nice story. it had an interesting idea and you developed it quite wellAuthor's Response: Thank you! Report Review
That was so beautiful and sad, it is definitely one of my favorite stories I've read. Keep up the great work!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
This was one of the best one-shots I have read in a while. The imagery and the empathy were almost out of this world it was so fantastic. I felt for Helga, being a hufflepuff myself, but I never imagined that I would feel that way for Salazar. You made me look at him in a new way and I greatly appreciate that!Author's Response: Wow thank you so much! I'm glad you think I did so well with those aspects and that I helped you see Salazar differently! Thanks for the review! Report Review
I could really relate to Helga's reluctance to buy something for herself. I'm really cheap, myself, and I don't like spending money. I swear, there must be some kind of thought pattern that exists in the world, because I was anticipating each of Helga's protests. I had guessed, of course, based on the summary, that Salazar would wind up buying a gift for Helga and she would reciprocate. I enjoyed both scenes, though.
The part where Salazar gave Helga the cup was especially moving. Shortly after the beginning, I found myself very much caught up in the story, interested and eager to read on. I think you conveyed emotion well without being sentimental. The amount of tension and tenderness between Helga and Salazar was just right.
Although most HP fans will know the basic information about the Founders (since there is so little), I realize that each writer, to some extent, has to explain to the readers how s/he is interpreting that little information. That is necessary, since there is a great deal of leeway. However, I found your opening paragraphs to be on the unexciting side. You listed a lot of facts pertinent to the story, but the "hook" wasn't until a bit later. Likewise with the ending. It had a very explanatory tone. The information was interesting, but the presentation was less so. The middle of the story, which is almost all of it, really, was significantly better, in my opinion, than the immediate beginning and end.
Speaking of the end (or near the end, really), Salazar's going-away scene was very well done. Actually, it was my favorite part of the whole story. It was heart-wrenching, and I liked that through an omniscient narrator, we were able to see into both Helga's and Salazar's thoughts and emotions.Author's Response: Oh, Alopex, you do not know how much I appreciate this review!
I'm a bit in-between on buying stuff for myself. Most of the time I wait a long time to buy something and that is after much indecision, but sometimes I'll see something I have to have. And I'll always buy books. Looking back, I think I put a bit more of my mother in to Helga in that aspect, hmm...At any rate I'm glad you could relate to her.
I'm glad you think I did well with the cup and emotions.
I probably do need to work on my opening, I think...it's so hard for me to start on a story, and it's a weak point for me. I debated within myself whether or not to include the explanatory ending.
I'm so glad you liked his going away and the part of seeing both their POVs! It was so my favorite part to write!
Thank you so much for this review. I swear it's one of the best I've gotten! Report Review
To me, this is the most complete of all the stories for Staff Challenge 2. It shows the most complete characterisations of the founders (with the exception of Rowena).
I can see clearly the unexpressed love between Helga and Salazar and how it impacted each of their lives. Helga's determination to do what was best for the students clashes greatly with Salazar's determination to do what he believes is best for the students and what Godric believes is best for the students.
And I thought you did fine in addressing the time period; you just did it in a subtle, understated way by by putting it in the background.
Very lovely and the emotions ring true.Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much. I do wish I had delved into Rowena more, but there's only show much you can do with a one-shot. Maybe in my next Founders fic.
I'm glad you think I handled characterization well, because that's one of - if not the - most important things in fics to me.
I'm also glad you think I did well with the time period - I was worried about that!
Thank you so much for this review, and for delving into your thoughts of the story in your review. It really makes me feel good. Report Review
Aisu! Sorry it has taken so long for me to get around to reading this. I was actually planning on reading this fic even before you requested it! It was really cute and a nice entry for the challenge. As you know mine is of a similar nature with Helga and Salazar being together. I really like how you handled the characters and totally respect how we handled the locket differently. It was really neat to see a new perspective. I sorta had in my head the cup was from Godric at least as far as my fic was concerned. Still a lovely piece. I noticed a few typos that I'm sure you'll want to get before the staff starts really looking in on these fics so I'll post them here.
At the start of your fic you have fthree rather than three.
"he took a step closer and lightly stroked her cheek with his thinger," I think thinger is supposed to be finger.
"She also know that the situation, the animosity, had gotten too strong for him to stay while keeping peace at the school." Know should be knew there.
"He looked at you, eyes dancing at because of the gift." You changed from third to second person in this sentence so you will want to change the you to her.
Aside form those mistakes, just as I said earlier, a fantastic job! 10/10!Author's Response: I thought you might read it anyway, but I suppose I just really wanted a review. Yes, our two fics were similar, but I like their differences - your version of the locket was good, but one I wouldn't have thought of. Hm...I could definitely see Godric giving it to her, especially for your fic. It's funny how things could go either way, but I suppose that's the fun thing about writing. Thank you for pointing those out to me, they're rather embarrassing mistakes! And I have corrected them. Thank you for the great review! Report Review
This is a beautiful story! I love the origin story you've given to the Slytherin locket and Helga's cup. Your explanation for Salazar not wanting to admit Muggles is excellent. Godric reminds me of how James is often portrayed - I really loved that connection. Thank you for writing Salazar as a thoughtful, kind man. So often he is the villain that some sap can't help but fall in love with. You have an interesting take on each of the Founders.
This is very, very good! Thank you for a great read.Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for the great review! Honestly, I've always been fascinated with the Founders, and Salazar couldn't have been all bad.
The Godric-James connection was unintentional, but I notice it, looking back. Perhaps it's due to my love of Maraukders. Again, thank's for the great review! Report Review
I really enjoyed your story. A very good exploration into the relationships between the house founders. Keep it up!Author's Response: Thank you! Glad you liked it! Report Review
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