Reading Reviews for The Letter
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretense Of Perfection Realizing

24th November 2012:
So after reading all of the chapters to the companion piece of this, everything finally made sense, and I'm here to finally review, since I have a love of it.

First off, I like that you included Peter, since I see some authors often don't. We do all have our own opinions, but I must say I don't really like how he is portrayed. Him and the other three Marauders were incredibly close, which is why he was chosen to be the Potter's secret keeper, and well, we all know how that ended. But him betraying them held a huge significance, because they were so close. I can see here, if this is how he was really treated by them, I would have a little more sympathy to his character for doing what he did years down the road. With friends like that..who needs enemies? I'm not saying I didn't like it, and it's probably not the way I personally would have gone, but it definately makes for something new and interesting to think about in terms of why he became a death eater and did what he did.

I like the letter Sirius wrote to Neinna. I think once he got through the first bit and eventually opened up, he began to realize things and feelings he had been denying for her all along. I think the angst and drama of writing the letter should have spanned over a longer period..perhaps a couple of days, or even a week or two(what I gather is she's gone for quite a bit). His sudden epiphany of feelings seemed a little rushed. After all, he had pretty much been denying his feelings since at least their fifth year, and I understand her being gone impacted him tremendously, although he didn't see it at first. Being who he is, I can't see him just opening up like that all at once. Guys, especially teenagers, tend to shy away from their feelings.

I'm also not sure he would have let all of his friends read the letter, essentially opening up to all of them. It could just be how I see the dynamics of the Marauders, but I always thought of James and Sirius to be the closest, and the two of them probably having a little heart to heart while Sirius sorted through his emotional baggage before opening up to the other two. Again, I don't think anything is wrong with it, it's just a different viewpoint of their relationships, and quite an enjoyable one too.

I'm not sure if any other reviewers commented on this, and perhaps it's just because I actually read the companion piece first, but I knew Sirius was going to find some way around not sending the letter. I didn't expect him to rip it up and throw it to the winds, and I love the symbolism in his actions and how it represents their relationship, that bit really threw me for a loop and I was pleasantly surprised!

Overall, you're writing is pretty good. I didn't notice very many, if at all grammar, punctuation, typos, etc. I think with a bit of editing and perhaps a few more words to bulk up the piece, it could be one of the better Sirius/OCS out their :)

That being said, please update Crash and Burn soon, I can't wait to see what happens! When I'm not feeling so lazy I'll review a couple of chapters from it, since it was quite an enjoyable ready!

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Review #2, by obviously394 Realizing

14th July 2009:
hey there, here from the forums with the review you requested :)

The length was good- not so short that it felt rushed, nor so long that it dragged on and on. You wrote Sirius rather well, too. Overall, rather well written.

I would have liked to see him fail to write the letter a few times- insert ye olde tossing the parchment into the rubbish bin sort of scenario, or something like that. It seemed a little too easy for him to write something so profound so quickly. And it seems a bit improbable that he would let his friends read it. Guys, in my experience, tend to be more protective of anything even borderline emotional.

The main thing that bugged me is how you wrote Peter's relationship with the rest of the Marauders- the 'he was always a bit of a creep, they tolerated him more than were friends with him'. His betrayal hurt for a reason, he really was a real friend of theirs.

I would have also liked to see more of Nienna- I couldn't really get a grasp on her personality or why she was so important to Sirius if they did only have a few encounters in the RoR.

I really liked the summary. Very intriguing. You might want to clean up the formatting a bit- a bit too much room between lines can make things a lot harder to read (or at least more annoying).

~Mac

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. I'll definitely take your ideas into consideration.

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Review #3, by notreallyblonde44 Realizing

13th July 2009:
Hey SayaEvange, it's notreallyblonde44 from the forums here to do your review :)

Owlery.

The first bits of the one-shot were rather mushy. Sirius sounded very girly and emotional. Which, I suppose is a nice twist to his normally boisterous and unfeeling character, but it might have been a bit overdone. I thought he was whiny and kind-of annoying.

Both James, Peter, and Remus were pretty stagnant. It seemed that only one of them could have been in the room with Sirius and the same story would have occurred. Basically, there names were the only difference in character that was presented- they were flat. In terms of Sirius' many nicknames, I understand that they were used to signify friendship and bounding and such, but 5 nicknames later it was just too much.

I'm very curious to know why Nienna left and what her and Sirius' relationship became right before she did so. I know it was hinted at, and I gathered the skeleton of their relationship, but it sounds like there was so much more there then what was covered. That shows true layers and dynamics in a story so good work here.

The best twist in this one-shot was that he ripped up the letter. I loved that ending, it was original and I honestly didn't see it coming. It elevated this story from being a random Sirius/OC fluff to a rather interesting and angtsy piece.

The writing was very direct and focused, which was great. Good job! Hope this helped :)

Best,
Lisa

Author's Response: Thanks! Yes, it did help and I greatly appreciate it. As soon as I have plenty of time I\\\'m going to make several changes to this and hopefully make it better. All suggestions help! Thanks again!

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Review #4, by ROYALBLUESISANGRY! Realizing

13th July 2009:
What the hell? Its only posting a freakin line for the review I gave you :@ :@ Heres what I originally had

He freakin deserves to be de- well not depressed, no one deserves that, he deserves to be sad.That doesn't sound goo either. Anyway! I thought I reviewed this before? Ah, I guess not lol.

Wonderful :D

10/10

Author's Response: Oh thats fine! :] I understand what you are trying to say. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #5, by xX mOoNdAnCe Xx Realizing

9th July 2009:
Hey, I'm here with your review!

"Alright, Paddy, something is up and you need to start talking! All you've been doing is moping around the castle for the past month. People are starting to spread rumors about you being suicidal," he paused. "Mate, they're saying that youíve gone nutters." - I LOVE that whole thing. It just seems so easy and... gah, I just loved it. :)

A couple of things that stuck out to me...
"Of course not, Siri. It was just a question."
"What is Moony?"
"That sounds great Moony! How should he do it?" James asked.

Through-out this story, there weren't many times when the boys talked to each other and didn't put the name of who they were talking to into the sentence. I found it off-putting to read when they constantly said each other's names, and thought it was unnecessary. In that last example, for instance, I think you could have done with just having James say "That sounds great! How should he do it?" You see what I mean? I think it just makes the dialogue flow a little more and seem more believable and realistic.

The letter. At least when you talk to yourself someone is usually around to hear... Okay, maybe that isn't such a good thing. Hmm, I'm rambling. That is completely unlike me. Odd... I get that the first part of the letter was meant to be a little awkward as Sirius wasn't quite sure what to say, but the above quote and little other parts just didn't seem like something anyone would actually write down on paper. I know that James, Remus and Peter told Sirius that his start wasn't very good, but I found it wierd that he carried on writing on the same paper. Shouldn't he have got a new bit of parchment?
It was recovered towards the end, though, when Sirius started to get a little more serious. (No pun intended.)

You said in your author's note at the beginning that this was part of another story of yours. To readers like myself who haven't read that, it's a little confusing as to why Nienna has left in the middle of term and why she did so. Perhaps you could clear that up in the story so readers don't have to go and read your other story to find out why?

Oh, and I really liked your characterisation of Peter. Many authors either just leave him out or portray him as being a Death Eater wannabe from this early an age, which we all know isn't true, so well done on that!
Anyway, this isn't a bad fic you've got here. It isn't poorly written and it's sweet and fun to read, but I think there's definite room for improvement in terms of story telling. :)

Jessica

Author's Response: Thanks! Hmm, I never thought about putting their names in too much. Thanks for pointing that out. No one else ever has. :) I\\\'ll look into changing that.
The reason I continued to have him writing on the same piece of parchment is because this letter is mainly so he can just get his thoughts out. Besides, I know several people who will write like that when they aren\\\'t sure how to get the words out. Not everyone just crumples it up and starts over.
This was made for a challenge. I never intended on writing it. I don\\\'t expect people to read my other story this is more of a little treat for people who have read Crash and Burn.
I\\\'m glad you liked Peter. I\\\'ve had a lot of comments about the way Sirius acts towards Pete and how they don\\\'t think it fits.
Thanks for the review though. I\\\'ll take your suggestions into consideration. :)


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Review #6, by JKRowlingFan22 Realizing

9th July 2009:
Very detailed and VERY striking. You could relate to this story very well and it was believable. I wonder why she had left? Even though throughout the whole thing you don't know Nienna very well, you can tell that she was very special.

I loved the letter idea because it's a great way to tell a story without making it incredibly cheesy. Instead, it seems to make it more serious and convincing to the reader.

The beginning immediately captured my interest. There is not very many times in stories where you see Sirius's character depressed. The bonds between Sirius and his friends are very well written. The ending was striking as well. It was a perfect ending to this one-shot and it leaves the reader wondering what may happen next.

Overall, it was a fantastic story. The grammar was great and the story itself was intriguing and impressive. Terrific job! You are a very talented writer. Keep on writing :) 10/10
JKRowlingFan22

Author's Response: Thanks! :) This was for ToxicTuqouse\\\'s challenge and I decided to just have it related to my story Crash and Burn which is from Nienna\\\'s POV and not Sirius.

I\\\'m really glad that you thought it was good! Thank you very much, it means a lot! :)


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Review #7, by Alopex Realizing

8th July 2009:
I feel a bit petty saying this, but the spacing in this chapter really bothered me. I feel cross-eyed after reading it. The huge spaces and the large indents, especially when there was single-line dialogue, made it difficult for me personally to read comfortably.

Aside from that. You asked in your request how well you wrote from a male perspective. It was all right. Really, Sirius seemed like a teenager. His voice didn't scream MALE! at me, but he didn't seem female either. He sounded sort of neutral, actually.

This story was understandable without reading your other story, but reading the other probably would have helped. For instance, I have no idea who Sarah and Carrie are or the history between Sirius and Nienna. Having that knowledge would no doubt have helped me imagine the story in a more detailed fashion by making associations, but even without having read "Crash and Burn," I still knew what was going on.

I enjoyed reading Sirius' letter. The letter was a nice way to allow the readers to peek into Sirius' mind. It wasn't an uncensored peek, though, since he was being less than honest at the beginning of his letter. I just enjoyed watching his thought process develop.

My very favorite part was the end, when Sirius tore up the letter. Honestly, I used to do that as a stress-relieving technique, writing down everything that I was angry or upset about, thinking really hard about it for a few minutes, then tearing up the paper. It really helps! After the depressed, sulking, brooding feel of most of the story, ending on a more positive and hopeful note felt very uplifting.

Author's Response: I\\\'ve had a couple comments about the story and a lot of that has to do with the stupid editor. I\\\'ll try and delete spaces and it will end up deleting whole paragraphs and it just ends up being a huge mess! I\\\'m going to try and fix that though.
I\\\'m planning on writing some other material from a male POV so hopefully that will get better as I\\\'m more experienced with it. :) I\\\'m just glad that he didn\\\'t sound like a girl!
I suppose that it\\\'s almost inevitable that some parts would be less understandable without reading Crash and Burn, but I did try to make it so it wasn\\\'t necessary.
I\\\'m glad you enjoyed the letter. That was definitely the easiest part to write.
Oh the ending. I rewrote this...A LOT! I struggled to find a fitting ending, but from the feedback I\\\'ve received, it must not be too bad. :)
Thanks for the great review! It\\\'s very appreciated.


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Review #8, by Aisu Hoshino Realizing

7th July 2009:
This was very fitting, especially when considering Crash and Burn. You have a very good grasp on Sirius here, and his relationship and feelings with Nen seem very realistic, especially for an in-love teenage boy.

I do find it odd that you made James to be only interested in Lily when in canon, he gave other girls more attention than Sirius did. OTOH, it was just trying to look impressive and chances are it was to impress Lily or get her riled up or jealous so it still fits. I like that you included Peter and although it wasn't exactly positive, it was in a way that showed that he was one of the Marauders.

It was still written really well. The only thing is I think that it's Owlery instead of Owlry but I could be wrong. The ending was perfect and I can see that it will make perfect sense in Crash and Burn. Good job!

Author's Response: Thanks I\\\'m glad you liked it. James does have interests in other girls, Lily is just the girl who he wants to be with and therefore the main focus. As for Peter, it\\\'s never seemed right to me that they were all the best of friends and etc. I\\\'ve always pictured James being the one who is more of a friend to him and Sirius just deals with it. I think you\\\'re right about Owlery thanks for pointing that out.

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Review #9, by unicorn_fan Realizing

2nd July 2009:
wow that was really good :D
i havent read your story crash and burn so i wasnt sure of what was gong on at first but you managed to make it so i could understand exactly what was happening and trust me that isnt easy :D
so good job! :D
xx

Author's Response: :) Thanks! I\\\'m glad you could understand it without reading the other. I was concerned about people not knowing what was going on. Thanks for the review!

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Review #10, by Toxic Turquoise Realizing

1st July 2009:
Wow! This was really good!

I love how you made Sirius serious (heehee), but still put in the things that made him Sirius.

It's got so much emotion in it, but you haven't told the reader this, you've shown them Sirius' emotions, in an almost subtle way =)

The end was also really clever, took me a couple of re-reads to understand it, but that was just me being stupid, not your writing =D

This was amazing! Thank you so much for replying to my challenge, I really appreciate it, and thank you for writing this, and letting me read it, as it was amzing =D

10/10

Author's Response: Aww! I\\\'m glad you really liked it! I was nervous about how it would go over, but I think it came out okay. :) I did several rewrites of the ending before I settled on that. I can\\\'t believe you think it was clever! :) But I\\\'m glad you do. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #11, by ravenclawstar Realizing

24th June 2009:
this was so sweet!!! its a great story!
maybe u could write a sequel to this where she reads his letter?
10

Author's Response: Aww, thanks! :) Perhaps I could write a sequel, but I'm not sure. Thanks for the review though! I'm glad you liked it!

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