Reading Reviews for Webb's Wicked Wiles
  
56 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TimeSeer Smells Like Donkey Dung

1st September 2012:
This is a great story. Please update soon!

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Review #2, by LeliOranges Smells Like Donkey Dung

16th December 2011:
Dude this is such an awesome story! I really don't like alliteration so when I saw the title I was like this had better be worth my time. so I had pretty high expectations and you didn't disappoint me! This is seriously super interesting! I can really connect with Norah because she's a lot like me. I also really like the present tense. I usually don't like books written in present tense, but for this story it works really well! 10/10 because I love this!

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Review #3, by harrypotterfan98 Smells Like Donkey Dung

4th December 2011:
i hope the next chapters come out quickly! i really like the first 4! but they were kind of short though.

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Review #4, by harrypotterfan98 Saturday Morning

4th December 2011:
i like the 2 chapters so far but could they possibly be longer? but i still think it deserves a 10/10!

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Review #5, by SilentConfession Ways of the Webb

19th November 2011:
Hi! Sorry for the late review, life kicked in this week and itís been super hectic!

Anyway, I think I generally like the start of this. I think you have fresh take on an overdone plot. I like Norah, she seems like a strong character with an iron will. Sheíll be a good match for Sirius if youíre careful in the coming chapters from keeping her from becoming clichť or mary sue. This type of character has definitely been done before, but it can be used in different and effective ways. Perhaps, find the characteristics that make her unique and play off those. So far though, she does seem like a living and breathing character so good job with that. You did mention she was shy at one point, this sort of surprised me since her tone of voice and the way she narrates the story seems to be anything but that. Make sure that what she thinks she is and what she is are consistent.

I really liked the interaction between Sirius and Co at the very beginning. You did a lovely job at portraying their friendship and I felt like it was real. Their conversation flowed naturally and didn't seem forced at all. I can definitely imagine them taking the mick out of each other. Where is Peter though? I thought he may show up as well. I liked that she seemed to be friends with James already, which really played well with me. I liked your Remus too, even though he wasn't in it much, the fact that he was there laughing and mucking about was really lovely. Many people just characterize him as this book lover who disapproves of everything James and Sirius say or do. He was only slightly more level-headed than those two so great job with him so far.

I was a little confused with the beginning; I guess I just couldn't really imagine it in my head, why was she standing up with her juice and why was Sirius standing so close behind her that she hit his belt buckle with her goblet?

Be careful with Sirius. I like the arrogance and the haughty attitude and I think that characterization was really nicely done. My biggest concern was with the Greta thing and her dating him and then him cheating on her. That whole situation doesnít seem to bode well together. Would Sirius actually cheat on someone? Is he such a playboy? Just be careful with this upcoming relationship and having Norah be the one that changes him completely and suddenly he doesnít cheat. If you characterizing him that way (playboy cheater type), be sure that it's consistent. If he changes, explain it and defend it. Donít just think that your one character will suddenly change him; his change will need to be explained. If you can do that, it will make your story a lot fresher and more alive and unique. Most people just think that if a cheater meets the right woman he'll suddenly become better, this rarely happens in real life. Donít take this harshly, this is just some suggestions and I mean them in the best possible way.

You have a lovely tone of voice with writing though, it is so refreshing to read. You are a very good story teller and it's super easy to imagine whatís going on in your story. Great job with that I think you have potential to create a really lovely story. Good luck!

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Review #6, by Cassius Alcinder Smells Like Donkey Dung

15th November 2011:
This was an interesting chapter and an enjoyable read. You have a knack for writing witty banter that really came through here. You also effectively captured the James/Lily tension in a small dose.

That was a nice touch bringing the Slytherin crowd into it, which puts things into the larger perspective of the overall storyline. You've set things up well so far, and I'm looking forward to see what epic pranks they pull.

Keep writing!

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Review #7, by Cassius Alcinder News at Last!

15th November 2011:
Back for Chapter 3!

That was definetely an interesting encounter between Norah and James. I wonder what was actually going on between james and Dorcas there. It's an interesting twist that she made the team without Sirius knowing the full story.

It was interesting how you set up the Hogwarts weekend and Marlene's plan, there is definetely a lot of potential for mayhem. This chapter went by really fast, but i'm sure you needed it to set up the next chapters.

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Review #8, by Emily Smells Like Donkey Dung

12th November 2011:
I like this story! Update soon please! :D

Author's Response: Thanks, glad you like it! :)

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Review #9, by Cassius Alcinder Saturday Morning

12th November 2011:
Back again for Chapter 2!

You did a very good job with characterization in this chapter. Norah in particular seems like a very real personality that is easy for the reader to relate to. I also like that you had Peter make an appearance, way too many stories leave him out entirely.

You made good use of humor in this chapter, and the story is generally very amusing and easy to read. It has a nice flow as well.

My only criticism would be to remember that the story is set in the 1970's and keep that in mind when making pop culture references.

Great job, feel free to re-request for the next chapters if you want.

Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback - definitely reassuring to know that the humour aspect is coming through! I'll keep the date in mind; easy to forget ;) Thanks!

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Review #10, by Cassius Alcinder Ways of the Webb

11th November 2011:
I'm here from the forums with your review!

First of all I think you did a good job with Norah's characterization. She is a very sympathetic character and has a real personality.

Sirius seems like the typical Sirius as a playboy. It's been done a lot, but obviously you can still reuse it in new and effective ways.

You did a good job at grabbing the reader's attention right away, and I'm curious to see if Norah makes the team and what Sirius does to get back at her.

Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback - good to know the characterization is coming across well :)

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Review #11, by CloakAuror9 Ways of the Webb

11th November 2011:
Hello there,

Okay first off I really like the way you wrote the story. Although, don't you think the plot is kinda...paced too fast? Or is just me? but I don't mind them, I just notice them ;)

The characterisation was really great but it as usual typical Sirius Black. But don't you think he should be planning some naughty mischievous prank on Nora for the pumpkin juice? I mean...he is s marauder after all...

I don't see Peter Pettigrew here? Or maybe your going to put him in the later chapters...Ah well, just don't for get him , okay? :)

Overall, great effort and great story 9/10,
CloakAuror9

Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback! & yep, Peter appears in later chapters :)

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Review #12, by Crescent Moon  News at Last!

4th November 2011:
Great chapter!! XD
I know you haven't posted in a while, but if you can please continue!! I can't wait to see what's going to happen next!!

Author's Response: Thanks - & yep, 4th chapter has just been put up :)

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Review #13, by ravenclaw_princess News at Last!

22nd April 2011:
This chapter worked really well in present tense. The other chapter were good but this one seemed to flow even better.

I found the chapter a little short and felt there could be a little more detail put in, mainly in the scene back in the dormitory. We haven't heard much about the other girls in her years so I would expand the section out a little to give a bit more history about their friendship and a little more individual personality to each of the girls.

The conversation at the end was really intriguing and I'm sure Marly is plotting something. You've done a good job so far.

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Review #14, by ravenclaw_princess Saturday Morning

22nd April 2011:
That was a great ending. Hehe...provocative pants.

The conversation between Greta and Norah was quite cool. It flowed well and the dialogue sounded quite authentic for that sort of situation. It really set Sirius up as a big git though and I'm not too keen on him. I'm all for the girls getting some revenge. Norah remained really strong here and totally in character from how she was established in Chapter 1.

I did not though that you used the movie "John tucker Must Die". This movie was not around in the 70's when this story would be set. I guess it depends how canon you are wanting to be with the time line.

Overall though, the chapter again flowed well and was set at a nice pace. Grammar was pretty good also. Well done

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Review #15, by ravenclaw_princess Ways of the Webb

21st April 2011:
Hi ravenclaw_princess here for your review.

This chapter was very humourous in places and I was laughing quite a lot, especially when Norah through the quaffle back at Sirius.

The characterisation of Norah was very strong and well executed. She is a girl I wouldn't want to mess with. You have established her very well with a strong personality. She looks like a really fun character.

The story flowed well and the pace was nice. There was a good mix of action, drama and internal thoughts of norah. There were a few minor grammatical errors but nothing that detracted from the story. The dialogue was believable and written well too,

All in all, great start. I really enjoyed it.

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Review #16, by WendyNotsid News at Last!

20th April 2011:
This chapter ended to soon, I wanted it to go on! A BIG improvement from the last one. This one showed a good sense of comraderie that really seemed genuine. Good job.

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Review #17, by WendyNotsid Saturday Morning

20th April 2011:
Okay, you have some issues here. First, yoga? In the seventies? Back then it was usually just hippies who did that. Lip gloss too. Gloss didn't start getting popular until the eighties. You've got to try and tailor your references more toward the seventies. Her relationship with James is weird since Sirius didn't even know her name. Just a bit strange. Also, I don't think kids from other House were inside the Gryffindor Common Room. But the chapter flowed nicely and moved the plot along at a decent pace. If I could make a suggestion? Try to give the Greta character more of a personality than "girly-girl". I feel like she's getting the short end of the stick in more ways than one. It just feels like there a huge character quality imbalance between her and Norah. Like Norah's this great character, but Greta feels more like an archetype. And that's kind of disappointing because you've proved yourself capable of making great characters.

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Review #18, by ...... News at Last!

18th April 2011:
I think its good so far. But I'm kind of confused on her being friends with Lily and all of them..since they weren't really mentioned before. Also, I kind of find it hard to believe that one day shes all shy then the next shes deciding to stick up for herself and yelling at Sirius. I think it would be more realistic if something led up to that, like maybe she was having a bad day and just took it out on him. But overall, I like it.

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Review #19, by WendyNotsid Ways of the Webb

18th April 2011:
Excellent characterization. Good show-don't-tell form and excellent work getting the plot going.

The only problem is that last sentence. I was loving it up until I read that last bit and went "AH!" Other than that, an almost perfect chapter.

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Review #20, by jesstierney Saturday Morning

10th October 2010:
I legit wish I hadn't read this story.

I mean it's practically a crime to leave me hanging there. Sigh.

Now I'm just going to wonder what happened and I wont know.

Anyway...on the off chance that you check reviews still,well, I loved it. I think you write rather brilliantly and I'm (obviously) hooked after the second chapter.

I hope maybe, you'll see this and be like "Hell yes. I have inspiration ! Chapter dedicated to jesstierney."

Hah. I know I'm funny. But I'm still going to favorite this on the off chance that you'll update :)

Author's Response: Yep, still check reviews :) Thank you - glad you like it! Just been very, very busy lately, but hopefully I'll come back to this sometime (perhaps in a couple of weeks :)

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Review #21, by MissyPadfoot Saturday Morning

23rd May 2010:
Oh I love this story:D
Its really good. I actually prefer it to A Summer Thing.
Not to be offensive or anything! :O
I hope you continue to write both stories!
x
MP

Author's Response: Haha, not offensive at all - glad to know there's been improvement :) Thanks!

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Review #22, by Dellacqua Saturday Morning

18th June 2009:
Another great chapter, as you said not alot of action but I think it still worked well and was enjoyable to read because it realy sets the scene for what is to come and gave us a bit more insight into Greta as well as Norah.

I know people just like Greta so it was so funny reading this chapter, the person that comes to you purely to talk about a problem their having but then acts all coy about telling you, winds me up I can tell you, so I don't blame Norah at all for finding it annoying, a girl after my own heart.

Something which I would like to see is maybe just a bit of back history as to why and how Norah knows the Marauders? Obviously her and James are pretty nice to each other and I'd love to know whether this just stems from Quidditch - or whether this is Norah's first Quidditch attempt - and from what else they built their friendship.

I loved the bit with Peter at the end and then Sirius' compliment, what a shocker, the guy can compliment Norah, it's all in the pants obviously!

It's been such a joy to read two greatly written chapters and with such a promising plot already starting to form. Its favourite-ed and I'll definitely be checking back once the queue reopens!

Really excellent, 10/10

Author's Response: Yeah, I figured I might as well offer a little more insight into their characters (& Norah and Greta\\\'s dysfunctional relationship) before progressing the story too much farther.

haha, I\\\'m glad you could relate to Norah! It\\\'s always kind of funny though, people who come with a big \\\"catastrophe\\\" and then spend ages beating \\\'round the bush.

I\\\'ll definitely have to reveal a little more of the Marauders/Norah\\\'s past in future chapters; because I suppose so far I\\\'ve got it set up so that she does in fact know the other Marauders, but not really Sirius (yet).

Haha, couldn\\\'t resist injecting a vein of humour at the end there!

Thanks for the kind compliments!


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Review #23, by Dellacqua Ways of the Webb

18th June 2009:
Hey this is Dellacqua from the forum! I loved this chapter, such a great start and EXACTLY the kind of fanfiction I always seek out!

Norah is such an excellent, and strong, character and I love her clumsy not-quite-perfect execution of her tirade against Sirius. To be honest I just loved seeing somebody get the better of him and not care less about his over confident arrogance, good to see him put in his place!

It's a very well written chapter, a perfect balance of action, dialogue and description and I really enjoyed that in a short space you still managed to include several different characters and give us some introductions and also show some different settings.

I think your characterisation of Sirius is excellent and I can't wait to see Norah take him down a peg or two.

All round just a really fun, likeable and most importantly readable chapter, I've really enjoyed it and am disappointed I've only got one left to read! :(

Great stuff! A 10/10

Author's Response: Hehe, glad we\\\'ve found each other then!

Yep, Sirius is a bit over cocky, and I kind of did want to play around with that a bit, someone showing him up and all.

Whoohoo for successfully introducing characters - good to see that it wasn\\\'t too overwhelming.

I\\\'m glad you\\\'re finding it a fun read - I\\\'m having a ton of fun writing it as well! Thanks for the super kind words =)


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Review #24, by Phoenix_Flames Saturday Morning

18th June 2009:
Another brilliant chapter ended on wonderful beginning and end notes.

You have this fantastic style and description. By starting it with Norah's breathing, I was already captivated and dying for more! And then you went on to describe and elaborate the scene with such beautiful language!

You're a wonderful writer. :D Well done.

Update soon!

9/10

Author's Response: That\\\'s awesome, that you found Norah\\\'s breathing captivating as an opening. I actually hadn\\\'t been sure how well that would swing over, as it was a pretty passive beginning.

Aww, words that every writer loves to hear. Thank you so much!


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Review #25, by Phoenix_Flames Ways of the Webb

18th June 2009:
Hello, dear! I'm so sorry it took me a while to get around to this. I'm sure you saw my queue, so you know how busy I've been. But point is, I got around to it! YAY!

This was wonderful and a nice little story to see from you. You are always fantastic with your OCs and you give them all the right traits to make them really well developed and original characters. I never get the sense of Mary-Sue. Especially with Norah. I like her very much.

Your story is captivating. Ahaha, Norah just amuses me so much. Way to end the chapter! Onto the next!

Update A Summer Thing soon! I can't wait for the next chapter!

9/10

Author's Response: Oh no worries - especially now that I\\\'ll have to apologize in turn for taking such a long time to respond!

Wow, wonderful! Avoiding Mary Sues = yay! And I\\\'m glad that you like my OCs. I\\\'m having a fair bit of fun with Norah, to be honest, so it\\\'s great that others like her too.

haha, I\\\'ll see what I can do. Thanks!


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