Reading Reviews for Paper Crowns
  
24 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Sev Testing Trust

20th September 2010:
very good! nice twisted plot and world so we have a totally new thing. now, give me another chapter!

Author's Response: I'm working on it. :) Thanks!
hugs,
Lucky


 Report Review

Review #2, by Jaymexoxo Testing Trust

2nd September 2010:
i told myself i wouldn't do this, you know. stop reading stories that aren't done, that is. but then, then i read this. and it's horrible!!

no, not in the bad writing kind of way (if you don't calm down you'll have a heart attack, you know) but in the "omigod if you don't update this right now i will kill you with a rusty spoon".

i like rusty spoons. i use them as threatening devices all the time and it works wonderfully. ;)

did we get the message?

update, or the weilder of the rusty spoon comes after you.

(haha).

Author's Response: This one too! :) Thanks so much. These revies make me really happy. I am not afraid of your rusty spoons. But I am afraid of my Sociology teacher.
Thanks!
Hugs,
Lucky


 Report Review

Review #3, by Livilulu Testing Trust

6th January 2010:
I loved it, I simply couldn't stop reading, it's a great mixture of genre's, and very AU, but it makes sense as of the Potter World. Great job!

Author's Response: I'm glad that it makes sense to you. I know it's hard to read something that's so different, but i'm glad that you were open to it. :) :)
Thanks for the splendiferous review!
Hugs,
Lucky


 Report Review

Review #4, by Livilulu A Dangerous Game

6th January 2010:
This is a really original chapter, and it is very AU. It's very clever too, and how you wrap everything together so it's understandable is really great too.

Awesome job!

Author's Response: *joy* thank you! I'm really glad that the complete AU-ness hasn't scared you away. :)
Thanks for the nifty review!
Hugs,
Lucky


 Report Review

Review #5, by Livilulu Death Sentence

6th January 2010:
Oh, I love it! I've been looking for a good adventure story for ages, and there are a lot, but this one is really nice. It's kind of mysterious, it got me confused at the beginning with the whole spy thing. You really nicely do personalities, though setting wasn't covered very much, but that's probably because it's a prologue :).

Great job!

Author's Response: :) Thanks! I'm really trying to make the prologue appeal to a bigger fanbase (AU isn't very popular) so this review will really help me. Anair of mystery was what I was aiming for, but I think I overdid it a little.
Anyway, thanks for the great review!
Hugs,
Lucky


 Report Review

Review #6, by Margravine A Dangerous Game

1st October 2009:
This is very different, intriguing, and appealing to my love of german history! Absolutely riveting!

worlds (literally) away from the standard next gen!

Really looking forward to more!

Author's Response: Yay! Someone caught on to all the WW2 references! You rock! I'm glad that you like it. :)
Thanks for reading between the lines,
Lucky


 Report Review

Review #7, by ohcrapidroppedmybrain A Dangerous Game

16th September 2009:
oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god!

Did that clear it up for you?

This is one of the...best stories I have ever read. Your prologue was fantastic, but this...this was on a whole new level.

I love the darkness and angst and I'm trying to write a coherent review, but OMG! You are an absolutely stupendous writer and I can't wait to read more.

I love Ted and Victoire's relationship. It is obvious that they care for each other, but it is in a messed up way. The subtle hints you gave to us about their chemistry just added to the effect, and it was marvelous. I'm glad Snape is alive, as well as Bellatrix, but so many questions pop into my mind. What happened to the good in the world? Can it be redeemed? Why is everything so screwed up?

I was about to say that I was going to add it to my favorites, but alas, it is already there =]]

Constants.

Author's Response: Wowowowowowow!
I'm trying to create a coherent response! lol.
I'm grinning ear to ear right now. This review made my week!
Thank you so much. I wasn't feeling very good about this story because this chapter hadn't been getting any reviews, but obviously I was being silly. Just...wow.
I'll try to update soon!
Hugs,
Lucky


 Report Review

Review #8, by _DearMyLove_ A Dangerous Game

16th September 2009:
Okay you have GOT to get another chapter up soon...I have to know what's happened to Victoire!

When I started to read this chapter I was a bit disappointed that you had switched POV as its a pet peeve of mine. But after reading it through to the end I am actually quite glad you did...you have a really strong grasp of first person POV and write it very, very well. It was nice to see things directly from Victoire's POV and it reinforced the fact that she completely had no idea that Teddy was actually working for the resistance.

Teddy kind of reminds me of the way James is portayed in Marauder fanfics...sort of arrogant and swaggering. But at the same time he has a depth to him that most Marauder fics don't have...I loved how he kept on saying 'you have no idea' to Victoire, as though he found it funny that she really was in the dark about everything.

I also quite like Victoire which is worrying I guess, considering all the stuff at the start of the chapter about mudbloods and muggles. She seems to be a very curious person who would love to find out about what life was like before the war. But she's also very ingrained in the world she lives in. I loved it when she was wondering if there had been so much formality in the world before the war. I have to ask, though, why wasn't she taken in by Harry, Ginny or the others when Bill and Fleur died?

Whilst I was reading I also thought The Youth reminds me a lot of the Hitler Youth...an organisation for young people to join in order to train to become fully fledged followers of the dictatior. Was the idea inspired by that? Just curious :D

Overall I am hugely impressed by this story! Please update soon...I can't be left on that cliffhanger forever!

Thanks for writing, 9/10 :D

Author's Response: Wow! Thanks for the great review! I'm grinning ear to ear!
You really hit the nail on the head with your observations about Victoire and Teddy, which really makes me happy because I wasn't sure if I was really getting the point across about how insane everything is.
"Whilst I was reading I also thought The Youth reminds me a lot of the Hitler Youth...an organisation for young people to join in order to train to become fully fledged followers of the dictatior. Was the idea inspired by that? Just curious :D"
-You caught me. This story has a lot of WW2 inspiration and Hitlers Germany was a model for Voldemorts Society. If you pay attention (especially in book seven) it's hard not to catch the way Voldemort was leaning and it was very easy for me to use history as a model. So I'm glad that you caught that!

"It was nice to see things directly from Victoire's POV and it reinforced the fact that she completely had no idea that Teddy was actually working for the resistance."
-Oh thank the lord. I was worried about that bit and I'm glad that it wasn't a disastrous move. Thank you!

So, thanks for the marvelous, epic reviwe. You are a super hero.
Hugs,
Lucky


 Report Review

Review #9, by _DearMyLove_ Death Sentence

16th September 2009:
I really liked it...and am fighting back the urge to click onto the next chapter without leaving a review!

The first line was amazing...just hit me BAM and I was immediately asking questions and wondering what was going on. And I still have so many questions...whose side is Victoire on? Why didn't Voldemort kill the Order members? Who is betraying them? Gah I hope you're going to update this story soon because I know I won't get all the answers in the next chapter alone...

Okay grammar stuff. You're pretty good but there is one thing I've picked up on: dialogue. Basically if a bit of dialogue is followed by something alone the lines of 'he said', then you end the dialogue with a comma rather than a full stop.

Example:
"You're betting all of our lives on it." Harry replied seriously.
In this line, the dialogue should end with a comma.

If, however, the character does something else before or after dialogue, such as standing up or shaking their head or whatever, then you use a full stop.

Example:
Lily's fists clenched, "She's ready. I trust her."
Here, there should be a full stop after 'clenched' rather than a comma.

I hope that made a bit of sense...I'm not too good at explaining grammar! :D

The thing I liked the most about this chapter was the way you've really got the dynamics between the characters sorted. I felt like they all were real people who knew each other and had lived through hardship and are working in a resistance. I thought Harry's voice was particularly strong, which is quite an achievement as, in my opinion, Harry is the hardet character to write.

I'm favouriting straight away! On to the next chapter :D
9/10

Author's Response: Wow! thanks for the ginormous review!!
Yes, grammar is my kryptonite. I keep meaning to get a beta, but then I put it off. *shakes head*
Anyways, I'm really happy that you liked my Harry pov because it was hard to write. There was hair pulling involved. ;)
Thanks again for the great review!!
Hugs,
Lucky


 Report Review

Review #10, by Jellyman A Dangerous Game

16th September 2009:
I adored the description of the Cruciatus Curse! The mixture of the pain - the different types - that was really good work. I don't think I've seen it described like that, but it really works! And it makes sense :)

And I actually was so engaged in this chapter, I was really shocked when it ended. This was brilliant! Teddy and Victoire are just so interesting and this world you have created looks downright horrible! Great work, thanks for writing :D

10/10

Author's Response: Thanks! I was really worried about my cruciatus curse, so I'm glad that you liked it. :)
I'm very happy that this chapter was good. Thanks!
Hugs,
Lucky


 Report Review

Review #11, by highflyer A Dangerous Game

15th September 2009:
this is pretty awesome, keep writing

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you liked it. :)
Sporks!,
Lucky!


 Report Review

Review #12, by navygirl529 A Dangerous Game

15th September 2009:
Fascinating!!! This is quite the story. I don't usually go for AU, being a strictly canon girl myself, but as far as AU goes well done! Actually, for all stories well done. Again, some spelling and grammar issues, but nothing detracting. It is interesting the bits you chose to bring along through the story, like Teddy's caring for Victoire... I wonder if that will play a VERY important role later on? I do wonder about the houses still being left after Voldemort took over. And Gryffindor getting respect? Did some of the members of the house turn after the war then, to redeem the old house?

I can't wait to read more.

~navy

Author's Response: Wow, thanks! I'm glad that you liked it despite it being AU. I know that it's different, but that's why I had to write it. :)
Teddy/Victoire is an important theme in this story, but it's definitely not the main focus.
You'll find that in this story the next-gen characters have very flawed knowledge of the world around them because they are being taught through a very narrow scope. In short, they are being lied to.
Thanks for the great reviews!
Hugs,
Lucky


 Report Review

Review #13, by navygirl529 Death Sentence

14th September 2009:
Cool story! I like the idea behind it. I do have a few questions, but I think they will be explained next chapter. There were a few spelling errors and things, but it was nothing too distracting. I am curious as to how Bill and Fleur died, and what happened to the rest of the Weasley's. Are they within the reisistance? Killed like the oldest son and his wife? Ah, the possibilities. Also, what an interesting concept to take Voldemort's detachment issues to a whole new level. He removes the only ties to others these children might have by removing them at birth. I wonder how the parents of pure blood children react?

Well done, and definitely an excellent idea to play with. Can't wait to read more!

~navy

Author's Response: Thanks! What happened to Bill and Fleur will come out later on. I'm actually really excited about it! :)
I was ecstatic when I saw that you noticed Voldys psychoness taken into account. It's really important to understanding the story line! The parents of the pureblood children don't really have any choice except to go with it. Most of them are fine to trade their life for their children. The rest disappear.
Thanks for the great review!
Hugs!
Lucky


 Report Review

Review #14, by Cassie_Nova Death Sentence

7th August 2009:
Okay I liked it better than I thought I would. On my reviews page it says I don't like stories that change endings, but I was pleasantly surprised with your story.
I thought it was cool how you had flipped the roles on Harry and Ginny. They had to sit back and watch now. They sort of got a taste of their own medicine.
"Her quavered slightly." I think you mean Her voice quavered slightly. You should get a beta to look over this. Not that there were many errors, it would just be nice to clear everything up. I get a sense of conclusion when I get a beta to look over my work.
Anyway, I quite liked your characters. Especially Lily. But I would have liked to see more of the other children too. Lily kind of took the limelight.
I thought your flow was a bit choppy, but that's very easy to fix. Set out a sort of timeline for your chapter and then have linking sentences. That often helps a lot.

Well done!

Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it better than you thought you would! I'll definetly have this looked over as soon as I can. :)I'm also happy that you caught the reversal of roles theme that this chapter had. Most of the other children will come into the story, but later.
Thanks for the CC, it really helped and sorry for not replying sooner, my computer had a major crash.
Many Hugs,
LuckySeven


 Report Review

Review #15, by ParkerGirl Death Sentence

30th July 2009:
I really like the start of this story, it's very different to anything i've read but the concept is reallly cool. Looking forward to more =) PG

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the review. I'm really trying to aim away from the average next gen crowd with this, so thanks.
Bubbles!,
LuckySeven


 Report Review

Review #16, by IntoTheDarknessOfNight Death Sentence

16th July 2009:
Great! I love it! I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thank you! I love getting reviews like this. It's really encouraging!
Hugs,
LuckySeven


 Report Review

Review #17, by WitnesstoitAll Death Sentence

11th July 2009:
Hello there! Here's your shiny new review!

So I have to admit that anything that strays to far from canon gives me the heebeejeebees. That being said, I like this story. I know, I know -- its wierd. This society is fascinating. The characterizations are intriguing and alll in all I'm hooked. I do think that you leave words out ocassionally, and that this story would benefit immensely with some good editing.

I do hope you continue this dark tale,
-witness

Author's Response: Shiny!
I'm glad that I'm not freaking you out too much. :) The society is inspired by The Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan (I'll leave it at that, because nobody seems to have read them except me, lol)
I'll definitely beg a beta to check this out.
Thanks!
Sporks!,
LuckySeven


 Report Review

Review #18, by californialove Death Sentence

11th July 2009:
hola! californialove is here with your review!

The thing about asking for reviews for the first chapter of the new story is that there's a chance the author will as the reviewer if they think this story is interesting? Is it a bad start? Does it have potential? I know because I'm guilty of this too. But I've learned that the first chapter is only the beginning. It's like the cover of a story and there's that saying that goes, "Never judge a book by it's cover." So I'm not going to think this story is stupid just because the first chapter was lame.

But this chapter was NOT lame. Disregard that last sentence. It was a figure of speech. I was a little confused with the beginning, but once all the characters were interacting with each other, I started to understand things better and I gotta admit, this is an interesting plot. I want to know what happens to Lily. I want to know Victoire is on the dark side and how her parents died because I love Bill! (He is so tight!)

And what you've done with the world post the second wizarding war like reminds me of the Terminator movies. (Coincidentally, I'm watching Terminator II in between reviews.)

So, I'm going to leave you with another tip. The second chapter. I feel the second chapter to be just as important as the first, if not more because the second chapter for me as I reader, I'm always hoping to be that "umph!" that will leave me wanting more. You know what I mean?

californialove

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I know what you mean with the whole 'first chapter thing'. I'm glad that you thought this was interesting! (and I may have watched a little too much terminator too...lol) Anyway, I'll definetly make sure the second chapter does what it has to.
Thanks for the great and helpful review. :)
Sporks!,
LuckySeven


 Report Review

Review #19, by JKRowlingFan22 Death Sentence

10th July 2009:
Ooh, very interesting start to the story. Yes, some parts were confusing, but it adds to the whole entire darkness and mystique of the story. It will be cleared up anyway within a few more chapters.

I like the idea of Voldemort winning cause it's an original plot. It's a lot different from the other stories... great job! I wonder if Lily WILL be executed... I certainly hope not! I like the whole entire spy thing going on too. It's realistic and somehow you kind of connect with it. The detail is amazing. The emotion in the story is marvelous.

Usually for requested reviews I would write more, but since it's only one chapter. yeah... a TAD bit hard. Overall, very good story. It has caught my attention and to me, it stand out compared to a lot of other stories. It's definitely memorable and I will be keeping an eye out for the next update. Keep on writing. Again, great job on the beginning of the story! 10/10!

JKRowlingFan22

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the wonderful review! I\\\'ve been dying to get this story up because I know that there really aren\\\'t that many stories like this out there. I\\\'m glad that I\\\'ve managed to make it clear that bad things will happen in this story (that sounded weird.).
I\\\'m glad that you liked it! This review made my day.
Hugs & Bubbles,
~Lucky


 Report Review

Review #20, by xX mOoNdAnCe Xx Death Sentence

9th July 2009:
Hey, I'm here with your review!

Before I actually review the chapter, I'm going to say that I LOVED your summary. I thought it was brilliant. :D

Some errors I noticed...
"When the Victoire turns seventeen. Two years." - I'm pretty sure that the 'the' shouldn't be there :)
Harry had observed his role as a double agent change Teddy Lupin. - That sentence didn't quite make sense. Have you missed out a few words?
Would he reach a blowing point, or would he just go insane? The ladder was probably preferable. - I think you meant the latter, not the ladder :P


In what world was a person considered kind because she didn't torture people for being late? - I loved that line. It really put their world and situation into perspective.

I really enjoyed your characterisation of Harry, too. It makes a lot of sense that after all he went through being a teenager, if Voldemort had won he would definitely be feeling a bit weary and run down. Well done on that!

Your characterisations in general were pretty well done, actually. :)

I think that the idea behind this is really interesting and original, and I'm intrigued to find out where it goes. However, I'm left feeling a little confused. Is Victoire on Voldemort's side? Does Lily know this?
I don't know; it's clear to me that you've tried to make this chapter a bit mysterious and intriguing so that people read on, and it's worked because I'm really quite curious, but I just think that it's a little bit confusing. As a reader I was left feeling a little out of the loop. I'm not quite sure what to suggest so you can change that, apart from you reading back through the chapter to see if you can add little bits of explaination in here and there. :)

Ben, Lily and Teddy could be heard arguing quietly in the sitting room. Hermione was right. It was their story now. - I thought that was a perfect way to end your first chapter. I like how Ben, Lily and Teddy seem to be becoming the new Harry, Ron and Hermione. I don't know if you were intentionally aiming for that, but I liked it regardless :D

I'm very interested to find out more about the character of Danielle. You've done a brilliant job with making this incredibly interesting and leaving the reading wanting to read on and find out more.

I definitely want you to continue with this! I think as long as you take into account that unlike you the reader doesn't know where this is all heading and what everyone's motives are, and just take time to read back through and make sure everything is as understandable as possible without giving the mystery away, this could turn out to be a great story!

Jessica

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you!
I really need to get a beta. :P
This review was great! Very helpful, but still encouraging.
That summary is the best I\\\'ve ever done. I rewrote it a million times before I was happy with it, so I\\\'m glad you liked it.
I know that this chapter has a lot of confusion for the readers, but a lot of it gets cleared up in the second chapter. I do intend to go back and put a few more clues in there for the readers, though.
I actually didn\\\'t really think about the whole \\\'trio\\\' thing until you wrote it, but it is true. They don\\\'t get to work together publicly, of course, but they are really close.
I have the next chapter nearly done. Thank you so much for the CC. I will definitely take it into account!
Thanks for the wonderful, thorough review!
~Lucky


 Report Review

Review #21, by rougette Death Sentence

7th July 2009:
I think this'll be good after a few chapters get up so I'll be able to understand it more (: it's a shocker, that's for sure!

Author's Response: That\\\'s the exact response I was aiming for! *joy* Thanks for the great review! If you have any other questions/comments please check out my meet the the author page at the forums! I can de-confuse you there, if you want. ;)
Hugs,
LuckySeven


 Report Review

Review #22, by Jellyman Death Sentence

7th July 2009:
Wow, this looks like it's going to be fantastic! I really like the concept you've got here...I'm looking forward to learning more about Victoire, you've left a lot of questions about this world you've created! I'm looking forward to leaning more :) I suppose the next chapter will be from Lily/Teddy/Victoire/other's POV? Exciting!
Please update soon! Oh and I love your title...and your summary and banner :) All are fabulous! 10/10

Author's Response: *happy dance*
Thanks for this awesome review! I\\\'m really glad that you liked it!
Yes, the rest of the story will focus on the next gen. I\\\'m relieved that you think the summary was good. Thank you again for the great review. I\\\'m grnning like crazy here!
Huggles,
~Lucky



 Report Review

Review #23, by rachm34 Death Sentence

28th June 2009:
A brand new story?

yipe. And it's all shiny? This makes me excited. Super duper excited. Plus I am in a good mood!


I love your dark undertone you have added to the story, it creates a ton of mystery in this and it's exciting and makes the reader want to know what is happening.

I like the fact this is an alternate universe too. It's fresh, and very inviting to read.

I love this opening, I think your idea is excellent. It will lead to many great ideas coming from you. Great job!

Author's Response: Wow thanks! I'm really happy that you liked it! Thank you so much for the awesome review. You rock!
Have a Splendiferously Fantacular Day!,
~Lucky


 Report Review

Review #24, by ohcrapidroppedmybrain Death Sentence

28th June 2009:
This seems really dark. Look foward to reading more!

Author's Response: I hope that it being dark is a good thing. ;) Thanks for the review!
Have a Splendiferously Fantacular Day,
~Lucky


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login