I dont get y he left rose for lily in hogwarts if he loved rose Report Review
This was a really good story! I loved how you didn't end it happily, that worked really well. It was melancholy, but I really liked it. (: Report Review
Oooh I like it! I like your writing style; it all flowed nicely. Nice ending, as well...I kind of assumed they'd get back together but she wouldn't let him! Nice work :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I\\\'m glad you enjoyed it (: Report Review
You know, based on what you wanted me to focus on, I feel like this isn't going to be very critical, but bear with me.
I really enjoyed reading this. The thoughts and confusion filling Rose's mind and this whole idea of the past inhibiting the future is a very interesting idea, one that really brought me in. I disagree with the character, but that actually made me want to read it more... I wanted to understand why she had to do this. And I was really pleased with the ending. I'm all about girl-power, so having her leave like that was just brilliant!
The flow wasn't really a problem for me. In a few places there were words missing and the sentence structure confused me, but the pace and stuff, the way he thoughts bounced around felt natural to me. Maybe that's 'cause I think in a similar manner. I really wish I could help with this a bit more, but I'm actually really horrible with flow, so I apologize for the lack of detail.
"My future would be different than my past if I have to work harder than I ever have to accomplish that." -- There were a few places, like this sentence, where you had confused your verbs. Also, there were a fair few places where I found that words were missing or was pretty confused by the sentence. I would suggest looking this over a bit more to try and wheedle that stuff out.
I don't feel like this is cliche. I've read a fair few stories of this ship and generally I'm reading Scorp and Rose being all mushy-gushy while at Hogwarts and realising they have this passionate attraction to the other. This story was much more refined than that: you've shown that they had a passionate relationship... they really cared about each other... but the gloomy outlook on it, the impending end to such, really made it unique and separated it from the other stories I've read. It really was a fantastic piece. Additionally, I think the length was perfect; you've got all the necessary parts and they all work together really well, I wouldn't change it.
Spectacular piece! Keep up the good work!
-JillAuthor's Response: Haha yes! Two thumbs up to girl power! (:
Thank you so much for reviewing this for me, you have no idea how much I appreciate your amazing review (: I will be giving this a look over after I\\\'m done my short story (I have a million other things to do xD) and I will edit it and make it all pretty and better (:
I\\\'m so glad you enjoyed the story!! Thanks so much again (: Report Review
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D !
Your a really good writer -HALEY- ( i know it now XD woot!)
I really like this. I think you should expand it though. Like, a sequal that is like a short story or something. :) It is very well writen, and I didn't see any mistakes. :)
AshleyAuthor's Response: Woot, you know my name noww XD After talking to me on msn for like, a month or more? XD
Anywhoo, I\\\'m super glad you think I\\\'m a good writer!!
A sequel? D: But I already was asked for a prequel. *dies* Maybe I\\\'ll just...do both and then.everyone will be happy XD
Thanks for the amazing review, Ashley!!! I appreciate it very much! (: Report Review
The one thing I love most about this story is the way she thinks of the past as more important than the future. Especially the way Rose obviously seems to be stuck. I think it's something a lot of girls, maybe, can relate to in some way.
And Rose, unlike many, seems to be able to do something about it. It really takes a lot of bravery to do so. I wouldn't ever dare do it.
Your beginning. Great. The first sentence is so very catching. Well done.
It annoys me a little that obviously they both love each other, but just don't get together. I mean, I understand that she says so, but he's with someone, he shouldn't love her.
And when he is with Lily, is he just a coward, or does more lay behind this? What happened exactly since Rose is so much affected my it? I really think this has potential to a prequel :P Something more, letting us know all of it. Hint, hint. :P
I mean, you've obviously created a little past between them - the kiss, the Hogsmeade weekend. Just another one-shot and it'd be just fine.
By spending most of this story writing about what has happened and how she feels about it, you really underline something is off and just how much it's been bugging her. It's so strong and I love it.
But I think you're lacking on the power a little in the end, but I think that might be because the start is so strong and I had expected her to say it, and then leave. Kiss him maybe, but not the responce.
It's almost as if... she just wanted to play with him really. She doesn't want to stay, talking it out. She wants to torment him like he did with her.
I think this is a very strong one-shot with some thought to it. I think it's a well written story, but falls a little in the end.Author's Response: Well, I refuse to write a prequel.
Kidding XD Yeah, someone else mentioned that to me as well, so I\\\'ll likely be writing a prequel very soon, I\\\'ll let you know when it\\\'s up (:
Thank you for the wonderful review, I\\\'m really glad you enjoyed the story! Once I\\\'m done the prequel, I will look over this and fix up the end. I guess I did kind of leave it weak :P Thank you so much for the input, it\\\'s very much appreciated (: Report Review
I LOVE IT. So much it even deserves capital letters.
Why isn't anyone reviewing this thing? It needs reviews! It's so well written! xD There's so much chemistry between Rose and Scorp in this little fic. God you're an amazing writer.
Update soon!Author's Response: You're too kind (:
Thanks a lot for this lovely review!! I really appreciate the fact that you liked this story! (:
-blushes- I'm glad you think I'm an amazing writer ^-^
I will likely write another one shot that shares a similar theme, so be sure to check back on my author page often (:
Thanks again for the splendid review! Maybe your review will lead others to leave one! (: Report Review
Oh my God! This is so good. I don't understand why there's so little reviews. O: This is fantastic. So romantic and there's so much tension and ah!
I WANT MORE.
Oh my god, write more!Author's Response: Aww thank you so much for the spectacular review!!! I'm so glad you liked my story! (:
I will possibly write a prequel to this, or maybe just another one-shot that shares the same theme (: In any case, be sure to swing by my author page lots; I update often (:
Thanks again for the review!! Report Review
Score! First review. Love the story, your writing style is just amazing, you have an innate style for your readers to relate to your characters straight away and you kept them so true to a particular pattern that is believable and yet gives us a history without having a long back story. Great description and your dialogue is both humorous and meaningful. There isn't a word I'd change if I was writing it myself.
I have only one complaint, and it's a major one, it ended. And there is no more to it. it's the only downfall with one shots is that you can't keep going with them and with your sense of characterisation it's a sad thing when it ends.
A great one shot though and one that you should be proud of.
JUMP HIM!!Author's Response: -tackleglomps-
This review made my day, seriously. You are amazing :D
I'm super happy you like my writing style as well as my characterization and everything like that (:
-squees- My ego just might explode xD
I'M SORRY IT ENDED. -dies-
I will write you a super awesome fic that...won't end.until. a lot of chapters xD ;D
Thank you so much! I did really enjoy writing this one (:
PS- LOL! Report Review
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