Aww, poor, sweet little Severus, *She said with fake sweetness dripping in her words.*
Hee hee. I love you James Potter!
Nice story.Author's Response: thank you for the lovely review! I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
Please write another story!:)Author's Response: I plan to! it takes me a while juggling schoolwork, but I plan to write more :) thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
this was a really cutre story!!Author's Response: thanks!! I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
I don't like your non-canonness.
1. Professor Dippet wasn't headmaster in Marauder times. He was replaced by Albus Dumbledore in the sixties and the Marauders came to Hogwarts around 1971-72.
2. I don't believe the broom you mentioned is an actual broom. See "Quidditch through the ages" for details.Author's Response: thank you for the review! the definition of fiction is: (n) an imaginative creation or a pretense that does not represent actuality but has been invented. since this is harry potter fan fiction, sticking to canon may not work in some cases, otherwise.we'd just be re-writing the harry potter books word for word, no? but thank you for the read and review! Report Review
I'm liking the beginning, though I think you might want to add a prologue to get some background information to the reader.Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
Tht was cute :)) I little bit sudden but cute :))Author's Response: thank you! thanks for the review :) Report Review
aww! She realised she loves him! :D that was quick! But yay - Kirsty xAuthor's Response: thanks for the review!! :) Report Review
wow! James and Lily are together! i liked the development that lead to it. especially how she confunded him. will u update soon please?^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: thank you! another chapter will come soon! thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
wow! this is a new development indeed... i liked how James kissed Lily so he could prove her that what he feels 4 her is true. i liked when James was shocked when Lily called him by his name. will u update soon please?^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: thank you!! yes, the next chapter is in validation :) Report Review
WOOT! Great chapter!!! LOVE the last line! Awesome job!Author's Response: thank you!!! Report Review
I loved Lily's statement about "previous acquaintances." It made me chuckle.
Note: Writing “although it is cliché to say it” right before a cliché does not actually excuse the cliché’s existence. You should never need to excuse your writing. Here’s tip: don’t ever use clichés. Ever. Your writing will be much stronger for it, trust me.
Liked this chapter even more. I'm starting to think you didn't need all the chapters up to Chapter 6. This almost feels like the beginning of a story.Author's Response: thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
1) Since James was never a prefect, it's unlikely he'd be made Head Boy.
2) Lily didn't live at Spinner's End. Snape did, and Petunia made fun of him for it. They merely lived in a nicer area nearby. Check the seventh book.
3) Lily stopped talking to Snape in fifth year, shortly after he first called her "Mudblood." Also in the seventh book.
4) Alice says Lily "abides by every school rule," which in your story is not true. She was outside the castle at night, and this is very against the rules at Hogwarts unless you have a teacher with you.
However... I like this chapter better than the others. A lot more actually happens in it.Author's Response: yes, I'm aware of these things, but since it's fanfiction, I wanted to tweak things a bit so they'd work with the story. thank you for the read and the review! Report Review
Aha! Fifth year, huh? I'd like to know this sooner. :) Report Review
A few more inaccuracies: Sirius didn't "get by on his looks." He was brilliant like James, according to just about all the other characters. Also, Rowling's James probably wasn't very tall because he was almost exactly the same height as Harry, and Harry was short for most of his school career. Keep in mind accuracy makes your story more believable. Also, the OWLS are at the end of the year. Weeks can't have passed since they finished, because they're like final exams. Everyone goes home within a week or so.Author's Response: since this is fanfiction, I just tweaked a few things to make them fit with the story. thank you for the read and the review!! Report Review
A few more inaccuracies: Sirius didn't "get by on his looks." He was brilliant like James, according to just about all the other characters. Also, Rowling's James probably wasn't very tall because he was almost exactly the same height as Harry, and Harry was short for most of his school career. Keep in mind accuracy makes your story more believable. Report Review
I'm a little confused. It would be nice to know what age the Marauders are. If I'm not mistaken, they're already Animagi, and that doesn't happen until they're older, but it's obvious by James' fifth year that he likes Lily. If you just mentioned what year they are, it would clear things up a lot.
And also... James said he "loved" Lily. This confession seems very junior high to me. If James is in his sixth or seventh year, I doubt he'd say it. Just a suggestion.Author's Response: yes, the first chapter title is "The Fifth Year". sorry if that was confusing. thanks for the review! Report Review
"Levicorpus" is in fact a nonverbal spell, as is the counter spell "Liberacorpus." If you double check "Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince," you'll see what I mean.
That said, I like your writing. I think you are good with dialogue, though you could tighten it up a little. It seems like sometimes your characters say stuff like "that is" when they would actually say "that's." Think about how people really talk: even the English use contractions a lot. If you read your dialogue aloud, you might get a better idea of how real it sounds. And it wouldn't hurt to try saying it all with an English accent! ;)
Also, eliminate some of your adverbs (words that end in -ly). Other than that, you have a lot of talent. Good work!Author's Response: thank you! yes, again, since I'm writing fanfiction, (emphasis on the fiction) I changed a few things to fit with the story. But thank you for the idea about the dialogue...I'll have to try that! thank you for the review!!! Report Review
That was darling. It was a wonderful moment between them, and very unexpected. Is there another chapter? I hope so - I've been really enjoying this.
PalomaAuthor's Response: thank you! yes, the next chapter is written :) Report Review
hehehehehehe! :D He kissed her, she didnt punch him AND she called him james. Love is so totally in the air :D - Kirsty xxxAuthor's Response: thanks for the review! Report Review
You have a good talent for letting time pass without being caught up in the drab and irrelevant, which I commend you on. This chapter wrapped up nicely, with a sweet turn in events; James and Lily's midnight meetings were a nice touch to a good story.Author's Response: thank you for all your lovely reviews! I'm glad you enjoy my writing :) Report Review
This chapter was lovely, it held all the silvery tone of a well told story, and the characters were believable and have already grown in such a short space of time. I really am in awe of your talent as a writer, good job!Author's Response: what a wonderful comment! thank you! Report Review
I enjoy the fresh take that you have used on the Marauder - Lily relationship, and the fact that James didn't tell them about his feelings, it feel all that more believable and is enjoyable to read. The ending to this chapter was well carried out, and I look forward to reading the next chapter.Author's Response: thank you so much! thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I guess it's no surprise that she feels regret - she really didn't need to be so cruel.
PPAuthor's Response: yes-I feel bad for James some time in that regard. thanks for the review! Report Review
great chapter this one. why was Lily crying when she went to the carriages? was it because James had matured a little bit? will u update soon please?^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: I've already written the next chapter! thanks for reading and reviewing :) Report Review
Ah, the marauders are tricky fellows! Yet again I loved your writing style, its flowed constantly through the chapter and worked its way into a gem of a second addition. Your comprehensive knowledge of the wizarding world has really shone through, so well done! I am very impressed by the way your construct your characters through their dialogue; even while there are so many stories on everything Harry Potter, I think you have really succeeded to make this your own and keep the characters original, so congratulations.Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
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