that is the way you rather it be. That everything will be revealed eventually, but I'm getting excited. I want it all now, haha, so that goes to show you how good your story is so far.
Memory charms. Why does he want to keep them so much in the dark?
"Are we looking for stuff on Dwayne?" I asked. - You switched to first person. Minor, but still somewhat distracting.
Also, you mention Raul lunging at JP. Isn't he currently unmoving in the infirmary?
Aside from that, I'm still enjoying this. Reading on.
~L. KelleyAuthor's Response: I'm beginning to think I should add a quick piece in an earlier chapter to prove that they don't know anything of the wizarding world. I don't want you to have to keep on revising your thoughts.
Thanks for finding those mistakess; gosh, I really forgot where one of my characters was?!?!? Report Review
I definitely saw how much of a crush Rafe had on Cala. Seeking her out, being distracted by her fragrance at such. You definitely did a good job at portraying his emotions.
I was a bit surprised when she kissed him, but it doesn't seem unbelievable. We learned that they've known each other for years, so it was probably already building up. Since you're writing from so many POVs, it would be difficult to establish the relationship outside of the one chapter, so in that sense, it doesn't seem rushed at all.
The Raul bit was completely out of the blue, really. But, I like that Rafe defended Cala's honor. I just thought it would be a quick fight, but it was one to the death, and my eyes widened when I saw the end.
I didn't expect that reaction from Cala, but then something semi-clicked in my mind and I had to flip back to the first chapter. I knew that name sounded familiar, and now I realise that Rafe just slaughtered a member of the top five. Is that why Cala ran? Knowing that there will be repercussions for it, and therefore not wanting to be associated with him because of the lashback? Or is it as simple as her not enjoying the killing of others? Ah. Once again, I have no clue, and my curiosity is definitely high, so reading on.
~L. KelleyAuthor's Response: Yes, I was hoping that readers would be able to figure out that something had been growing for a little while, at least. Since the kids live so close together, all the time, and Rafe wasn't exactly inconspicuous, I figure Cala would have figured out he had a crush easily enough.
Oh, no, Raul isn't dead, as I can see you figured out from your next review. I think it's more up to the reader why Cala ran, but I figure she didn't like to see the man she had just gotten together with getting so violent over her. Thanks for the review. Report Review
Well, this is getting more exciting, and in the process, confusing. Never thought that the master was just a regular wizard. Thought he was more like Remus; a half-breed wizard. So he's not even a werewolf? Makes me more curious as to how and why he's reigning over a group of werewolves. What's about to happen? What is the Academy's purpose? Lots of questions, and so few answers, but that's good. No need to have everything revealed yet, or for someone to already guess to your plot.
I'm glad to see that there are some who don't like all the senseless killing, as is seen through Kiara. I'm pleased to see that they are somewhat affected by Thanos's death, even if I'm still not happy that he died.
The end of this was sad, especially with how Thanos's body was described. To know that it's just left out there to rot, or be eaten, is just...heart-breaking. The Academy really has no care about these people, aside from their purpose which I'm still not clear on as of yet.
Huh. They may have parents, eh? Seems more likely than anything else, and it raises even more questions. Where do they come from? Are they just snatched away when they are too tiny to remember anything else? I find it unlikely that they are manufactured. Ugh, I don't know what to make of this yet, so I'll just continue on.
~L. KelleyAuthor's Response: This is the most mysterious thing I've ever written, and I constantly wonder if I'm giving too much or not enough info to the reader. I hope I've found a good balance.
The purpose of the Academy... That won't be revealed for a long time, I'm afraid, but it will come.
Yes, they have parents. Somewhere. Dun dun dun. :p
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Interesting. Never thought that they might have classes, but it makes sense. It is an Academy after all. I guess I was just under the impression that all they did was hunt, and when they weren't hunting animals, they were sometimes killing each other. I wonder why all this killing is allowed to happen though. I thought it would be more of a brotherhood. It seems though that once someone angers you enough, you're allowed to fight them and possibly kill, if it came to that. It's just accepted with no repercussions. Why? It may by default weed out the weak, but it sort of dwindles the numbers as well.
Arnulf seems interesting. The bit at the beginning was a bit disgusting, but that's just me and my aversion to cockroaches that has me wrinkling my nose. He seems out of order though. Attacking his should-be friend for copying his answers. But I guess that's one of the things drilled into them. Attack, defend, don't allow others to take advantage. I like how it wasn't left at that though, and Blake came back to get his attacks in as well. Cowardly to attack him while he's asleep, but I guess that doesn't matter much to this munch.
You have a knack for writing action. I saw that in the first chapter, and again in this one. I felt like I was right there while the fight was going on, thanks to your descriptions, and I definitely enjoyed it. Good job.
~L. KelleyAuthor's Response: I imagine it that the Master bred the kids to be vicious, and when killing broke out he encouraged it; it would keep people on their toes and hone their fighting skills like nothing else. Perhaps the Master didn't intend for people to kill quite so much, but it really was just a way of life for the kids.
As for action; I really didn't like writing it much; it just gets repetitive after a while, you know? I'm pleased you thought it was good. Thanks for the review! Report Review
I got an inkling of Darcy's personality from the first paragraph alone. She seems like the type of person that doesn't care what others think, and later we see that she has no respect for authority. Unless, of course, she's just that familiar with the Master and he allows it because of that. I would think he'd establish that she shouldn't talk to him in such a manner, or walk into his study without at least knocking first. It makes her seem completely fearless, as you mention a wand and the things Master can do with it. I'm curious about her character, and the history she has with Master, so I hope you touch on that later as well.
Now you have me wondering just who JP is. I'm inclined to think James Potter II, but that seems almost too obvious. You mention him not being impressive on the outside; is he also less strong, and has to use a wand because of it? It's baffling that he'd say 'wand' with such distaste and still use it. Then there's Dwayne; if he looks like JP, I take he's related somehow. I can't wait to see in what way they may be linked.
Nice chapter. You set up some seemingly interesting characters, your story flows so far, and the dialogue's good. None of it seems forced, which I like.
I'll say right now that this will take a bit of getting used to. The most POV changes I can handle is two, and maybe the odd additional one here and there. Taking a look at your chapter titles, I take each one is written from the view of the character it's titled after. I just feel sometimes that too many POV changes take away from a story. Not saying that that's the case here, as I haven't read the whole thing yet, so I'll tell you what I think at the end.
Reading on then.
~L. KelleyAuthor's Response: Thanks once again for the thoughtful review. I wrote Darcy's chapter awhile ago, but I still enjoyed her POV much more than most other chapters. As for the POV changes... this started out as an idea for a collection of one shots, just about life at the Loup in general. As I wrote it, it became more, but I was used to the POV changes and all. I hope it's not too choppy, but I think that in the end it will benefit readers to have seen the story from so many different people. Everyone at the Loup views their situation a little differently. Thanks again. :) Report Review
Hi :). So, the reason I hadn't reviewed this story at first, was because I was waiting for responses to my reviews on the first story you requested. Either way, I'll review your story now.
I liked this. The description was very good, just enough to set up a proper scene. I could picture everything clearly through the words you used, especially in the first paragraph.
I also think you have a very unique idea going here. I certainly haven't run across a story with a werewolf academy. It seems you have everything laid out already, and that's a necessary thing when working with something this original.
It definitely seems to me like the students are somewhat...trained into acting a certain way. I got it from this line They just knew, the way blood was good and fighting was good but cooked meat was bad. It's as if nothing else matters aside what the Master tells them, as if they have no proper thought processes of their own. Thanos seems to have a different idea, but doesn't say anything out of what I would term fear. Are those who don't do and act how they are trained, punished?
I have to question Thanos's decision to try and steal Dwayne's prey. If he knows the boy to be vicious, and knows that he has already killed six people (which you say is large because of the small number of kids), it's completely reckless to take something from him. Thanos, and what I have gotten of his personality so far, just doesn't seem like the type.
Anyway. It was a good chapter. I enjoyed it, aside from Thanos meeting his end, but I admire a writer who can kill a character so easily. I hope I'll get to see more of Dwayne in future chapters.
~L. KelleyAuthor's Response: Hi! Oh wow, I'm sorry about the review responding! I have these phases where I completely blank out on responding, then go back and get them later. I apologize, I'll go respond now. And thanks for reviewing despite that! I would've totally understood if you hadn't reviewed until I'd responded to your others.
Your point on Thanos is excellent, and I'll definitely edit in. something. that will make it more realistic. I'm not sure what yet, but I reallly appreciate the help!
I started this story a while ago, and although I knew exactly what was going to happen, I think I did most of my planning in my head. Because I abandoned the story for a few months, then got my spark back and continued it, and I'm having trouble filling in the plot! Thanks for the review, and again, apologies for not responding to your others! I know how maddening it is to have requestors not read your rules; I guess I just lost track of my responses. :) Report Review
*Sucks in breath* Oooh, if Devin get's caught, he's in trouble!! 10/10!!Author's Response: I know! Suspense! Dun dun dun! I feel so evil! :P Report Review
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