ooohhh looks like they have been caught, maybe they will gain a new partner in crime, can't wait to read what happens next.Author's Response: It's ready already
And no Harry wont help with sneaking around, that would not be responsible for a teacher to do Report Review
cute chapter, can't wait to read what happens next.Author's Response: Thank you very much Report Review
Oh my, what changes. Harry can still speak parseltongue? There were eggs still left? It's been 5 years, unless there another Basilisk hiding somewhere? This chapter was better than previous, but it still had spelling mistakes. I thought the conversations were better, but still a bit stilted. If I haven't suggested it yet, try having those same conversations with a friend. You might see a way to find them more natural. But please keep up this story, it's good.Author's Response: Well, Harry forgetting Parsletounge seemed a bit unrealistic to me, after all, no one can forget anything immediately, as for that hidden basilsk, as far as I know, there is none Report Review
Okayy. Sounds like a good story but wtf with the ending? Wouldnt have someone told Harry beforehand? I get this is your first fanfic (im writing my first too :D) but i think your writing standard needs to improve a little bit. Good idea for a story though:) xxAuthor's Response: yes this is my first fan fic, hmm, yes, I do need to clear up that little detail.
good luck with your first story Report Review
You used my title! I'm so happy! I'm glad you liked it! :)Author's Response: LOL, yeah, that one was catchy. Report Review
That was pretty good, hard to understand, but good. Some title ideas could be like The year after tomorrow or Harry Potter and the New Arrivals.Author's Response: Thank you, wow, I am definately using your suggestion.
yeah, I get the hard to understand part quite a bit, thank you though Report Review
Informative, but a bit scattered. The conversation between Harry and Arthur was a bit confusing. As was the conversation between Arthur and the girls. I thought the grammar was bad. It was surprising at Gringotts that Harry's arrival was greeted so mildly. This was very emotionally bland. The girls should have been more excited about going to Diagon Alley and then to Hogwarts, Harry more nervous about going to the Bank, and Ian more stunned to learn he had an account. But your storyline is good. It just needs a bit punchng up. I'll keep reading.Author's Response: thank you, my over-active imagination struck again
I cannot belive I did not think of this stuff before hand. time for some editing Report Review
This chapter was better in terms of typos and misspells. The content was interesting also. Even though it was short, it had a lot of good action and dialogue. I do have a small correction. Marcus Flint was a Chaser for Slytherin, not keeper. Should you wonder where I get this info, other than multiple readings of the books, I verify at a couple of sites. You can try Mugglenet or Harry Potter Encyclopedia, both can help with all things Potter. Good chapter.Author's Response: thank you, but Weasley Twin Fan gets most of the credit with the grammar correctness. Marcus was a chaser?
wow all potter devoted websites, never knew about those,
thank you for the constant reviewing Report Review
What? After all that Oliver wants Harry to play Quidditch? That is a very strange turn of events. What a great surprise, that even while under attack Vernon fought back against DE's. Extraordinary! I'm sad that Nevilles parents died, but I suppose what they were doing wasn't quite living. I will also mention a few misspells, Sirius Black, Not Serious, it's dying not dieing, minutes not minuetes. I think you connecting with the first reviewer for this chapter will only make your story better. Good Content!Author's Response: thank you very much,
Wow I did not realize how messed up that was to have Oliver just come up to tell Harry to play Quidditch
Yeah, I think Vernon died also full of anger and adreneline, and also one VERY purple temple. Also in this chapter I could not decide which dursley to kill off: Dudley or Vernon, so I flipped a coin and hoped Dudley would get to live, and he obviously did
Yes, I thought that Neville's parent's death was fitting to come at the end of the war, and just keep an eye on this chapter, I may just have a few new honored deaths.
I KNEW i misspelled dying.
Thank you so much for another great review Report Review
Hello again xD
A PM is a private message, by the way.
Hmm, could you possibly e-mail the story to me? I don't really have any other ideas besides that.Author's Response: okay but where do I e-mail it to you Report Review
I saw that you're in need of a beta reader, and I wanted to know if you still needed one. I would have sent you a PM, but I couldn't find out were to send one.
And the story is awesome, by the way. :)
Let me know!Author's Response: yes I do think I still need a beta reader,
whats a PM?
thank you so much thinking my story is awesome
can you say in another review what to do to get the story to you so you can read it before anyone else? Report Review
Oh my oh my. Are the Elves different from house elves? I suppose they must be. I daresay Ian will have to learn to hold his tongue. Interesting chapter. Thanks.Author's Response: yeah, they are like the elves from the lord of the rings.
theres an intristing but disturbing thought, being half human and half house elf, eew.
oh good you did not think what Ian said was stupid i kinda got that feeling after i posted the ah ending conversation to the 3rd but obviously it is not as stupid.
you are very welcome Report Review
I do wish your chapters were longer. You've got a good story going here. Though I do caution you to slow down a bit. It's really going too quickly, packing in so much without allowing those who survived a chance to mourn. I would think it would take time to rebuild Hogwarts, and root out the nasties at the Ministry. Just another suggestion, reread carefully for misspells. You might want to keep a list of frequently used words next to the computer, such as McGonagall, Gryffindor, and words that should always be capitalized, Burrow, Order of Merlin. You'll do fineAuthor's Response: you have a great point, I'm trying to include all that postwar stuff, I will probably try to slow down the next chapter. take the server downtime to plan it out. but I am sure I will reveal why Ian heard all that singing in a very long chapter. Report Review
it's still falling into place too quickly.Author's Response: im just editing the year its taking place in, instead of 2005 as originally planned, i am putting into 1997-98
can you explain in another review how its falling into place too quickly Report Review
this is amazing stuff, i would like to see some other chaptersAuthor's Response: thanks, the next chapter is coming in a few days, Report Review
Nice try dude but this story sucks. I mean I applaud you for writing it and publishing it, that's more than I would attempt to do but don't bring political issues into the story. You'll end up making someone angry every time you do. I personally found it appauling that you made mr weasley say vacuuming out a kids brains was amusing. I think keeping all 6 boys pretty much shows you he likes kids. Even though he wanted a girl when they found out the kid was a boy they didn't suck it's brains out. Keep in mind that the world of harry potter is a escape for most people. Despite whatever political views you might have stick to the point of the books. The story was well written though. Keep writing. The whole American cousin thing put a cool spin on the story and I see a lot of potential.Author's Response: thanks and don't worry as soon as the chapter to another story is validated that topic is changed, I don't know what I was thinking. especialy that mr weasly thing. sorry about that. Report Review
EEEW, not a nice way to end the chapter. And why may I ask? Does it have ANYTHING to do with the story? Though you have me intrigued with the storyline, I have reservations with the grammatical mistakes. I have found numerous mispells, lack of capitalization, and somewhat rocky exchanges. Please find a beta reader.Author's Response: are you talking about the abortion topic, Yeah it had nothing to do with the storyline, I just wanted to do a controversial topic and that came to the top of the head. I should get a beta reader Report Review
That was cool. I like that Harry and Malfoy are sort of getting on now. There is a difference between ghost and poltergeist though. A ghost is what Fred is, i.e. a person who's died & their soul has not moved on, whereas a poltergeist is a sort of malignant force traditionally thought to have been created by discontented children, not an actual dead person. Having said that, there is no reason in the world why Fred shouldn't be able to move things around! I love the idea that he is still around. I hope you update soon, this is a good story. :-) And thanks for your reviews of mine, too.Author's Response: who hated fred and geroge the most?
yeah i thought that they put their differences aside after goyle stupidly put the room of requirement on fire.
I absolutly love your story.
This story looks really interesting so far. I assume other reviewers have already done corrections for you since you asked for them. It's really only spelling, so if this is your first fic it's a pretty good start! The mistakes didn't stop me enjoying the chapter, but if you're worried about it go to the forums and look for a beta. I'd offer but I'm a bit bogged down with work right now. There's a lot of lovely people who do it all the time.Author's Response: thanks hopefully the minister change did not confuse you Report Review
Whoa, this is getting even more bizarre. Grammatically you still have a problem with spelling, there is no e in Gryffindor, the position Harry plays is Seeker. I also do not understand the score of the Quidditch match, scoring is 10 points per goal, and 150 points for catching the snitch, you have two different point totals, both are not in anyway correct. Are you just writing this as a put on? It is very confusing.Author's Response: well, I knew this chapter was going to be crap when i wrote it since I tried 3 times and it said that i was logged off to submit it.
I have ADD so that makes it hard to see mistakes Report Review
Ok, this is obviously a very AU version of AtB. Either that or a weird dream, I mean honestly MoM Percy? What happened to Kingsley? I must point out some grammatical errors. The HeadMistress name is McGonagall, Tomorrow only has 1 m, Professor has only 1 f, when a character is speaking I is always capitalized, and when writing about school subjects they too should be capitalized, (Herbology) and dark arts should be the Defense Against the Dark Arts. You might want to find a Beta reader. I'm confused by Percy's reasoning for Harry to take the post rather then training to be an Auror. But I will continue to read.Author's Response: I know, I know my grammer is not no good.
Well I know that Kingsley made minister, but I kinda gave it to Percy. Note that the recent graduets of Hogwarts will be in the spotlight.
Here is my reasoning for Harry being an on call auror with no training immediatly after 7th year.
1st year: fought off a mountain troll and Quirrel and Voldemort.
2nd year: opened the chamber of secrets, fought of memory Tom Riddle, and he killed the Basilisk.
3rd year:Used a Patronus to drive alot of dementors away
4th year: saw Voldemort come back to power, fought him, and got away.
5th year: fought off the death eaters at the ministry.
6th year: helped Dumbledore go to that island, and defended hogwarts not so victoriously.
Here\\\'s the biggest reason:7th year: went all over the country looking for Voldemort\\\'s horcruxes, broke into Gringotts, when no one else tried and achieved their goal, road a dragon all the way to hogsmead, during the battle for hogwarts escaped the room of requirment that was on fire. And the biggest reason of all Killed The darkest wizard ever.
whats a beta reader?
great start 4 the 1st chapter but u have some mistakes.
1. gryffindoor - Gryffindor
2. taking his brothers loss - taking his brothers' loss
3. McGonnagle - McGonagall
4. Proffesor Sprout - Professor Sprout
5. whith - with
6. Tommorow - Tomorrow
7. Percy Weasly - Percy Weasley
also there was a part where u wrote that harry was not so sure and then he says that he must need to start his training to be an Auror. in that u contradicted yourself. i hope u don't take me wrong when i write this but this story is going to be great. also i felt this was a little too fast.^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: Thank you for pointing that out. This story is not really going so well grammaticly, even if it is my first one. Report Review
interesting plot, but it seems that things are already falling into place too quickly and easilyAuthor's Response: Thanks, I kinda had a feeling that I was doing that. Report Review
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