OH MY GOD.

IT'S DONE.

AHH!

Okay. So it seems like a decade ago that we first talked about this and we were throwing titles at each other and my ideas were really crap and you had some really good ideas and you stuck to this one. I'm so glad you did, it was perfect for this story.

It was epic, Jenny, as epic as you first hoped it would be and you should be so so incredibly proud. The plot was so clever and twisty and bigger than I could have thought when you first pitched it and I am so excited for the sequel.

I'm just going to go off and squee for Noah and Evie. SO CUTE.

Also, BEST ending line ever. I could almost hear some awesome soundtrack-y music going on. Just... brilliant.

Congrats! ♥

Author's Response: YAY! Ahh I remember, that was the first time I spoke to you! Fun times. Thank you for your lovely comments, reviews and for always helping me whenever I've needed it, or needed some motivation to write/finish the damn thing. You are amazing and I'm glad you liked this, especially the end :D

LOVE YOU!

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Oh my god yes!!!

Answers! The kiss! Fighting! Best chapter so far, definitely. You've got an awesome plot here, I don't know how you think of these things because it was just so superb. It explains so many things that I was bursting to know and the truth is way more awesome than I was imagining.

So so good, Jen! Onto the final chapter, I think.

Author's Response: Haha, you're welcome! Lots explained here so I'm glad you liked it lovely. Although to hear you, legendary awesome writer, saying that about my stuff is always weird. :P

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Ahhh! You're so cruel! She was just about to read the note but you cut her off! We better find out the truth about her parents, or else... well, there's no knowing what I'll do. I'm crazy.

ANYWAY. I LOVED this chapter. It was so tense the whole way through and I just wanted her to find out more about her past but then you threw in the Hunter and that was it and now she's caught. Agh, I have to read on.

Author's Response: Hmm, we might find out here, we might not. ;) and thank you! Tense was what I was going for. Read on ;)

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Ooh. There's definitely something very mysterious going on. I hope the answers that Evie finds soon will answer ALL my questions too :P

Also, yay for Noah apologising. They need to get.it.on. like now.

♥

Author's Response: So crude, honestly! Maybe there will, maybe there won't...

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Lovely opening chapter, you kept me interested from the beginning to the end.

The birth of Evie was written with enough detail though I wish we'd have seen her Grandparents, I was really curious to know why they shunned their granddaughter. you had me worried about that test Edith you handled the mystery surrounding wonderfully revealing at the end what it truly was. Hopefully in the next chapter we find out what does happen to squibs in the ministry since you've already got me curious and that we of course learn what became of Julie.

Author's Response: Hi, and thank you! Evie's grandparents are sort of a 'backburner' when it comes to the actual plot - their story isn't too complicated or necessary to the plot. I'm glad you liked the ending though, I wanted there to be a surprise!

Thank you for reviewing!

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EEE...EEE...EEE...EEE...EEE etc.

WHY IS THE SEQUEL NOT UP YET? FORGET A-LEVELS. I NEED MORE.

But what a sweet ending and such a promise for more to come. I'm so glad Evie and Noah are together and lovely and sweet and everything. Love how things seem to be somewhat normal for a bit and SPARKS! WHOO! EVIE'S MAGICAL.

I'm so happy that you finally finished this. I hope summer will bring the sequel and oodles more readers. I'm going to advertise this story everywhere!

SO YAYS AND IT'S FABULOUS AND I'M SO JEL AND I LOVE YOU LOTS AND LOTS.
♥
xx

Author's Response: Haha, it is now at this point in time! ;) and yes, that's the main thing - the sparks. But will they present themselves again? Who knows...

I am ridiculously happy it's finished too and THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! You are the best, better than Marms ♥ thank you so much! Love you lots and lots! xxx

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WOW. Lots of dramas! What a penultimate chapter!

KISS ♥ ABOUT TIME TOO. Noah/Evie for life.

Oh Jenny, what an almost-ending! Poor Eden :( I'm so glad she came to her senses though and redeemed herself in the end ♥

I'm moving on because HPFF has decided to go and a go-slow and I want to read the next chapter before it breaks again

LOVE IT
♥
xx

Author's Response: YESSS, the kiss! Was literally so happy to finally write it! And yes, Eden :( she was really a good guy all along in bad circumstances. I'm really glad you liked it as I was a bit iffy about it, but yay! xx

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:O :O :O
NOOO. NO EVIE. BAD EVIE. BAD GERMAN. GRRR.

You are so good :( I wish I could write action and drama like you can. This is brilliant. Cliffhanger is horrible so I'm leaving it short.

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE.
♥
xx

Author's Response: HAHA! Bad German. Love it. Might use that as his nickname in future. Well, I wish I could write all dreamy and whimsical like you do. :P xx


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MORE CLIFFHANGERS. GRRR AT YOU. GRRR.
ALSO, WHY NO REVIEWS? THIS IS MADNESS. MADNESS I SAY.

I hope Evie's going to be okay :( and I hope nobody gets hurt when they try and find Eden. All the dramas make me weep :'(

Weird tornado thing was beautiful, by the way. Really different

LOVE LOVE
♥
xx

Author's Response: Because only you and Marms love me :P well it can only go one way from here, as we're nearly at the end (eee!) and thank you! I didn't know if it would work, so thanks for mentioning it lovely.

xx

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Oh no :(
Poor Eden. Bad Rachel for thinking bad of her. Of course there had to be a good reason because she is lovely, even if she is on the other side :( I hope her family get out and this wasn't in vain.

Robbie is lovely. I hope you don't kill him off.

Evie is getting braver too. That's so lovely to see and you raise a billion more questions in revealing something :P

ONWARDS
♥
xx

Author's Response: HA! YES! Told you! Don't judge a book by its cover Ray Ray! :P Robbie is actually so cute and I love him. Yay, more questions is kind of my thing isn't it? Sigh.

xx

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Hahahahaha, awkward...

This was a really welcome break from the action, actually. I really dislike Eden. I know she was right in carrying on but I don't think that was the right way to tackle the issue and grrr. Rage.

MOVING ON
♥
xx

Author's Response: SO awkward :P that's Noah for you. Yep, that's Eden true nature coming out a little bit I suppose... xx

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Creepy Ministry *shivers*
The weather outside really fits reading this story, actually. It's quite eerie.

Anyway, Evie and Noah need to sort themselves out soon. ALL THE TENSION IS KILLING ME.

I actually kind of hate Eden more than Issy. I know she's not in this chapter but I feel like I'm just waiting for something to happen with her and I don't want to trust her teaching Evie how to fight :(

ONWAAARDSSS
♥
xx

Author's Response: I swear that any place that's empty at night is creepy? Even happy/normal places. Ick.

Interesting... I actually prefer Eden here. But like I've said, I know all the spoilers ;) Evie needs it though! xx

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Noah ♥
I want one.

I hope Issy redeems herself a bit at some point, especially given that Eden's not really on their side. She can't be all bad, can she?

Anyway, another wonderful chapter, lovely ♥
xx

Author's Response: I want one too. I'll open up some sort of Noah shop for everyone (mainly us). Issy is a cow through and through, that's all I can say on the matter.

THANK YOU! xx

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YOU KILLED HARRY POTTER.
That's pretty impressive ;)

And all the cliffhangers. If I wanted to stop, I couldn't! I'm quite glad I'm reading like this now. The wait would be horrible!

I love your action. It just sweeps me up and it's lovely. AND WHAT? I JUST READ MARINA'S REVIEW AND YOU MIGHT NOT EXPLAIN EVIE IN THIS STORY? WHAT?

GRRR.
Rage.

♥
xx

Author's Response: GOD, I KNOW. I felt so bad! I felt like I was ruining him! Canon characters are way too hard like that.

Oh and, I did end up explaining Evie. :P calm yourself! Hehe. xx

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:o

I knew you wouldn't do that to Harry :wub: The screwdriver made me laugh though. Especially given all the 'whats' in my previous review made me think of Doctor Who and then there was a screwdriver and...yeah...

I've had an inkling about Evie since this story started but imma keep it quiet until the end, just in case I'm way off the truth. She is a wonderful character though and Noah being all protecting is just ♥

This story just gets better with every chapter.
Love it. Love you.
♥
xx

Author's Response: Nope, Harry is saved. I'm sneaky like that. I swear that the screwdriver was completely unintentional - clearly have Doctor Who on the brain...

Can't wait to see what your inkling is :P thank you lovely! xx

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:O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O

WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAAATTT?

Lovely Christmas tree but WHAT?

*flies onwards*

Author's Response: LOL! At least the Christmas tree got a mention there. ;)

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Oh I'd forgotten about Eden :( I probably ought to have read the last two/three chapters as well because it's been so looong. That was such a good move on your part, did I tell you?

Emerson and Hector creep me out so much. You have this unnerving ability to write characters that get under the reader's skin. I think the German adds to that...I don't really know why.

Evie/Noah though ♥ They're so lovely together and whenever they have a scene together, it lightens up the story a bit.

LOVE LOVE
♥
xx

Author's Response: Haha, perhaps it's just the language? I find the Hunter creepier. Perhaps it's because I know both their timelines. ;) ahhh I love them too!

THANK YOU BABES

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Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I thought you did a terrific job of capturing the confusion, chaos and frenetic energy of a battle, especially as told from the point of view of a complete novice like Evie. Everything about the scene was disjointed and uneven and the seemingly random things that catch her attention as she struggled to find her focus made for a really interesting picture in my mind. In a way, this was very frustrating to read because that aspect was so well done. As a reader, I wanted a clearer picture of what was going on, but it made perfect sense why I couldn't have that. It was a pretty neat effect.

I'm really curious now to see how badly Xavier, Issy, Noah and the others are injured. It seems almost a given that Issy is going to blame Evie for everything, any not completely unjustified.

Everything about Noah's role in the battle was mysterious and very suggestive. I'm starting to suspect very strongly that he's not actually a squib, but rather a dissident wizard. And in fact, you've never made it clear one way or the other, so I guess that wouldn't be a completely shocking revelation.

Amidst all the calamity, I liked the fact that you gave Evie just a moment to feel badly about the Auror who was crushed by the tree. It was a very humanizing touch.

I saw your posts saying that Malice is now a completed story. Congratulations! It's a very interesting and very unconventional story.

Author's Response: Oh gosh, sorry for such a late reply!

I'm very pleased you liked it! I definitely meant it to come across as frenetic, so thank you for thinking I did it well. Writing these kinds of scenes is definitely my favourite thing to do.

Hmm, Noah eh? Interesting. Although I can't give much away at this point...! ;) and yes, it's important to draw the line between Evie and the others because she's lived a very good life in comparison to them, and so would feel more empathy than the others would.

Thank you and thanks for the review!

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Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

Another interesting chapter. I'm struggling a bit to figure out what to make of it. The decision to attend the funeral certainly seemed to fly in the face of better judgment. I found it odd that a character like Xavier, who has been portrayed up to this point as somewhat sage, would have agreed to something that seemed to carry such a high risk of confrontation with the Ministry.

Evie continued to be surprisingly bold for a young woman who's been thrust into a strange, magical world on the heels of the death of the only parents she's ever known. There must be a great deal of intensity to her character for her to develop such familiarity and defiance towards her fellow resistance fighters so quickly.

I honestly thought she wasn't going to take the guns that were offered to her. But then again, I thought the same about Neo when Morpheus's team was trapped inside the building where the Agents ambushed them. (Yes, I'm still stuck on that!)

The funeral was oddly unemotional. It sort of felt like Evie was going through the motions. Her shocking entry into her new life must have affected her more than expected.

And then the Aurors arrive! Looks like the team will have to fight their way out. Should make for an interesting next chapter...

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for not replying to this sooner.

Agreed - it is most definitely against it. However Xavier wanted Evie to prove her 'worth' as such to him, but he didn't tell the others this. ;) Xavier, like the others perhaps, is a tricky character and difficult to figure out!

Perhaps a fault on my part, but I think she trusts them more because she has no one else to go to. She's only 17, and whilst she sticks to her ground she also wants to be looked after a little bit, hence her familiarity.

Oh dear, perhaps this fic is a little more Matrix than I expected! Haha, it's a total coincidence, I promise! And yes, poor Evie basically. :(

Thanks for reviewing!

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Tagging you again from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I'm beginning to get a definite Matrix vibe from your story. The underground resistance cell, the secret headquarters filled computers and weapons, the raids... it all reminded me a great deal of the first Matrix movie except with a female Neo, a male Trinity, Xavier playing the role of Morpheus. I'm not altogether sure where Issy fits. She could be the "angry because she's fiercely loyal to the cause and doesn't trust anyone who hasn't paid their dues" character like Switch or she could be Cypher. Or I could be way, far off base with this whole analogy. But it's fun to guess.

I loved the way you wrote her first experience with apparition. Exactly the sort of thing I'd expect.

The resistance members seem interesting enough at first blush. I was especially intrigued by Issy for obvious reasons. She seems unnaturally angry, which could be simply because she was "the new one" before Evie came along, or there could be more to it.

I'm still having a bit of a hard time drawing a bead on where you're going with Evie's character. At times, she seems like a very bold, fearsome, defiant character and at other times she seems rather fragile. It's not that one character can't have both aspects, but her characterization seems to fluctuate back and forth from paragraph to paragraph, which make her kind of hard to figure out.

The one thing that bothered me a lot was the way that Robbie was healed so quickly from apparently grievous wounds. It didn't feel consistent with the way that magic normally works in the books and movies. People can be healed, but jumping right up as though nothing had happened seemed like quite a stretch.

Now I'm really curious to see whether my analogy holds up. I'll be back...

Author's Response: Hi again!

I've had a lot of movie/book comparisons with this story, but that's the first I've heard of the Matrix! I like your depictions, haha. Xavier is so Morpheus!

I tried to introduce as many characters as possible whilst trying not to overwhelm the reader, so the character development builds up in future chapters. There's a big section in a future chapter with their back stories which I think you'll like. Issy is a very, very angry woman with a lot of issues! There's definitely a lot more to it than meets the eye...

Evie, much like Noah, is changeable in terms of her moods. However I intended her to be more shy and quiet, but with her own outbursts (particularly with Issy) because she's also brave. I hope this clears things up! And thank you, I will make note to make their injuries more realistic in the future! It's something I hadn't thought about. :)

Thanks for another great review!

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Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I'm starting to get really fascinated with your story, which is unusual for me. I generally cotton on to canon stories. But here is one that's (thusfar) all original characters, set in a wizarding world that feels oddly foreign and in a time that I still haven't been able to place. In spite of that, I'm feeling really drawn into it. You have such an interesting idea.

I'm getting an interesting first impression of Noah. The way you describe his facial expressions and mannerisms has left me with a mental image of this somewhat goofy, somewhat serious, mercurial but very genial guy. I'm thinking of a taller version of Gene Wilder in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The name of his father does allow me to rule out at least one period in time. Lazarus must either be one of Lucius's ancestors or Scorpius's descendants. The apparition device also suggests that we could be in the future.

Evie displayed a real feisty streak in this chapter, which I liked. She doesn't want to accept the strange, troubling things that are happening around her, but she really has no choice since they've actually happened. She takes a bit of that out on the messenger, which is understandable. At times, I did think that her characterization drifted just a bit. When she replies, "Oh my goodness!" to Noah's explanation of what the Ministry has been doing to squibb children sticks out in my mind as a bit of dialog that seemed a bit out of sync with this tough, somewhat jaded character that you've presented. Not a big deal, but it did jump out at me.

And now they're off, I assume, to meet more of their own kind. Should be an interesting scenario. I'm excited to read more.

Author's Response: Hi again!

Well, what can I say? I'm glad that you're liking it so far, haha. It's definitely not a typical story here on the archives which I'm sure you can relate to.

Noah is definitely a... complicated character, to say the least. He is indeed fickle with his moods, so I suppose he's quite immature in that sense, but can also demonstrate compassion and kindness. He's 20/21 so a little younger than Gene Wilder but I can see the comparison! Lazarus is Scorpius' son, and therefore Noah's father.

Evie's another hard character to define, because the narration sticks so centrally to her. She is quite wary of Noah, but she's lived quite a good life up until now. And thanks, I've made a note of it and will edit in the future :)

Thanks for reviewing!

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This is a beautiful little piece.

I love the way that you've managed to portray this and how quickly you made us fall in love with Julianna (which coincidentally is one of my favourite names!). I feel so sorry for her when she has the baby because it seems she is in love with the guy but there are problems with them being together because of her family. I hate the idea of having concieted family members but sadly there is some particularly within the pureblood world.

The whole idea about the spell was very interesting as its one which hasn't really been explored. However the one problem I had with it was surely if every child had to have a spell to be put on them to decide whether they were a squib or not then surely Neville's family would have known that he was going to be magical? before throwing him out of the window that it!

But that was just a little thing. I do wonder what they would do with the squibs at the ministry though! I'm intrigued to see where you go with that.

The Harts seem like such lovely people and I'm so glad they took in the baby which is so awesome and I really like the idea of them possibly putting their own lives at risk for the sake of having a child.

Well done on this!

Author's Response: Hi again! I'm so glad you liked this :) there are definitely a lot of problems unfortunately in the new world, so it's a very sad time for Julianna :( the Harts are lovely people, which is why the next chapter is so sad... ;)

I made up the spell and intended for it to be invented long after the events of the books, so perhaps somewhere around 2050-60. Hope this helps!

Thanks for reviewing!

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an absolute pleasure to read - keep em coming (:

Author's Response: Will do, and thank you for reviewing!

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Aw but I don't want it to end :( This is SUCH a great story; good plotlines, characters, and writing. Does it have to end? By the way, is there any reason why the rating bar only goes up to 10/10? Cause I personally think it should go up to 100/10

Author's Response: Hi! I'm so glad you've liked the story so far but I have some good news! The sequel will be out pretty soon after the end of Malice, and it will be called 'Enmity'! So please keep and eye out for it and thank you for your lovely review!

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Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I feel like I'm starting to get the gist of what your story is about, and it's very interesting. So Evie is not a magical person, per se, but she's not an ordinary squib, either. Seems like a very plausible explanation for why the Ministry would have been so intent on keeping her locked up somehow. Such things are bound to be frightening to both worlds.

The loss of her adoptive parents was very sad and very well written. It all felt very believable and it was easy to connect with emotionally. Evie's reaction seemed about right.

Her escape from the Aurors was very exciting and also revealing. She seemed to be able to throw off the bodybind curse, which is an abnormal ability for anyone.

Can't wait to find out more about the mysterious man who saves her.

Your writing was very good, just like the first chapter. Everything flowed smoothly and there were no typos or grammatical problems that I could see.

I'll keep a lookout for you in the Review thread, because I'd like to read more.

Author's Response: Hi!

Yes, she is in a state of 'in between' magical status. It will become clearer in due time, but not quite yet! Yes, that's a very valid point - anything out of the normal seems to be a reason for pandemonium.

I am SO glad you thought the deaths were emotional - it was very hard to fit in two deaths as well as the following events with the Aurors, let alone make it emotional. So thank you!

I hope you like the future chapters. Thank you for reviewing!

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