That was incredibly sad 10/10 : ) Report Review
Aawwh, that's really sad! :( but still really sweet, and very well written. I love it :) 10/10 and favourited. Report Review
Ande is linking me these stories and I'm seriously in awe atm. Htf do you write like this? My mouth is actually hanging open at the moment. I can not believe how amazing your stories are. I haven't read too much slash stuff - haven't read too much of anything lately to be honest, but this makes me want to. So, so amazing Liam.
ly Report Review
This was... Outstanding. I litterally got goosebumps while reading this. Firstly, I must say that i'm very impressed by your ability to write so well and convincing in second person narrative and in present tense. It's one of the hardest things to write I think, but you pulled it off perfectly here. It flowed so effortlessly, a true joy to read.
Moreover, your characterization here is excellent. Al is fierce, fire, Scorpius is deliciously detched and full of self-loathing. The eerie feeling that followed throughout the fic was so raw, I could feel the subtle suspense creep beneath my skin while reading it.
The ending is so... morbidly beautiful, in a twisted and enthralling sort of way. The mixture of Scorpius' cruel indifference and his memories of Albus and their relationship was exquisite. I loved it, I absolutely loved it.
I'm so happy I discovered your fics! I will definitely read much more of your work. Thank you for this, as I said, it was excellent. Bravo!
- Lovely_SlytherinessAuthor's Response: Honestly, I cannot express how happy this review has made me. Thank you so much, it honestly means the world to read that.
Second person and present tense are two things that are totally new to my writing with this story. This was my first attempt at either of them, so I'm glad you enjoyed it so much!
Aha, morbidly beautiful. Thanks so much for that. It is pretty ... grim. But I'm glad you enjoyed it!
Aww, thank you so much! I'm sending you a PM over at the forums now. Thanks alot! :] Report Review
That was.. fantastic! Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant... Powerfully written, strong, vivid, very interesting.. I loved it!
Absolutely lovedlovedloved it xD I apologize for the short review, but..
Awesome! Moar, please ;DAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you so so much! Reviews like this make me feel all fuzzy inside ^_^
I love short reviews, don't worry! (Their easier to answer, for one thing XD)
I might do a prequel one day, but I think this may be the end of this story :/
But thanks so much for taking the time to read and review, it means alot! Report Review
Wow, I thought this request was only a week late. Sorry!
So, I'm not a huge Albus/Scorpius shipper (my hatred of Albus doesn't really help) and I HATE you for making me sympathise with him! Seriously, I rarely like characterisations of Albus but here my heart just went out to him. The wonder of it all is that I didn't hate Scorpius either. I felt for him too, perhaps more so than Albus. My grandfather has a similar psychological disorder and the horror invoked in the reader at the end of this rang very true with how I feel when he is having one of his turns. The unpredictability is terrifying but you know he can't help it. It's a horrible feeling and I think you brought that across so well, especially Scorpius' blankness, so to speak, at the end.
Both the characters are very different to the usual representations of them. I loved reading them, which was such a treat for me since, as above, I'm not a huge fan of these two.
I feel obliged to talk about your writing style so BRACE YOURSELF. The description is just so YUMMY. Yes. Yummy. HOW DO YOU DO THIS??? Seriously, reading anything you write is such a joy. It's so easy to read it, and you always hook me. The dialogue is so natural and believable, and that is what I think makes it so heartbreaking. The passion with which the characters speak really gets to you.
I think present tense was a fantastic choice. It doesn't give that chance for hindsight to come into play. It's just a first-hand experience, unbiased, and brilliant. The second person is really inviting, and you write it very well - I've turned from being wary of it to loving it to bits, especially when authors like you write it.
Fangirling over. Promise.
So, yes, I think this is wonderful. One day I might have criticism for you. One day. I'm a little scared, actually, that you write stories like this so well! I don't know how you think them up, but I love how all your writing is different to the norm (or what I usually read, at least). I know I can rely on you for a break from the millions of overused plotlines out there.
xAuthor's Response: I'm sorry my reply is a week late! Aha, sorry, Rachel. I've been so bad at replying to reviews in the last month or so, it's awful. I really need to get back into the habit D';
Aww, why do you hate Albus? Albus is cooler than cucumber x')
ROFL, I'm sorry! I beg ye forgiveness, miss. He's not that bad!
Wow, I was just going on the varied and probably unreliable information I found about the disorder on the internet. I'm sorry that your grandad has it, hon, that must be very tough sometimes :/
Umm, it's not that great! Aha *blush*
But thank you. That's very kind of you, honey. It means alot to me that you think so highly of this piece.
Aha, aww, thank you so much. This review is amazing. THANK YOU.
xox Report Review
Ok, I'm finally here with the review your requested. Thanks for being patient!
Firstly, I love your title and summary. Neither is obvious or long-winded; just simple and fitting. Just those two would make a person want to read this.
I don't pretend to be an expert on slash or multiple personality disorder, but I think that this was written excellently. What I look for in slash is that it's not just physical love; it's emotional too, and you had both. And your description of the disorder, how you showed what it did to Scorpius, well, that was just brilliant for a person like me that knows next to nothing about it.
Your descriptions were intoxicating. They were crystal clear and perfect and I saw and felt everything that Scorpius felt, I understand him more in a one shot than I do for many characters in longer stories. The calm-before-the-storm, still mood that you imposed was amazing.
And while some second person fics are awkward, this just made it all the more real.
Finally, the ending was shocking. I loved it. I loved the surprise, how you wanted to think that Scorpius would save him but knew he wouldn't. It was perfect.
Nothing was wrong this story at all, I loved the writing style. Keep it up!
~lllb Report Review
that is really DARK!
i liked the person-style you wrote in. i usually write in first person, but this is refreshing!Author's Response: Yeah, I know. Aha, sorry about that. It wasn\\\'t originally going to be like that at all, I don\\\'t know what happened :/
But thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Liam! Oh my God, I just wrote you a MASSIVE review and it won't post it and now it won't paste it when I copied it! Dang it! So, this review is probably going to suck, so I'm sorry!
Basically in my other review I told you how absolutely brilliant this one-shot was and your talents. You are truly gifted in the art of writing. Every time I read just a sentence or two of something of yours, I become entranced - your writing puts a spell over me, as I'm sure it does to everyone else.
As I have told you countless times, it's all so perfect. The description, the characterization, the limited dialogue. I love that you employed the 'multiple personality disorder' to justify Scorpius's actions - I see something more within the piece - Scorpius's insecurities (obviously), there's so much more I see, but I just can't describe it. It honestly takes a pretty awesome writer to make me speechless and you've done just that.
I'm rambling. Oh, I have NO qualms with this. I greet each piece of your with the highest expectations. Maybe I'm expecting perfection, which I think I might be, but you never disappoint.
This is a true Albus/Scorpius masterpiece. 10/10
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Aww, I\\\'m sorry about your review, Shelby! It majorly sucks when that happens :(
Brilliant? Truly gifted? I\\\'d argue with that, but thank you so much. It means alot to have such an awesome writer tell me that. Gah, why so amazing, Shelby?
Ahh, Scorpius is crazy loco, non? xD
I didn\\\'t actually want to kill Albus, but my plot bunny took over with it.
Gah, you\\\'re being far too nice. I\\\'m not that good, Shelby! :S
But thank you so much.
xox Report Review
I myself, hate losing reviews (crash last autumn) so I thought I'd be nice. My words haven't changed much though.
I think this is a masterpiece. The whole concept is just so alluring, and I want to read it over and over again.
The title is interesting, I think. Hysteria can mean so many things in this story, and I think of it over and over again. And when combining it with your chapter title, a Broken Fairytale I can't help but think there are so many things to this.
I find no need to point out Albus' quick reaction more - I did that in the first review.
Scorpius. Beautifully portrayed. He's in dilemma between two things. Norms and wants. And even though this takes place in a time where this should be acceptable, he's torn. And you portray it so well.
And the second person thing. As said previously, you really did this well, so it actually is fitting. I love the way you write it and it's just wow. I can't believe this is the first time you write it.
The last scene, I didn't mention this the last time, but in some way it reminds me of the last scene in Mr. Brooks (if you've seen that). And it's so brilliant.
Well written and lovely. It's a story I think I can easily read over and over again. I'm sorry this review isn't that long, but I hope you'll remember some of what I wrote in the first one :)
Beautiful. Report Review
Wow. This is really scary for me. I'll explain a bit further down.
Firstly, awesome story. I love the way you describe all of these emotions, he he changes so quickly, how they both react poorly to such emotions. It was just beautiful. But the ending! It was so horribly sad! I can't believe he just let him drown! :O Top shock factor for you, per usual.
Secondly, the beginning of this... where he's deciding to give up on them... I hate to admit it, but it was exactly the same thing I did at the end of one of my relationships. Like, the same thoughts, everything. I can't even describe what it made me feel to read this. Just wow.
"the strawberry scent of his hair and clean, moisturised smell of his chestnut hair" -- there were a couple sentences like this that had unnecessary repetition. I'd suggest you proofread for that and there were a couple other minor mistakes.. nothing you can't catch with a quick read over!
Fantastic work, as always! Keep it up! And keep coming back for reviews! :D
-JillAuthor's Response: Hey, Jill! Thanks for stopping by to review. I\\\'m sorry I\\\'ve taken a while to respond, life has been hectic lately, which is no excuse, but its limited my time for things like replying to reviews.
But with that said ...
Ahh, the ending. Sorry about that. I didn\\\'t want Albus to die, but I\\\'m sure you know what it\\\'s like when your plot bunny just takes over :(
Evil, evil plot bunny ...
Oh wow, really? I\\\'m so sorry about that o.o
But I\\\'m glad you could make some kind of connection with the characters.
Ahh, I know, I noticed that. I\\\'m editing it now, sorry D:
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
Hey, LonelyStar here from the forums with the review you requested.
Wow, this was brilliant. I was completely blown away. At first I wasn't sure what to expect, I haven't read many Scorpius/Albus one-shots/fics before so I didn't know if I'd like it or not. But I loved it. And you wrote it quite well too.
You made a good choice in deciding to write from the second person, but it paid of, and it added to the story. General characterisation was good, but I was particularily impressed with your characterisation of Scorpius. I think you wrote him the best, even though the others were wrote well as well. Grammar seemed fine to me, and spelling was good too.
Good work on this great one-shot :)
10/10Author's Response: Aww, thank you! You're being far too kind ^_^
Ahh, Albus/Scorpius is immense! You should definitely read it more often. I'm in love with this ship ;P
Thank you. I was incredibly worried about writing both second person and present tense at once, as I've never written them, I don't like them much, and their generally frowned upon, so this was a bit of a gamble for me. But I'm glad you think it paid off!
Thanks so much! :D Report Review
Wow. Just... wow. I'm completely in awe. That was just amazing! You pulled off second person beautifully, your characterisations were amazing, and the description was simply wonderful. 10/10, and I only wish I could give you more xDAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you so much! You're far too kind. This review has really made my day, thank you so so so much!
Gah, I'm completely shell shocked by this review! ^_^
Oh my God. This was amazing! I really did love it - the second person was so powerful and you used your words so purposefully. I've only ever written in second person once (which was rather fun actually), but I've never read it before - I have to say, this has made me love it :D And to see it in an Albus/Scorpius one-shot made it all that much better! But I digress. Your plot was amazing, your characters were suburb and - somehow, I don't know - you made me feel from the beginning that something wasn't quite right. That something bad was going to happen, like the whole story was building up (the tension, the characters, the atmosphere) to this one point and bang! It suddenly happened and I dead-set felt my jaw drop. I really did expect it. And that's what I love about this (along with every other little plot point/word/letter :P)
Excellent job. 10/10, easy! Thanks for a wonderful story :) Report Review
Puhlease, you pull off second person so well, that I almost shizzed my pants. I mean, there you go. I swear, Scorp makes love to the reader. Like, almost as good a Elle, but she's better to me, of course. OKAY, so like, I have no words. I mean the characterizations and thoughts and, GAH.
This is just freaking lovely. I cannot believe how amazing you are, hon. YOU PWN MEH. You are AWESOME. You just...
Sigh, this is why I let you contaminate my comment box. BECAUSE YOU'RE SO AWESOME AT WRITING AND PWNING MY LIFE, THAT YOU SHOULD GET A REWARD FOR IT, YOU HEAR?!?!
YOUR ZOMBIE JESUS,
M - A - L - I - A Author's Response: Oh Ms. Zombie Jesus, thou art a wonder. ILY TOO.
Wow, thanks so much. You think I pull off second person well? That's very kind of you, dear! ^.^ LOL, Scorpius always makes love to the reader. CANON LOVE. Mhmmm.
Aww, why are you always so freaking nice to me? Jeez, I don't deserve this much! But thank you, it is, of course, greatly appreciated :'D
xox Report Review
Hi, ChellDaBelle1030 here *waves*
Whoa! I am completely in awe. You captured such a poignant piece in such a lyrical and descriptive flow of words that I am nearly in tears. I've never read in a piece in 2nd person before, but this was really very good.
I love slash, but honestly this was just amazing. You capture both characters feelings so well, its like I was there experienceing everything with them.
Wonderful. A well deserved 10/10Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for the review!
You're nearly in tears? ;O
I'm so sorry! I mean, I know that that has to say something about the fic, but I'm really sorry. I don't like making people cry for any reason D:
Amazing? Why thank you so much!
This is a great review. THANK YOU! Report Review
Okay, here's the heart of the review:
Control: I'm not sure if this is what it actually is supposed to be called, but...it's something that you have. You're able to...manipulate the words to make the reader see exactly what you want them to, use phenomenal word choice and usage in order for your description to come out correctly, it's like...you more than just the author, this showed me that you've crafted your own world...your own...everything.
You created it and your showing it to me. It's hard to explain...and it's more than just being "drawn into the story" I was, but there's something else, something more than that. I don't know if I'm describing in a way that you'll know what I'm talking about...but it's like...like you are twisting around the story, the anticipation in this grows and grows and the description on top of everything just makes it perfect.
I love the contrasting points that you use. But my favorite thing, the thing that just made me completely fall in love with this story was the artistry used here:
"Really, I'm okay." Do you ever stop lying?
It's like your talking to me, making me evaluate myself, the character that I'm being (Scorpius) and then the "you" just in general the three part questioning here. And the Lies. All Lies. I don't know how to describe the emotion that you created and made me feel, but I just know that I felt them. That the triple evaluation just...i don't know how to describe Liam but that just made this story for me. It was amazing. I loved it. I truly wish I had the words to describe it but...even if this made no sense, just know that this is honestly topping the list for my favorite one-shot.
10/10, I'd give more but that's as high as I can rate it.
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