Reading Reviews for Falling Through Thin Ice
  
40 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Please keep writing Dilemmas and Stolen Kisses

10th January 2014:
Please keep writing please!!!

Author's Response: I didn't know anyone was still reading! I will continue writing then, thanks :)

Jr Nite Dragon


 Report Review

Review #2, by HPluvergirl A New Year

19th November 2012:
Love it! Please update soon! 10/10 again

Author's Response: Wow, thank you. I will start typing faster, lol.

Happy reading,
JRNiteDragon


 Report Review

Review #3, by HPluvergirl Head's Quarters

19th November 2012:
Love it! Perfect! 10/10

Author's Response: Sweet, thanks :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by HPluvergirl The Almost Kiss

18th November 2012:
Love it! It's perfect! 10/10

Author's Response: Wow, thanks!

 Report Review

Review #5, by HPluvergirl Good News and Bad News

17th November 2012:
I seen a spelling mistake or two, but I knew what you meant. ;) I love it though!

Author's Response: Thanks for letting me know!

 Report Review

Review #6, by HPluvergirl Train Ride to Never Forget

17th November 2012:
Holy guacamole! Love it!

Author's Response: Thank you lol

 Report Review

Review #7, by HPluvergirl The New Rule

17th November 2012:
Holy crap. I love it!!

Author's Response: Haha thanks

 Report Review

Review #8, by Elisha A New Year

6th February 2012:
I luv this story and luved this chapter :D
can't wait for the next one :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Hope you keep reading

Happy reading,
JRNiteDragon


 Report Review

Review #9, by gran/ger A New Year

6th February 2012:
I'm still a devoted fan, especially as I feel action coming on! You've assembled your cast and introduced them to us; so I'm sure you have interesting things planned for them. Let the plot precede! I'm looking forward to whatever comes next. Ciao for now!

Author's Response: Thanks! And you are so right! The action is coming! The next chapter should blow many minds lol. Thanks so much for your encouragement! I hope you keep reading and that you keep enjoying it!
Thanks again-
**~JRNiteDragon~**


 Report Review

Review #10, by gran/ger Head's Quarters

6th February 2012:
I'm enjoying you story more and more! Usually I get impatient for the author to cut to the chase; but the build up to what's to come feels right somehow. You're introducing much to intrigue, and I can't wait to see where you're going with this!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you think so! Can't wait for you to read more and thank you so much for reviewing

 Report Review

Review #11, by gran/ger The Almost Kiss

6th February 2012:
As I'm a latecomer to your story, I'm reluctant to suggest anything to you at present! Besides you seem to be doing fine without input from others. You've managed to add intrigue which will arouse curiosity in your readers. I know personally that I'm dying to find out what the two bad boys of Slytherin are up to!

Author's Response: Well, in my 7th chapter that I am currently writing, you will find out precisley what is going on with the two.

 Report Review

Review #12, by gran/ger Good News and Bad News

6th February 2012:
The old cliche H,G/H.B. hasn't spoiled anything at all! Besides there's so much fun to be had from the situation. I can hardly wait to find out where you'll go with it! As I've nothing to contribute besides admiration; yeah I can induce others to chuck up occasionally; I'll move on.

Author's Response: You are making my day! Haha. :)
**~JRNiteDragon~**


 Report Review

Review #13, by gran/ger Train Ride to Never Forget

6th February 2012:
I'm definitely impressed and will keep on reading! If a story is worthwhile I always put it on my Google page; and I already like yours lots! I'm itching to get to the next chapter,so ciao for now!

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much!
**~JRNiteDragon~**


 Report Review

Review #14, by gran/ger The New Rule

6th February 2012:
I am full of admiration for your first story! Only fourteen you say. Well it doesn't show; so relax. I'm older and have never yet had the courage to submit anything longer than a review. You have talent; so don't allow anyone to patronize your efforts. I can see a fourteen year old can know more of life than they are credited with. I'm looking forward to the rest of your chapters.

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm actually 17 now and the last few chapters were writen when I was younger so, I'm sorry if the style changes slightly in the next chapter. Hope you keep reading!
**~JRNiteDragon~**


 Report Review

Review #15, by Kate A New Year

5th February 2012:
This is a cool story, I'm excited to see where it goes!

Author's Response: Thanks. I hope you keep reading! :)
**~JRNiteDragon~**


 Report Review

Review #16, by Melyna Nadolski The Almost Kiss

15th November 2009:
Great job girl! Wow this is amazing!
You should make it that malfoy & hermione start dating & stuff
:)

Author's Response: it will happen, but it takes time to squieze in how everything changes from them hateing on each other to loving each other :) thanks for reviewing!!

**~JR Nite Dragon~**


 Report Review

Review #17, by Melyna Nadolski The New Rule

15th November 2009:
This is really really really good!

Author's Response: HAHA!! hey!! i hope you keep reading chicky!! ;)

**~JR Nite Dragon~**


 Report Review

Review #18, by Green Nite Dragon The Almost Kiss

18th September 2009:
What? Where is everyone?? eh...
Good job as always. Love the way you got Honeysuckle in. Tehe! ... Ding!

kisskiss
Sabrina

Author's Response: hahaha!!! i am a mastermind! you will find out in the next chapter! love to you too sis!

 Report Review

Review #19, by LCF Train Ride to Never Forget

15th September 2009:
Ooh! Lust! Bad Hermione! Haha. I am enjoying this so far! Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: thanks! my fourth chapter was just validated so i hope you read the next two!

 Report Review

Review #20, by Loveschocolatefrogs (LCF) The New Rule

15th September 2009:
Hey there! A while back you asked me to read your fic. Well I must say that I like this story quite a lot from the first chapter. It is very well written and I do find it hard to believe that you're only fourteen-years old! Well, I'm off to the next chapter so I'll review then!

Author's Response: thanks! i just had my birthday so now i'm 15 and i'm really glad to hear that you like it so far!! ^_^

 Report Review

Review #21, by ChassidySmiles Good News and Bad News

12th August 2009:
Update soon if you can, enjoying the read

Author's Response: i'm trying to write the next chapter... but it's taking longer than expected... sorry!!

 Report Review

Review #22, by ChassidySmiles The New Rule

12th August 2009:
I like the fact that Malfoy stopped Goyle from hitting Hermione. Although we know Draco's from a less-loving backround, you can imagine that he probably learnt it from his mother somewhere along the line. Enjoying your little quirks of writing aswell, like 'sobble' lmao

Author's Response: Thanks!! hope you keep reading!

 Report Review

Review #23, by Jemione Good News and Bad News

9th August 2009:
It's not Hegrid, it's HAGRID. And didn't they quit Care of Magical Creatures? Again, lots of typos. You could just say "... Dean asked after all the first years were sorted" instead of the unnecessary announcement.

I don't have a lot more to say. I strongly suggest that you get a beta, it would make the story a lot easier to read. There are lots of great people that offer help over at the forums, as well as helpful threads with tips on how to make your story original.

I hope this helps! Keep going :)

Author's Response: like i said before, i'm not a good speller and i should have checked up on his name. sorry.

i really don't understand what you're talking about of "unnecessary announcement"

i'm currently trying to find a beta. if you could suggest one that would be really nice!

thanks for reviewing and i hope you keep reading so i can see what i need to change and get help on. you helped a lot!! THANK YOU!!

JR Nite Dragon


 Report Review

Review #24, by Jemione Train Ride to Never Forget

9th August 2009:
Oh dear, major cliche alert :D This whole describing clothes in detail is bad. Three paragraphs that revolve around what Hermione is wearing is too much, and it's a mistake that a lot of writers do if they haven't written that much before. I used to do the same when I was your age. :)

The trick is to show instead of over-describing. If you really have to use description, do it more shortly. With the strapless bra incident you could just say that "My dad once walked in on me and thought that I wasn't wearing a bra even though I was." And then go on to the "now I know what to expect" part.

With the clothes there's also another problem... Canon-Hermione is not the kind of girl that cares about the outfit she's wearing when she sees her friends after the summer. Another cliche: the make-over that suddenly turns Hermione into a curvy goddess. Everyone loves a Cinderella story, but it's just not that realistic and it gets old really fast.

I hope you don't mind the criticism. This is just basics if you want to become a better writer. You can check out the HPFF forums, there are thread about cliches - make-overs and clothes description are there, so I'm not making it up!

Author's Response: OK, uh, you're the first person to point those out or really not like this chapter... um, thanks though. i'll check out all of that. thanks!

JR Nite Dragon


 Report Review

Review #25, by Jemione The New Rule

9th August 2009:
Hi! So I now have an Internet connection and I thought I'd check out your story :)

First of all: you have some mis-spellings in all the chapter summaries, fixing them would give a nicer impression of the story to a new reader.
haveing - having
certen - certain
servive - survive

I liked the "the-boy-who-wouldn't-and-will-never-die" joke. There are obviously lots of versions of "the boy who lived", but this one's original. I also like it that the meaning of the story's title is easy to understand. I'm looking forward to hearing about the different occasions that Hermione looks into Draco's eyes and feels like falling.

The best advice I can give you right now is to get a beta reader. There are quite a lot of spelling mistakes and sentences you could change a bit to make them flow better. For instance, in the very first sentence I would change "I fell" to "falling". That might make a big difference if a reader makes the decision about reading based on the first line.

I'd advice you to switch from "O.K." to "okay". Also, you should hit enter when the speaker changes - you have Hermione & Goyle both speaking in the same paragraph, and later Hermione & Luna.

The new compartment rule seems a little forced to me, like the only reason for it was to get Draco and Hermione in the same two-person compartment. I would leave the second sentence out and show the rule instead - maybe have someone tell Hermione that the compartment won't let the people to be changed. The rule could be for safety reasons or something like that. I think you should give some kind of an explanation.

Other than that... I think it's quite nice for a 14-year-old. I will be keeping an eye on possible clishes, though. :)

Author's Response: wow, this was really nice to hear. i'm glad that you are keeping an eye out! i have re-read some of them and fixed mistakes, but i never realized some of these, and the rule will be explained in the 4th chapter. i'm writing it right now. and i'm a horrible speller. i have a good understanding on words, i just never can spell...

thanks for the great review!
JR Nite Dragon


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>