Reading Reviews for Malice
230 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pixileanin Chapter II: Death and Discovery

2nd February 2014:
Okay, I had time for one more. :) You continue with your momentum in this chapter. The death of Evie's mother, coupled with the discovery that her father holds a secret, all on her birthday, make for a dramatic scene.

I liked how you incorporated little odd things about the visitors that Evie noticed: the bouquet of flowers mysteriously appearing was great. And her poor father can't put it off any longer. But he doesn't stay long enough to give her the whole story. Both deaths were very well written. I could feel the emotion and the sadness, and the partial confusion. What's she supposed to do now, when they're both gone for good?

When the strange visitor asked for her full name, I expected nothing good to come of it. Noo!! Don't give him your name! You're in hiding! But, she doesn't know, does she???

The intensity of this chapter was still high, like the first. So deliciously actiony! And now we have the mysterious savior, a brief glimpse of her skills as a "not normal" squib who can overpower Aurors, and she's close to getting an explanation.

Nicely written chapter, still with the intensity. Sometimes, the second chapter dips in intensity, but I'm so happy this one kept up the momentum! That's hard to maintain in a story, but you have so much plot here, it's a pleasure to read! I hope I'll have time to come back again soon!

Author's Response: Yay! Thank you for everything you say about this chapter, seriously! This is the one I actually dislike the most and I ended rewriting it quite heavily later on which improved it massively, but I still think it needs work.

I had Evie's adoptive parents die at similar times to make the impact of their lost even harder on Evie, who is just a seventeen year old girl at the end of the day. So I'm glad you thought this was well done :)

Thanks! I suppose the second chapter is like the 'second album' in a sense haha, so I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. :)

Thank you for reviewing!

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Review #2, by Pixileanin Chapter I: Abandonment

2nd February 2014:
Well. Wow. What have I found?

I came here to tag you from the Gryffie review thread, and what a surprise!

This is an entirely new twist to the wizarding world of the future. You weren't kidding when your summary said it had changed.

The whole concept of having to test babies so that they won't end up at the Ministry is so... distressing at best, and then holding out just what exactly they were testing for until the end of the chapter, well, that was quite the twist. That poor girl! I hope she makes it wherever she's going without splinching herself. She's already apparated once after giving birth. If she wasn't already exhausted, she is now.

And you definitely delivered on the action. So much movement, both in the plot and in the characters. It was fast-paced and desperate, and mysterious and dark. There's something fabulous about a first chapter that's so fully packed as this one.

You covered so many points in this first chapter that my head is spinning with where you're taking this story. Thank goodness it's complete, because when I get the time, I think I might have to read the whole thing, or at least a good portion of it in large chunks. Already, I'm sad that I don't have enough time tonight to go to chapter two. Guess that's why there's a tomorrow!

The use of the storm in the crisis, the way that Jeremy showed up to give his support, the kind old woman who helped with the birth, and the people she gave her child to, all excellent and riveting characterizations and great use of scenery to set the mood.

Again, this is such an exciting premise! I'm so glad I found this story!

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for the tag.

I actually started writing this way back, five years ago, so it's kinda crazy to still get reviews on this occasionally! I'm glad you did though, because this was my baby for three years of my life.

I know right? My mind is so twisted. ;) I had some reviews say that she didn't seem exhausted enough after birth, so when I edited this a while back I tried to get that across more. A mother will go to great lengths though to protect her child, so I figured that if she wanted Evie to live then she would have to do what a mother has to do.

Haha great! Honestly though, you don't have to review every chapter because that would take forever. Some feedback on the later chapters would be much appreciated though ;)

I'm so pleased you liked this! It's nice to know this dinosaur story still has some relevance really. Thanks for taking the time to review! :)

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Review #3, by onestop_hpfan18 Chapter XVII: Momentum

3rd August 2013:
My head is spinning with questions. For instance, the wand that Emerson won... elder wand? Gah. Everything is really picking up pace in the plot now. And I like the power struggle at the end of the conversation between Hector and Emerson. Always nice to see things start to crumble on the bad side.

Poor Evie, she clearly feels betrayed by Noah and with good reason too. But she shouldn't go too hard on him. He's just trying to do his job, even if he should also keep his mouth shut. Hopefully they won't stay mad at each other for long. I like how adamant Evie was about learning how to fight as well. In a way her character reminds me of Harry since he preferred to do things his own way and relied on others to help him finish tasks,too. Great chapter. Looking forward to reading on.

♥ Leslie

Author's Response: Hello again!

Okay, I will put that one to rest right now - not the Elder Wand. :P Just quite a powerful one as it belongs to the Hunter which will be used in the planned-but-not-sure-if-I'll-write-it sequel...

Yes, as I said before - rock and a hard place! He did the right thing though for everyone, and Evie needs to just get over it. Thanks! I think it's pretty important that she learns to defend herself.

Thanks again for reviewing! :)

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Review #4, by onestop_hpfan18 Chapter XVI: Aftermath

3rd August 2013:
Man, it's so great to return back to reading this. Sorry for taking this long to read the rest of this. I got pretty busy last year with classes and after graduating a few months ago I've been more into reading books on my TBR pile instead of fanfic. But I just remembered this, sitting in my favorite stories queue, and returned back to finish reading it.

Issy really is something. I get that she's angry and hurt that Evie likes Noah (and Noah clearly likes her, too), but she doesn't have to be so mean to Evie all the time. Though I kind of like reading their confrontations, adds tension for Evie's character to grow on. And I really like that Noah didn't say more about Evie to Xavier. It shows his loyalty toward keeping Evie's secrets, the ones that matter.

I'll definitely be reading this throughout the week so expect more reviews to come in. ♥

Author's Response: Hi Leslie! Excuse me while I re-read the chapters to remember the finer details of what happens in my own story, haha! I'm so pleased you've come back to it :)

Yeah, Issy's had a problem with Evie right from the start that goes deeper than the whole Noah thing. There's definitely some rivalry from losing her status as the only girl before.

Yes, Noah is definitely loyal but is caught between a rock and a hard place when it comes to Evie and Xavier because he's second-in-command.

Thanks for reviewing lovely!

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Review #5, by marinahill Chapter XVIII: Desinence

29th July 2012:



Okay. So it seems like a decade ago that we first talked about this and we were throwing titles at each other and my ideas were really crap and you had some really good ideas and you stuck to this one. I'm so glad you did, it was perfect for this story.

It was epic, Jenny, as epic as you first hoped it would be and you should be so so incredibly proud. The plot was so clever and twisty and bigger than I could have thought when you first pitched it and I am so excited for the sequel.

I'm just going to go off and squee for Noah and Evie. SO CUTE.

Also, BEST ending line ever. I could almost hear some awesome soundtrack-y music going on. Just... brilliant.

Congrats! ♥

Author's Response: YAY! Ahh I remember, that was the first time I spoke to you! Fun times. Thank you for your lovely comments, reviews and for always helping me whenever I've needed it, or needed some motivation to write/finish the damn thing. You are amazing and I'm glad you liked this, especially the end :D


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Review #6, by marinahill Chapter XXII: Showdown

29th July 2012:
Oh my god yes!!!

Answers! The kiss! Fighting! Best chapter so far, definitely. You've got an awesome plot here, I don't know how you think of these things because it was just so superb. It explains so many things that I was bursting to know and the truth is way more awesome than I was imagining.

So so good, Jen! Onto the final chapter, I think.

Author's Response: Haha, you're welcome! Lots explained here so I'm glad you liked it lovely. Although to hear you, legendary awesome writer, saying that about my stuff is always weird. :P

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Review #7, by marinahill Chapter XXI: Maelstrom

29th July 2012:
Ahhh! You're so cruel! She was just about to read the note but you cut her off! We better find out the truth about her parents, or else... well, there's no knowing what I'll do. I'm crazy.

ANYWAY. I LOVED this chapter. It was so tense the whole way through and I just wanted her to find out more about her past but then you threw in the Hunter and that was it and now she's caught. Agh, I have to read on.

Author's Response: Hmm, we might find out here, we might not. ;) and thank you! Tense was what I was going for. Read on ;)

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Review #8, by marinahill Chapter XX: Imminence

29th July 2012:
Ooh. There's definitely something very mysterious going on. I hope the answers that Evie finds soon will answer ALL my questions too :P

Also, yay for Noah apologising. They need to like now.

Author's Response: So crude, honestly! Maybe there will, maybe there won't...

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Review #9, by daliha Chapter I: Abandonment

18th July 2012:
Lovely opening chapter, you kept me interested from the beginning to the end.

The birth of Evie was written with enough detail though I wish we'd have seen her Grandparents, I was really curious to know why they shunned their granddaughter. you had me worried about that test Edith you handled the mystery surrounding wonderfully revealing at the end what it truly was. Hopefully in the next chapter we find out what does happen to squibs in the ministry since you've already got me curious and that we of course learn what became of Julie.

Author's Response: Hi, and thank you! Evie's grandparents are sort of a 'backburner' when it comes to the actual plot - their story isn't too complicated or necessary to the plot. I'm glad you liked the ending though, I wanted there to be a surprise!

Thank you for reviewing!

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Review #10, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Chapter XVIII: Desinence

3rd June 2012:
EEE...EEE...EEE...EEE...EEE etc.


But what a sweet ending and such a promise for more to come. I'm so glad Evie and Noah are together and lovely and sweet and everything. Love how things seem to be somewhat normal for a bit and SPARKS! WHOO! EVIE'S MAGICAL.

I'm so happy that you finally finished this. I hope summer will bring the sequel and oodles more readers. I'm going to advertise this story everywhere!



Author's Response: Haha, it is now at this point in time! ;) and yes, that's the main thing - the sparks. But will they present themselves again? Who knows...

I am ridiculously happy it's finished too and THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! You are the best, better than Marms ♥ thank you so much! Love you lots and lots! xxx

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Review #11, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Chapter XXII: Showdown

3rd June 2012:
WOW. Lots of dramas! What a penultimate chapter!

KISS ♥ ABOUT TIME TOO. Noah/Evie for life.

Oh Jenny, what an almost-ending! Poor Eden :( I'm so glad she came to her senses though and redeemed herself in the end ♥

I'm moving on because HPFF has decided to go and a go-slow and I want to read the next chapter before it breaks again



Author's Response: YESSS, the kiss! Was literally so happy to finally write it! And yes, Eden :( she was really a good guy all along in bad circumstances. I'm really glad you liked it as I was a bit iffy about it, but yay! xx

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Review #12, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Chapter XXI: Maelstrom

3rd June 2012:
:O :O :O

You are so good :( I wish I could write action and drama like you can. This is brilliant. Cliffhanger is horrible so I'm leaving it short.



Author's Response: HAHA! Bad German. Love it. Might use that as his nickname in future. Well, I wish I could write all dreamy and whimsical like you do. :P xx

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Review #13, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Chapter XX: Imminence

3rd June 2012:

I hope Evie's going to be okay :( and I hope nobody gets hurt when they try and find Eden. All the dramas make me weep :'(

Weird tornado thing was beautiful, by the way. Really different



Author's Response: Because only you and Marms love me :P well it can only go one way from here, as we're nearly at the end (eee!) and thank you! I didn't know if it would work, so thanks for mentioning it lovely.


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Review #14, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Chapter XIX: Tension

3rd June 2012:
Oh no :(
Poor Eden. Bad Rachel for thinking bad of her. Of course there had to be a good reason because she is lovely, even if she is on the other side :( I hope her family get out and this wasn't in vain.

Robbie is lovely. I hope you don't kill him off.

Evie is getting braver too. That's so lovely to see and you raise a billion more questions in revealing something :P



Author's Response: HA! YES! Told you! Don't judge a book by its cover Ray Ray! :P Robbie is actually so cute and I love him. Yay, more questions is kind of my thing isn't it? Sigh.


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Review #15, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Chapter XVIII: Evolution

3rd June 2012:
Hahahahaha, awkward...

This was a really welcome break from the action, actually. I really dislike Eden. I know she was right in carrying on but I don't think that was the right way to tackle the issue and grrr. Rage.



Author's Response: SO awkward :P that's Noah for you. Yep, that's Eden true nature coming out a little bit I suppose... xx

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Review #16, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Chapter XVII: Momentum

3rd June 2012:
Creepy Ministry *shivers*
The weather outside really fits reading this story, actually. It's quite eerie.

Anyway, Evie and Noah need to sort themselves out soon. ALL THE TENSION IS KILLING ME.

I actually kind of hate Eden more than Issy. I know she's not in this chapter but I feel like I'm just waiting for something to happen with her and I don't want to trust her teaching Evie how to fight :(



Author's Response: I swear that any place that's empty at night is creepy? Even happy/normal places. Ick.

Interesting... I actually prefer Eden here. But like I've said, I know all the spoilers ;) Evie needs it though! xx

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Review #17, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Chapter XVI: Aftermath

3rd June 2012:
Noah ♥
I want one.

I hope Issy redeems herself a bit at some point, especially given that Eden's not really on their side. She can't be all bad, can she?

Anyway, another wonderful chapter, lovely ♥

Author's Response: I want one too. I'll open up some sort of Noah shop for everyone (mainly us). Issy is a cow through and through, that's all I can say on the matter.


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Review #18, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Chapter XV: Metamorphosis

3rd June 2012:
That's pretty impressive ;)

And all the cliffhangers. If I wanted to stop, I couldn't! I'm quite glad I'm reading like this now. The wait would be horrible!

I love your action. It just sweeps me up and it's lovely. AND WHAT? I JUST READ MARINA'S REVIEW AND YOU MIGHT NOT EXPLAIN EVIE IN THIS STORY? WHAT?



Author's Response: GOD, I KNOW. I felt so bad! I felt like I was ruining him! Canon characters are way too hard like that.

Oh and, I did end up explaining Evie. :P calm yourself! Hehe. xx

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Review #19, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Chapter XIV: Axiom

3rd June 2012:

I knew you wouldn't do that to Harry :wub: The screwdriver made me laugh though. Especially given all the 'whats' in my previous review made me think of Doctor Who and then there was a screwdriver and...yeah...

I've had an inkling about Evie since this story started but imma keep it quiet until the end, just in case I'm way off the truth. She is a wonderful character though and Noah being all protecting is just ♥

This story just gets better with every chapter.
Love it. Love you.


Author's Response: Nope, Harry is saved. I'm sneaky like that. I swear that the screwdriver was completely unintentional - clearly have Doctor Who on the brain...

Can't wait to see what your inkling is :P thank you lovely! xx

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Review #20, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Chapter XIII: Development

3rd June 2012:
:O :O :O :O :O :O :O :O


Lovely Christmas tree but WHAT?

*flies onwards*

Author's Response: LOL! At least the Christmas tree got a mention there. ;)

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Review #21, by PenguinsWillReignSupreme Chapter XII: Anticipation

3rd June 2012:
Oh I'd forgotten about Eden :( I probably ought to have read the last two/three chapters as well because it's been so looong. That was such a good move on your part, did I tell you?

Emerson and Hector creep me out so much. You have this unnerving ability to write characters that get under the reader's skin. I think the German adds to that...I don't really know why.

Evie/Noah though ♥ They're so lovely together and whenever they have a scene together, it lightens up the story a bit.



Author's Response: Haha, perhaps it's just the language? I find the Hunter creepier. Perhaps it's because I know both their timelines. ;) ahhh I love them too!


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Review #22, by CambAngst Chapter VI: Contrition

7th May 2012:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I thought you did a terrific job of capturing the confusion, chaos and frenetic energy of a battle, especially as told from the point of view of a complete novice like Evie. Everything about the scene was disjointed and uneven and the seemingly random things that catch her attention as she struggled to find her focus made for a really interesting picture in my mind. In a way, this was very frustrating to read because that aspect was so well done. As a reader, I wanted a clearer picture of what was going on, but it made perfect sense why I couldn't have that. It was a pretty neat effect.

I'm really curious now to see how badly Xavier, Issy, Noah and the others are injured. It seems almost a given that Issy is going to blame Evie for everything, any not completely unjustified.

Everything about Noah's role in the battle was mysterious and very suggestive. I'm starting to suspect very strongly that he's not actually a squib, but rather a dissident wizard. And in fact, you've never made it clear one way or the other, so I guess that wouldn't be a completely shocking revelation.

Amidst all the calamity, I liked the fact that you gave Evie just a moment to feel badly about the Auror who was crushed by the tree. It was a very humanizing touch.

I saw your posts saying that Malice is now a completed story. Congratulations! It's a very interesting and very unconventional story.

Author's Response: Oh gosh, sorry for such a late reply!

I'm very pleased you liked it! I definitely meant it to come across as frenetic, so thank you for thinking I did it well. Writing these kinds of scenes is definitely my favourite thing to do.

Hmm, Noah eh? Interesting. Although I can't give much away at this point...! ;) and yes, it's important to draw the line between Evie and the others because she's lived a very good life in comparison to them, and so would feel more empathy than the others would.

Thank you and thanks for the review!

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Review #23, by CambAngst Chapter V: Desolation

16th April 2012:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

Another interesting chapter. I'm struggling a bit to figure out what to make of it. The decision to attend the funeral certainly seemed to fly in the face of better judgment. I found it odd that a character like Xavier, who has been portrayed up to this point as somewhat sage, would have agreed to something that seemed to carry such a high risk of confrontation with the Ministry.

Evie continued to be surprisingly bold for a young woman who's been thrust into a strange, magical world on the heels of the death of the only parents she's ever known. There must be a great deal of intensity to her character for her to develop such familiarity and defiance towards her fellow resistance fighters so quickly.

I honestly thought she wasn't going to take the guns that were offered to her. But then again, I thought the same about Neo when Morpheus's team was trapped inside the building where the Agents ambushed them. (Yes, I'm still stuck on that!)

The funeral was oddly unemotional. It sort of felt like Evie was going through the motions. Her shocking entry into her new life must have affected her more than expected.

And then the Aurors arrive! Looks like the team will have to fight their way out. Should make for an interesting next chapter...

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for not replying to this sooner.

Agreed - it is most definitely against it. However Xavier wanted Evie to prove her 'worth' as such to him, but he didn't tell the others this. ;) Xavier, like the others perhaps, is a tricky character and difficult to figure out!

Perhaps a fault on my part, but I think she trusts them more because she has no one else to go to. She's only 17, and whilst she sticks to her ground she also wants to be looked after a little bit, hence her familiarity.

Oh dear, perhaps this fic is a little more Matrix than I expected! Haha, it's a total coincidence, I promise! And yes, poor Evie basically. :(

Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #24, by CambAngst Chapter IV: Change

16th April 2012:
Tagging you again from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I'm beginning to get a definite Matrix vibe from your story. The underground resistance cell, the secret headquarters filled computers and weapons, the raids... it all reminded me a great deal of the first Matrix movie except with a female Neo, a male Trinity, Xavier playing the role of Morpheus. I'm not altogether sure where Issy fits. She could be the "angry because she's fiercely loyal to the cause and doesn't trust anyone who hasn't paid their dues" character like Switch or she could be Cypher. Or I could be way, far off base with this whole analogy. But it's fun to guess.

I loved the way you wrote her first experience with apparition. Exactly the sort of thing I'd expect.

The resistance members seem interesting enough at first blush. I was especially intrigued by Issy for obvious reasons. She seems unnaturally angry, which could be simply because she was "the new one" before Evie came along, or there could be more to it.

I'm still having a bit of a hard time drawing a bead on where you're going with Evie's character. At times, she seems like a very bold, fearsome, defiant character and at other times she seems rather fragile. It's not that one character can't have both aspects, but her characterization seems to fluctuate back and forth from paragraph to paragraph, which make her kind of hard to figure out.

The one thing that bothered me a lot was the way that Robbie was healed so quickly from apparently grievous wounds. It didn't feel consistent with the way that magic normally works in the books and movies. People can be healed, but jumping right up as though nothing had happened seemed like quite a stretch.

Now I'm really curious to see whether my analogy holds up. I'll be back...

Author's Response: Hi again!

I've had a lot of movie/book comparisons with this story, but that's the first I've heard of the Matrix! I like your depictions, haha. Xavier is so Morpheus!

I tried to introduce as many characters as possible whilst trying not to overwhelm the reader, so the character development builds up in future chapters. There's a big section in a future chapter with their back stories which I think you'll like. Issy is a very, very angry woman with a lot of issues! There's definitely a lot more to it than meets the eye...

Evie, much like Noah, is changeable in terms of her moods. However I intended her to be more shy and quiet, but with her own outbursts (particularly with Issy) because she's also brave. I hope this clears things up! And thank you, I will make note to make their injuries more realistic in the future! It's something I hadn't thought about. :)

Thanks for another great review!

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Review #25, by CambAngst Chapter III: Worlds

16th April 2012:
Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

I'm starting to get really fascinated with your story, which is unusual for me. I generally cotton on to canon stories. But here is one that's (thusfar) all original characters, set in a wizarding world that feels oddly foreign and in a time that I still haven't been able to place. In spite of that, I'm feeling really drawn into it. You have such an interesting idea.

I'm getting an interesting first impression of Noah. The way you describe his facial expressions and mannerisms has left me with a mental image of this somewhat goofy, somewhat serious, mercurial but very genial guy. I'm thinking of a taller version of Gene Wilder in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The name of his father does allow me to rule out at least one period in time. Lazarus must either be one of Lucius's ancestors or Scorpius's descendants. The apparition device also suggests that we could be in the future.

Evie displayed a real feisty streak in this chapter, which I liked. She doesn't want to accept the strange, troubling things that are happening around her, but she really has no choice since they've actually happened. She takes a bit of that out on the messenger, which is understandable. At times, I did think that her characterization drifted just a bit. When she replies, "Oh my goodness!" to Noah's explanation of what the Ministry has been doing to squibb children sticks out in my mind as a bit of dialog that seemed a bit out of sync with this tough, somewhat jaded character that you've presented. Not a big deal, but it did jump out at me.

And now they're off, I assume, to meet more of their own kind. Should be an interesting scenario. I'm excited to read more.

Author's Response: Hi again!

Well, what can I say? I'm glad that you're liking it so far, haha. It's definitely not a typical story here on the archives which I'm sure you can relate to.

Noah is definitely a... complicated character, to say the least. He is indeed fickle with his moods, so I suppose he's quite immature in that sense, but can also demonstrate compassion and kindness. He's 20/21 so a little younger than Gene Wilder but I can see the comparison! Lazarus is Scorpius' son, and therefore Noah's father.

Evie's another hard character to define, because the narration sticks so centrally to her. She is quite wary of Noah, but she's lived quite a good life up until now. And thanks, I've made a note of it and will edit in the future :)

Thanks for reviewing!

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