Reading Reviews for Do You Need Me?
  
49 Reviews Found

Review #1, by magicmarauder171 Of Unexpected Change

2nd February 2013:
I love Regulus/OC fanfiction and I don't think there's enough of it. When I see the people that the authors have portrayed Regulus as I'm always disappointed and just imagine it's Tom Sturidge anyway because he's my perfect Regulus so when I saw that you'd put him as Regulus I just knew I had to read it and I wasn't disappointed, this was really good!

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Review #2, by Remus Of ĎIíve neverí, Some History and the Present Task

23rd October 2009:
Hey! I'm back again! Finally XD

And I really don't like Blair's dad. Not one bit! This story is taking off! WHY kill the minister's son?

And WHO think she's ready?

I want to know! :D

I definitely like the whole background of the Valmont family. Neat, very neat. I also like the mystery behind the entire story.

Great chapter and don't worry, I know the feeling of being overwhelmed with work and other real life things but let me know whenever you update (if I haven't seen it myself).

10/10

--Remus/Perelandra

Author's Response: hehe, I'm afraid I obviously can't answer your questions, but, they do encourage me to write more... Though I'm afraid that won't be for a while :/

Anyhow, since this is not supposed to be a long story, I think that in a chapter or two you'll find all the answers to your questions. ;D

Thanks for the great review, I again apologise for not being able to update but I'll be sure to send you a PM or something when the next chapter is up :) .

~ Kristina


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Review #3, by Remus Of Partying Like a Slytherin

18th October 2009:
Hey! Sorry it has taken me a while but I'm here! Yay!

Once again a great chapter! However, I was expecting to see a much dragged out Reg/Blair moments. Some love/hate. Some malice from Blair, but perhaps something else will happen? Haha I guess I just have to wait!

Bellatrix, she's my favorite villain in the books so I'm glad that you've kept her in character. :D

Anyway, that's all I have to say!

Great chapter, and now on with the next! Yay!

Author's Response: Hey, I'm so sorry that I haven't responded earlier but I've just been so busy and all... School equals torture plus no time to write. Anything. -.-

Anyhow, I'm glad you liked this chapter and no, there's no love/hate relationship between Reg and Blair... But I think that not many people have done what I have in mind for this story, though I don't know when I'll find the time to write another chapter of it :/ .

~ Kristina


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Review #4, by Rose_Weasley123 Of Unexpected Change

4th October 2009:
Hey, itís Rose_Weasley123 with your requested review. Sorry for the lateness, Iíve been very busy lately. Also, Iím afraid I can only review a couple of chapters, but feel free to re-request.

There are a couple of grammar mistakes and a few run on sentence. The first part was a little confusing. I had to re-read it once or twice. Also, pay attention to punctuation.

The characterization on Slughorn seems a little off, but everyone else seems quite well characterized. Blair seems to be an interesting OC so far. I liked how she was not a cardboard cut-out Slytherin, she had her own ideas about pure-blood.

The dialogue between Regulus and Blair was amusing and interesting to read. Well done.

The plot flowed well after a slightly shaky beginning, and it seems to be an interesting premise.

Maybe add a little more description. Set the scene, and work on showing, not telling.

All in all, a promising first chapter, just pay attention to some minor details.

Author's Response: Thanks for the helpful review, I always appreciate constructive criticism :D . I'll consider everything you've said (well, written actually) ^^ .

~ Kristina


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Review #5, by ohcrapidroppedmybrain Of ĎIíve neverí, Some History and the Present Task

30th September 2009:
Hello doll. I'm here with the review...which I should've done a long time ago but never had the chance to. I am so sorry. I haven't been on the forums a lot this week and probably won't be on much until next Wednesday. If you were wondering, that is.

Wow, what else is there to say? This chapater certainly wasn't boring at all...in fact, I actually enjoyed it. I love Blair (yah; I know her name now. Isn't that awesome) and her creepily cooky ways. I feel like a can relate to her, even though for the most part I don't really want to, considering she's going to be a murderer slytherin and what not. But that's not the point. The point is is that you make her likeable and as far from Mary-Sue as possible.

I'm not sure if you do this on purpose, but I notice that Blair says, "um" a lot. It is awesome, because she is even more believable. Many people have the tendency to ramble their sentences and say "er" and "um" a lot, and you give her a distinct style. Good job!

On what you were saying on the whole boring business, it wasn't in the least. It was an exhilarating chapter. You line this meer fanfiction in your own creativity, and to be honest with you, do a better job at telling a story than other PUBLISHED writers (cough SMeyer cough). You also left us in a semi-cliffe, so I guess that is good.

I notice no grammar errors to be seen, but that is probably because you and your beta are uber awesome.

The only thing I had a problem with in this chapter was when Blair got past Dumbledore. Wouldn't he be able to read her mind easily? Or is that what he did when his eyes were x-raying her?

10/10

Constants.

Author's Response: lol, I know that real life can get in the way of fanfiction so don't worry about not doing this right away :).

It's good to know that Blair doesn't seem Mary Sue-ish, especially because of the whole killing business (you know, special powers (that in her case aren't really powers but result of upbringing) and all...).

Yeah, I do write those 'umms' and 'errs' on purpose because I read somewhere that when we're writing dialogue, we should just imagine how the whole scene would look and especially who the people are (their age, to whom they're talking to, etc.) and just let it play out in our heads. When we're talking, we usually don't just say everything we want to in one breath and with no interruptions or sth... That way (letting it all play out in our heads) we can see people talking how they would in real life :D so we can write the dialogue and make it look more real. ^^ Since Blair acts like she's above all and everything, it's a bit ironic how her own insecurities come up in her speech even if she doesn't realise it.

Ahh...Stephenie Meyer and Twilight. -.- I think that most of the writers on HPFF are better at telling a story than her, if they take a bit of time to revise their chapters and even find a beta :D . But thanks for the compliment, though I still have somewhat mixed feelings about the explanation, though from the very beginning that was planned to happen like it did so... :)

Well I actually don't think that Dumbledore would read minds of everyone in the castle whenever they got to his office (otherwise, wouldn't he know how Harry saw the whole attack on Mr Weasley in OoTP, etc. ?) so that's why I didn't include him reading her mind... Though Blair could also be trained in Occlumency, I think that may be a bit too much, though idk. hehe, you got me thinking now :D

Thanks for the super long and awesome review (:

~ Kristina






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Review #6, by sligers118 Of ĎIíve neverí, Some History and the Present Task

24th September 2009:
well, you asked if the explanation seemed to ordinary? I liked how it connected with the bits in the previous chapters, and it was interesting - but I didn't really see why it was significant at that point - I mean, it was a bit random of her father to have called her home, and then told her to go off for a bit. and I think her reaction to them having lied about the Infidel thing was a bit extreme, as she could have found out whenever she wanted to, and they don't really seem to gain anything by lying. That said, it's a good, interesting story, with some interesting characters (I like the father and uncle, form what little we've seen, and generally the Valmonts seem like fascinating people), and I think this story has a lot of potential.

Author's Response: Vichance had to talk with Drogan so that's why he told her to go off... As you may have noticed, Blair doesn't have a very close relationship with her father so... ^^

The Infidels thing...that was just a story about the Valmont family and Blair never gave it much thought, but when the opportunity arose, she just asked the question. And I don't think it was too extreme...finding out that your family isn't what you thought it was and that the stories that were told about your family and respect you got from it...all a lie? Well, to me, that doesn't seem too extreme...But I dunno, different people, different opinions and I appreciate other people's opinions :)

Thanks for reviewing :D, it's really important to get feedback from people so I can improve my writing and my stories :] .

~ Kristina


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Review #7, by sligers118 Of Partying Like a Slytherin

24th September 2009:
well, I found this chapter much easier to read than the second chapter, which was interesting, but a little difficult - I think you possibly need to look at breaking up your sentences in that a bit more, and using semi colons and stuff. I see what you mean about the relationship happening a bit fast - I liked how it was hinted at in this chapter, with the eavesdropping thing, but I think you need a few more clues that he likes her in the earlier chapter, as it otherwise seems a bit out of the blue. However, if it's not the main focus, it shouldn't matter too much. Clearly the rings are significant and connected to the end bit, which is interesting, if a tiny bit confusing, because of having to suddenly make the switch to the different story. I'm also intrigued by this wetboy thing, and I like the idea of her family being assassins that stay neutral.

Author's Response: That pesky second chapter wasn't beta'd... *sniff*
So that's the reason why it's so...awkward? ehh...Never mind.

Well, the ring thing is just a small connection between the "present" and the "past", so that the reader knows what the rings mean in the "past". lol, that may be confusing o.O

~ Kristina


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Review #8, by sligers118 Of Unexpected Change

24th September 2009:
good opening chapter - it gets you interested in the characters almost immediately, and I like Blair's character - she seems to be a selfish, typical Slytherin, but not inherently evil - I think the idea of her just not caring about the muggle issues is very clever, as in many stories, people are divided into blood traitors or death eaters. One interesting point; the summary gives the impression that it's going to be from Regulus' point of view, which confused me a little right at the start, although it became clear early on that she was a girl. good characterisation so far, and I like the banter between the characters. the italics at the end are also very intriguing. so, onto the next chapters...

Author's Response: Ahh, I should probably change the summary o.O ... I just have to think of sth that's good. The summary that's there at the time seemed appropriate (I wanted to write from Reg's POV but my plot bunny totally changed so...hehe)

Yeah, Blair is just a Slytherin. They're not by default evil but she's...disturbed? Slightly. I mean, I want her to seem disturbed, though that's visible in the next chapters... :)

~ Kristina


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Review #9, by ohcrapidroppedmybrain Of Partying Like a Slytherin

20th September 2009:
I practically skipped my way to the Great Hall. Luckily, there was no one in the dungeon corridors; probably the majority of the people were still in the common room. Imagine someone seeing me skipping to breakfast. And so early!


lol wtf! That paragraph was genius, I tell you, genius!

So um, you requested for some CC and I will try to give it to you, so um...here we go?

The only thing I can really criticise is how Valmont (her first name evaded me, I'm sorry to say) and Regulus got together. They have magnificent chemistry, but I was wondering why you didn't drag it out longer. It is only the third chapter.

Besides this, I can't comment on much. This was a well done piece of work that made me both laugh and feel pitiful at the same time. It is amazing how you can make this girl so funny, yet so messed up at the same time.

Bellatrix was great too. You know her front and backwards, even though I expected her to be a little more crazy. Ah well, she's a student. It's not like she can create a mass murder while she is at school...

And wow! Regulus is hot! It's amazing, because Sirius was supposed to be a lot hotter. Who the hell needs Sirius anyways? Regulus is the way to go, my friend. Way to go...

Great description of Bellatrix drowning the bug. It was equally gross and disturbing!

11/10

Author's Response: lol, I try to make Blair (Valmont, and don't worry about not getting her name because the majority of the people call her Valmont anyway :D ) funny at times because not even her can be all dark and whatnot all the time :) .

Ahh, yes, that's what I was afraid of - that the two of them would end up together too fast. But, this is either going to be a short story or a novella (I put novella because I'm not sure about the word count) so they kinda had to do it quickly but later on we'll see how that goes...

Reg is hot?! Oh. hehe, I've always imagined him to be good-looking, but this is from Blair's perspective and that's probably a bit different than that of everyone else... :)

Thanks for reviewing. Again. haha :D

~ Kristina


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Review #10, by confusedlover Of Partying Like a Slytherin

20th September 2009:
very lovely.

i thought that this was an amazing chapter. you really made a magnificent transition between this chapter and the previous few and that is something that i have found myself looking for a lot lately while reading stories of all kinds. whether it be chapters or transitions between sentences and all it is very
important and so i found it very appealing when i noticed that you flows in this chapter made perfect sense.

overall, i this was another amazing chapter. i am terribly sorry for the short review but seeing as it has taken me long enough to get to this story and that you didn't specify anything specific in your request i don't think that you are too worried about anything at all. anyways, this was a lovely chapter and definitely feel free to request again when you update. again, i am terribly sorry that it took me this long to get to this request. school is honestly crazy. have a wonderful day.

Author's Response: I'm glad that I managed to make the transition flow well ^^

Don't worry about the long-ness of the review, I appreciate every feedback :)

Thanks for reviewing! :D

~ Kristina


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Review #11, by ohcrapidroppedmybrain Of Embarrassing Situations, Exploring My Taste In Clothes and My Brother

20th September 2009:
Hello dear! Sorry I took so long to review you! You can go ahead and call me the worst person in the history of forever...I really deserve it. When I was looking back at my review of the last chapter, I nearly fainted from embarrassment. I seriously didn't give you enough to work with, which I should've, but I didn't. Ah well, hopefully you can forgive me?

Okay, so this is the second chapter *prepares self*, I can do this. Here we go!

Before I say anything I else, I would like to compliment you on your beautiful writing style. I would call it sexy, but you might find me a bit odd. Anyways...you capture everything so beautifully and there is perfect harmony between your dialogue and your descriptions. I am just in awe. You also write comedy AND darkness (I guess? I wouldn't call it angst) well. This is also the first story I read where the Death Eaters were the main characters. I guess I never liked the thought of the bad guys having romance and what not.

Another (beautiful) thing I like about your story is how you portray all of your characters. They are so flawless it kills me! Um, and I love your flashbacks. They are poetic.

I couldn't notice any grammar errors, but considering you have great English and marinahill is your beta, I can see why =]] Still, don't quote me. I am simply a teenager who finds salvation in the Harry Potter universe.

10/10

Author's Response: Merlin, I know that sometimes you have much more important things to do than read and review stories, so no worries ^^ .

I think that the reason behind the whole writing 'comedy and darkness' is because I can find in everything a comedic side to things so I suppose that when I write I also do some self-insertion, but just of that part of me (though I think that every time we write, we put a little bit of ourselves in writing :D ).

Thanks for the compliments, but I need to go over this chapter one more time because I switched tenses a couple of times and even though it may have seemed intentional, it wasn't and I have to correct that :) .

wow, 10/10 ?! Now you made me extremely happy because for the past two days my nose has been stuck in Maths book and I was solving, like, thousand problems for the exam I'm having tomorrow and that put me in a cranky mood.

But hehe, this review made me happy :)

~ Kristina


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Review #12, by Remus Of Embarrassing Situations, Exploring My Taste In Clothes and My Brother

18th September 2009:
Ok first of all you said to review the 3rd chapter. Honestly, I'm glad I didn't because I would've missed these great two chapters. I PROMISE I'll get to the 3rd one tomorrow. I cannot help myself.

Anyway! Blair still cracks me up. "Bellatrix is a little bonkers" is pure greatness. And I'm very glad that she was confused of her feelings when she walked in on them. Angry or embarrassed? Very, VERY well done. Nice touch with transfiguring items into make up. Oh I so wish we could do that...would save a lot of money. And Blair just REALLY enjoys torturing people, doesn't she? I love it. And honestly, she reminds me a lot of me. Yay! I can relate to her and her "meanness" towards people and in a way trying to get "revenge" on Regulus by flirting with Evan. Once again, she's definitely a well rounded (and a true Slytherin) character.

By the way "Pretend I apologized" is going to be my new motto for life. :)

I honestly cannot WAIT to see what happens with chapter three but that will have to wait a bit because right now is late and I have to go to sleep. Otherwise I'll fall asleep in class.

Once again, kudos on a great story and plot and characters!

10/10


--Remus/Perelandra

Author's Response: lol, I just wanted some more feedback on the third one because that's the newest ^^, but I don't mind really...:)

It's cool that you can actually relate to Blair even though she is mean...a bit xD . That means that she's actually a believable character and that's what I tried to accomplish, especially because of wetwork I included in Potterverse...

hehe, just take your time with reading, no need to fall asleep in class because of HPFF ^^, though I know how tempting that can be xD.

~ Kristina



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Review #13, by Remus Of Unexpected Change

18th September 2009:
Heya! Perelandra here from the Forums just as requested.

First off, a quick only CC: the first two paragraphs are a bit confusing for me. I had to re-read it twice in order to kinda get it. Other than that...that's all my CC.

I absolutely loved this fic! Going straight into my faves as soon as I'm done reading it. Anyway, you made me laugh when Rabastan mentioned "Reg's head" and he turned around only to see Blair covering Rabastan's mouth and looking like a maniac. Genius!

I also liked your OC which, for me, is very rare. I'm very picky when it comes to OCs for sometimes they are Mary or Gary sues which I despise with a complete passion. I like well rounded characters and you have definitely brought that to the table. She's a mean Slytherin which I definitely like. I don't dig the entire "Slytherins can be nice" stuff. They are ambitious therefore they only care for one person: themselves. She's sarcastic and witty. Love it. And I also liked how she's above the "pureblood crowd" just because she doesn't give a care in the world regarding "the filth". Nice, nice touch.

I like Regulus although since he has always been described as a "weak" human being (mostly by Sirius)...I really couldn't picture him as a "Jock" sort of character but you definitely made it work.

Rabastan is great too. Sounds like my best friend too...so I can relate to having a friend like him.


10/10 for a great OC!
10/10 for Giving Regulus a great and full personality
10/10 For grammar and punctuation (it also goes to your Beta!)
9/10 for flow (only because I got confused on the first two paragraphs!)

Over all...10/10

Can't see where this is going.

--Perelandra/Remus

Author's Response: Oh Merlin, thanks for favouriting!

Ahh...Blair as an OC. She was hard to not make her a Mary Sue. I dunno, but making a Slytherin seem like a human being isn't that easy without making him/her too nice or sth... So I had to add the meanness and all :)

Well, Reg might seem as a 'jock' at first but later on...hehe, but that would be a spoiler if I said what's going to happen and all xD.

wow, I'm so glad that you liked this that much ^^

~ Kristina


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Review #14, by LilyGreenEyes Of Partying Like a Slytherin

17th September 2009:
Once again, I LOVE this chapter! You really are drawing us into theis story, and it's wonderful to read :)

Blair's day dreaming reminds me of me slightly, and agreeing to things withough realising what she is agreeing to, thats me too :) but agreeing to meet Voldemort, wow, now that will be an interesting twist! Looking forward to reading that!

Overhearing the arguement was a brilliant idea, it prepares the reader, as we have an inkling of what is going to happen, and it also subconciously places the idea in Blair's mind.

I felt it was an intersting touch adding Lily to the story, i'd like to know why she was glaring at them though! And the apple part made me chuckle.

Blair comparing her development to Farrah was quite humourous, as it is a thing teenage girls, and women, do without actively realising they are doing it, and you captured the feelings very well.

Regulus stealing her away from Evan was a wonderful way to prepare for them acknowledging their feelings. They came together beautifully, and it was brilliantly written, well done.

There are a few typos again, but i'll pm theose through to you, and in answer to your questions, it definitely isn't boring, I still LOVE it, and they didn't come together too fast at all, it was wonderfully planned and written :)

Author's Response: It's great to see that the reader can actually relate to Blair. She can sometimes seem unlikeable and all...

Overhearing the argument scene was altered because in the first scrap she was supposed to hear everything but I like it this way better. She doesn't fully hear it and then she sees Evan and Reg together...But she doesn't actually connect the two, though the reader does. Or so I hope hehe xD.

I'm not sure if Blair is going to actually meet Voldy, that's just something to worry her about :D

Oh yes, Blair compares herself to Farrah but I thought that it wouldn't be a Blair thing to do to whine about her looks... :)

Thanks for leaving great reviews, I'm so glad that you like, scratch that, love the story :D . I'll be sure to re-request when the next chapter is up! :)

~ Kristina


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Review #15, by LilyGreenEyes Of Embarrassing Situations, Exploring My Taste In Clothes and My Brother

17th September 2009:
Another brilliant chapter! It was interesting, and just quick enough to prevent you getting bored, which is the perfect balance in my opinion :)

I loved your description of her mother, making her 'a lady'. It's exactly the thing i would imagine Narcissa would do if little Draco had been a girl.

The idea of Blair doing her make up by hand really tickled me, it was a brilliant spark of uniqueness, and an unusual quirk.

I also loved the little 'Black-Orwells' scene. It's a wonderful way to let Blair vent her emotions and play at getting Regulus more interested in her. I think her being with Rosier will really pay off, but i'll have to read on to find out :)

The furture Death Eaters drinking in the Hogs Head, rather than the Three Broomsticks is an interesting idea. I really do believe now that the Three Broomsticks would have been too public for them, and the wrong people would have noticed them meeting, so that's a clever little device on your behalf, well done!

Now the scenes in the shop were wonderful. I can fully understand the situation as i used to have a similar predicament to Blair. I took both guys out and played them off against each other to provoke them into asking me out, and that's just what this little minx is up to! The underwear bit was brilliant, it had me laughing away that they both had good taste in underwear, not many men do nowadays :p

And i was intrigued that her brother turned up, it really was intersting to see some more of her family, and also that he turned up so unannounced just to tell her he was getting married. I am intrigued to read on and find out where this goes.

Finally, I noticed quite a few typos and missing words, but i'll pm those to you on the boards, otherwise this review will be huge. It still isn't boring, I still love it, and they aren't moving too fast in my opinion :)

Author's Response: The bit about Blair's mother was actually inspired by my own mother...When I was little, all she wanted to do was to succeed in getting me into a dress. ehh...old times ^^ So that kinda inspired me to write about being a lady and all, but since Blair is totally different than me, she actually doesn't mind the whole lady thing xD .

haha, I can't believe that someone actually did something similar with the shop scene, I thought that just happens in my sick imagination and movies. And maybe books lol ^^ .

Her brother turned up with no particular reason than just to show how she behaves with him, but there was a subtle message he was trying to send her...Though it seems that Blair didn't quite understand her brother as she thinks she does...o.O

There are a lot of typos and grammar mistakes but that's because this chapter wasn't beta'd... Thanks for pm-ing me those :)

~ Kristina


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Review #16, by LilyGreenEyes Of Unexpected Change

17th September 2009:
This was a wonderful first chapter, and a wonderful introduction to the main characters and the story itself :) well done on getting me hooked first chapter, it takes a lot as i'm very picky!

I loved your commentary and narration through Blair. It helped to get to know her, it was humourous and it really gives the story a good smooth flow.

When she covered Rabastan's mouth with her hand, I knew exactly what they were both thinking, as i've done it, and had it done to me many times. It was a great little bit of description that added to the humour you are so good at writing :)

Regulus giving her the once over was a brilliant idea, and you wrote the flirting between them very well. I could really see this happening in my head, and it matches what I have always thought about Regulus.

The way Blair is snooty over her name is just perfect for someone in Slytherin. It reminds me somewhat of the Gaunts being proud of their ancestry with Salazar Slytherin, and it was a nice touch to show more of what Blair thinks, and also the way she thinks.

There was just one error I spotted, you have a slight typo in the last paragrah ('hes aid that mockingly') but other than that I could not fault your writing.

In response to the questions you asked; no it isn't boring, I didn't like it, I LOVED it, and i don't think they are getting together too fast :)

Author's Response: Oh Salazar, you leave such a wonderful review and leave me speechless. o.O

I'm so glad that you like it from the first chapter, it's really encouraging to know that ^^.

I tried to be subtle with humour since they're Slytherins and all, so this sly kind of humour, remarks about sex and all...I think that suits Slytherins well hehe.

Yes, Blair is very proud of her family but then again...How is that going to go through the story? How does she really behave around her family and all...? That will be revealed :) .

Thanks for spotting the error, I'll be sure to fix it. :D

Yay, you loved it hehe xD, now you made me happy :D

~ Kristina


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Review #17, by leaney Of Partying Like a Slytherin

16th September 2009:
Leaney Again!

Interesting Chapter! I Must Admit These Little Italicized Snippets At The End Keep Teasing Me A Bit! They're Heightening My Anticipation For Next Chapter For Sure. I Loved The Intro! Skipping To Breakfast! Haha. I Share Quite The Same Outlook As Blair. I Think Your Characterization & Dialogue Are Going On Lovely Without A Hitch. Just Make Sure To Watch Your Flow & Details & Keep Blair As Awesome As She Is Right Now!

-leaney

Author's Response: Oh those italicized parts are going to be revealed in the next chapter but... I'm not sure if the explanation is going to be good enough :S .

ahh, I can't exactly please everybody so yeah... :)

omg, I'm so glad that finally somebody can relate to Blair! She's so...well, not really evil but you know. Some aspects of her character can make her highly unlikeable.

Thanks again for reviewing! :D

~ Kristina


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Review #18, by leaney Of Unexpected Change

16th September 2009:
Leaney Here!

To Start, I Love Your Use Of Description! It's Perfectly Balanced & Definitely Enhanced The Overall Story As Well As Blair's Witty Inner Monologue. Slughorn Is Perfectly Cannon Too! I'm Thoroughly Interested In This Story As A Whole. I Can Honestly Say I Really Don't Have Much Of An Idea About Regulus So This Story To Fill In The Gaps Is The Perfect Antidote! Even Though I've Seen This Beginning Done (More Or Less) Beforehand In Various Other Stories I See Something Explicitly Special About Yours. Keep Up The Great Work!

-leaney

Author's Response: wow, this is a really encouraging review ^^

Yes, not much is known about Regulus except that he ended up being good (or something close to good) in the end so I thought 'why not investigate him some more?'. It's always fun to write about characters that aren't given much attention in JKR's books :) . Take Theodore Nott as an example - he's almost like an OC.

Anyhow, thanks for the great review! :D

~ Kristina


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Review #19, by melian Of Partying Like a Slytherin

6th September 2009:
Back again!

Okay, I know this chapter has been beta'd but I still noticed a couple of typos so with your permission I'll point them out.

"He fancied the pants of Farrah" - it should be "off Farrah".

And: "Uncle Drogan used the Cruciatus curse on me far too many times that it wouldn't have the desired effect anymore" - this would read better if you said "far too many times for it to have the desired effect on my any more", or "so many times that it wouldn't have ...". Just a minor issue of word choice.

Okay, enough of that. I'm still enjoying this. You have made your OC a very believable Slytherin, which is refreshing to read because I haven't read very many believable Slytherin OCs. People tend to make them too nice, generally, or too evil, and Blair is a nice mixture of cunning and ambition and all those other traits we associate with Slytherin. So well done with that!

Your characterisation of Bella was good, too. We all know she's evil but having her drown that bug in her juice was a great touch. "Tell me one reason why I shouldn't have killed it." Brilliant. Exactly how we would picture Bella as a teenager.

I will say, though, that as a hopeless romantic I was disappointed that we didn't get to see the snog. Maybe next chapter?

And I'm seeing more of a connection between the general narrative and the bits in italics at the end there, now - I get the feeling that this connection will be getting more and more apparent so that's good.

Overall, you're doing well with this one. Feel free to re-request once you have some more chapters up. :)

cheers, Mel

Author's Response: Thanks for pointing those grammar/spelling/word choice issues, I'll go and edit the chapter right away ^^, some CC is always useful :) .

I was a little afraid that people might not like Blair since she does have a certain dose of, I dunno, I wouldn't call it major evilness but you know, she's generally not a nice person and that could have made it not likeable. But Slytherins aren't supposed to be generally nice though a lot of Slytherin OCs are portrayed like that so I thought that maybe people would get used to the idea of nice Slytherins so yeah, you get my point ^^, I'm glad I managed to make Blair believable and realistic.

Bella. She's a complex character and I find her difficult to write because she is something I don't know and it's always hard to write about something you've never experienced. The same thing would be with writing Voldy - he's also complex and majorly evil, sadistic and all that, and that's something I just don't know and I can't know how that kind of people would be in normal, everyday situations, but I tried my best and I'm happy that it turned out to be good :D .

In the next chapter there won't be much of Reg, just Blair and her family (though I won't say more, hehe), but in the fifth chapter, ehh, there will be the two of them ^^ .

I also like romance but I'm generally more interested in action/adventure stories, though I'll never refuse a good romance :)

Even though those italicized parts are going to be revealed what exactly are they and when they are happening in the next chapter I still can't decide if I should continue writing them after that...hm...I should maybe ask my beta xD .

Thanks for taking the time to review :D

~ DeaVanity


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Review #20, by melian Of Embarrassing Situations, Exploring My Taste In Clothes and My Brother

6th September 2009:
Hi, here with your review!

Okay, as per your request I'm doing chapters 2 and 3. :) Now, normally I would get my inner grammar nazi to set the tone for the first part of the review, but I know that this chapter is waiting to be beta'd so I won't comment on any spelling or grammar issues I noticed.

So, the story. I did read the first chapter to get my bearings - I don't like going into established stories blind - and so far I'm quite enjoying it. I will say however that I'm inclined to view this as AU because Bellatrix and Rodolphus are at school with Regulus, when in fact they would have left a couple of years before he started. I'm not complaining or anything, but that's just how I'm looking at it.

There are some good touches throughout this story, and your attention to detail is excellent. I like the Death Bringers as a band name (kudos to you for not going with the Hobgoblins like everyone else does) and the comment about it being cold in the dungeons and so having her go to the prefects bathroom instead is a nice touch.

I can't say much about characterisation as per canon so far because as yet we haven't met anyone we have an established personality for. However, your Regulus is definitely believable as a Black (cocky, arrogant, haughty) and your OC has established herself very well in these opening chapters. I will be interested in seeing how you characterise the others as the story progresses.

The only other thing I will comment on is the scene in italics at the end - I have absolutely no idea what's going on there. However I have faith that you will make this clearer in future chapters so this is more an observation than a complaint.

Okay, that's it from me for now. Onto the next chapter ...

cheers, Mel

Author's Response: wow, thanks for taming your inner grammar Nazi 'cause I know that this chapter is quite...err, not good lol -.- ...but I had some issues back when I was writing it o.O .

Anyway, I know that Bella and Rodolphus should not be here but I remembered it when I already had first few chapters written and I don't see it as such a big problem, but maybe I should put AU as a genre (though there are no major things that would characterise this as an AU fic) :) .

For the Death Bringers I kinda ripped off Death Eaters but Death Bringers sound kinda like a metal band or sth so I thought it's cool, I'm glad you like it ^^ .

Yes, the tidbits at the end have connection with the present and we'll see it in the fourth chapter (though some people may be disappointed because it's not a part of the major plot-line but a sub-plot xD ).

Thanks for the nice review :)

~ Kristina


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Review #21, by Cedrics Blueyed Girl Of Partying Like a Slytherin

6th September 2009:
Hey there!

Alright, well, as usual I suppose I'll start out with the CC:
1) Like I said before, it would be easier to read if you divided up the paragraphs into smaller pieces ;)
2) I still don't really understand why Regulus likes Blair or why she likes him - you haven't made it terribly clear, you know? I feel like we need to see what it is that makes them fancy each other...

I'm really sorry if I'm sounding harsh in my reviews, I just think constructive reviews are more helpful than pure ego-boosting ones ;) But really, I am enjoying this story. As I said before, the idea of Regulus/OC is intriguing and I'm still curious about those little clips at the ending! Well, since I've reached the ending, I suppose my work is done =] But feel free to re-request reviews at anytime for more help; I'd be happy to come back later!

It's been a pleasure to read/review - I hope my reviews have helped you at least a little!!!

~CBG

Author's Response: I know, I know, I was afraid that this may happen - they got together too fast and with no explanation but, oh yeah I have a 'but' that will explain that! hehe xD, in the fifth chapter, I think, we'll see how they feel about each other and why (I accidentally said in fourth chapter in my first response because I can be thick headed sometimes *sigh*) xD, so hopefully that will be good :)

And don't worry, I love CC because I really want to improve (both my writing and my English, hehe :D ) :)

Thanks for reviewing ^^

~ DeaVanity


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Review #22, by Cedrics Blueyed Girl Of Embarrassing Situations, Exploring My Taste In Clothes and My Brother

6th September 2009:
Hi again =]

Okay, I'm going to start out with the CC this time - first, you switch tenses a lot, particularly at the beginning. I know you mentioned that you haven't gotten this chapter beta'd yet, so that probably has something to do with it, I just wanted to let you know that that's a bit confusing. Second, I think the chapter would be easier to follow if you split up the paragraphs into shorter pieces, so they aren't so large and hard to manage. Not a big deal, obviously, but when you edit through, it's something to maybe keep in mind ;)

Other than those points, I'm still enjoying the characters and their development as well as the funny narration by Blair. I'm looking forward to seeing where you'll go with this plot, and how the little parts at the end tie into the story!

~CBG

Author's Response: The tenses thing...err, this may seem stupid but back when I was writing the first two chapters I couldn't decide in what tense I wanted to write so I started with present and later realised that I don't like it so I edited out the most tenses but you know when you read over something too many times you don't notice mistakes? That's why I needed a beta :) .

Again, the paragraphs thing - I'll edit that out when my beta goes over the chapter because I realise it is a bit hard to process large chunks of text ^^.

Thanks again for the helpful CC! :D

~ Kristina


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Review #23, by Cedrics Blueyed Girl Of Unexpected Change

6th September 2009:
Hi there, dear, it's jetergirl from the forum!

First off, I just wanted to say that I love the idea of a Regulus/OC story! So no worries about that =] I think it's really clever idea and I especially love that the character/time period is pretty much a blank slate so the author can work with it a lot!

In my reviews, I always try to come up with some constructive criticism to help you improve. I've got two things for this chapter:

1) The wording of the first few paragraphs is a little confusing. It's not terrible at all, but it just throws you a bit at the start.

2) More importantly, I don't really understand why it is that Blair likes Regulus, aside from him being cute. She thinks to herself that he's a jerk, and he acts like a jerk, and yet she likes him. Why is that? I feel like it's important for you to make that clear, so the reader can sympathize with her as she tries to win him over.

Other than that, though, it was a great start. I loved how you introduced the Untouchables (is that what they call themselves?) as this lofty group and how you established your main characters well from the start. Also, I definitely don'y want to come across as harsh with my criticism, I just want to help you improve, okay?

~CBG

Author's Response: Well, since the main focus of the story isn't going to be romance and I started somewhat "in medias res" and everything is from Blair's POV - she doesn't explain to herself why she likes Reg. She's just attracted to him, and at first that's just a crush. Oh and she doesn't think he's a jerk o.O.

For Reg it's different but we don't find out that until the fourth chapter xD.

Anyways, I'll look over those first paragraphs and try to sort it out, thanks for pointing that out ^^.

And you're not harsh believe me, I appreciate every feedback and CC :)

~ Kristina


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Review #24, by InvisibleWitch19 Of Partying Like a Slytherin

6th September 2009:
Wow, nice chapter! I really liked it; it's as good as the others. :)

First of all, characterization is one of your greatest strengths. Blair is really interesting, she's a good character. And Bella was perfect; her watching the bug drowning in her pumpkin juice was good.

So Reg and Blair are now together, huh? Yay, I love romance!! I have to say, they really are a matching pair. Well, in my opinion, at least.

The italicized last parts of the chapters are getting more mysterious. I'm so curious as to who Erebos and his children have to do with the story...

Overall, you're good. This chapter was great so keep up the good work! :D

Author's Response: omg, I wasn't quite sure about Bella and at first she wasn't intended to have all that much with the story, but I found that she was perfect for this chapter so I was kinda scared if I'll manage to write her well because she's a complex character and all... So I'm happy that you think she was good ^^ .

Yes, Reg and Blair are...together... "trying to be something more than friends", hehe. I thought it wouldn't really be realistic if I made them suddenly all lovey dovey (not that either of them could be like that) so "trying to be more than friends" works well with their characters. For now :D .

The italicized part will be uncovered in the next chapter, I'm only hoping that it won't disappoint because it may seem a bit... I dunno...

Thanks for reading and reviewing, I'm so happy that you liked it xD

~ Kristina


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Review #25, by anonymous Of Partying Like a Slytherin

6th September 2009:
who is erebos, selena, orpheus, nihil, khalid, and basically all the people in the end of each chapter?
the fic is great, i'm just confused about the italicized end of each chapter

Author's Response: hehe, you'll just have to read the next chapter to find out :D . Thanks for reading and reviewing :)

~ Kristina


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