The story was interesting enough, but I could not get past the base and immature speech. You write like Stephanie Meyer, and while at first you emulated Rowling's writing well, you have now reverted to less developed literary jargon and technique. Passages such as "I should never have come. I wouldn't have said yes if I'd have known what you were - I feel like such a bad person. I always get things wrong!" explain too much. We know what kind of person Neville is. We know what he's thinking. Your job is to convey it in a convincing way. Just focus on dialogue and I think your stories could turn into wonderful peices of work.Author's Response: Thanks Mary, but please don't compare me to Stephenie Meyer! loll : P No no it's cool, I understand what you mean but I believe that Neville would say that. He's said in the past "Why is it always me?" so he would definetely say all that to Malfoy I think. I don't know. I know what you mean, but I should probably tell you that this story is one of my worst and I'm thinking of taking it down anyway. If you want a decent one go and look at "Conscience is a sin" or "Luke" or some one shots. Thanks for all your help though. I really appreciate it, I just don't like Stephanie Meyer! hahahaha Report Review
Hahaha! Evil, evil Malfoy... and poor blundering Neville... I'm not so sure of his character here, but then again we never get much of him at one time so there's no specific voice to follow! I think you did the tricking him into going along with Malfoy's plans extremely well though, I dont think many people could have not been decieved by that! Especially with the involvement of Frank and Alice's wellfare. Nice work on the making Neville think Harry spilled the secret about the Longbottom's conditions, too!
This is developing very interestingly now, and I'm intrigued as to what will happen next and why Malfoy wants Neville to get Harry's wand for him. Will be on the look out for more!
Rosai z:)Author's Response: Hahahahh I have quit this story now so I don't actually know why I'm replying to this. I think I just can't stand unanswered reviews : P loll Yes, Neville's character was interesting in this to say the least. It's partly why I stopped it but mostly because I had the other idea and am now running away with Silence. hahahaha yeah Draco is a sly customer. I don't know what else to say really, there's no point answering things Oh not that you've asked anything, but we'll see what happens with this. I might return to it I don't know.
Thanks Rose : ) Report Review
Oh, my, god. That was even flipping greater than the other chapter!
The Slytherin Coom Room was naked of life.
You've put Coom!Author's Response: Oh, my, god!! Thanks so much - again!! : ) and thanks for pointing out the error, I've fixed it! I reallly hope you continue to like this story as I did have a very long break from fanfic but I think it's going alright! Update in a week! Report Review
Oh, my, god! That was flipping great! It's working it's way into my top ten stories!Author's Response: Oh, my, god! This review was flipping great! : ) I was outside in the garden with Mum, checked the '2' for reviews and squealed, reading your review out. My fear was that I'd been gone too long for anyone to notice I'd updated! Thanks loads, and I LOVE your penname! Will be sure to pop over to your account and r/r soon! Report Review
Woah I haven't read fanfiction in rather a long while... and while I thought I wasn't in the mood even now, this story caught me up and made me interested and engaged! Your writing is always a pleasure to read :) I liked lazy Harry and his sarcastic attitude, just right for someone who has been through what he has and is now rather fed up of it! And of course I am loving the Draconess and his scheming, and wonder what his evil plan is! Great start, awesome writing, nice pacing, would definitely read more!
Rosai :)Author's Response: Awww thanks rosai! I can't tell you how liberating it feels to be back writing fanfiction! Even though my topic is the same (Draco versus Harry in some way or other) I wouldn't be me without it would I? Oh yes, I loved writing Harry's sarcasm in this. He just won't take Snape's attitude and that's something I've always admired him for. If a teacher was nasty to me, I'd just back away, screaming! Wicked, thanks again. Yes, Draco Malfoy is definetely up to something. time will tell as to what. hahahaha chapter two will be up next week I think, after writing a couple more chapters in the garden. Good old summertime! lolll Report Review
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