Reading Reviews for Hepzibah's Inheritance
17 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SunshineDaisies Sundays at Nana's

20th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Hufflepuff


I haven't read anything quite like this before, and I really enjoyed it. As a Hufflepuff myself, I am immediately drawn to Hufflepuff related stories, which is why this one caught my eye. I haven't put much thought into Hufflepuff's cup before, I assumed, because we didn't find out much about it, that it was probably a regular cup. Now that I think about it, it doesn't make very much sense. I really enjoyed reading your ideas about what the magic of the cup was and how it worked! The frolicking badger was so cute.

I really liked your characterization of Hepzibah as well! I loved reading about her as a Fancy-Nancy little girl, with her pretty, frilly dress robes, and love of pretty things. It definitely sets her up to be the materialistic woman we see in canon. I also loved how the tone of the beginning matched the tone of a child. It was so much fun to see all of Hepzibah's thoughts, and you did a wonderful job of making them appropriately childlike.

This was fantastic!

Happy House Cup!

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Review #2, by LittleLionGirl Sundays at Nana's

17th July 2013:
Wow. This is an amazing one-shot Alopex. I love it when there are stories about characters that are only mentioned. I think it just makes the whole book universe seem much more realistic! The story flowed nicely and was very pleasant to read :)

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Review #3, by broadwaykat Sundays at Nana's

11th April 2013:
You seem to have a special gift for taking characters on the edges of the book canon and fleshing them out until you want to meet them, or could just picture them. As a Hufflepuff, I loved this story, and your interpretation of Hepzibah was great and wonderful. I love how we got a glimpse of her as a little girl - I could totally picture this chubby little Shirley Temple of a girl. It was adorable - and yet, at the same time...her poor mother.

I also like the powers that you envoked with the cup. Seeing as it is an artifact belonging to Helga Hufflepuff, it fits what she stands for, and what she loves, to a tee. There is such a strong friendship bond connected to Hufflepuff house, as far as loyalty goes - but there is family loyalty, and the friendship loyalty. I like the idea that a lot of the magic would have to do with mother-daughter relationships - it makes it doubly horrific and perverted that Tom would then get a hold of it, seeing as he never got to be anywhere near his own mother - even if it wouldn't have worked for him anyways being a man. Loved this story - great work!

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Review #4, by StEpH_M Sundays at Nana's

29th October 2012:
I do adore stories from a child's point of view. I think it's something about their innocence, that no matter what they will grow up into they are still so forgivable when young. I like Hepzibah, even though she doesn't protect the little cup as much as she should in the end. It's nice to see her as a little naive child, exclaiming about dress robes and the lovely trinkets that litter her Nana's living room.

I never really thought much about Hepzibah other then that she showed the cup to Tom and how silly it was for her to do so. You really put her in a new light, that even as an adult, she was childish, so ready to impress someone that she would release all her family's secrets to impress them. Also how she didn't seem to see the severity of showing the cup, like it was a harmless little thing that wouldn't do anything in the bigger picture, that it couldn't possibly get out. I am sure if Tom hadn't stolen it someone else would have after they found out where it was.

I really like your writing, this one-shot works really well in the 3rd person, although, there were some parts in the first part of the story (when Hepzibah was little) that were more sort of what an adult would say, not a child. But there was no other problems I could see. You did a really good job and I am glad I got a chance to read such a lovely story.
Great Job.

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Review #5, by charlottetrips Sundays at Nana's

1st May 2012:
This story was sad despite the fluffy beginning with Nana. Hepzibah reminds me of what the elder generation talks about in regards to the younger generation losing a sense of their history. Sometimes we just want to know something because itís interesting and itíll entertain us for a bit instead of learning it to retain our heritage. Thatís kind of what it ended up being in the end for Hepzibah before she was killed :(

The different magical properties of the Cup were fun to read about, especially the scent-inducing charm it had. What a wonderful way to remember your mother. Too bad that Hepzibah wasnít able to appreciate the Cup when she was younger so that she could look further into what secrets it had.

Sometimes one can forget why an heirloom is important to a family because the stories and memories that go along with it arenít passed on. This kind of made me feel nostalgic.


Author's Response: It definitely is true that we younger people don't always have a good sense for our heritage or don't find it interesting. On the other hand, keeeping things going simply for the sake of tradition isn't always the way to go either.

At any rate, it certainly is true that over time, information about people, places, and things can become lost or distorted. I imagined that if Gryffindor's swort and hat and Ravenclaw's diadem had magical properties, why not Hufflepuff's cup too? Yet we hear nothing really about them, so perhaps that information was lost to the ages.

I really enjoyed coming up with properties for the cup. I wanted to create this situation where the reader can see what was lost and what Tom Riddle may have destroyed (on a small scale, since we already know on the grand scale).

Eh, enough rambling. Thank you again for the reviews! It was a really pleasant surprise. :)

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Review #6, by Woodrow Rynne Sundays at Nana's

25th September 2011:
First off, I love love loved this. The point of view was absolutely fantastic. I've never ever read a fic about Hepzibah; I had almost forgotten about her! So it's really nice to see someone write about such minor characters! :)

Characterisation was just so spot on; it seemed JK herself could have written this! I can just picture her being enraptured by pretty things! But the thing I loved the most was how seemingly effortlessly, you showed the child's thoughts.

The magical properties you described were intriguing; the ending made me sort of unhappy- it's a little sad that Hepzibah couldn't remember the spells. But I suppose, it wouldn't have made any difference, as Tom was bound to have it later on.

Overall, a very nice piece with fab writing. Adding this to my favs! :D

Author's Response: I love to write about minor characters! With major characters, everyone has these preconceived notions that it is difficult to meet, and I always worry about spoiling the characters. Minor characters are essentially OCs, which gives you more freedom as a writer--and personally, I find them more interesting. There are probably millions of fanfiction stories about Harry, but there are a lot less about Hepzibah.

Of course, the down side is that there are fewer people interested in reading about Hepzibah, but since I write mainly for my own amusement, I don't see that as a significant drawback.

It is sad that Hepzibah forgot the magic of the cup. However, in a way, to me it makes it slightly less of a tragedy that Tom took it. In my version, the cup really is lost three times: when Hepzibah forgets the last known magic; when Tom steals it and turns it into a Horcrux; and finally when Hermione stabs it with a basilisk fang.

Thank you for the review and the favorite!

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Review #7, by wingsatmidnight Sundays at Nana's

16th August 2011:
You've captured Hepzibah's character well, as a child. I could imagine her frolicking in her dress robes and looking in awe at her Nana's treasures! The character of Nana was great, she was a great motherly figure to Hepzibah and obviously she wanted to be like her - and she is!

I like how you thought of the magic for the cup and how the cup is passed through women generation after generation. Although, I'm sure now that Tom took it and defiled it, the magic won't work anymore?

The way you write is brilliant. Currently, I've only read two of your stories (this and African Violets) and both are great. Grammar is brilliant, flow is brilliant, creativity is just splendid! In conclusion, you're a great writer :)


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the wonderful compliments!

Hepzibah is a character we see only for a moment, as an old lady. Based on that snapshot, I speculated that she could have been a spoiled, somewhat silly child. Since grandparents have this reputation for spoiling their grandkids, I thought it would be a good fit to give her a doting grandmother. She is a lot like her Nana, only not quite as smart.

Yes, you understood my intention correctly about the cup. Once Tom stole it and then defiled it, the magic was broken. The way I look at it, he destroyed it long before Hermione stabbed it with the basilisk fang.

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Review #8, by Akussa Sundays at Nana's

12th August 2011:
Hello !!

This was such a great story! I really enjoyed the detailed descriptions and the general story idea. You really did an amazing job finding ideas as to what kind of magic the cup might hold and how it is activated. I really loved the frolicing badger; it's such a sweet reminder of her mother and such a great link to Hufflepuff's animal of choice.

You did a wonderful job with the characterization as well. Nana was such a great storyteller and you could feel her love for her artefacts as well as her granddaughter. Hepzibah herself, as a child was lovely and the perfect, lively little girl. As for her portrayal as an adult, it was very well done. You really captured the personality we saw in the memory.

This was a great story; I found it original and entirely believable. I loved it!

Akussa (Gryffindor)

Author's Response: I really enjoyed coming up with little magics for the cup. Originally, I meant to describe more, but then I decided it might seem more meaningful if I hinted at some possibilities instead and told how some of the magic has been lost over the centuries. It wound up working really well, with Hepzibah losing the final magic before Tom Riddle truly defiles and destroys the cup (I envision the special Hufflepuff enchantments breaking when he takes it, not that he'd notice).

I was uncertain about the portrayal of a child . . . it can be hard to do. I'm glad you think it turned out well, though. :) I based her child self on the brief glimpse of her adult self from the books. I based Nana on that too, only made her a bit cleverer.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #9, by justonemorefic Sundays at Nana's

26th December 2010:
You write the best other era stories, really. Very narrative and straightforward, focused on the storytelling, just how I like it. And all of your stories have this sort of extra fantasy/wonder to them in a way. It feels like it could fit exactly into JK's world (Of course, this is now my canon Hepzibah). And of course, the character completely fits, with the spoiling and whatnot. I really like introducing with robe and the chocolate; it's these subtle things I always forget to appreciate in the end, but really make the details and character.

Lovely as always!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I really do prefer other eras and minor characters. I feel I have more freedom, and I don't have to deal with the pressure of matching JKR. I don't know how people write Harry, I really don't.

I'm really flattered that you feel what you've read of my writing has a fantasy/wonder feel. I love reading stories that have a dreamy, floaty quality to them, and I do try to emulate that to some extent when it feels appropriate.

By the way, congratulations on leaving your 100th review. I know how amazing that feels! :D

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Review #10, by AndrinaBlack Sundays at Nana's

18th August 2010:
I really loved this story! There was such a feel good family atmosphere over it. I really liked the way you portrayed Hepzibah and her Nana in this too. They were both so sweet with a really good child and granny relationship.

I find it interesting that from what I have read of your stories, that you seem to write quite often something with a story inside a story (unless I'm mixing up some other person's story with yours). Here it was the story about the cup within the story about Hepzibah and Nana and how they had the cup. You do this thing very well without having a long and dreary paragraph in the middle about the other story but blend it nicely in the other story. Like now there was some interaction between the characters before Nana continued the story.

I thought you had really lovely things for what Hufflepuff's cup could do and those things really made me smile. That actually also made me feel really sad that the cup had to be destroyed in the end because it was a horcrux. But then I thought that there was a kind of lesson within this too. Because wasn't the most beautiful thing about the cup the family history that was behind it and the personal magic it held. Once it was seen as just a beautiful possession, it wasn't as good anymore, and maybe that was why Hepzibah couldn't do the magic for it anymore; she didn't appreciate the history behind it anymore as much as the golden cup itself. Am I getting a bit too excited with analysing your story now? :P Anyhow, like I said before I loved this story and it made me feel warm and fuzzy.

Now I'm planning to go and get a cup of cocoa!

Author's Response: Hm, I'm not sure if you're talking about me or not, in regards to a story within a story. I think the other piece of mine that you've read is "The Last Letter," the one about Petunia. There is some made-up history in it, but it's not nearly as much as in this story.

I had a great time coming up with magical properties for the cup. It is sad it had to be destroyed, but in my mind, the cup's deepest magic had been broken already. See, I intended for the magic of the cup to remain intact so long as it was passed down along the female line. When Tom Riddle, a male, took possession of the cup by force, that broke the magic.

I didn't touch on this in the story, since I couldn't really find a way to slip it in, but when Hepzibah says she doesn't think the magic would work for Tom since he isn't a woman, she only has half the story right. It won't work for him, or anyone else ever again, because he's broken the magic.

And yet, by the time Riddle got his hands on the cup, much of its secrets had been lost anyhow. It would have taken someone considerably more talented and motivated than Hepzibah (or even her Nana) to re-discover them, and Hepzibah was in no position to leave her descendents any decent clues to figuring out the magic either.

Thank you very much for reviewing. :D

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Review #11, by Capella Black Sundays at Nana's

16th August 2010:
Well this was brilliant! I never normally read things like this - I'm all about the romance or the dark stuff, but this was a really refreshing change. I just love the idea that the cup's secrets were lost by Riddle, and that there was more to it than had been told.

I also love your portrayal of Hepzibah as a little girl - you capture the essence of childhood perfectly, and she seems absolutely spot-on character-wise, given what we know of her later. Truly lovely, and backed up really well by details such as her pondering over words like "heirloom" - it's the small things like this that really set this story apart.

The ending is also clever - having her forget how to work the magic, and simply finishing it right before canon takes over; it leaves the reader with a sense of pathos, yet is understated at the same time. Really nicely done.

No con crit here, just love. Will have to check out some more of your works...

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your lovely comments! :D I really liked the idea of the cup (as well as other ancient magical artifacts) having special properties and secrets. Of course, these secrets are the things that tend to be lost over time. I suspect the cup had far more magical qualities than Nana even suspected. ;)

As for the secrets being lost, I intended the passing along of the cup among the women in the family to be an important component. I didn't touch on it in the story, but my intention was that when Riddle (a male) took the cup by force (rather than receiving it as a gift or inheritance), the cup's magic was broken.

I've had mixed feedback on Hepzibah, I think partly because the banner shows a girl younger than I intended her to be in the story. I'm glad you liked her, though.

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Review #12, by TheDirigiblePlum Sundays at Nana's

12th October 2009:
This was such a wonderful little story! The cup's magic was so original and really sweet as well. I'd imagine that Hufflepuff would be the house most dedicated to their families, so I think that their mother's would be very important to them. :)

Hepzibah's Nana was really sweet. :) I swear that although children may love their Mum's, their favourite grandparent is always far more exciting. That's just my experience anyway. It was nice to read about it in this story. Made me smile. :)


Author's Response: Thank you! I tried to make the enchantments seem as Hufflepuff-y as possible without being too cheesy. Since Helga seems to be portrayed as a motherly type (at least in fanfiction), I just thought her mother would be important to her.

Yes, Nana was very devoted to little Hepzibah. Of course Hepzibah loved visiting her, as Nana spoiled her and was not strict. Obviously, I modelled Nana on Hepzibah to a certain extent, although Hepzibah didn't inherit her Nana's shrewdness.

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Review #13, by essenni Sundays at Nana's

26th September 2009:
Brilliant writing! Even though I could not remember until the last scene who Hepzibah was, you wrote her so captivating that I got very found of the character. I think you depicted other characters though the child's eyes perfectly. The magic of the cup was splendid, the charms were unusual and suited someone with a Hufflepuff personality.
I only believe that nana would not have relied on the memory of the child and had other means of transferring the knowledge about the cup in case something happened to her. However, this turn of events suited the personality of Hepzibah better.

Author's Response: I apologize for the delay in responding to your reviews; I had a hectic week. Interestingly, most if not all the reviewers for this story have commented favorably on the enchantments, which are my least favorite part. Writing from a young child's perspective was difficult, so it's nice to hear I did OK.

I think you make a good point about Nana. You're right, she's definitely sharper than Hepzibah. She probably did have alternate means for transferring the knowledge. Here's the quick explanation I've come up with to try to paper over that plot hole.

Nana wouldn't have wanted to give the knowledge away to just anyone who stumbled across it. Precious family heirloom and all . . . why take chances? So you probably had to be clever and crack a code or do something in a certain sequence (much like some of the cup's enchantments) in order to gain access to the knowledge. This information might be passed along with Hokey or possibly in a will, but Hepzibah was simply too lazy to bother with it, seeing no need for it. By the time she does want the knowledge, she's an old woman and has forgotten about the alternate means.

This papering-over might not withstand vigorous questioning, but I think it might survive a first glance. Thank you very much for bringing that point up.

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Review #14, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Sundays at Nana's

16th September 2009:
Wow! This story was absolutely splendid. Your writing was amazing; your choice of words and use of descriptions were fantastic. The flow was good, grammar great.

I liked how you wrote Hepzibah, Nana, and Mummy. All three had distinct character's and were perfectly realistic. Nana was rather like the older Hepzibah from HBP and the end of the story, which proved more than anything else how much she meant to Hepzibah.

The enchantments on the cup and the even more thorough story of it were done extraordinarily. The frolicking badger and mother's scent were really well thought out, and I liked the story of Hepzibah's mother, as well as the stories about the cup feeding and warming. It all was perfectly believable.

A couple times in the beginning, you overused a word in a sentence, for instance here: "She turned the cup around, but the cup was unmarked save for the badger." You could've substitued the second 'cup' for 'it'.

I thought it unlikely that Hepzibah would know at age four or five that her mother's sneeze was fake, because she didn't like Nana's house. It's also doubtful that she would know the word amethyst, or if she did (because it did appear Nana taught her well) she would at least pronounce it wrong, and you could show that in the spelling. Just something small, though.

Overall, I really enjoyed this! The writing was just incredible. Keep it up.

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for this great review. The readers who've commented seem to like the three characters, which I'm glad to hear. Interestingly, the enchantments are probably my least favorite part of the chapter (maybe because I struggled so much with them . . .), but the enchantments have garnered mentions in reviews as well.

You are correct about those sentences. I have this tendency to over-describe everything. I use too many words, and my original drafts usually look like I've taken an adjective/adverb shotgun and peppered the page. I do edit out a lot of excess, but as you noticed, I don't catch it all. Thank you for pointing out that specific sentence and area of the story.

Hepzibah is meant to be six years old. In an earlier draft, Nana actually mentioned that, but I see I edited that out. The banner is misleading (I found it at TDA in Up for Grabs and really liked it) about her age, though. That said . . .

You caught me. I haven't spent time around six-year-olds, so I don't actually know how they should speak. It drives me crazy in fanfics when young children speak like adults, but when faced with writing a child character myself, I didn't really know how to go about it. I do think she could know the word amethyst . . . at her age, my sister and I played games all the time in which we named ourselves after gems and flowers (including amethyst and chysanthemum), but you make an valid point about the pronunciation.

Thank you for such a wonderful review. It was a lovely balance of compliments, encouragement, and nudges in the proper direction. :-)

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Review #15, by _DearMyLove_ Sundays at Nana's

13th September 2009:
Oh I loved it! Your writing style is wonderful and the story itself was so creative whilst managing to stay within the boundaries of canon.

Your characterisation blew me away. I thought Hepzibah made an adorable little girl and her nana was soÖnana-ish if you catch my drift :) Plus Hepzibah's mother was very well written despite being a very minor character in the story. I always like to read fics where every character has been given a unique voice no matter how big or small their part.

The enchantments placed upon the cup were lovely as were the explanations. I remember that the staff challenge this was entered for was to explain the source of the Founder's artefacts, and I really liked how you chose not to set this in the Founders era. It added a bit of mystery to the story of the cup.

Then ending was quite sad to read compared to the rest of the fic. Hepzibah retained some of her childishness that really ought to have gone, and it was sad to think about her dressing up her best for Tom Riddle, who would later kill her (I thinkÖthat's right isn't it??). It's probably for the best that she didn't remember what her nana had told her about the cup.

Overall I thought this was a well thought out, beautifully written and inventive story that I thoroughly enjoyed reading! 9/10 :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I was surprised to get a review on this story. :)

You are exactly right that Hepzibah retained childish traits throughout her adulthood. I imagine Hepzibah as a little girl (later in an adult's body) who loves to play dress-up, and we know young Tom Riddle was exceedingly charming. We saw in the book how she'd dressed up for him, and I thought it would add a touch of seriousness to the story to mention it.

Thank you for your comments about the characters. I put a lot of thought into building a family for Hepzibah, so I'm glad it came across well to you. I'm especially flattered you thought that a minor character like Hepzibah's mother had a discernible voice.

The magical properties of the cup are what I had most trouble with, and I am least satisfied with that part of the story. I felt almost as if I should have included more information, but I didn't want to become repetitive.

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Review #16, by Burnt Cheese Sundays at Nana's

17th August 2009:
Fits in brilliantly with the Harry Potter series. I liked the beginning when Hepzibah had her new robes/shoes :) It's awesome, like a filler for what happened/what JKR didn't write. I hope I make sense :D I loved Hokey! She seems very elf-like.

Keep writing!

Author's Response: Yes, I thought the robes (or dress, for a Muggle) and shoes and twirling around were very little-girl-like, especially for a girl such as Hepzibah. I'm very glad to hear what you say about Hokey. I was worried about writing a house elf.

I appreciate you taking the time to review, and thank you for the favorable comments.

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Review #17, by Violet Gryfindor Sundays at Nana's

16th August 2009:
It's hard to believe that no one has reviewed this. The writing is flawless and the story itself very unique, yet perfectly canon. You've written Hepzibah exactly as she is in the book, but have also given her an entire history, a childhood in which she wasn't the lonely old witch. I liked how she ended up just like her Nana, loving old things and clutter and frilly dress robes (the description of her new pink dress robes was so vivid that I couldn't help but shudder - how horrid they must have looked!).

The contrast between the childhood scene and the finale was striking, and I felt very sorry for Hepzibah in her old age. She may be annoying in her childishness, but there's also a pathetic aspect to it. She never really grew up, didn't change from how she was as a child. Your portrayal of her is excellent, expanding on the vague details canon provided.

This is a fantastic one-shot, and I'm glad I stopped in to read it! :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I'm thrilled to get one! By this point, with it having been updated a long time ago and not involving a common character, I didn't expect a review unless I asked for one.

I'm really glad you liked this little piece. I thought I rushed the end along a bit, but frankly, I was running out of features to give to the cup, and I didn't want to drag it out too much either.

Hepzibah mentioned that some pieces had been in her family a long time, so I thought it would be fun to show her inheriting them. I had the impression that Hepzibah wasn't the happiest (probably didn't have a happy childhood) nor the brightest witch. However, I wanted to explore where her love for fancy objects may have come from, and I thought a doting grandmother fit in. I had a lot of fun inventing a childhood for her.

I think your description of Hepzibah's older self as both annoying and pathetic is spot on. No doubt she was ridiculous and foolish. Yet, she cuts a sad figure at the same time. Once you get past her silliness, you can sympathize with her. Her adult self was very childlike, and so I wanted to portray her six-year-old self as similarly as I could to her older self.

Again, thank you so much for this review!

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