much better written! i really lliked this chapter you mioght want to go back and re do the last chapter seeing as it is the first chapter and you want to get people hooked. its a good idea and i klike your rose. shes fun and origoinal. i didnt get that whole thing about being fat. i think you could take that out. but the way you did the incounter with scorpus was verry good.
keep writing.Author's Response: I'm glad Rose is enjoyable. :) The "fat" scene was, once again, to add character. Wren isn't going to turn out to be the perfect best friend in this story, I'll let that hint out right now. So her teasing Rose about gives a little clue that she doesn't mind hurting friends. I made Rose worry about her weight (Note, she says "I'm not really fat, I just think I am.") to make her more of a real person. Alot of teenage girls worry unnecessarily about their weight, and why should a witch be any different? ^_^ I'm glad the scene with Scorpius worked. :) Report Review
it was ok but i think any one reading ths is going to know all theh basics about the wizerding world. it is a harry potter fan site... but other wise pritty good. i liked how you interduced rose and scorpus and wren.
oh and also try not to make it sound so much like rose is having a one way conversation with herself. its a bit of a childesh way of writing.Author's Response: I know that everyone would know the basics what with HPFF being full of Harry Potter experts :P but I wanted to give Rose's outlook on it, and give her a bit more personality and character. And the writing style is childish because that's how I see Rose thinking to herself, very opinionated on matters and discussing them to herself. :) It's just my outlook on a very loose, undefined character that JKR gave us to write about. :D Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Report Review
This is better..
But it's still is funny..
that's good..Author's Response: The conversations will stay like there are from now on, I promise. ^_^ Thanks for reading! Report Review
I really like this..
It's very funny..
I don't really like the way you put the conversation though..
Does it have to be like that?
I mean, you can always put it in a paragraph?
Like normally..Author's Response: Thanks! I\\\'m glad you like it. :D If by conversation, you mean the little-- WREN: \\\"Convo\\\"., ect., then rest easy, as that\\\'s just for the first chapter. I just wanted to give a little insight to Rose and her brain, and how she thinks differently than others. ^_^ Don\\\'t worry, the next chapters will all be normal. :D Report Review
I love it! please update soon!Author's Response: Thank you! I'll try and update soon! :D Report Review
ahah that was amazing! you do a very nice job as writing an eccentric witch in first person. i applaud you. :D lol please update soon i really want to see his reaction to "Scorpy" ahah :D great job!
~lily :PAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad I've pulled Rose off convincingly. I'll try and update soon! :D Report Review
I really like this chapter =) Rose and Wren are funny together, it's a nice relationship. PGAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm so glad Wren and Rose are working out together as friends. I wasn't completely sure about writing an OC, but it seems like it's working well. :D Report Review
I really like this story!
I love Wren and Rose together.
And Scorpius and Rose have a little spark between them!
Only two things, one, are they going to send him love letters with Rose's name signed? how would that make him like Wren.
And in the first chapter Rose was a chaser, now she's a seeker.
That's it, update soon!Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really trying to have an OC that'll work out well with the canon characters. Your guess is good, but not right. ^_^ They're actually not going to sign the notes at all, but you'll see how he discovers who they are. :D And thanks for pointing out the Quidditch mistake! I didn't catch that, and as soon as the queue opens up I'll change the first chapter to seeker. Thank you! Report Review
Yeah, it worked out
I think you've got the first person, energetic teenager off well =]
I also really like the relationship between wren and rose
but I definitely saw something interesting between rose and Scorpius
I'll look out for the next chap, you've got an interesting plot =]Author's Response: Yay! It worked out, I'm so glad you think so. It's great that Wren and Rose are being accepted. :D I'll try and update soon. ^_^ Report Review
Good Luck with this.
I bet it will be a real challenge to write in 1st person.
But I'd love to see the contents of the notes and read the dialogs.
I hope you focus more on dialog/actions than introspective musings.
Thank you for sharing your work.
astronomer mageAuthor's Response: Thank you. :) I think it will be a challenge, I don't really like writing in 1st person, but I felt it was needed for this. The second chapter already is focused alot more on dialog and actions more than inner thoughts, because I really felt uncomfortable with the style of the first chapter. I'm not used to writing the whole excited teenage girl point of view, so I'll be getting a little more serious as it goes on. :D Thanks for the review! Report Review
This is really funny so far, I can't wait to read the rest :DAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'll try to update soon. :D Report Review
I like it alot!! Looking forward to more =) PGAuthor's Response: Thank you! I was really worried that it would sound too childish. I know it's REALLY different from everything else I've written and I'm actually not very comfortable writing in this style ^_^ I'm challenging myself, though. Report Review
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