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Review #1, by Roots in Water Prologue

16th July 2013:
Hello there!

This is certainly an interesting and dramatic start to a story! A teenage girl, girlfriend to Harry Potter and sister to Draco Malfoy, gone missing- presumably kidnapped by Death Eaters. My oh my.

I think that you did a great job of finding plenty of interesting and dramatic twists for this story. In one short chapter we've learned that Mikaela is related to the Malfoys and that she refuses to become a Death Eater. She has even become more of a target because of this. Her attempted murder by her own brother was a twist that I wasn't expecting - I didn't think that Draco would have the nerve. However, I was even more surprised when she was revived by a kiss from Harry - I'd be interested to learn more about how that particular theory of magic works.

I think that it would be great if you could include more description in general. You have a very interesting plot line and it would be a shame if your readers couldn't understand it as well because they couldn't visualize what was going on.

Everything in this chapter happened very quickly, which works well with the frantic emotions in the scenes here, but as you write more of the story more description will help your readers to better understand your characters' feelings and actions.

I also noticed one small typo. I believe you mean "pathetic" instead of "pathic" in the phrase "My pathic sister"

All in all, I think that you did a great job with this opening chapter. It certainly caught my interest and made me curious enough to read on (should there have been another chapter already). Good work! :D

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm new to writting so my descriptions are not very well organized. Sometimes it sounds better in my head then on paper. You will see a better side of Draco in later Chapters. His family is a bit complicated. :) Thanks for reviewing. Chapter one is on its way as soon as they validate it.

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