Greetings, worth Slytherin opponent! I am here to review yet another chapter of your awesome story although sadly it will only garner one point for our noble cause. Those are the breaks since you and Alli aren't playing.
I absolutely loved the entire tense scene in Heathrow and on the plane. Air travel is nerve-wracking enough if you know what's going on. So many rules and procedures to be followed, so many opportunities for things to go wrong. So it's hard to even imagine trying to grapple with the experience when nearly everything associated with it -- computers and revolving doors and credit cards and metal detectors and the planes, themselves -- is completely foreign to you. The paragraph where Scorpius contemplates his "approved flotation device" was one of the best things I've read in a long time. It cracked me up, but in a very meaningful way. Beautifully done.
Gah! I can't even imagine what a horrible day Harry's in for. Knowing that Nathan is most likely not dead, the whole process of attending a memorial service and being surrounded by grieving people would be painful in the extreme. His loyalties are also divided: Ron and Neville, Rose and Nathan. There's just no way to feel right about consoling a friend over their loss while knowing that the person they're mourning is possibly trying to destroy the life of someone you care about.
I hadn't made the connection with Peter Pettigrew, but it was really clever. The parallels are pretty obvious when you think about it.
I'm really glad that people encouraged you to write the confrontation between Ron and Neville. Given Ron's temper and Neville's bereavement, it's actually hard to imagine that things wouldn't have ended that way.
This story gets better and better with each new chapter. I'm excited to see what you come up with next!Author's Response: Dan!! :)
I'm glad you liked the airport stuff, I LOVED writing the scene about the flotation device haha. I feel like that would be one of the most bizarre things ever for a wizard to hear! Like they'd ever stay for that haha.
I really enjoyed writing the memorial service but to be honest with you I was worried about the fight scene. I even told Jami before you read it, I said OMG Dan is going to hate me because I feel like I Took them out of character.
So your words about it made me feel a LOT better haha. But I think the tension is getting the better of both of them so I think I am looking forward to exploring that more.
Believe it or not I wrote my first words on this story for the next chapter yesterday. First words in a year and a half. I have a general idea for the way I want the story to end but getting there is the problem haha.
That and I wish I Would have never taken Nathan to America. That's the main reason I've been stuck for so long It may take a crappy chapter or two but I really hope to be back on track within the month.
Thank you so much for all your support of this story I really could not ask for more. Thank you. Report Review
Oh god. This was a real roller coaster, you know. You're playing with all my feels. And those things are fragile enough as it is :(!
I'm starting at the beginning, even though all I really want to to do is gush about the end.
The nerves of Scorpius and Rose... the fear and anxiety they have... it was incredibly realistic and well done. I think Scorpius's suggestion to just leave if she wants to, go away and start their own life was perfect. Of course he would suggest that, because he loves her and doesn't want to see anything bad to happen to her. He couldn't live his life without her. But finding Nate is the only real way to clear her name.
I love that you're using areas you're so familiar with, it makes it all feel very realistic with the way you explained what connections they could take. And could you imagine being Scorpius and being on a plane for the first time? He's used to being able to travel instantly, and now he's in this huge metal tube, it's taking hours and he's supposed to just relax! Haha poor guy.
NOW onto the funeral. I felt so angry... more at Nate than anyone. But also at Neville and Hannah for being so blind. I mean, obviously their in an unworldly amount of pain, but they have to be able to see that things don't add up! Nate is a creep. I'm angry at him for putting his parents through this, for putting all the family through this, and ASHLEY I really need to know what happens so I want you to finish this. Please. With sugar on top?
I want to see everyone's faces... or read their faces I guess, when we learn Nate is alive.
Getting into a fight at a memorial service isn't right... but it was so perfect in this. They're all hurting and they've all lost so much.. gah.
This was an awesome chapter, probably my favorite so far. All the emotions were just so raw and close to the surface.
Next chapter, yeah? ;)Author's Response: Jami!
I think that I had to go with areas I was familiar with because I don't really want to do the research into other places, I am entirely too lazy :P I think exploring these areas is going to be really fun.
As for the funeral scene, the whole recap Harry does was basically for my own benefit because I started to get lost in all the details. I really need to sit down and just figure out what I'm doing with all of this.
As you know I did start writing on this a little but I think it's going to be a long hard journey to ever get another chapter out. I will try as hard as I can though! Report Review
Hi, there! I've been meaning to get back to this story for a while. You're spinning such an interesting mystery here.
Poor Hugo. I think you and I imagine him in a pretty similar way. He's a good guy, loyal and brave in his own way, but he's spent most of his life being overshadowed by his sister and his older, more extroverted cousins. It's left him pretty unsure of himself, in spite of his own considerable talents. I loved the way that he jumps at the opportunity Harry offers him. Being able to work with his uncle on a clandestine mission to help his family seems like exactly the sort of thing that would appeal to Hugo. That said, I thought this sentence read a little weird: "Iím happy you have allowed me to accept this opportunity." It sounded too formal, almost like Luca Brasi stammering out his over-rehearsed message of congratulations to the Don in the Godfather. Not a big thing, but it jumped out at me.
I have a weird feeling about this Ariyana Cariena lady, by the way. She's either going to be the "one other" that Harry mentioned for the mission to America or she's going to be the one the Ministry sends to hunt Rose and Scorpius down. Or I'm just pulling things out of the air. ;)
I felt badly for Astoria, suffering through the long hours of not knowing. Her thoughts were really well done. She's not being overly dramatic, just genuinely full of worry for her family. It made perfect sense for her to lash out at Draco, even though she's happy to see him. I really love the two of them together. They seem to compliment one another so well in this story. Draco definitely still has some of his father's posturing and male dominance behavior, but it all fades away quickly enough once they both calm down and start to actually talk to one another. For my tastes, you've done a marvelous job of keeping Draco balanced. There's still plenty of "Old Draco" in there, but tempered by age and experience.
I think Hermione's section was the one that I found the hardest to read. I'm having a hard time figuring out exactly where you're heading with her feelings toward Ron. Part of my difficulty is, I'm sure, because of the fact that I love that pairing so much. So it gets to me to see her turning away from him in a time when she clearly needs his support. The poor thing is coming apart, and that's completely understandable under the circumstances. It's just tough.
Anyway, I really like the way that I can see your various plot threads starting to point in the same direction. There should be some interesting things happening in America soon. Good job!Author's Response: Hi Dan! I'm so happy that you have come to review my story again!!
You're totally right about that line. It does sound really formal and awkward, that's something that i ought to go in and fix. TO be honest I'm not a big fan of that whole exchange that wrote there. I don't necessarily like the way he gets his emotions away from him but then I guess it's possible that that is to be expected.
I do have something in store for Ariyana so you'll have to wait and see there!
I think that for me it was really important to keep Draco balanced and introduce a healthy relationship with Astoria. I think that part of him might have changed and mellowed out a bit, but there are definitely still sparks of the old Draco there, so I thank you for that compliment.
I know you're having a hard time with Hermione. I have to say that this bit at the end of this chapter was one of my favorite things to write so far in this story. I think mostly it's just heart breaking to read and the thought of her just kind of giving into the motions. I don't really know what plan I have for them yet. But there is hope and I will always try to make them as canon as I possibly can!
Thank you so much again for your review! Report Review
That was a marathon chapter, but it didn't feel nearly as long as it was. The plot really came along nicely and we definitely learned some fascinating new things about Rose, Nathan, Draco and... (drum roll, please) Harry! Yay, the gang's all here!
You've kept Rose incredibly impulsive and headstrong, but also fragile in a way. She goes blindly charging into the Shrieking Shack, determined to find Nate. She's incorrigible about pursuing him and I giggled when she told Scorpius to apparate and called him a moron. It was a good idea to start her out getting on his nerves, because it played right into the angry outburst he has over the photos of her and Nate.
Rose's explanation of the events that led her to be so furious with Nate and the way she professes her love for Scorpius were definitely some of the best writing you've done so far. Her emotions were so raw and visceral. I could feel the emotional depths that both of them passed through en route to expressing their love for one another. It was a gripping scene.
Interesting. It appears that this story will soon be moving to a new continent. This might become the first "wizards in America" story that I've ever read. Exciting!
I thought you did a terrific job with Draco in this. The way that you took his worry and frustration and bent them into feelings of hurt and betrayal was classic Draco Malfoy. The guy just can't deal with his emotions very well, and he always seems to fall back on anger when he can't think of a better way to express himself. It's a trait that he's apparently passed along to Scorpius. Rose salvages the situation beautifully. She really yanks on his parental heartstrings with her worry and sadness about her broken relationship with Ron and Hermione.
The only thing I wasn't too wild about with this part of the chapter was that a lot of the dialog -- especially Rose's -- felt too formal. Statements like, "My mum was always my hero, and Iíve disappointed her beyond any words I could possibly say," didn't sound like something that a distraught person would be able to get out. I love the sentiment, I just thought the words should have been more spartan, a little less coherent and a lot less flowery, given Rose's emotional state.
Moving along to the last section, it was definitely my favorite part of the chapter. I thought you really nailed Harry's characterization. He sounded just right to me -- a great mix of a strong sense of duty and an even stronger devotion to his family. Harry and Ron fell into such a familiar dynamic, it took me right back. We also get some more insight into what's going on. I hope you get a chance to pull James into the plot, as well. It sounds like he might have some key information.
Two more things I wanted to mention. Poor Arthur really had a shining moment in this chapter, which made me really happy for him. It tears me up to see him like this, so it was awesome for him to make a small contribution. Hermione... ugh, I just can't figure out where you're going with her. She's so passionate at points in the story but so cold and distant in others. The idea of her basically kicking Ron out of their bedroom doesn't sit well with me. But like I said, I'm still figuring her out.
Overall, an awesome chapter. You're really starting to flesh things out and the story is feeling well rounded at this point. Bravo!Author's Response: Whew! Your reviews are always so daunting to respond to!
Ok here we go. Deep breath:
I really enjoyed writing the scene with Rose and Scorpius in the shrieking shack. I felt like so far in the story it's been a lot of, you know, showing off their relationship as a contrast to Ron and Hermione and Draco and Astoria. So to see her get a little miffed with him there at the beginning I think was a natural progression.
Ok so I don't know if you have ever felt like "I wish I hadn't have done that" in a story, but right now, for me, I wish I hadn't have brought them to America. That is part of the reason this story stops where it does. I don't know why I did that, it was a spur of the moment decision and now I'm sitting here going...crap, I should have thought twice about that. So...yeah. I don't blame you if you hate it from here on out :P
Thanks for alerting me to the formal dialogue in here. I think that I have definitely improved in my writing as far as dialogue goes since I wrote this so I should probably go through and run these chapters through some edits :P
Oh I just love writing Harry in this story. Where I kind of make Ron and Hermione depressing I want Harry to be the opposite of that, strong in his characterization and devotion to family, strong sense of duty, etc.
I LOVE writing Arthur but it makes me feel terrible for what I've done to him. But I do enjoy writing him.
As for Hermione, I think she's honestly still figuring things out too.
thank you SO SO SO much for continuing to support me in this story. I really appreciate it! Report Review
So I'm grumpy. It's not fun coming back to work after a week off, even if it is only for one day. I need something to cheer me up, so here I am.
Rose and Scorpius are so lovey-squishy together! I'm starting to get really, really curious about what it is she remembers from the bar that she's not telling him. Evidently he's feeling the same. But he's obviously far too smitten with her to make an issue of it. Again, it seems a little odd to see people apparating all the way from the southeastern coast of France to Scotland. Even Voldemort had to do his bat-flying thing when he traveled from Britain to Nurmengard. That's really the only criticism I can offer you on the first section.
Rose and Hugo are always two of the more interesting characters in fan fic stories because they're always the author's own creation. There's no canon to base them on. I like your Hugo. He seems like a moderating influence on this family that's been through an awful lot of drama and hardship. It was heartwarming to see him able to bring his parents back together like that. If I had anything to suggest about that scene, it would be to make Ron and Hermione's reconciliation more gradual. Maybe let the three of them talk their way through things just a bit more. Ron and Hermione are both so stubborn. I think it would read a little more naturally if each of them made at least a small attempt to save face before melting into one another's arms. (d'awww!)
Wow. Out of everything that happened in this chapter, the idea of Astoria cooking was probably the most surprising. And she's good at it! I guess the loss of all house elves had some pretty big consequences for the old, pureblood families.
Good old Ron. Never really changes, does he? It was funny and immediately recognizable to see him tearing into Malfoy Manor like a bull in a china shop. The repartee between him and Draco was very nicely done. They both sounded like themselves. And I like the way that you let Hermione and Astoria break down some walls here. The two of them seem to have a constructive if not exactly friendly dialog. That should come in handy later.
Wow. I feel less grumpy now. Thanks so much for the little lift, and Happy New Year!Author's Response: Well hi there! I'm happy to see that you've come back for another round, even if I suck at getting back to your chapters!
Honestly, I think when I wrote this I hadn't considered other types of wizarding travel. I probably ought to have set up a portkey. Although, they could apparate in short little distances at a time. I'm justifying it for myself I guess, I'm not sure. Definitely something that I should go back and revisit.
I love love love writing Hugo, he's one of my favorite next gen characters to write and I love the way you can mold him. As for Ron and Hermione's reconciliation, while it does appear that way, don't get too comfortable with them being together :P they are very off and on, they go from being completely resolved to separate again. Their relationship is extremely volatile right now!
Again with the house elves, I don't know what I was thinking when I considered Hermione liberating them. It never occurred to me that they could still stay in service and help out, and maybe get paid. That would probably be more realistic, but it honestly never occurred to me before now. How silly is that? But no, I think Astoria might like to cook, who knows :P
The scene with Ron and Draco and all them at the end is one of my favorites in this story so far. I really enjoyed writing it!
I'm glad this helped lift your spirits, and with each chapter you review it makes me more guilty that I haven't updated it for a really long time lol.
Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
Dashing through the snow... In a one-hippogriff open sleigh...
I'm hooked. You know that, right? I have to find out whodunnit. And you're plainly not going to make that quick or easy for me, so you're just going to have to put up with me. Those are the breaks. :-P
Poor Ron! I'm still trying to zero in on exactly how you've imagined his character. I get a bit of passive-aggressiveness. He's also clearly the muscle of the operation while Hermione is the brains, but he's not brainless, either. I feel a lot of his canon characterization, but there's also a distinct note of melancholy and a bit of resignation, possibly due to the difficulties of caring for his parents. It was funny to see Molly still trying to feed him in spite of his age. He obviously still has a temper, as his reaction to the Prophet story shows.
Poor Molly seems like a shell of her former self. Watching Arthur slip away from her has obviously been devastating. I always remember her as the backbone of the Weasley family from the books. The one who took control and brought order to the chaos of their day-to-day life. All of that feels like it's gone now, replaced by a doddering old lady who's desperately trying to feel needed. It makes me kind of sad.
I thought you knocked it out of the park with the Prophet article. This sounded exactly like something you'd expect to read in the world's most malleable news source. Liberally mixing fact, speculation and innuendo, throwing in a dash of yellow journalism and shamelessly name-dropping. Rose clearly has people on her side, however. If the Prophet was known for anything in the era of the books, it was having a keen sense of which direction the political winds were blowing.
Wow. In previous chapters, I got a sense that Rose's marriage to Scorpius had alienated her from her family, but the real depth didn't become completely clear until this chapter. You did a great job of laying out how just how strong the hard feelings are during Ron and Hermione's conversation. Even Hermione has a visceral, negative reaction to the idea of her daughter accepting help from Draco. At the same time, Hermione misses her dearly. It's sad to see them so distant. Overall, the Weasleys don't seem to have done a good job transitioning into middle-age.
Gah! Poor Arthur. Poor Molly, for that matter. It was heart-breaking to see him like that. I don't know how I'm going to survive reading Don't Lose Me. Seriously, you're going to reduce me to mush. I know it!
The scene with Rose and Scorpius was such a sharp contrast to the one with the Weasleys. Everything felt light and happy and playful, albeit with a dark cloud hanging over it. Your Rose and Scorpius seem so natural and easy together. Their banter is so relaxed and fun and flirty, just like you'd expect from a young, childless couple who are madly in love with one another. I love the part where she's jumping up and down on the bed. There's such a childlike quality to her, and in a funny way it ties right back to that miserable girl in chains with the puppy dog eyes that we saw in the first chapter. In both good circumstances and bad, you've kept her character nicely formed.
Nate Longbottom is an interesting creation, indeed. You fleshed him out quite a bit in this chapter. He comes across like a cruder, more obnoxious version of James Potter. Arrogant and self-important, born with a silver spoon in his mouth, walking the halls of Hogwarts like royalty. And I loved the clever little role reversal inherent in a Malfoy cursing the "privileged" Potter name.
The confrontation between Hermione and Draco was breathtaking! The scene just drips with their canon characterization. They're both so passionate, and neither one of them is going to cede an inch. He's still obnoxious and sarcastic and she's deathly serious. When push comes to shove, she's plainly willing to hurt him and he knows it. And it frightens him. But then you gave him honest thoughts that put the good of his family -- their family -- first! And you didn't try to create romantic tension between them, either. I am giddy with delight!
I really have nothing for you as far as constructive criticism for this one. It was brilliant. There's not a thing I would add or take away. I'll be back again soon! Toodle-loo!Author's Response: ok, I suck at life for not responding to this review sooner, that much I can own up to :)
The thing about this story is, it's really sad. It just is. It's sad having to take care of your parents when they were the ones that took care of you for so long, and watching your own father slip away, and dealing with your mother who is just trying to deal herself. It's just...it's a hard concept and I think it's a bleak way to imagine these characters. But it's also realistic and I think that is what makes me do it.
I agree with you about Nate Longbottom, he is an interesting character. Not at all what you would imagine for the offspring of Neville Longbottom, but we can't choose our children can we :P
I love Draco and Hermione, that scene where there's the animosity. You know, the way that they are SUPPOSED to be portrayed, rather than love sick puppies, which is inexplicable in the least. There shouldn't ever be romantic tension between draco and hermione, at least in my narrow view of the world :)
Thank you SO much for this review, and again, I'm so sorry it took me so long to respond! Report Review
Hi, there! I think it's safe to say that we can keep doing this all month! ;)
I really, really love your Draco and Astoria, particularly the relationship between the two of them. I am a firm believer in the idea that she wasn't just another pureblood trophy wife. I always think of her as a very bright, warm, pragmatic person who loves Draco passionately, just as he loves her. To me, they bring out the best in one another. That's exactly what I took from this.
Ooh! So the fact that Scorpius was able to save Rose was due to the Greengrass family's influence inside the Ministry. I do hope that decision doesn't cost Astoria more than she bargained for.
Aww, Draco is upset. He's so cute when he's angry! Seriously, he can't stay mad at her for very long, can he? She did the sensible thing, including the part where she doesn't tell him right away. He would have worried himself sick. I love the way you've made him such a family man, even where his half-blood daughter-in-law is concerned. Now you just need Rose and Scorpius to have a sweet, precocious little girl! ;)
I'm curious to find out who you've married Daphne off to, by the way. I, um... I don't think you're going to like Daphne's husband in CoB. :-/
Interesting. So nobody really seems to know the truth of what happened with Nathan Longbottom, not even Rose. I love the sense of mystery you've created around that one. Is he alive or not? If he is, why is he trying to make Rose take the fall for killing him? This has troubling echoes of Peter Pettigrew, although I'm guessing that Nathan didn't just betray anyone to a powerful dark wizard.
More and more of the pieces of Rose and Scorpius's life are coming into focus, and I like the way you're gradually filling it all in. Your pacing has been really good so far.
Their interaction with the house elf in Monte Carlo was the only part of this that I wasn't so wild about. The elf's dialog was a little over the top in terms of the bad grammar and over-use of transitive verbs. And the idea that all the elves had been freed also seemed overdone to me. I don't think the British Ministry of Magic could simply undo all of the magic that binds elves to their houses by decree, and even if they could I'm not sure it would apply in France. It's not a big deal, it just bugged me a little as I was reading.
The house sounds like a really beautiful place. And I loved the wonderful moment that the two of them share. You and I definitely think alike in terms of gearing our stories toward more of an adult audience who can handle more mature themes. People do these things in reality. I don't see why fan fiction should shy away from them.
All in all, another good chapter! You're keeping the mystery going, answering a few questions and introducing a few more. Very enjoyable!Author's Response: Hello there!
Well I'm glad that you think that about Astoria because I share your thoughts on that as well. I think a lot of authors make her a superficial character, almost a pansy clone or something of the sort, and I can't imagine Draco ending up with a girl like that. I think Astoria would be his equal in every possible way.
I am trying to progress the mystery as best I can, I guess, but I think that's part of the reason that I stalled on this story because i got to a point where I was like...crap, now what? I mean I know how it ends up eventually but the getting there got to me. It's good to know that I still had it goin' on in chapter 2 though :P I find that writing mysteries, if you don't plan in advance, can be quite daunting.
Ah and here we come to the house elf thing. It honestly didn't occur to me that house elves would still work in homes. Which I know sounds bizarre because it's what the whole species does, it's all they've known. So in my head, they were just not servants anymore but now I see that that's a little bit ridiculous to think about. I'm sure they were still there in some capacity. As for the house elf at the Malfoy's I can say on that one that it was a servant of the Malfoy's and therefore I guess technically a resident of Britain as he came from there. I don't think he's a french house elf, it was just his job to stay in their French house. I don't know if that's necessarily true to how it would actually work, but meh :P
I definitely like gearing my story toward an adult audience because, to be perfectly honest with you I'm not entirely sure that I have the ability to go back to that adolescent time and write it effectively. I always end up making my characters too mature anyway, so I like writing as adults.
thank you so much for reviewing, sorry it took me so long to respond! Report Review
Hello, again! If you thought I was going to let you go after that last, amazing review on CoB, well, you have another think coming!
This story instantly caught my eye after reading Resuscitate Me. I thought you had quite a knack for writing Scorpius and Rose and I wanted to see what you could do with the two of them in a longer story. Add to that the fact that this one is a mystery -- who doesn't love a good mystery? -- and I was sold.
We only see the two of them briefly in this chapter, but I loved the way that you set the scene! I obviously did know who Hermione was until the Chief Warlock addresses her, but once I put the pieces together it dawned on me what an awesome job you did of making it clear how old she is without coming right out and saying it. The silver of her hair, her more angular facial features and the worn cartilage of her knees all attested to her advancing years. But none of the passion was gone from her character, and it made her immediately recognizable. The Chief Warlock's enormous deference to Hermione reminded me a lot of the way that Dumbledore strode into Harry's disciplinary hearing in OotP and more or less took it over. And poor Rose came off as so pitiable, like a slightly less dangerous version of Igor Karkaroff bargaining for his freedom. Overall, you did a great job with the entire scene.
The storm metaphor worked really well for you throughout the chapter. I noticed it for the first time when Hermione arrives home and then it just built from there. One thing I did notice, though, was you used the word "lightening" in a lot of places. I think you wanted to say "lightning". "Lightening" is the progressive form of the verb "lighten".
I know Molly only appeared for a moment, but I liked the spark you gave her, the need to feel useful. It must be so hard on her, watching her husband suffer from such a terrible disease. I'm sure she buries herself in her household chores to keep her mind off of it.
The section with Ron and Hermione in the shed had some good things and some not-so-good things for me. I liked the way you filled in a few more pieces of of the puzzle. Now we know who the victim is and how he ties into the family as well as the connection between Hermione and the Chief Warlock. And you introduced it all without needing to dump it onto us in narrative. Hermione's emotional state was easy to pick up on, as well. Ron came off a little flat. I think your descriptions could have benefited from a little more physical detail or possibly some of Hermione's thoughts interpreting his words and actions.
One other thing I noticed was the paragraph that begins with "We've got to do something." It took me a minute to figure out that Hermione was still talking, since she was also speaking in the one-sentence paragraph that comes before it. I think it would be easier to follow if you either combined these two paragraphs into one or maybe started off the second one with a dialog tag clause that makes it clear that Hermione is still speaking.
I did like the image that you ended with, of the two of them consoling one another. That was really touching, and it's exactly how I think of Ron and Hermione.
You did a great job of letting Rose agonize over her circumstances without spoiling the sense of mystery in the final scene. We got to discover some more of her back story as told through her eyes, which added a lot to her character. It also added to the mystery, making me wonder what Scorpius has been up to while his wife was rotting in a filthy prison cell full of rats.
OK, I guess he's been figuring out how to break her out of prison. ;) More interesting revelations! So Nathan isn't really dead? My head is spinning with questions! I feel like I'm in a... alright, I guess that's why you named the story what you did. :-P
I think you have the beginnings of an awesome story here! This chapter had great narrative flow and felt well balanced between dialog and narrative, action and character development. Right into my favorites!Author's Response: Yay for this being my 100th review!! Whoo!
First I want to address the criticisms. I agree with you, actually, they are all completely founded. That scene in the rain is not one of my favorites, but for some reason I'm having a difficult time sitting down and revising it so that its' better. I actually remember the day I wrote this chapter and what I was doing, and I think it was in 2009. Yes, this was published in June 2009. Gah I'm ancient. Anyway, I really want to get back into updating it soon so I really need to take a good critical look at this story so I guess it's good that you're looking at it because it's got a lot of crazy things going on with it.
That being said, That means that this piece I think was written the year before Resuscitate Me...yeah, it was. So I don't know that I hit my stride yet. Basically what I'm saying is, because this story is 3 years old I'm a tad self conscious (although not so much as the stuff you go and read that I Wrote 5-7 years ago, that stuff is just horrendous). Don't let me make excuses though! I just need to put this through a stringent edit I think.
I like Hermione in this story. I think she's very confident and she has her agenda, but then at the same time, she's still a mother. And as you'll see later on, she works very hard to protect herself and her feelings and has a difficult time letting others in, and I think you see just the beginnings of that here.
You are not the first person to bring up about the lightning, I need to fix that!
I love Molly so incredibly much, especially after all the rotten things I do to her because of Arthur. ahem, carrying on...
And there is much more ScoRose happening in subsequent chapters.
But honestly, I do hope you stick with this story as I work my way through CoB because I feel like this needs work and I have been stuck in writer's block for over a year...I think I last updated in July of 2011 so...but Jami just went through and read it and the things she brought up kind of helped me to unhinge my writers block so as soon as I update BA, this one is getting a close second look.
Thank you so so much for your kind review, it means a lot and put a huge smile on my face, thank you so very much!!
PS This story doesn't have a beta so it's just me
PPS that was me making excuses again. DON'T LET ME DO THAT. Report Review
Filler?! You crazy girl.
Okay so even though this is my second read of this chapter, I had completely forgotten about the emotional upheaved you cause me at the very end :(. Just the entire sentiment of even though they are the same and together once again she still feels so separated from him and its all sad fuzzies :(.
But to rewind..
Poor. Hugo. The guy is probably already under so much stress from still being so knew to the job, his parents aren't okay, his sister left them all and threw them onto a really thin patch if ice and now this..
I like seeing Rose from different sides. From the Malfoys perspective, Hugo's, her parents... It adds so mug dimension to this. And we know that even before the 'murder' rose had left her family to elope.. At first that felt like a very romantic notion to me but now I kind of just want to bop her on the head. She's caused so much turmoil to her family even before all this and it makes me angry at her, despite any good reasoning it could have been for.
Draco and Astoria are such a capable couple in this. Their strengths truly match the others weaknesses and I just love the dynamic you've created.
And now! Hugo has a very important mission... I wonder of Nate has any idea how many people are after him. I love that Harry has seen the shack, btw and understands the sick sort of mentality Nate may have been in.Author's Response: The ending scene, I think, is one of the most heart breaking things I've ever written, because it's this woman who just can't...let go. She can't give him that emotional connection, so she goes through the motions, even though she loves him superficially. It was so sad when I wrote it :(
I know, Rose I think was just being a crazy young adult in love. She knew she'd never get her parents approval, so she took matters into her own hands, without really looking at the consequence.s
I will say I adore writing Hugo, he is just so fun. and Nate is just messed up and we'll leave it at that :) Report Review
YOU'VE STRESSED ME OUT. I'M ALL ON EDGE AND I'VE EVEN READ THIS CHAPTER BEFORE BUT I'M STILL ALL EKY.
So, I sense the whole - 'If you can't have me no one can,' sentiment with Nate. He was clearly obsessed with her, and then she went and eloped with someone. A Malfoy, no less. Maybe they were arguing about her marriage that night? Rose seems so devoted to the people she loves, that him talking poorly about her husband, the love of her life, would have to get her anger up.
He could have planned it perfectly, knowing how she would react because he does, after all, know her very well. Then POOF. He fakes his own death, Rose is in jail, and he gets to live on knowing Rose will never belong to anyone but him in his own creepy twisted sense.
I loved Scorpius's reaction to the photos. It was so much natural, real, raw anger. And how can you not feel that way?? It would be terrible! I found a letter once from my fiances ex, and I knew that I shouldn't be mad, but I was so hurt! I couldn't imagine being in Scorpius's position.
But they manage to get through it, and that really went a long way to showing us how much these two can adore. My hearts all afloat with S and R love.
BUT NOW YOU BROUGHT ME BACK TO TENSE WORLD. Enrage Draco, hurt Rose because *of course* it kills her to not be with her family! And Arthur. Oh that poor man. But again, you're doing things that make this so realistic for me, so even when they make me sad (like Arthur) they also suck me further into this awesome story. Every chapter has just been so easy to read, it's like I'm being sucked in from the first word and don't submerge until your AN.
Until next time, m'dear!Author's Response: You have really hit the nail on the head with this review. That's all I'll say.
I will also say this, that whole scene with Draco and Rose made me sad, because I don't think he meant the hurtful things he said. I think he truly does love Rose, but he just has their best interests at heart.
I want to say more, but I Can't without giving things away. So this is a short response to this review so I don't spoil anything.
Thank you so so very much for this, I appreciate it dearly! Report Review
I love how full your chapters always are. Even just getting more than one characters perspective during it makes the story so much more tense!
Scorpius and Rose still hold onto their sense of young love even during this, and it makes my heart fluffy. Rose probably doesn't realize just how much like her mother she is. Only when Hermione went on hiding, it was in a tent and not a home in France :P. I want to find out what Nate did so much. To be honest, if this was finished, I'd probably have already sped through it. I'm trying to pace myself :P.
Ugh it still breaks my heart, Arthur's condition. Ron could really use his dad, his lucid dad that is, right now. And Molly :(. She spent her whole life taking care of children, she shouldn't have to take care of anyone anymore. Much less her husband :(. It's all just so sad.
I loved seeing a bit of Hugo. Especially since his presence in the house has oddly enough seemed to help things. Or at least gotten Ron and Hermione stop bickering like children.
AH!! Yay for Astoria!! A mother can't stand to see another mother so heart broken, can they? I love how Draco doesn't stand a chance against her. She's even more stubborn than her husband. And Ron's inistial reaction. Oh. My. Gosh. Perfect amount of Ronish anger. Acting before he thinks, then Hermione having to reel him back in!
I love the progression of your plot. I'm never bored during any section, but I also don't feel like I'm drowning in it. You have the perfect pacing!
Getting to see what's going on around Scorpius and Rose, getting to know what their parents think about everything, it all just adds such a big dimension to the story and gives it so much more than if you were just telling it through Rose and Scorpius.
Awesome chapter, m'dear! I accidentally read a tiny bit ahead, and have to say that Nate is a *creep*.
♥Author's Response: Oh yay! :)
The different perspectives of my story are something I really pride myself on. It keeps the mystery alive but it also really shows how different things are for everyone.
This chapter is actually one of my very favorite in the whole story. I had such a blast writing it!
I think it's important to establish how much in love Rose and Scorpius are. I mean, essentially he's willing to put himself in harms way, to nearly destroy his own life by breaking her out of jail, so that they could be together. Writing them together is so fun, I love their dynamic as a couple.
As for Arthur's condition...yeah, I know it's so awful. I actually wrote all of this before I did "Don't Lose Me" so it's sad to go back and read this. A lot of people tell me that I am really mean to give him Alzheimer's but, like I said in my last review response, it's just real. There's no way that the wizard population is without conditions like this, and it was kind of important for me to show this.
Hugo. He is by far one of my favorite characters to write, as Rose's kid brother. He really does have an interesting effect on Ron and Hermione and I really enjoyed writing his scenes in this chapter.
The part where Ron and Hermione go to the Malfoy's is my fav! I think that it's good that you finally get to see Hermione break, and Astoria's compassion for the mother. Draco and Ron most likely could have fought all day, but Draco wasn't going to budge. I think part of Draco most likely did feel compassion for Hermione but he was worried about keeping their children safe; to him, that mattered more than Hermione's peace of mind. I also love the big at the end where Astoria basically talked Draco down despite him being really angry with her. I think it really shows the health of their relationship and that they are both equal players in it.
And tsk tsk at you for looking ahead :P
Thanks so very much for continuing to read and review this, it makes me feel so good that this dusty old story still has some life in it and I really need to write more of it! I promise I will...after Nano!
Ash Report Review
Yay! I'm back I'm back! I read this chapter yesterday actually, but wanted to have time to leave a proper review and not a 'my dinner's burning so I need to cut this short' review ;)!
I LOVE what you've done with the Weasley house hold. There's so much stress and tension, even without this new development of Rose feeling.. it feels like it was already a tense place. I like the idea of both the Weasley and Potter families all living happily ever after and nothing ever unsettling the balance of that of that joy again, but it's not realistic. Especially not in this situation. So the way that you showed Hermione and Ron taking snips at each other, both clearly tense, and Ron's short temper increased with this news.. it all felt right in a sad way. I would have loved for them to just lean on each other, but this is all too knew. I love my fiance to pieces, but when something stressful happens, it takes me a while to actually want him to *be there* for me. Them my own stress escaltes his, and usually we end up fighting for a bit before we talk about it. I just think it's natural for people to do that, especially considering it's easy to hurt the ones you love the most because you know they'll always keep loving you.
Wow. Sorry about that ramble. I just think you had a very realistic atmosphere going on. I knew Arthur would be in this condition from what we talked about, but that didn't make it any easier :(. So much sad in this house right now.
Okay, you've shown us a side of Draco that really cares and wants to help Rose. Which was enough to make us understand that he is different. Now you've taken him back a bit to that cocky self centered Hogwarts boy.. and you've taken adult Hermione to a pushy girl who thinks being right will get her what she wants. PERFECT! I think these two bringing out the worst in each other makes so much sense. Then Draco's tinges of something similar to guilt, because he understands what Hermione is going through, reminded us that he has grown up and I think that whole scene played out beautifully.
It's so sad to think how distant they've become from their daughter. I know it couldn't have been easy that Scorpius and Rose eloped, nor would the Malfoys knowing and not them help that pain. But I hoped that Hermione would be quick to forgive, and maybe she would have if this all didn't happen in the midst of things.
And now I WANT to know where Nate is too!! Seriously, what is that brat playing at???
Awesome chapter, m'dear!!!
JamiAuthor's Response: Yay! :)
Okay, so I think one of the most important things to me in this story is realism. And I think it's perfectly realistic to think that Hermione and Ron's relationship may not be perfect, you know? They'd have to work at it, like all marriages are, but I always imagined that for them it may be even more difficult. I think that they both love each other deeply, but like you said, some people deal with things in different ways, and I think Hermione and Ron have very different ways of dealing with things.
Hermione and Draco had such animosity at school, with him calling her horribly insulting names and his death eater past, and then Hermione just always being right about everything, it really set these two at each other. And though they have both grown up and become successful at what they do individually, and have some of that worldly adult knowledge, at heart they will always been opposite one another, despite what the Dramiones tell you. And I think that it's probably one of the reasons that Hermione has difficulty with Scorpius, even though she knows that he is most likely not his father's son, and Scorpius has even gone lengths to show them that. I think Ron is just instantly blinded by the name Malfoy, and I think that JKR even did a good job of showing that in the epilogue.
I think eventually they will come around to it, but as Rose is equal parts her mother and father, dealing with her is always quite the process as well.
Okay, That's enough of my ramble. Thanks again so very much for reading my story! It means a lot to me, and it definitely is making me want to write it again which is BAD because this is NANO TIME!!!
Ash Report Review
Ahhh what really happened to Nate?!? I'm so excited to find out. Ps this is an iPhone review so if there's random typos, that's why ;).
Anyway, I really liked learning a bit more back story on the Malfay family as well as getting a glimpse into
Draco and Astoria's relationship. I loved the parallel Draco drew between the own prejudice against his last name and Rose's. even if the prejudice against Rose's comes from himself.
The strained relationship mixed with the obvious fact that Draco cares very much about his son was so a really awesome touch. I can't imagine Scorpius not being just a bit irritated that his father sealed a larg number of wizard society opinions about him.
I love the way you've built up the mystery surrounding Nate as well. So Scorpius saw him alive. Was it really him? And if so was he acting on his own accord or against his will? What motivation would someone have to frame Rose as a killer? I love the entire mystery around it, and if absolutely does its job of getting me to want to read on!
Awesome chapter, my dear!Author's Response: OK I've tried to reply to this like 3 times and I kept getting distracted. my bad. And I just got distracted again for like 10 minutes. blaah.
Okay. Nate is an interesting creature, and even I am not fully aware of his secrets yet. But I do know he's a tricky person, and you have to keep on the look out for him.
(I just got distracted again)
To me, I really like the mystery part but it's the most frustrating thing because I know the outcome of it, but I tend to just write rather than think of the consequences of what I'm doing so I'll write a bit and publish it and then be like...wait. What have I just done? And that is part of the reason why this story hasn't been updated in a while :P But I will keep on carrying on!
Thank you so very much for the kind review! Report Review
The image or Rose in this! It was so creepy! In a good way, but still creepy! I just pictured this tiny hollow looking thing, pale as could be all dirty and grimy. It was sad/creepy/shivery.
Anyway, now that I got my first instinct feels out :P. I love how you've set this up. Hermione trying to get something, anything, during the trial before being kicked out. That refusal to understand what's going on from Ron, and immediate need to do *something.* To fix it. It was all just a really great way to give us an intense, capturing first chapter.
And what's this about Nate! If he isn't dead, why do they think he is? Where has Scorpius been? Ahh! So many questions. I love when a first chapter begins with so much mystery because it's such an incentive to continue. I'm already stuck on these people and wanting to know what actually happened, so I'd say it did it's job in being an intriguing start ;)!
The small details you've added really got me too. Like Scoprius dying his hair dark to try and rid himself of the image of Draco Malfoy. Rose rebelling because of her parents strong hold. And the fact that it seems the Malfoys have never really been forgiven for their parts in the war. It all added to giving us a good idea of the people you're introducing us to, while still having a purpose in what's happening.
I'm excited to see what happens, m'dear!Author's Response: I really enjoy this first chapter of the story because it's one of the first chapters I've written where I decided that my writing had really improved :)
I really wanted to grab attention in this chapter so I am glad that I was able to do it. You're supposed to kind of have this feeling like.what the crap did I just read, what is going on?!
I feel like you don't really find out much of anything in this chapter, other than establishing that Hermione is important but not important enough, and Rose is married to Scorpius.
As for the Malfoys, I think it would be really difficult to shake the stigma being a Malfoy would have in this new world post Voldemort, and I don't think that they would be privy to every luxury, so it's kind of this cannon that I had made for myself. I think being the son of Draco Malfoy is not the shining privilege it could have been.
I'm so happy that you stopped by to read my story, it's been neglected for some time, I really desperately need to update it! :) Report Review
I love this story so much! The plot is incredibly intricate with all of the different characters and it's amazing how well you've blended their different stories together. The whole piece just flows so well.
I can't wait for more! :)Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked this story. I reallly do intend to update it at some point it's just that I'm sort of stuck with horrible writer's block. I really need to figure it out! but thank you for reading it! Report Review
Ash! I'm here reading cause I want to help you with this and I'm gonna review the whole thing so be ready for lots of Mike to show up in your reviews!
Anyways, this was so cool! I kinda loved the atmosphere the storms gave and how dark this was! And I kinda thought it was funny Arthur had Alzheimer's... And Molly too, she'd probably do that... Always cleaning and doing whatever she can! :P
I loved this! It's so cool! And interesting! I'll read some more later!
Mike. :DAuthor's Response: Hehe Hey Mike. I don't believe that you're going to review all of it but you can certainly try :)
I'm sureyou don't mean it like this but you think it's funny that Arthur had Alzheimer's??! hahaha well I'm glad you liked it, I really tried to keep people in character as much as I could! Report Review
AMAZING LOVE IT UPDATE SOON PLEASEAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
Ohh! Not liking Nathan any more! How mean of him to just run when Scorpius called him! And what exactly happened at the bar?
I look forward to finding out!
Sam.Author's Response: Nathan is kind of ajerk isn't he? Thank you so much for reading! Report Review
Ho ho ho!
I am kicking myself for never seeing this story before! I've only read the first chapter and I'm hooked! The way you've portrayed Rose and Scorpius so far is different for me to read, though I don't read many. So I find it refreshing!
And Nate's alive! I was hoping he would be, but expecting it be someone else who murdered him. So yay! And Scorpius... Better late than never! :P
Favoriting this and I will continue to read and review. :)
Merry Christmas from your Secret Santa!
SamMalfoy.Author's Response: Thank you Secret Santa!! I really appreciate these reviews, it means a lot and I am very glad that you like them!! :) Report Review
WOW! Such a great chapter! I loved this chapter just as I have loved all the other chapters you have writen. I can't wait to see what James new American friend is going to do with this whole sticky situation. I love that Neville and Ron got into a fight, well, no I don't but I do like that it made the chapter that much better! Great job!
This story is one of my favorite that I have stumbled upon to read on this fanfiction site. I love the story you are creating and making me fall in love with your next Gen. Waiting for chapter 8 to come and blow me away again!
Lots of reads
GinnyCullenAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you liked this chapter, I miss you! I think I'm glad I made them fight I think that it added an element that maybe most people don't think to write. I'm so glad you liked this story though, really and truly! Report Review
WOW! Such a great chapter! I loved this chapter just as I have loved all the other chapters you have writen. I can't wait to see what James new American friend is going to do with this whole sticky situation. I love that Neville and Ron got into a fight, well, no I don't but I do like that it made the chapter that much better! Great job!
This story is one of my favorite that I have stumbled upon to read on this fanfiction site. I love the story you are creating and making me fall in love with your next Gen. Waiting for chapter 8 to come and blow me away again!
Lots of reads
GinnyCullenAuthor's Response: DOUBLE REVIEW! *will delete when logged into staff account* Report Review
Update soon... please? < 3Author's Response: i certainly will try! Report Review
Wow! Another amazing chapter! I loved it so much!! I loved the emotion and the biterness in the first half!! And Ron's continuing hatred towards the Malfoys while Hermione has learnt to accept them for her daughter! That is so in-character!
I really want to know what Nate did to Rose! The suspense is killing me!!! I would have loved it if Hermione hit Draco again! =P
I can't wait to read the next chapter! *tries to focus on it* I CAN DO IT!! =PAuthor's Response: AMY!! Thank you so much for your review! I think Ron would definitely have a difficult time ever forgiving the malfoys but I think that Hermione definitely would be able to! Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
Hey Ash! I'm finally here, reviewing this chapter! It's been a long time coming, no?
Ok, I LOVED the Neville/Ron fight. It was completely appropriate, and out of the blue, yet it made sense. The whole memorial scene for Nate was very well done, I liked seeing it from Harry's point of view. He has a LOT of stress on him at the moment. I also loved seeing his thoughts on the case, it was interesting to hear him musing about Rose being in cahoots with Nate. Showing those alternate theories to the case, ones that don't work with what we know about Rose and Scorpius (or don't work given what we know about their characters, I suppose it could work, but it would be a MASSIVE plot twist) really shows that you've thought about Harry's character and his thoughts on the case. Obviously you went to the effort of figuring out all the evidence in the case and all the facts, and you went the step further and figured out the possible solutions from the point of view of one of your characters. It's rare that an author can do that, that they can take themselves out of the equation and look at the story as someone who doesn't know how it ends.
The Rose/Scorpius scene at the start was also good to see, you can really see the stress showing through now, heightened. Scorpius' reaction to flying was interesting, I've never really considered that he would have a fear of it...yet it makes sense, since he's a pureblood. You can really see how stressed, harassed and scatterbrained the two of them (Rose and Scorpius) are. It's scary, I'm just waiting for them to slip up from all the pressure.
Oh, and I now see the bit with the Australian flight attendant :P Funny :P
Lovely chapter dear, I'll be eagerly awaiting the next one! There's something about this story, you have me intrigued, yet...it's almost like watching and waiting for something bad to happen. Apprehension, I suppose.
Oh, and thanks for the dedication :P Though I actually wasn't around (i.e. I was overseas) when this was posted, but, hey, I'm happy to know I did something...even though you don't know what I did. Neither do I, for the record.
Anyway, this is a past 2am review, so I apologise for any nonsensical ramblings that may have occurred :P
(Slytherin)Author's Response: LONGEST REVIEW EVER OMG.
first of all thanks so much for that whole first paragraph. I feel like it's important to show all the different theories, although I will say that writing all that out was really more for me so I could keep my head on straight haha. I think Harry is just convinced that there is something not right about this, though he doesn't know what it is.
I loved writing his reaction to flying and I feel like he would be very wary of muggle technology like flying...thinking it was unsafe.
Thank you for reading this...re-reading your review really makes me want to write it again...I'll see what I can work up! Report Review
I must agree with your A/N here, you really are moving away from Rose/Scorpius and into several relationships. I have no problem with that, however, and even when Rose and Scorpius aren't physically present in this chapter, they're still there in spirit, I suppose you could say.
I liked the insight into Hugo, I've been wondering what was going through his head. He's in a horrible position, stuck between his family and his job. I really liked seeing his insights, I feel like he has a fairly honest view of the whole situation, seeing the Aurors' side of it, and the family side. I'm interested to see the outcome of the team being sent to America (I'm assuming Hugo will accept that, I mean, why wouldn't he? You wouldn't have introduced it if he wasn't going to accept the offer :P). I also like the representation of Harry. It's interesting to see him through the eyes of the other characters (first Ron and now Hugo).
Once again, you play the two sets of parents (Astoria/Draco and Hermione/Ron) off each other, showing their interactions one after the other. Hermione seems the most troubled by the whole thing, oddly enough. She's usually a strong character, and I suppose she is being strong in a way, keeping it all to herself. However, I think Astoria's dealing with it the best, along with Draco. Their reactions are rational, at least, I can understand where they are coming from. Hermione, on the other hand, snaps out randomly. I suppose her and Ron have the added pressure of the situation with Hugo, not knowing all the information about Rose and Scorpius, and the whole Arthur situation...but still, I'm not a fan of the way Hermione is acting. Which is good, if I liked everything it would be an incredibly boring story, you've got me hooked onto her character, I'm sensing the whole thing heading for an explosion, it's just a matter of when.
I haven't really considered how the relationship between Ron, Hermione, Harry and Neville must have changed from all of this, so the next chapter will be interesting to read to see the ramifications of all this for Neville and Hannah.
Lovely chapter dear :)
(Slytherin)Author's Response: I love your reviews on this story because I feel like you truly GET what I am trying to do. Writing Draco/Astoria vs Ron/Hermione has ben such a joy, I absolutely adore it. I think it's not just Rose though, I think Hermione is so frazzled because her marriage is literally falling apart right in front of her and there's seemingly nothing to stop it. She's not handling it the best, with her job, with the inlaws, her child on the run. i think that she iis just overwhelmed.
I think that even though Draco and Astoria are handling it well, I think Astoria definitely has thoughts of well everything will be ok. You know? Like...almost snobbish like. Of course everything will be fine. I don't know, but I look forward to exploring it!
Writing Hugo is fun too. I love exploring all these different character's point of view, It's great fun! Report Review
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