I really enjoyed this! It's so rare to see a story from a Muggle's point of view - especially a Muggle who saw a Death Eater attack.
I think you portrayed your main characters fear and confusion very well; it was a believable reaction and made the story that much better. Her mother also played a maternal part very well. :) The Death eater was all round terrifying, and I LOVED how you brought Malfoy into this.
I'm not usually a fan of the whole 'Malfoy is a good guy' storyline, but I really think you showed an interesting side of his character. There was one line that stuck out from the text,
"Can't we live in peace?"
I just felt that it didn't feel right within the text, and slightly distracted from the story. But, other than that I really enjoyed it.
Great job! Keira :) Report Review
Hello! Your summary was so very intriguing and I'm very curious to see what this story will reveal.
Wow. I really enjoyed reading this story and I think that you have a really original plot idea. I've never read a story before from the point of view of a muggle during a Death Eater attack but it's a really curious topic to explore, since it would have happened a lot.
One of the things I like the most about this story is how plausible it is. Draco didn't want to torture anyone. He didn't enjoy being a Death Eater. But he wouldn't risk his neck overly much for muggles- if the opportunity hadn't arose, he probably wouldn't have done a thing to stop the torturing. The fact that he never sought her out afterwards further shows that he wasn't interested in becoming a hero or seeking contact with muggles.
But it's very interesting that because the opportunity arose and because he let her run away, the girl believes that he's a hero. It's also very interesting to see how once the veil is lifted just once, a muggle can begin to see magic everywhere. Intriguing...
It's actually kind of sad that everyone was obliviated, though it does make sense. It prevents more troubles from occurring, by keeping the Wizarding World a secret and protects the muggles from panicking over the more powerful witches and wizards. However, it's left this poor girl to struggle to comprehend that night by herself. If she tried to spread it around more, she probably would even be considered insane... Luckily, she didn't.
I noticed two typos as I was reading and I'll quickly point them out. To begin, with the phrase "even my wildest dreams could conjure" I believe you meant "couldn't", since you used "even". As well, with the phrase "ignoring he statement" you forgot the "r" at the end of "her".
All in all, I think that this was a very original and enjoyable read. Great work! :D Report Review
This was amazing! It was great to read something from a Muggle perspective for a change, hearing about the events that happened to them.
It was really well written, Malfoy's character was spot on, with his reluctance and essentially good character coming through. Gibbon was also realistic, the way I'd expect a Death Eater to behave.
I also liked the equal balance of description and dialogue, because I often find that people leave out a lot of description and base their stories on dialogue, and I don't think this does! :D
10/10Author's Response: Aww, thank you! Report Review
I really liked this missing moment, because we never get to see something from a Muggle POV, it was good. I like how scared Draco was but still found the courage to help them. I think it would fit the canon Draco from HBP and DH without stretching it.Author's Response: Thank you! Draco really worried me in this, I've never been good at writting him, he's such a complex character! XD Report Review
Hello, WeasleyTwins here to review as requested. Sorry for the extensive delay :]
This was a very good one-shot, although I must say that the, 'in one night my life changed forever' scenario has been seriously overused. Be that as it may, I think you did a good job with this.
As to the summary, I really think you should change it up a bit. I said that the whole, 'my life changed in one night,' is overused, so perhaps you should go on the forums and go to the "Summary Feedback" thread and have some revise/rework the summary for you.
Overall, very nice.
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing! :) And sorry it's taken me over a 2 months to reply
I changed around that area you said a long time ago, thanks to you! I like it a lot better now! I think it flows so much better! Thank you!!! Report Review
excellent job I loved it.Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
interesting idea - cant wait to read more!!!Author's Response: Thanks hun! :) Report Review
Little did I know at that time, however, was that my life was about to turn upside-down. First of all, this sentence doesn't make sense. If you took out the 'was' it would be good. This wasn't the only mistake in grammar. Perhaps consider getting a beta to check over your work so that it's all squeaky clean. Secondly, this is a cliche alert. The whole 'little did I know my life would change forever' is horribly overused and these types of sentences should generally be avoided in all writing.
I really like this story. It's a unique look at Malfoy, that's for sure. Not many people would paint him as the hero, and it's interesting to see that side of him; whether or not that side exists in canon is a moot point. This story is really cool.
As for characterizations, I felt that Alison was a little on the flat side. I felt like there wasn't enough to her to make me really feel for her, much less understand what she was feeling. Your Draco was pretty good, though. Although I can't see him being the hero in anyone's case, I won't drone on about that because without him saving her, you'd have no story =P
As for the summary, I don't particularly care for it. There's certainly nothing wrong with it, but it's nothing to set the world on fire. Try using some lines directly from your story as a summary. Something strong that pops out at readers. Don't hold back.
Overall, this was a very good story. I really liked it. Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Thank you! So much! Report Review
Wow, this is a really unique idea for a missing moment! I love it! Great job! I have to admit I've never really stopped to think about what it must have been like for the Muggles who were caught in that "tornado" or the bridge collapse. It was just one more thing Fudge was telling the other minister about. I can't imagine how terrifiying it must have been for them, as any natural disaster is scary enough already. You described all the fear, confusion, and danger quite well.
I also liked your portrayal of Malfoy. Although he seemed a little braver than I expected of him in this situation, he mostly seemed in character. You portrayed him in a sympathetic light, without making him a total pushover. Even though Malfoy isn't one of my favorite characters, I couldn't help but think how nice he was being . . . sort of. I like that Alison retained her proper memory of the events and that she became more aware of the Wizarding World. There are a few occasions described in the books where the Ministry of Magic had to perform mass memory modifications on Muggle witnesses, and I have wondered how they managed to find and modify every witness's memory.Author's Response: You. Reviewed. MY? Story. :O
I'm in shock!
Thank you so much! Report Review
Wow! That was very well done and such an unique missing moment to choose. I wonder if she ever saw Draco again. You wrote it all so believably and I was captivated throughout the story. It would have been strange and terrifying to witness all that when you didn't even know about giants and magic existing.
I believe too that the obliviators must have missed some people sometimes. I liked the way you made her see more things because she knew that thisngs like that could exist. I also loved how you wrote the mother and daughter relationship. The closeness between them came through well.Author's Response: Hmm, thank you very very very much! :D Report Review
That was awesome. Very realistic and moving. I never thought of approaching a story from this angle. Well done. I do hope you plan to continue it though. Even as a short story.
The only correction I saw was:
"We raised the stick so it pointed squarely at my nose."
Should that be "He"?
Overall, a well written piece that completely drew me into the story. Very well done.
Slytherin House memberAuthor's Response: Thank yous! Report Review
That little line from HBP, and you get all of this? It's quite amazing how much you put into this story: the Muggle-wizard relations, the ease with which wizards can erase memory, and Malfoy's inability to kill or harm anyone (which fits how he acts later in the book perfectly). You make Draco into the good guy, and surprisingly I like it - it happens too often in fanfiction, mostly Dramione, but you make it work with the canon very well, especially Myrtle's testimony of his actions.
Seeing the event from the Muggle point of view also made the story very interesting to read. Allison didn't have the language to describe the magic, yet you were able to make it clear what she was referring to. The one thing I noticed you could fix is that Muggle needs to be capitalized even when it's not at the beginning of a sentence - it's a proper noun, apparently. *shrugs*
Anyway, I really enjoyed this. It's a creative take on the challenge, and goes to show how amazing missing moments can be as stories. ^_^Author's Response: Crazy isn't it. :P Haha, I'm really glad you took the time to read this, especially considering you're my all time favorite author. =D Thanks for reviewing (and I *think* I fixed all the Muggle words, I got most of them anyway) :P Report Review
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