Yes, intoductory chapters are difficult at first.
Hello! californialove here, filling in your request from the forums.
To start things off, I was too distracted by the story to notice any gosh awful grammar. I mean, I'm not that good at grammar myself, but if it's bad, I'll notice it. But your grammar skills are good enough to NOT take away from the story! Good job!
Your characters, I feel are as real as possible. Lily, I always thought to be like that really nice girl in your graduating class whose like taking the hardest Calculus class, but she's still willing to help you with your Pre-Algebra homework. Here, you have her filling that criteria by trying to like, revive the dead guy, even tho clearly with Magical reasoning or whatever, he's dead. But she's willing to do everything in her power to try and help.
Also, the fear that's among her peers is just like, perfect! It sets the mood for when the story takes place and just let's us know where we are during the first Wizarding War.
I also loved the beginning with James and Lily! I thought that was like, tre adorable! I loved the mood you gave us with that one too! They're young and in love, and James is already committing himself to Lily!!! Author's Response: Awe, thanks californialove.
I'm glad the characters seem real enough. I also pictured Lily to be what you thought she was. It just seems like someone she would be.
When writing the start, I was so absorbed in it. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and I believe I wrote it in about 2 hours, maybe less. James and Lily, I thought, should have been childhood sweethearts from the start, although the way J.K writes them, it also seems right. You know what I mean?
Thank you for the review! Report Review
Aw, Amy! This is fantastic! So cute!
I'm sorry it took me so long to get around to this. My internet is sucky and you say how backed up my queue was.
I had seen the movie Sweet Home Alabama before, but when the story began I couldn't tell how it was in relation. Then James said "So I can kiss you whenever I want" and I was like oh! I am so curious and excited for this story!
FAVORITES! You have to update soon.
As always, I am captivated and intrigued by your story and your writing. A few mistakes here and there, but we've all got them. No worries. They are easy to overlook.
It is so cute and intresting how you will adapt this to fit James and Lily's life! Eep! Can't wait!
How have you been, Amy love? Thank you for being so faithful in my work! How's life? xD
10/10Author's Response: Thanks Drue. I'm good, life's pretty with homework and such.
I know how you feel with the internet. My computer is so slow. Hopefully, your internet picks up.
I love that line so much. When I started I was like: I'm so going to use that line! I saw the movie on TV a couple of weeks ago (not my first time) and I knew it would fit perfectly into an AU James/Lily story.
I'm going to look over this chapter next week when I'm on holidays, and see if I can fix up the little mistakes. If I don't, it won't really matter much.
Thank you for the review Drue. And I adore reading your work! Report Review
Hello, this is theshanster124 from the forums.
Firstly, even though this is an introductory chapter, it's still a very good chapter. It has description, excitement, and makes the readers want to read on.
Please re-request when the next chapter is up, as I want to read it!Author's Response: Thanks for the kind review.
I'm glad it was a good chapter, I was worried about it.
I'm trying to update, but its the last week of school for our second term, so it is kind of hectic at the moment. Next week, I will try and have an update to post. Report Review
i thought that this was a wonderful little one-shot. it was pleasurable and realistic in a sense. of course, it is AU and therefore, nothing is exactly cannon in this but for an AU story i thought that you did an amazing job of portraying two separate points and making them seem to fit with everything already provided. your grammar, the thing that you appeared to be most worried about, seems to be done very well. i really did not notice much and therefore, i do not think that it is something that you really have to worry too much about.
overall, i thought that this was a nice one-shot. i really did not get the point of this story but i guess that with some stories you don't. it just seemed a bit...long, if you know what i mean, even though this story is just over 1000 words. try to make your flow work better with your style. that is the only advice that i can offer you. nice job on this. good luck on your writing, hun.Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review. The story is actually WIP. This was only the first chapter, mostly a prologue.
I'm so glad my grammer isn't that bad. I was really worried that I had made some mistakes that I hadn't seen when I re-read it before posting.
Thank you for all your advice Report Review
Good introduction. I didn't spot any errors. Though I did find the Sweet Home Alabama reference a little awkward.
I enjoyed the second half of the chapter. :]
Good job.Author's Response: Yeah, I was thinking about changing it around a bit. When I have some time, I'll read through it and fix it.
Thanks for the review. Report Review
Awww. The man died. Great story so far. I like the plotline can't wait to see what's next.Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review. Hopefully I'll update soon, but not sure when. Report Review
great start 4 the 1st chapter. will u update soon please?^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review Harry and Ginny.
I would like to start the next chapter this afternoon, but it might not be to tomorrow. I have two tests to study for and then I have netball training.
Hopefully I have a new chapter by the weekend. Report Review
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