Hey, LonelyStar here from the forums with your very much belated review, and I'm so sorry that it took me so long to review this! But I had exams for two weeks, followed by an immensely busy week.
You had a few grammar mistakes here and there, but I bet that after one read through this you'd be able to correct them all even though there wasn't many of them at all. There was no spelling mistakes at all though. You did an excellant job in having all your spelling right. Pace was good, but flow was a bit slow especially towards the middle.
Harry and Hermione were characterised extremely well, which is good because this fic was very much a character driven one-shot, and if you had gotten the characterisations wrong it would have fallen apart. But you didn't do the characterisations wrong which resulted in a great fic! Your dialogue was good too, and fitted into what you'd imagine Harry and Hermione to say, but I think you used dialogue too much which meant you had barely any description in this at all. You have to find a balance between having dialogue and description, and sometimes it's better for the characters to describe to the readers how they feel rather then them having to say it out loud.
But this is a great fic, and with just a little bit of adjustments it could be perfect.
8/10Author's Response: Hey! No worries, I know how busy life can get (:
Thank you so much for reviewing this! (: I'm really glad you did, as I was worried I didn't put enough description as well. Once I get a few other fics off the ground, I'll definitely be revising a few and this is one of them, so I really appreciate your feedback, and I'm also very glad you felt that my characterization was solid (:
Thanks so much for the review!
I really liked it! Very good for your first oneshot. I really liked the choice of titles. :7) Keep writing.Author's Response: Thanks so much!
Yeah, I was really nervous about it, but I'm glad its good for a first (: I have another one-shot I'm going to be putting in the queue once it opens, so I hope that I can improve, because before I wouldn't even attempt a one shot xD
Thanks again, I thought the title was fitting (:
-feels all warm and fuzzy inside- Lovely review, thank you!! (: Report Review
I loved it. I love H/HR anyway. This was swoon worthy...
Femme ^_^Author's Response: Thankyouu (:
I'm blushinggg (: I'm really happy you enjoyed the story!! Report Review
Awe that was cute!!!Author's Response: Thank you so much! (: I'm really glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
-says in cute little non-existent British accent- Hello love :]
Well, that was forward indeed! I must go ahead and point out that I saw a fair few grammatical mistakes. PM me on the forums and I would be happy to beta this for you :]
Now, this was interesting. The integration of the 'word play' was quite good. I would only say that you add a little more description, perhaps of emotional turmoil within Hermione and maybe Harry's inner struggle before he says the big 'I love you', here and there. Other than that, this was a cute little piece!
ShelbyAuthor's Response: -says in another non existant british accent-
Why, hello there, love! :]
I'm glad you thoroughly enjoyed the story. Care for a spot of tea? (sorry...I had to)
And.. yes. I figured that XD I'm always good with pointing out mistakes on other's work, but ... it just falls through on mine. Will send you a pm after I respond to another one ... and yadda yadda (:
Thank you! I thought it was a very fitting title for the piece. Thank you for the suggestions, I will certainly take them into consideration and take time to revise once I get my chapter for another story done xD
Thanks again for the review, Shelby (: Report Review
Cute and nice. Liked it. INteresting way to get them together. ;)Author's Response: Thank you! Glad you liked it (: Yeah, I had ideas in my head of how to get them together, then I had to make sure I answered the question of "where the heck are ron and ginny?" XD
Thanks again for the review! Report Review
Its a good write my friend. Loved how Harry found the note, and then read it like anybody else would've. I couldn't believe how fast I got to the end of it (P.S. I reread three more times--that'show good it is).Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm glad you like it (: Yeah, I had a couple of ideas in my head, and the note just popped out to me, and since he was going to be in her room, I thought it appropriate (:
Really? Aw, that makes me feel so good inside that you read it more than once xD (: It's nice to know you really enjoyed it!
Thanks again for the review! Report Review
This is too cute.
I loves it.! :)Author's Response: Aw, thank you! (: That's very flattering! I don't think it's one of my best works, but it's good that you liked it (: Maybe it is good and I just don't realize x]
Thanks again for the review! (: Report Review
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