Oh my goodness. I would have expected Luna of this, but... Report Review
OMG i bet this would be such an awesome story...please pick it up again...i love this chappie...10/10
~Luc Report Review
well, this was certainly something a little different. never before have i had the chance to read something quite like this and i must say that this was a very nice first chapter. i see that you have temporarily abandoned this while you work on your other stories but i do want you to know that this story has a ton of potential. there is so much that could happen in the future chapters of this story.
i did notice quite a few errors with your grammar and tenses in this chapter but they are nothing that a simple edit and read through cannot fix.
overall, i thought that you did a wonderful job on this first chapter. as i said, there is a ton that could happen and it would be interesting to see how things play out. nice job on this. good luck with your writing.Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Great story plot. I love it!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Oh god. That's a disaster waiting to happen. Sucking them all into fairy tales. I wonder what Parvati told Lily exactly.
I noticed a few mistakes that sort of deviated from the flow of your writing. Other than that it was alright.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Great, Is. It's very good.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Your such a good writter. Have you nearly finished the first chap for that story we're writing together?Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
tell me when the next cahppy is up. i'll def read it!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Well, it's good for a 13 year old. Just joking, it's really good.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
take no notice of vanessa. anyway thats really good. 10/10.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hey lil' sis. This is actually a bit good.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Heya, it's me again, great story.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Megan's right, this is the best one!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Great story plot. Love it.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Woah, that's really good! It's a lot better than your other one, Runaway. I might join just to add this to my favourite's!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
oh no! i have a chapter in validation that has the similar plot. them being sucked into a fairytale. though i have different people and different settings. this is for theshanster's fairytale challenge isn't it? *sigh* guess i'm gonna have to change my plot. :)Author's Response: I am theshanster! You don't have to change your plot. Report Review
Wow, that was very strange. It took me ages to figure out what exactly was going on, and then when I did I was like, 'Ok...' haha
It is creative, I will give you that. I'm just thoroughly confused why Harry was naked? And in what time period is this placed? During or after JK Rowling's books? I think you should make this more clear in your story.Author's Response: Ok, thanks. Report Review
Hmm, you have an interesting premise here, a story that could potentially be very good and interesting. While the plot seems a little odd to me, it also seems very original, so kudos on that.
I really think, however, that you have rushed into the story far too fast. I believe you started at a good point, but there wasn't enough explanation, description or details to keep me engaged in your writing. Basically Harry stood up and a did a stretch, naked, in a room full of people who hate him. I think that he would be very curious as to where he was, noticing the uncanny surroundings instantly. Maybe that's just me, but it's not really accurate to how Harry would react :/
I think also that we've been bombarded by all these people and why they hate Harry with only a brief sentence on why, so it'd be great if you could incorporate their reasons into later chapters in the story :)
I just want to point out that you've made a couple of mistakes with the tense of the story. For example, the story opens in past tense: "they were all gathered in the middle of room, discussing something in hushed voice's. Harry was puzzled ..." et cetera, using all past tense words.
Then suddenly you shift to present tense: "
Everyone turns round to look at Harry." Remember to keep consistent and to proof-read your work to make sure small mistakes like that don't pop up and hinder your story.
There were a few spelling mistakes aswell, such as "Egyption" which is actually "Egyptian." And you put haev instead of have. Easy mistake to make - just remember to proof-read.
Overall, a good job! Interesting plot, the characters and their relatinoships with each other have a somewhat detailed background. Keep it up :)Author's Response: Thanks, for the review. I really appreaciate it. I'll definetley re-request! Report Review
Really, really, really great! I love it, est fic I've ever read!Author's Response: Thanks. Glad you like it! Report Review
It's really cool! It's interesting that everyone hates Harry, but in a good way. I'm also interested on where the story is going to go. I can't wait for the next chapter!Author's Response: Yeah, next chapter two people are going to get transported to the fairy tale Cinderella! Really glad you like it. Report Review
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