AH, this story brought tears to my eyes. (':
I love it when stories have different points of view, and my favorite so far has been Sirius's. He has always seemed like a fascinating character to me.
Well, this has been a great read. I give this a 9/10 . (:
~Khanh Report Review
All these chapter s had me bawling.
My goodness. Sirius.
He does deserve this! Him being in Azkaban. Be doesn't deserve any of that.
Not to feel guilty, or anything. He deserves Remus and him to be together, fighting this pain together.
I just feel so bad for him, he is amazing, and he landed himself in a cell in Azkaban.
These four chapters, they've had me crying so hard. There was so much purity, and truth in the words.
They could have been the work of J.K Rowling. I personally think that it was perfect, beyond perfect.
It just told me so much of what I think really happened the day of the funeral. I loved it so much.
It was just so amazing, and I could not have asked for anything better.
Hufflepuff Report Review
I can hardly control my self right now.
The tears just keep coming and coming.
Such a sad chapter.
I feel so much for Severus. He is brave, and so many other things. He lost the person he loved the most. And I just feel so bad for him.
I cannot even imagine that feeling.
I sobbing so hard at this, but when I read the part where he found out they'd be sharing a grave, I could hardly continue.
Such a beautifully written piece.
I loved it so much. So amazing.
Hufflepuff Report Review
I was crying the whole entire chapter.
Remus, he had no one left. No family, friends, money, no job, not anything. He is by himself.
He lost everything, everything he had in one night.
He lost Lily, James, and Peter by death (or so he thought) and he lost Sirius though a betrayal he didn't do.
I just cannot begin to imagine how he must have felt.
Knowing that he's the only one left (That's not in Azcaban)
And when he had to put the dirt into the grave, my god.
The emotion just hit me so hard.
And this line
"Life, as he had once known it, was completely over, and it was all up to him to try to make the most of what little he still had."
It just brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. I mean, he has nothing left in the world.
Nothing, zip, nada. It's all gone, just like that.
Such an amazing chapter, really.
So beautiful and true. I loved it so much.
Hufflepuff Report Review
You had me in tears!
I never really imagined what the funeral would be like.
But I cannot believe that Peter would go! I mean, the whole death was totally his fought.
It's just so sad, cause you feel feel some remourse in his voice, but still. I do not like him.
It was sad reading about how they just used him, and weren't real friends, and how they made fun of him, and all of that, but I still cannot believe that he turned to be a death eater.
He is evil.
But I just adored this part of the story.
It flowed so beautifully, and I really, really enjoyed it.
Hufflepuff Report Review
You nailed the characters thoughts and attitudes. If you wanted to expand you could write from Dumbledore's point of view. Its very good. Report Review
This is a very intense story - especially the last chapter. I have always enjoyed Sirius' point of view and I think you portrayed his emotions well. I'll give the story ten out of ten, because I think everyone should read it. Report Review
Nice. I love how you've captured a different primary emotion in each chapter, and it's very fitting that for Sirius, that emotion is anger. I also love how you've tempered that with guilt and grief, as you have all the chapters, yet given each one a unique slant too.
Overall, the language in this is very evocative - "blood streaming down his knuckles", "the day dawned grey and foreboding". There is one point where this falters a bit - "...the increasingly oppressive air that increased numbers of Dementors..." - the double use of increased feels off - maybe "ever more" or some other synonym? But otherwise, the writing is great, including things I always fail on such as varying the paragraph and sentence lengths.
Great, emotional, story! Report Review
Oh my poor Sirius!!! :(
The feel of Azkaban is SO real I felt my hapiness go away!! :(
Sirius' angst, his self loathing makes ym heart go out to him...his thoughts on Peter's betrayal all being his fault are unreasonable but real...
You are an awesome writer!!
~CessZ Report Review
Even though I do not like Snape I LOVE stories where he's in angst and that show his love for Lily in them!!!
I had always imagined what Severus would be like in the funeral...but I had NEVER expected him to take a beack seat...I had always imagined him up front, blaming James for the loss of his love, having an emotional day...so this was something very different...something I LOVED READING!!!
~CessZ Report Review
Remus is a complex person, and I find him the most difficult to characterize amongst the Marauders!!But your characterization was perfect...The pain is shown well...the uncertainity of future and the self respect are 2 things I've ALWAYS associated with Remus...and both have perfectly blended in with the story...
~CessZ Report Review
Hmmm, interesting. This isn't exactly the way I imagine to be at this point. However, your reasoning for him is sound and comprehensive, and by the end I had put my own biases aside to embrace how you were portraying him.
In particular, I found it interesting that he would have still been hoping for Lily to change her mind and join him, given how their entire friendship broke apart after he called her a mud-blood - to me that was always proof that Lily would never be with him while he held those kinds of beliefs. However, I realise that emotions, particularly love, and those we never verbalise, can lead us to hold quite illogical hopes, and this aspect was sufficiently well written and reasoned that by the end I did believe it.
I more instantly connected with and loved your portrayal of his need to suppress his emotions - this is very Snape, and you explored it wonderfully. So yeah, overall a really well written viewpoint, which made me reconsider Snape a whole lot. Report Review
Wow. Remus' viewpoint on this was always bound to be emotional, but this is powerfully so. You really convey the utter sense of loss, abandonment, and horror that Remus would have been feeling, and highlight certain aspects of his grief that I hadn't even considered before, such as how he would no longer have help through his transformations.
Overall, the piece hits that middle ground between too melodramatic and too blase perfectly, and as such we really feels for Remus. The only line that I wasn't quite sure about in this regard was "A personal visit for James and Lily from Voldemort himself and a one way trip to the grave" - it's perhaps just a little too ironic and mocking, given how much Remus loved them. Of course, that's just my take on things, but it doesn't seem to quite fit with the rest of the passage, which is more outright and open despair and pain.
Still, the rest is utterly beautiful, and deeply moving, as well as being a unique and well thought out insight into this character's mind at his lowest hour. Report Review
Wow, this is brilliant! Was recommended over here from the forums, and am really glad I was now. You've really thought hard about exactly what had brought Peter to do what he did, and as such this story gives us a really believable insight into his motivations as a traitor. I also love how, after everything that's happened, he's still not sure what side to be on - Voldemort may be dead, but self interest dictates that it's still the better side for him to be rooting for. And then with his attempt at understanding Snape... well, this was the cleverest bit of all, because of course someone who doesn't value loyalty or lasting love wouldn't understand Snape being there!
The descriptive prose at the start also needs a special mention, as it really gives a great atmosphere to the story, as well as helping us to visualise everything in detail. Lovely stuff. Report Review
Yet again, this was just perfect. I loved the new aspect and perspective of it, of a prisoner in Azkaban. The thought progression that Sirius's mind goes through in this is just fantastic. He goes from feeling that he deserves to be in Azkaban without a doubt to cursing Peter and knowing that he should be there instead of himself. I'm pretty sure that he still feels the former while feeling the latter and vice versa, but the way his thoughts are just running everywhere...like the last three parts, it's just great.
The part with the line "Pun intended," after the mention of "dogging" Peter "to the death" would make me crack up hilariously in most circumstances and stories. But here it just makes things all the more darker. I can just see Sirius losing his sanity here...and I shudder at the thought of how worse it would have been if he wasn't an Animagus. You've written that aspect of it perfectly, as well--his characterization just fist someone in Azkaban so well.
And the part with him punching the wall, over and over--the "(punch)" every few words/thoughts just added to the visualization so much and it really conveyed the emotion, power, and pain well. Then in the end where he's thinking about how getting Peter "was the only thing he had to look forward to," is just so heartwrenching. He really has no life now, almost, but not quite as bad as Remus.
I loved this just as much as I loved the past three. These were an amazing set of stories that you wrote fantastically well. I enjoyed them so much, and like I said in one of my previous reviews, they're bringing up so many questions and thoughts that would have never went into my mind if I hadn't read this and your characterizations hadn't been so incredibly amazing and emotional. An easy and beyond 10/10 for each piece and I'm favoriting this. :) Report Review
I'm always at the ready to read a good piece about Snape, and this was just that. His every emotion was portrayed perfectly, his character was just...there.
Like Peter, he'd be bouncing between extreme thoughts. In the beginning his feelings about it all being his fault were just wonderful. Because in reality it was just as much Peter's--or, as he and the rest of the world saw it at that time, Sirius's--fault as his, he'd only see it as his. You only mentioned Sirius "betraying" them once that I can tell, and briefly at that--I think it's perfect that way. The anger at Sirius came later, in "Prisoner of Azkaban". Right then he'd only be feeling the despair on his own part for being the one who relayed the prophecy back to Voldemort.
And the few paragraphs before the end? Oh my, they were just so real for his character. I'm not going to say they were beautiful, because they were definitely creepy and not healthy in the slightest. But they were Snape. My favorite line out of that bunch is definitely: "She was supposed to love him". It makes me shudder, because that's really how he thought, and I can so see that running through his mind as he started at the dual grave. Everything he thought then was just so eerie and not right but perfect. It was my favorite passage out of this entire collection so far, definitely.
Another great take on an important character's perspective of that big day. :] I still have nothing but positive words for this so far, you did a fantastic job with it. Report Review
As sad and tragic as it is, I love the thought of Remus having to shovel the dirt in. I don't know why it didn't cross my mind before--I blame it on the lack of me reading Marauders fics--but it is the practical answer, and a heartbreaking one at that. The mention of Sirius being the reason they all were there was just too horrible as well. So far, these pieces are just giving me the full impact of exactly how horrid the situation was. I always thought of it as, of course, being one of the saddest events in the books but by reading you get into the mind of Peter and now Remus, it just makes it very...real.
On that note, Remus's characterization was just as perfect as Peter's was. His mullings about Sirius, about how he had never truly believed it was him despite what it looked like...wow. Sadly enough, in this situation Remus was, I think, the most overlooked character on my part. But after reading this I can undoubtedly say that I'm positive that it affected him the most. Like it's illustrated here, he lost everything when James and Lily died, more than anyone else except, of course, Harry did. This was just so beautiful to read, Remus was perfect, how I'd imagine him to feel if JKR ever wrote a pre-Hogwarts, post-Marauders piece.
That being said, it's amazing how the perspectives of the Marauders are vary from Peter to Remus. The line: "And he couldn’t see it being Peter, doting, loyal Peter.." especially pointed it out--how he just skimmed over him without a second thought, not even allowing himself to entertain the idea of Peter even possibly working for Voldemort--as well as the comment about the Marauders being inseperable, the perfect brothers (or something of the sort)...it was just so ironic and really interesting to see both both perspectives. Peter, who broke free from the group and vilified them, and then Remus who idolized them above anyone else.
And then this line: "Remus smiled despite himself--Sirius never had known where to stop, subtlety not being one of his traits," just points out how far Remus's friendship with the Marauders went. Reading that line, it's clear that Remus still thinks of Sirius as a friend, a brother, and still doesn't truly believe that he was working with Voldemort. It's eerie in a way, as well--because the statement about Sirius is too true and just...eesh. I'm not sure why, but it gives me the shivers. It was easily my favorite line of this chapter. ^__^
Again, this was just as amazing as the last piece. I'm really enjoying this, it's bringing up so many things that have never crossed my mind before. Report Review
I've been meaning to read this ever since I'd heard it on StorySeekers, and I'm very glad that I started now.
I don't think that I've ever read a characterization of Peter this good, much less one of him at this point in time. He likely had so much going on inside his head then, and you've captured every single possible one of them perfectly. From the haughty and proud feelings to the self-deprecating ones, his character was spot-on. The way his mind shoots from thought to thought here, emotion to emotion, it's just amazing that you could pull it off the way you did. I believed everything that was said here and it fit in perfectly with canon. I especially loved the parts where he's thinking about how he'd finally pulled one over on everyone who'd doubted him, James and Sirius especially--because it's so true and one of the most tragic parts of the story.
I love the idea of Bellatrix helping him with everything. The more I think about it, the less likely I think it was that Voldemort let him handle everything on his own. Of course he'd appoint someone to basically spy on Peter for him, and no better choice than Bellatrix. Really, it was simply a genius idea on your part. And of course it would be her idea for him to take his finger like that. It's just so...Bella. ^.^
The narrative voice in this was great...in the beginning especially, the way it opens so ignorantly to the situation is really a new take on things and made for everything to be all the more dramatic. I liked the line "-- his name was Peter, so we will call him that from now on --" especially, it just had such a...different feel to it.
His thought process in the end about finding a wizard and making a home with them was great as well. It's like the decision was made on the spur of the moment on his part, and it only proves those who thought he was dumb and useless all the more wrong. It might not be the most genius idea, but it was certainly one that served him, for all his needs and purposes, well and it must have taken brains to make it up, especially on the spot.
I enjoyed this so much. I have nothing but absolutely wondeful words to say about your characterization of Peter and I can't wait to get to the other three characters. :-) Report Review
You did an amazing job showing the grief Remus had. His story is truly one of the most tragic of all the marauders, considering how much he had to deal with at such a young age. It breaks my heart to see him think of Sirius as a traitor, because he was innocent after all. I'm glad that their was doubt in his mind though, that he couldn't truly believe Sirius would do it, even when all the evidence showed that he did.
once again, amazing job. 10/10 Report Review
Hello there! I heard about your story on the Story Seekers podcast and I just had to check it out (:
Oddly enough, I never really thought about what it would have been like for Peter at the funeral, I just assumed he wouldn't go. But it makes sense that he'd attend in his animgus form, to see the result of his choices.
It would have been nice to see him a bit more remorseful, to prove that he wasn't as evil as his actions. But I guess if he was actually a good guy he wouldn't have joined the dark lord in the first place, haha. I really enjoyed this chapter though, your characterization of Peter seems very realistic.
off to the next chapter! Report Review
Hi! I've just read this all and I really really like it. How you wrote Snape and Sirius are my favorite. I never actually thought about what happened to Sirius after he went to Azkaban until reading this and I like how you've portrayed it very much. Ever since seeing Snape's perspective in DH I've felt that Lily's death (even though it was set in motion because of him) must've been absolutely terrible for him. I like what you did when he went around the church and saw one grave and his thoughts then. Also, I hate Peter. He's a poop head.
~alex :DAuthor's Response: LOL, you have the same name as my son. *giggles* Sorry about that, you probably don't care but it just struck me, mainly because I can't see my 3yo appreciating this. Anyway. Back on topic.
Thanks for reading and reviewing - I admit that it took me so long to respond simply because I'm so unused to getting reviews that I didn't ask for that I just didn't check for ages. I'm glad you enjoyed it - or you know what I mean, enjoy probably isn't the right word. I've had mixed feedback on the Snape one so I'm especially pleased that you liked that one because it kind of validates my thoughts on how he would have reacted.
And yes, totally agree on Peter. Definitely a poop head. :)
-odyssey Report Review
This chapter was really good. :)
The only thing is, I think Sirius might show a little more grief than anger when he find out it's the day of the funeral.
But other than that it's fabulous. :)Author's Response: OMG I am so so sorry it's taken me so long to reply to this! To be honest I'm so unused to getting reviews that weren't requested that I just didn't check for ages. SORRY!
Anyway I think we might disagree on Sirius - I think it was his anger that kept him going all those years. Of course there would have been grief but I think that the anger would have overwhelmed it. Maybe a few minutes after I left off here he might have succumbed to grief for a while but I really do think that anger would have been the dominant emotion. My own opinion, of course, and who's to say who's right?
Thank you for reading and reviewing this story, I'm really thrilled about that.
-odyssey Report Review
Great conclusion. The characterization was good -- Sirius thinks he deserves to be in Azkaban because he didn't realize that Peter was the rat (in more ways than one).
Loved the ending bit about Sirius getting revenge. This short story fits in well with the books and gets a little more character out. Great story!
-phoenixtearAuthor's Response: Thanks so much. I've had a few people compliment my Sirius characterisation and that makes me feel really good because he's a tricky one to get right, not least because fandom have established all these stereotypes about him. But yes, I really do think that him being hellbent on revenge would really have driven him when he was in Azkaban so I tried to show that here.
-odyssey Report Review
No one really knows what happened to Remus after James and Lily died so this is an interesting idea. I like how Remus is conflicted with the idea that Sirius is the traitor ...Author's Response: Yeah, I thought that Remus would have been very conflicted about Sirius - if you think about it, it didn't take much at all to convince him that Sirius was innocent at the end of PoA so I just expanded on that idea in this one-shot. Glad you liked it!
-odyssey Report Review
Sneaky little traitor! How ironic that his animagus form is a rat ... interesting little prelude to the HP books -- I liked the way you narrate in third person-- it really gives the whole story on why Peter betrayed the Potters. It's sick that he found joy in their death, but great writing! I'm gonna read more! :)Author's Response: Wow. I am REALLY sorry I didn't write you a response sooner ... I'm just really not used to getting reviews that I didnt' ask for so to be honest I haven't checked for a while. SORRY!
Anyway, I'm glad you liked this. I wrote it initially to try to get inside Peter's head to try to work out just HOW he could do what he did, and this was the result. Thanks!
-odyssey Report Review
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