This appears to be a WIP that is long forgotten, but I really think it deserves another chance. This is such a great start, and itís only a prologue! I honestly am not much of an avid reader of Black Family/Voldyís followers, but I did really enjoy this and I would be very tempted to continue reading if there were more chapters.
I love Narcissa, you make her somewhat niceness to Harry in DH plausible, but also make her a plausible Death Eater. You definitely showed her to be much different than BOTH of her sisters, I would say she is somewhere in between the two. Maybe she would have been even more like Andromeda if she hadnít grown up in a Pureblood family. Whereas I believe Bellatrix would always be the same no matter what environment she was raised in.
I noticed that commas (,) were very scarce in the majority of this chapter. There were definitely a few places that needed them (almost desperately), and some others where they would have been a nice addition. Towards the end it seemed fine, so maybe the beginning just needs another read though?
As I began with, I really believe you could/should continue this! Donít let only have 4 reviews get you down! I havenít read them, but Iím sure at least 3 if not all 4 really liked this and probably want to read more. I know I enjoyed reading it!
:)BaletGir Report Review
Wow that was really good, especially Bella's fury and the way Narcissa thought about herself and others.
xxxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much, I'm really glad that you enjoyed it and I'll do my best to get another chapter out soon. This story still needs a bit of planning! Report Review
Oh, this is very interesting! I don't know where you get off, saying that your writing is horrible when, clearly, it's not. In fact, I think it's quite beautiful. I think my favourite part was the opening scene when she's staring out over the city of Paris. I have a mild obsession with everything pertaining to France, so I was squeeing with joy. Also, I really like Bella's character. She's not as harsh as people make her out to be, but at the same time she's not a teddy bear you want to cuddle. More like a dog on the brink of getting infected with Rabies. Lol.
Great job, and I hope you continue!Author's Response: I never said horrible XD Just not brilliant, Lol. Thank you very much, everyone seems to like the start the best, so maybe I should try and get some more moments like that in. I shall think prose-y :P. I LOVE FRANCE too, especially Paris and I just saw the banner and had to have it! Thank you very much, I think that's probably quite an accurate way to describe her, Lol.
Thanks SO much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate it and shall continue soon. Report Review
I think you've got a great start here! The characterisations of both Bella and Narcissa were really good, and I like the way you've portrayed their relationship, as well. I thought your description was brilliant, too, especially in the opening paragraphs about Paris. Wonderful first chapter, and I can't wait to see where this goes :)Author's Response: Thank you very much! I really enjoy both reading and writing about the Black Family and I was missing them a bit so I decided to give this fic a go. Thank you millions! In MWM I can be very neglectful of my descriptions, so this will hopefully make up for it and make sure that I don't get too rusty. I'm glad you enjoyed it ^_^. I was actually going to ask you to review once I got a banner, because your thread says that you like Lucius/Narcissa, which is the ship this will focus on, so it was lovely to see your review! Thank you once again for taking the time to read and review. Report Review
Aha! Quickest review in history...perhaps :P
First things, I love your characterisation. You've brought Bella and Narcissa's attitudes off brilliantly here. The relationship between them is fantastic, and reminiscent of the conversations we see in both the Half-Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows.
I loved the opening few paragraphs. It made me want to be in Paris (I adore that city) and you seemed to sum up the Black family's values and Narcissa's take on them excellently.
The last paragraph too was very good. I've just read over something of my own where I wrote about someone 'storming' - what a word :P
So yes, in spite of my lack of other reading about the Black sisters, I think you've got a good story on your hands. The dialogue/description balance with this is much better than MWM (though I still love it to bits!), and I enjoyed reading it a lot.
My one criticism? You and your commas! -sigh- It wasn't too difficult to read without them but it made the odd sentence sound odd.
Besides that, I really enjoyed it - wonderful :)
xxAuthor's Response: Very fast! Possibly not the quickest response though =P. Sorry about that!
It means a lot that you think that their relationship is believable and also canon. I don't tend to follow canon a lot, but when I do I'm always very worried about getting it wrong. Thank you loads ^_^.
Me too! I love it and it was seeing the Eiffel Tower in the banner in UFG that inspired me to have her there. I have a feeling that Narcissa may return in the future just so that I can write about it. I also like the fact that it let me contrast Narcissa's behaviour with other girls her age. I mean, this only takes place in the seventies, but in my mind Pureblood attitudes are always a bit behind the time.
Storming is a great word and one that seems to apply to Bella very well. I can imagine her storming everywhere, Lol.
Yes, I've got to agree that this fic has a much better balance, which is exactly what I needed. And if I manage to convert you into a Black sisters lover during the course of this, it'll all be worthwhile! I know, Rachelle loff... I'm a disaster with commas! But I shall be getting myself a beta and all will be right with the world. Also, was it just me or did you spot Hot French Man from the balcony? =P
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! I hope that you'll continue to enjoy it ^_^.
Jane xx Report Review
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