Reading Reviews for Monster
  
23 Reviews Found

Review #1, by laurenb4harryp Monster

15th May 2010:
Brilliant!! A wonderful take on this relationship, it's one of my favourites, admittedly. And it was so lovely at the end as well, they deserve that! Can I just ask, is Victoire not the same as Dominique, like, does she have that condition? Or did she receive more of her father's genes?

Author's Response: In my headcannon for this fic, Victoire is a lot more contained than Dom - like, she wouldn't lose control like that in the first place. I should have been clearer! Thanks for reading :)

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Review #2, by emmmmmm Monster

4th January 2010:
all i can say is
perfect.
totally perfect
10/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

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Review #3, by live_laugh_LOVE Monster

6th November 2009:
weee georgia! that was bittersweet! and beautiful! ^_^ really great. I realised I really suck at critique... so im sorry. :(

ILY! Ceren

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #4, by WeasleyTwins Monster

7th September 2009:
Hello! I'm here to review for TGS's Frantic Frenzy!

Gosh, what a stunning one-shot! I would like to applaud your fantastic usage of second person, a difficult POV to pull off. To top it off, you've used it to your advantage and it has increased the intensity of the piece tenfold. Maybe I'm being a bit thick, but I have no earthly idea exactly what kind of 'monster' Dominique is. Whatever she becomes, I love how she's this monster, his horrific being and that ties her to Teddy. You've mastered Dominique/Teddy brilliantly.

I consider myself to be good at reading, writing, and interpreting horror. For your first horror piece, I thought you did an excellent job. You employed description to its greatest potential within the piece and described certain aspects with an air of confidence. Which brings me to my next point...you write with such a confidence, I sigh to think at my poor excuse for confidence. Bringing it back to horror, overall, the horror of the piece is not overmuch, but enough to bring a shudder about.

Excellent, 10/10

Shelby

Author's Response: Hi Shelby! Thank you so much for this lovely review, it really means so much to hear such lovely things!

I'm so glad you liked this. Second person was really interesting to use. I quite enjoyed it actually - I initially thought it would be really difficult, but it wasn't :) Dominique turned in the "monster" that is the flip-side of being a Veela. Fleur turned into one in GoF :)

Thank you so much for the lovely words, Shelby! Thank you, thank you, thank you!


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Review #5, by Tinkerbell01 Monster

28th August 2009:
Hiya Georgia! Alicia here from Aparecium with your review for the exchange! xD

I honestly can say, that your story is the first story I've read in second person here on HPFF for as long as I've been here (which is only since February).

It's really truely an amazing piece of work and you should be proud of the way you concocted this up. When I started reading, I haven't read much second person, so I couldn't really tell, but when I got to the end, I was right.

Anyway. Malia is a wonderful person to create such a challenge. It really does challenge yourself to write what you've never written before and this proves that you can do anything! Even though I haven't read any of your other work, I can see this is really amazing.

I'm probably blabbling and not making any sense here, but I love how with Teddy being afraid of who he is, what he's become, Dominique is willing to be there right by his side.

I don't think I have any criticism for you at all dear. Your descriptions are amazing and straight to the point. You make everything so vivid, so real.

Well done!


xoxo
Alicia

Author's Response: I'm so sorry for the time it took to respond to this! I am a truly horrible person! I am so sorry :(

Thank you for such a wonderful review! I'm so incredibly glad you liked it. Thank you so much for the compliments :D

Malia is awesome for creating this, isn't she? To be honest, without the prompt I definitely would not have written this.

Thanks again for the review, Alicia! It's really appreciated, thank you so much :D


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Review #6, by MajiKat Monster

17th August 2009:
hey Maji here from TGS for your review ^_^

WOW
i love second-person narrative (am a fan of writing it myself) and this was extremely well written! never as the reader did i feel alienated, or that i was forced the feel what Dom was feeling! i felt involved and engaged and part of the story.

excellent job with the present-tense too. i think there were a few places where you switch to past but i can't remember where and they are minor - they don't impact on the effect of the piece xD

ive not read alot of next gen, esp teddy or dom, but i think your characterisation was lovely!! teddy's pain was very real and Dom was an amazing narrator - she had the capacity to be an unreliable narrator and try and turn us against her sister, but having teddy speak of victoire the way he did allowed the fic to have balance. well done!!

it flowed beautifully hun - each action moved seamlessly into the next.

having the veela as monster was genius! i think its something people tend to forget - it was shown to us in Goblet of Fire - so it was excellent to include the uglier side to her beauty!

and you gave Dom reason enough to be like she was - with the drinking and the boys etc. thats very real, that feeling of not being as worthwhile as another. nicely done.

overall i really enjoyed this!!
i think i have to read more of your work very soon ^_^

Kate xx

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for such a positive review! This was my first attempt at second person, so it was pretty exciting - I really enjoyed writing it too! It was a lot of fun.

Oh, thank you! I really tried not to force Dominique on the reader, I was worried it would come off like I was though. Thank you :D Ah, yes, present tense -dies- I really didn't mean to write in present tense, it just sort of came out like that. Thanks for mentioning them, I will try to check them out ASAP! I'm horrible at tenses, haha.

I'm glad you liked Dom and the Veela/monster thing. I've read quite a few Dominique fics where she doesn't realize she is beautiful, so I thought I'd mix it up a bit - she knows she is gorgeous and uses it for all the wrong reasons, as you saw.

Thank you so much for this amazing review! I will definitely have to come back to your thread :D Thanks so much!


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Review #7, by xX mOoNdAnCe Xx Monster

12th July 2009:
Loved this. I've never read a Dominique/Teddy or a Victoire/Teddy before, so I can't really compare your characterisations or anything to those that I've already read, but I get the feeling they were perfect. For this kind of piece, at least.

I loved your Veela/bird thing... I envy your imagination; I'd never be able to come up with something like that.

I also thought you did brilliantly with the horror and the angst, even though you said it's not something you've attempted for a very long time. And you pulled off second person brilliantly; there are few people bold enough to attempt it, and even fewer who can pull it off like you have.

You drank and smoked and slept with the boys who would never remember your name, desperate to have someone to take his place in your heart; she was intelligent and perfect and brought light into every room she was in, stealing hearts wherever she went. You were dirty and tainted and broken; she was pristine and pure and whole. - That was one of my favourite parts from the whole thing. I like you conveyed Dominique's self-loathing and lack of self-worth and confidence brilliantly.

Fabulous one shot. :)

Jessica

Author's Response: Thank you so much, I\'m really glad you liked it, thank you for leaving such a lovely review!

Actually, the Veela/monster thing was just something that stuck with me while I was reading GoF for some reason. I dont know why, probably has to do with the destructive nature of beauty, or something :P

Horror and angst is a genre I am not very confident in, so it was a real challenge writing it. But to hear that kind of feedback genuinely means the world to me, thank you so much! Second person was also a challenge but I found that I rather like it once I got into it; thank you for the lovely compliments!

Argh! You picked my favorite line! Thank you, thank you, thank you!! You got exactly what I was trying get across, thank you! And thank you again for such an awesome review, I\'m so glad you liked it :D Thanks!


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Review #8, by Gigi Monster

11th July 2009:
This is really good! The horror isn't just there to be horror, it acctually serves a purpose to the story, which sometimes makes something hard to read, you know, killing for the sake of killing.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I\'m really glad you liked it. The horror was a bit hard to slip in, but the fact that you got it makes me happy :D Lol, thank you!

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Review #9, by LonelyStar Monster

9th July 2009:
Hey! LonelyStar from the forums with the review you requested ^_^

Wow - this one-shot was brilliant. I really did love it, I even added it my favourites. So this isn't going to be a review but rather me going on about what I liked in this.

Your banner and summery was good - they were perfect to grab a reader's attention and get them to read the one-shot. And your opening sentences for this were good too. They were interesting and well choosen on your part, and got the reader interested in what was going to happen in this.

Deciding to write in second person was another good choice you made, because it added to the one-shot and made it more enjoyable to read. And your characterisations were great. Your characters were believable and had dept to them. I don't think I spotted any grammar mistakes, and spelling seemed to be perfect. Pace, flow and length were good as well. Really, I don't think you made any mistakes in writing this.

Good work in writing this :) It's great. And if you want to request another review of me please do.

10/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much! This has made my day :D I\'m so glad you liked it, and thank you for adding it to your favorites!

The banner is fabulous, yes, all credit to hannah17@TDA for that :D I love who she chose as Dominique, she\'s perfect. And the summary was given to me by the challenger - I just changed it a little to suit the tense.

The second person was actually really fun to write in, I really enjoyed it. And I\'m glad you liked the characterisations, I\'m not very experienced in writing angsty people, so it\'s really flattering that you liked them :) And all credit for perfect grammar goes to PenguinsWillReignSupreme, my beta; she\'s amazing :)

Thank you so much for the amazing review, honestly, it\'s made my week! Thank you so much! And I will definitely re-request when I have a new one-shot up :) Thanks again!


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Review #10, by Phoenix_Flames Monster

8th July 2009:
Hello, Jelly, dear!! ;)

This was another brilliant story of yours. Everything was remarkable and completely enjoyable. I like reading Dom/Teddy and you write their characters together so wonderfully nonetheless.

You are a very talented writer. You space everything so brilliantly - description with emotion seeping into every corner of the story and fitting in the sarcasm to lighten up a dark mood.

Teddy isn't a monser. :) And you wrote that perfectly in the ending paragraph. It was so emotional and moving. Well done!

10/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I\'m really glad you liked it :) This was my first attempt at a Dominique/Teddy, so it\'s lovely to see that people enjoyed it! Thank you so much for the wonderful comments, I\'m blushing, lol :D Thanks again!

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Review #11, by LuckySeven Monster

6th July 2009:
I have arrived! Didn't you miss me? ;) You'll be proud to hear that this is my first Teddy/Dominique. Get excited! *confetti falls on your head*
My favorite parts:

"slightly AU due to the fact Teddy inherited his lycanthropy and Metamorphmagus powers can now heal cuts. "
-Yes. I liked the warning label. ;) who wouldn't like a little special abilities to spice up a story? I'm oober happy to be reading this.

"You’re running – but you can’t find him. You’re running – but you know he doesn’t want to be found."
-AAAaaand, I'm hooked. you've got skill pal. Nobody with any amount of sanity could stop beyond this point. The first paragraph has the same effects come to think of it. :)

"She didn’t know you were in love with her boyfriend, Teddy Lupin."
-Oh snap. I love the way you write. AND it's in second person (It is 2nd, correct?) I have never read a (good) story in this POV. You get ten million bonus points.

"Your movements are hasty and frantic as you scan the area, deciding on your next move. Fear and adrenaline thrum through you as your thoughts whirl and twist inside your head; death, pain and heartbreak, all playing their part.

But you soon realize there is no next move. He’s already there.

He’s lying, curled up at the edge of the clearing, tail wrapped around himself. His fur-covered eyes are closed and his huge body is covered in scratches, leaving patches of his thick grey fur clotted with a dark mix of blood, mud and leaves. His ribs expand and fall as he takes long, deep breaths, whimpering in pain with each desperate gulp of air."
-I swear I'm not weird! I just wanted to inform you that you are awesome. I tried to write a werewolf scene before and I gave up. *second batch of confetti fall son your head*

"But all the grace in the world couldn’t have prepared you for the loud crack! that seems to thunder through the forest as your foot crunches down on a stray stick."
-I was so into this that I actually jumped at the word 'crack'. Wow. Just...wow.

"This is you – the real Veela inside, disguised by the stunning beauty of flawless skin and luxurious silver blonde hair. Your sustained anger thrums through you, fuelling the fire in your hands and you flutter your thick, scaly wings experimentally."
-I am beyond impressed right now. Was it hard to write this? You make it seem so easy!

"And then he presses his lips against yours and you forget your monster because no true monster could ever feel like this."
-Awww! Perfect!

"I had to have horror, Dominique/Teddy, 2nd person and feature Harry Potter and the OC Skylar Parkinson somewhere in the story. Oh, and I was given the summary."
-wow. Thats why it was in 2nd. Thats a *hard* challenge. If you don't win it's a crime. ;)

The Usual Suspects:
Grammar: 10/10 (I never have anything to pick on when PenguinsWillReignSupreme betas)
Flow: 10/10 of course!
Length: Perfect. I'm still in shock that you got all those requirements into such a short story.
My opinion, or course: 10/10! Are you kidding me? I can't decide if I like this or your Rose/Scorpius better! Amazing. Epic. Wonderous.

Your Personal Concerns:
"Characterisation mainly"
-Well, as I've said, this is my first Dominique/Teddy story, so I'll do my best.
Characterization: 10/10 I have no complaints! Victoire acted more like Fleur here, and I appreciated it.

The Ever-Dreaded CC:
...eh. *frantically combs story*...erm.yeah, I've got nothing. Sorry. I tried!

Overall: You did a really great job with this. I am so impressed right now! You are definitely living up to what I've come to expect of your writing! Please come back to my thread and give me some more yummy stories to read!
Have a Splendiferously Fantacular Day,
~Lucky
10/10
P.S -Since I know that you'll respond to this review, how do you like my new layout? (you know the- The usual Suspects, My favorite parts, The ever-dreaded CC, overall) Is it better than the way I did it before?

Author's Response: *dies*

I love your reviews! They\\\'re so detailed and flattering :D And yes, I love the new layout! It\\\'s very easy to read and it just awesome generally. I\\\'m sure it\\\'s easier to write in, yes?

Anyway, I\\\'m so glad you liked it! Thank you so much for the insane compliments, I seriously am grinning like no tomorrow :D To answer your question about the difficulty of the challenge, that\\\'s actually a suprising answer: as hard as it may look (when I saw the challenge I was like, omfg what am I going to do?), one I got writing, I actually really enjoyed it. It flowed really easily when I was writing. I was mainly worried about over dramatizing my characters - I\\\'m forever terrified someone is going to be like, \\\"Dominique is whiny! I hate her!\\\"...But it hasn\\\'t happened yet, lol.

Anyway, veering way off topic; again, thank you so much for the wonderful compliments! The only way I can possibly express my gratitude is through song and dance, but seeing as you can\\\'t see me (and you\\\'d probably cringe at my singing and dancing), I think words will have to do :)

So thank you! I love you and your wonderfully, spectacular, splendid review! You\\\'re so kind :) I will definitely come and re-request, you\\\'re just too flattering not to :P Thanks again!


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Review #12, by Kat50 Monster

27th June 2009:
Hey, it's Kat50 from the forums. :) This was so, so good! I love reading second person, actually, and I went through a phase where I started writing a lot of original short stories in second person. It's a really interesting view point, and I think it's more effective at emotionally connecting the reader with the main character. A while ago, I read a thing online that writing second person is difficult because "you" is overused. It's hard to find a substitute or reword the sentence around it. I didn't really find the use of "you" in your story redundant though, so great job there! :)

Your plot in general was great, and though I feel like the whole "I'm in love with my sister's boyfriend" thing is a bit overused, you made it different by adding your own spin with the whole "monster" thing and the present tense second person. Overall, an excellent one-shot! Thanks for the great read! 9/10!

Kat

Author's Response: Hi :) Thank you for the wonderful review! I'm really glad you liked the story! Ah, second person, I'm finding myself a bit in love with it at the moment - I just read LiamR's new Al/Scorp fic, and it just made me fall even more in love with the use of second person. People do use it that often here because I think it is fixed with the connotation of "pick your ending" fics. And I'm really glad to hear that about the plot! I really wanted to give the sister's boyfriend thing a new twist - I'm glad you think I achieved that :)

Thank you again for the wonderful review! I'm so glad you liked it :)


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Review #13, by Fireball Nymph Monster

23rd June 2009:
Well, you wrote that I should read this, and I knew it would be great. So, here I am to review it.

This, for your first try at darkness, was utterly spectacular. I just love the difference between Dominique and Victorie. I think that they would be different. V the angelic one, and D the rebel.

I like how it's written in 2nd person, even though sometimes I'm not fond of that usually. Here, it was awesome.

One of your best pieces, I have to say. Awesome dialogue, development, and thank you for looking at my story!

Author's Response: Argh, sorry it took me so long to get to this! I\\\'ve been very busy and I wanted to give it the proper attention it deserved :( But thank you for such an amazingly flattering review!! Ah, I don\\\'t deserve you for a reviewer - you\\\'re too lovely! ♥

I\\\'m so glad you liked the story! As you can probably tell, darkness isn\\\'t something I generally like/write well. The second person was fun too, only now when I write (since this was in present tense) I\\\'m getting all confused! It\\\'s quite annoying, lol. Thank you so much for the amazing review, I\\\'m so lucky to have you reading my stories! Thanks again!


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Review #14, by Wierdy Monster

22nd June 2009:
So I liked this, I like how you weaved everything through. The chapter has good flow.

You're characterizations are really good. I can tell Dominique really does care about Teddy. I actually did like the second person. I found my heart racing as I was reading, waiting for Dominique to find Teddy. lol I think that was because of te second person.

Great job. :]

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really glad you liked it! Thank you for the compliments :) The second person was a fun aspect, and the present tense was also a challenge. Thanks again for the wonderful review!

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Review #15, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Monster

19th June 2009:
Oh my gosh.
First of all, I can't believe I didn't review, since I read this a week ago :O
Secondly, urgh, I'm so jealous of your ability. You wrote second person so wonderfully, and totally naturally. It was so enjoyable to read.

I honestly think this is the first story I've read in which someone takes into consideration the effects of being a Veela/part-Veela - I didn't see it coming at all. Dominique's anger at Victoire, her fear and love for Teddy, all of it comes across excellently.

I loved your characterisations of all of the characters. Even though we barely saw Victoire, I hated her just as much as Dominique did.

The last line was perfect. It rounded it off so wonderfully.

I wish I could give you any CC but I really can't see where on earth this could be improved.
Best word to describe this? Perfect? Yeah, that's good :P

x

Author's Response: Thank you for coming back and reviewing :) Your reviews are always so lovely, thank you so much for all the wonderful compliments!

The Veela thing was something that just really stuck with me when I was reading, you know? It just said to me, while beauty was all well and good, it had it's price.

I'm really happy you liked the characterisations :) And I'm so glad you liked the last line! I was actually a bit worried about that, actually, I thought it was a bit rushed.

Thanks for all the wonderful complements! They really do mean a lot :D Thanks again!


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Review #16, by californialove Monster

18th June 2009:
Wow...I'm speechless.gimme a moment to collect my words.

ha! Ok, californialove here with your review via HPFF forums! So I was forwarned about this story being really good, and I gotta say, it was really good and pretty much uncalled. Like, the ending totally took me. I didn't see it coming. Something that crazy. I got a little confused at the end, but don't trip! I still enjoyed it!!

Ok, let's do some characterization. If Teddy were to be a werewolf, I'd imagine it would be very different from that of his father's because he would be half; therefore it would be like less severe or something. And here when Dom and Teddy like encounter each other, he didn't like attack her on the spot. He like consciously knew who she was and therefore had to hold himself back.

I like Dominique. Personally I like her better than Victoire. And I also imagined her as like second best. (Kinda like Marsha and her younger sister in the Brady Bunch or whatever.) But how you made her all party girl to get over Teddy/Victoire, I thought was "Dang, this girl is pathetic." But you know what, I liked that kinda pathetic. What else could she have done? Played the homewrecker and just make things worse?

Other things I must give you props is for using second person. I first started writing in second person and then when I came to HPFF I learned that everyone loves third person and tends to dislike first and just down right disapprove of second, so I kinda felt like I was like a Dungeon and Dragon Nerd among a group of jocks for liking second and first person.

But yeah, second person really made things more like empathetic towards the reader. (I don't understand why they hate it so much...third person is just so impersonal!) Your descriptions for the actions are sick! Like, I enjoyed reading the description than the dialogue.

californialove

Author's Response: Argh! Thank you so much! I'm so flattered, really, this probably made my day :)

I'm glad you liked it! Oh and the ending - I'm sorry it confused you! Basically, after Dom transforms back, she acknowledges what she truely is inside - a monster, just like Teddy. And for Teddy, I guess it all clicks into place; why she is the way she is. And the kiss, well, it's up to the reader to decide what that was for - has he always loved her, or is just the relief of finally finding someone like him? As I said, up to you :)

Spot on about Teddy, that was really what I was trying to get across :)

I'm glad you liked Dom! I wanted her to be empathized with - she was stuck between a rock and a hard place, and she tried to escape without actually doing anything to change it...she was trying to forget :) Essentially it was kind of pathetic, but, as your said, what was she supposed to do?

Second person! I'm officially in love with writing that way. I can't stand writing in third person, like you said, it's so impersonal! I find it really hard to write in third and usually write in second. But after this I'm more than a little bit partial to second :)

The description for this was really enjoyable to write, I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you for the wonderfully flattering review! I'm really glad you liked it :)


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Review #17, by StepUpx_Gryffindor Monster

15th June 2009:
I did enjoy it, I must say! Personally, I really liked the second person fic. It fit really well! Darn, I wish it was longer ;P I want more to read! Haha. Dominique always intrigued me, you know :) Glad we have that in common! BTW I'm going to try and plot for a Lysander/Dominique one-shot... be proud of me. I think I may be breaking back into my former self.

All in good time I guess... *hugs*

Author's Response: Oooh, thank you! I'm glad you like it :) It's the first time I've ever written a messed up character (not one that's just insane) and in second person, so it's nice to hear you positive feedback! And ZOMG DOMINIQUE/LYSANDER! YAY! I must say, I'm very excited and of course I'm proud :) I'm glad you got your groove back, you're right, it's only a matter of time. Thanks for reading and reviewing! ♥

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Review #18, by Fragile Words - The Challenger :D Monster

14th June 2009:
Ah, this was just wonderful. The overall plot, character, flow, and wondrous sentence structure just about killed me. I find Dominique's characterization just wonderful - gritty and destroyed and overall edgy. You wonderfully pulled off the second POV. I really liked the equality between Teddy and Dom, seeing them both as monsters made my day :P

I have to say that I'm very proud of you! This was your first horror, first 2nd POV, and you just did amazingly well! I read this twice during class and I just about fell in love with it.

The overall plot was just love. The characters and motivations were clear. I could feel the suspense and horror, even if it wasn't all bloody murder ;) You put the reader into Dom's shoes, put the reader in her mindset, and I love that about this peice.

Sigh, I shall repeat myself once more and tell you how wonderful this was, and how much I loved it.

You deserve more than a 10/10. ---Malia

Author's Response: Aww, thank you for such a wonderful review! I'm really, really glad you liked it - thanks so much for the awesome challenge!

Dominique was a bit of a challenge for me. I've never really written someone quite as hopeless and gritty as her, so she was interesting to write. I think I might do more with these characterisations :) And I'm so glad you picked up on the equality! That's something I really wanted to get across, that they're both the same; half-breeds, monsters, victims of their tragic circumstances.

Thank you for the wonderful compliments! I've got a big fat grin on from all this praise :D You got exactly what I wanted to get across, so that's always very promising :) Thanks again!


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Review #19, by hosu Monster

14th June 2009:
O_O Oh woww...

This story was amazing. Not only have you pulled off the Dominique/Teddy ship, but you've also written beautifully in second person. The plot, the descriptions, the emotions that you've in-cooperated within the story was just awesome. You've also weaved in the memories and the present together so fittingly. This made me feel intimidated and inspired at the same time. :P

Lovely job. :D *has so favourited and given you 10/10 for this*

Author's Response: *dies of joy* Thank you! Haha, you're so lovely ^_^ I was a bit intimidated by the second person bit of the challenge, but I rather like it now :) It's very easy to write with and the tense only gets confusing when the writing gets complex. Anyway, I'm rambling, lol. Thanks you for the awesome review and awesome rating! I'm really really glad you liked it :)

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Review #20, by hannah17 Monster

11th June 2009:
:O

So that was pretty much entirely amazing. Your word choice, description, overall story line and plot was absolutely terrific. I was really pulled into the story when I was reading it and you've managed to make me very interested in the idea of Dominique/Teddy, who I hadn't really thought about before. It was absolutely wonderful hun ^_^

--Hannah

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it! Dominique/Teddy is a bit hard to find here (I think anyway), but when you find it, other author's have some *brilliant* stuff :) Again, thank you for the lovely compliments...and, you know, the zomgsobeautiful banner ;)

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Review #21, by RonsGirlFriday Monster

10th June 2009:
Ok, wow. I am so stunned by how amazing this is.

I can't believe you wrote this so quickly! Didn't that challenge just come out the other day? I joined it, too, and I was also assigned horror (dealing with Remus, funnily enough) - and I had no idea what I was going to do, because I can't write horror for the life of me...but now I feel pretty inspired after reading this! :-)

I noticed in a few places the tense shifted where you might not have intended it to, but other than that and a few random typos, this is so well-written. It flows perfectly, I have to say! All the language and imagery are powerful.

What I really liked about your description of Dominique and her life is that you made it gritty. You didn't glamorize her lifestyle, and I could feel her bitterness and pain.

"You drank and smoked and slept with the boys who would never remember your name, desperate to have someone to take his place in your heart; she was intelligent and perfect and brought light into every room she was in. You were dirty and tainted and broken; she was pristine and pure and whole." -- I love this! It's perfection.

I also really like what you did with the paragraph where she's transforming, interspersing it with the little flashbacks. Like her inner and outer ugliness all rolled together.

You are so talented! :-) I loved this.

1 million/ 10

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the amazing review! This is actually a product of intense procrastination of both art practical and history extension, lol. The story was actually fairly easy to write - I had what I wanted to write in my head, all I had to do was put it on the page. I'm glad I inspired you - this was my first time with horror too :) I rather like it now though (even though it wasn't very horrific :P).

Thank you for pointing that out! I've did a quick double check and caught the most obvious ones, but I'll make time in the near future to look through the whole piece :)

I'm glad you liked Dominique! I was a little bit worried she was a bit overdone. This is my first time at writing both in second person and developing such a messed up protagonist, so it really was a great writing experience :) And I'm so glad you pointed out that paragraph! It was one of my favorites to write :D I've actually added a little bit to the end of first line, if you'd like to check it out.

Again, thank you so much for the amazing review! You caught on to every little bit I was trying to convey though this, and that makes me very pleased :D Haha, thanks again!


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Review #22, by Another Weasley Monster

10th June 2009:
Fantastic. This was simply an outstanding piece of work. I actually think this was one of the best fics that I have come across.

No doubt about it 10/10

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! Really, this means so much to me that you liked it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #23, by redherring Monster

10th June 2009:
Oh...my... god. I'm actually speechless. That was simply amazing, and I agree with kaityb that it might possibly be your best piece ever. It's just... seriously, I have no words. I really need a wider vocabulary to describe this. It was... phenomenal , a word I don't think I've ever used before when describing fanfiction.

The whole idea of it was completely brilliant. The Veela-monsters are mentioned in GoF, aren't they (?) but I'd never actually given them a second though before. And the emotion in it! It was utterly amazing, and heartbreaking, as well. I'm practically in tears here! Poor Dom. And poor Teddy. And, actually, I feel a bit sorry for Victoire, as well.

Oh, and how quickly did you write this?! I entered that challenge as well, and didn't it only open about two days ago? Either way, I'm completely jealous of your ability to write so amazingly (and quickly).

Without a doubt, 10/10.

Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much! I love you! Seriously :P Thank you, thank you, thank you! This has honestly made my morning! Phenomenal? *dies of joy*

I'm glad you liked the plot - it was imspired by the prompt (summary), actually. I had two options I toyed around with while I was writing; Teddy attacking Dom (which I couldn't make myself do, lol) or the mutual monster theory (which I took). As for the darker side of the Veela, that's just something that really stuck with me when I was reading the HP books. I don't know why really, haha. And I'm really glad you felt even the teensiest bit sorry for Victoire - I really didn't want her to come off as a complete cow.

Haha, I have no life and whacked out priorities, that's how it was done so fast. I was supposed to be working on either my 80% of art practical or a paper for history worth 80% of my final mark...but I wrote this instead. But honestly, this was so inspired, I already had what I wanted to happen in my head, I just had to get it down :)

Again, thank you so much for the incredible review and wonderfully flattering comments! I'm so glad you liked the story! Thanks again!


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